Disclaimer: I own nothing of the HP universe.
Dear Diary -
Sometimes when you give your heart away, you never get it back. I just read this statement. How simple, how profound. How true. What if I have truly given my heart away already? Will I never love like that again? I feel that once the flames of love are ignited, they do not diminish. They go on – forever. How beautiful, how terrible. How sad. What if I never see him again? What if the void in my heart remains unfilled?
I know I shouldn't, but I love him still. I can't even bear to put his name to paper, not yet. No one has ever hurt me so much or so often. My heart tells me that despite the hurt, he loved me in his own way. Maybe it will take time for our paths to cross again. I dare not hope this too often, but every so often my mind wanders – stumbles upon what might have been. Maybe I wasn't strong enough, maybe it just wasn't the right time. There are so many maybes, so many what ifs.
If I close my eyes and concentrate, I can still feel him. His breath, warm on my neck; his arms, wrapped around me, keeping me safe; his voice, soothing my fears; his lips, igniting a passion inside of me that once lay dormant. I miss him. If my mind lingers too long on the past, the pain comes rushing to the surface – unbidden, relentless, punishing. Am I being punished? Probably. Deservedly? I'm not sure. I have certainly had a hand in my own pain. I gave away my heart freely before I understood how very precious was the gift that I gave. But (there's always a but), you can't choose who you love. The heart wants what the heart wants. There is no logic, no rhyme, no reason.
Maybe love will come to me again, maybe not. The Fates will decide. I have tried time and again to take matters into my own hands; time and again my efforts have been in vain.
My spirit remains unbroken, forever hopeful. I always was a bit of a romantic, a bit of a cynic too. What if real life imitated the fairly tales of old? Then I could wait in my forbidden tower for my shining knight to rescue me. Well, this life is no fairly tale - no one will come to my rescue.
I have come to certain conclusions: I will love him until the end of time, I will not let go of the passion once shared between us, I will not die from a heart that is broken, I will never love another the way that I love him.
He is forever mine – even if it's only in my heart.
Good bye for now --Hermione
