Falling
Away
Chapter 5
MarshAngel
watsonma@hotmail.com
Rated: R
Serenity was amazed that she'd slept at all, but last night's events had obviously worn her out. Remembering what had happened, she groaned. It hadn't been a dream; Her skin bore witness to the fact that it had all been very real.
For a few moments everything had been wonderful and then as if she'd fallen from heaven and hit the ground, the reality of it all had come rushing back. The things that she'd said.... had she actually suggested that she expected him to marry her? She felt sick.
She was certain many people made love without even thinking of marriage. What had possessed her to say something that stupid? It wasn't even a distant possibility. It was merely a panicked reaction to an out of control situation.
Her head felt heavy with guilt. Mael would be here today. How could she face him knowing that she'd given herself to someone else? She couldn't very well say she couldn't marry him on the basis that she was no longer a virgin; there was far too much involved in the manner of treaties and business deals that went back nearly thirteen years. Any attempt to back out of her marriage contract would result in disaster.
The people of Drue held virginity as sacred as did the people of the moon, though perhaps sacred wasn't quite the right term. She'd been raised believing that saving one's virginity for marriage was a testament to the bride's integrity and her commitment to her marriage and her husband. Even Lunar men often kept to the tradition or so she'd been told. Given the obvious temptations and the exquisite pleasure, of which she'd just had her first taste, it wouldn't surprise her to know that many broke that tradition.
In her case however, she was not merely bound by tradition but by the expectations of everyone she knew and millions of others she didn't. She was supposed to be the personification of honor and integrity. Yet here she was lying in her bed with the burden of last night weighing on her so heavily, getting out of bed seemed an enormous undertaking. She breathed deeply and prepared to maintain her façade of innocence.
As much as the lie she'd have to live, pretending to be an innocent bride, would be difficult and would weigh heavily upon her, she had no other choice. It wasn't as though she were desperately in love with Endymion and couldn't live without him. What had happened between them was simply a grand mistake. She could only pray that on her wedding night the truth wouldn't destroy her and those around her.
She sat up in bed and looked around. She hadn't been asleep long. It was still early and her maid hadn't been here as yet. She was relieved.
She got out of bed, got on her knees and pulled out her stained nightgown from beneath the bed where she had shoved it hurriedly last night. It was time to destroy the evidence, if only she knew how.
She wished she had Rei's power over fire. She'd simply set it on fire and it would be all over. Of course, the smoke would cause a problem. She had many magical gifts but none of them included getting rid of the evidence of one's sexual exploits. She was simply too tired to teleport any distance and dump the gown and have enough energy to get back in time before anyone noticed her absence. Marila would come in in only a few minutes.
She wished she had listened more intently to Amy's seemingly endless lecturing on how an understanding of physics could better enable her to use her magic. She was almost certain she'd mentioned something about transforming or breaking down matter, reducing it to its smallest components and reassembling it.
She closed her eyes and concentrated hard on what she wanted to do. She didn't understand the technical aspects of what she wanted to achieve but she hoped that knowing the outcome she desired would help her with the steps in between. She could feel something happening to the fabric in her hand. Something had better be happening because she was expending a lot of energy. Moments later, a little worn out by her attempt, she opened her eyes and looked down at the fabric in her lap, it had fallen apart into what resembled tiny flakes of snow, not quite what she'd expected, but it worked.
She'd have to practice that on something else. The more she used her abilities the easier it became. She dusted the remains of her nightgown into a vase and rushed to her bathroom and threw up. Life had gotten a lot more complicated. She climbed into the bath and turned on the water, scrubbing away the scent of him that still clung to her skin.
Marila entered her room while she was bathing and laid out her clothes. When she returned to her room to dress, Serenity noted there was no breakfast tray for her; apparently she was expected to have breakfast with her mother and their guests today. Her fiancée had arrived along with his mother Queen Ara-El. More guests would continue to arrive throughout the day for the ball tonight. She hadn't even given it much thought, although she was certain Marila had already chosen a gown for her. She dressed with Marila's help and steeled herself for confronting the man she'd betrayed and the man with whom she'd betrayed him.
***
"Is something wrong Serenity?"
Serenity conjured a serene smile that she hoped hid her inner turmoil. "Nothing at all," she replied. She was trying her best to maintain her pretense of calm but after the long day, it was wearing her down. "I think I'm just a little tired that's all. I didn't sleep well last night and it's been a long day."
Mael looked at her with his charming dark blue eyes, and kissed her fingers. "Perhaps you should go to bed early tonight, everyone seems to be enjoying themselves," he said looking out unto the dance floor where an intricate group dance was taking place.
Artemis had truly outdone himself. The ballroom, a truly cavernous and overwhelming room when empty, seemed an entirely different place. Between each highly polished marble column hung dark blue drapes alternated with sheer silver panels. Sheer fabric in the same colors draped horizontally along the edges of the ceiling. The decor made the room seem warmer and more welcoming. The Buffet tables were decorated with orchids and berries and the stairway entrance was lined with dark blue carpet edged in silver satin.
Serenity followed Mael's gaze. Everyone did seem to be enjoying themselves. Mina was laughing happily with her dance partner, her blond hair in shiny loose curls shaking down her back as she enjoyed herself. Even Amy had made an effort to pretend interest in the proceedings, carrying on a rather lengthy conversation with Malechite. She had to smile slightly at the odd picture they made. Amy was so petite and graceful and he was so tall and broad shouldered he seemed to almost overwhelm her. They really should both learn to relax; this wasn't the place for such serious and in depth conversations.
She looked back at Mael who seemed to be looking at her with concern. "I'm sure they won't mind if their princess takes a few hours for herself." The attention he'd paid her all day had made her uncomfortable, it was certainly more than usual, and she had to wonder what had changed. He was normally much more reticent. Considering last night's events, his attentions made her feel like a toad.
At breakfast, this morning, she had been so nervous she could barely eat, let alone pay attention and participate in the conversations around her. Mael had sat to her right and Endymion directly across from her. She'd avoided eye contact with Endymion as best she could and tried her best to focus on what everyone was saying. She'd felt his eyes on her occasionally and the sound of his voice prevented her from paying proper attention to those trying to talk to her.
"I've barely been here for two hours," she pointed out to Mael, looking out towards the floor once more, enjoying the beautiful array of colorful dresses and suits of the dancers. Her eyes latched unto a tall dark-haired figure, handsomely decked out in a dark blue suit trimmed in pale blue. He simply outshone everyone. He was also a graceful dancer and she could just sense the wide-eyed hunger with which his petite red-haired partner was gracing him, she was familiar with the sensation. Even now she felt a twinge of desire, which she immediately suppressed.
The first hour after her arrival had been spent at her mother's side greeting guests as they arrived. It had been tedious. Afterwards she'd been obligated to dance with certain officials, which she would continue to do as soon as she returned to the floor. She took a sip of the glass of wine in her hand. She wasn't looking forward to dancing with Endymion, which was of course expected, but she had to.
"It's too early to leave as yet, I think," she said. "Besides I still have a few obligatory dances."
"How about one just for fun?" Mael offered his hand to her and led her out on the dance floor. He was a brilliant dancer but she wasn't relaxed in his arms as they turned on the dance floor. She was guilty of comparing him to Endymion on a scale that was utterly biased in Endymion's favor.
If not for last night she was almost certain she'd have been happy for her fiancee's unexpected attentiveness. They had known each other for years, but saw each other only on special occasions and spoke through only occasional communication. Never before had he actually been so unrestrained. She was much more familiar with his stiff formality. But it seemed he'd finally decided that it was time to act like her fiancée. His timing was impeccable, she thought wryly.
They whirled across the dance floor together in silence for several minutes. She couldn't stop the tightness and nervous tension she felt when she looked over his shoulder to see Endymion looking at her.
"I know it has been a long time since we've seen each other," Mael began. "But I was hoping that we could take this opportunity to truly get to know each other."
They turned and Endymion's face disappeared from view once again. It was only then that she realized he'd spoken.
"I'm sorry, what did you say? I was lost in a bit of a daydream." Her face flushed with embarrassment.
Above her, Mael's jaw tightened with annoyance. He'd been in Serenity's company several times when she'd been younger and he'd always thought her a bit too carefree for a person in such an important position. In the last two years since he'd seen her she had grown more composed but no less flighty.
"I was simply saying that we have a bit of time to get to know each other a bit better."
"Yes, of course," Serenity replied not really thinking. It took a moment for his words to sink in. "Of course we'll have the rest of our lives as well," she said quietly as if she'd only just realized it herself.
The conversation came to a halt as it often did between them but Serenity forced a brilliant smile up at him that left Mael feeling confused. For a moment he'd thought she was holding him at arm's length again and then that smile. He couldn't recall ever seeing her smile so brilliantly. He wasn't sure what to think.
The dance ended and Mael brought her to her mother's side. Endymion, standing only a few feet away, was the unavoidable beneficiary of what was only courtesy.
He led her out on the floor turning her in his arms and holding her much closer than she considered appropriate. Being touched by him was too much let alone the feeling of his hand on her waist holding her steadily as if he sensed that she was fighting the urge to turn and run. Her face was flushed, but lips were tight and her posture stiff. She kept her eyes directed into the crowd rather than look up into the eyes she knew were staring down at her. She could feel them.
"You should at least make an effort to look as though you're enjoying yourself," Endymion criticized.
"Are you enjoying yourself?" She whispered tersely.
"I never enjoy events like these. I seem to always miss the point."
"We're exercising the point at the moment I believe." She replied stiffly.
"Smile." He commanded.
"Why?" she demanded as she made an expression that looked more like a grimace.
"So people won't think I'm stepping on your toes. You look like you're worried I might stick a knife through your chest, which while temptingly displayed I assure you I have no desire to ruin perfection."
"Stop looking down my dress," she snapped. "It's hardly appropriate under the circumstances." She wished she had worn something other than this thin pink slip of silk that emphasized her cleavage with its thin straps, low neckline and dramatically draped fabric under her bust. It drifted over her body, shifting with every motion.
His hands itched with the desire to run his hands over the thin silky fabric and feel her hot smooth skin beneath it. She looked like a delightfully delicious dessert, her blonde hair swept out of it's usual style and high on her head, long tendrils drifting down to tease the soft skin of her breast above the neckline of her dress. Her brilliant eyes seemed to burn with unidentifiable emotion as she glared at him.
Her heart was pounding. Could anyone see the intimacy between them? Was the way he looked at her that made her feel boneless obvious to anyone else?
"I don't believe that the current circumstances have a specific set of rules."
"Well allow me to make one," she stated determinedly. This is the last time we'll dance together, in fact this is the last time we'll have any conversation of import. What happened between us is over and I have no interest in revisiting last night's events neither in thought nor action."
"Then it would help if you'd stop imagining me naked."
Her face turned bright red. "I was not!" She denied but she could see by the knowing look on his face and his amused expression that he'd picked the image from her own mind. She glanced around making sure no one had overheard her outburst.
"We can't change what happened last night but we can change what happens from now on," he stated calmly. He hadn't been sure if he was actually going to tell her what he'd been thinking but now that the words were coming out of his mouth he seemed powerless to stop them.
She looked up at him skeptically. "What are you suggesting?"
"We're both trapped in our roles by our status and our obligations and we deserve the right to escape it for at least a little while. I don't regret last night and despite the obvious consequences I know you liked what happened as much as I did. What I suggest is that we entertain each other, for a while at least."
Her eyes widened in shock. He couldn't possibly be serious. Perhaps if she'd been someone else, no, there were simply no circumstances under which the offer he'd just made her would be even vaguely appropriate even or perhaps because of last night. She couldn't even begin to form appropriate words to respond.
"I understand you much better than you think," he continued.
"Then you should understand perfectly how I feel about what you just said," she replied tersely. "I have never heard anything more insane!"
If we were anyone else, that is if you weren't the princess of the moon then you'd at least have given it a thought."
"I don't know where exactly you get your ideas but I assure you couldn't be more wrong. I doubt that if I were a milkmaid on Pluto I would accept your proposition."
"Think about this then. You've grown up in this palace all your life; you've traveled the solar system but always staying in one palace or another. I doubt you've ever seen much of the world outside of your royal kingdom and yet you're completely bored with it, to the point where you'd even allow last night to happen. You never give a thought to the future because it is all efficiently planned out for you and you've resigned yourself to it because you see no way out."
Serenity was stunned at how easily he summed up everything she'd been unwilling to admit to herself. She was getting closer to the day she'd be married and eventually one day ruling this kingdom and inside she was panicking. She felt trapped in her role, having lived a sheltered life protected from harsh realities and any experiences that could be described as vaguely interesting.
"Think of it as securing a few moments for yourself before sacrificing yourself on the altar of marriage and politics, which, particularly in our case, is one and the same. I'm offering you a way out for a little while, a bit of rebellion if you will. The damage has already been done. Why not make the best of it?"
The music came to an end and she stood in stunned silence until he forcibly led her off the dance floor.
"Think about it," he whispered as he left her in the presence of her friends."
"Is something wrong?" Amy asked.
Serenity looked around at her friends as if seeing them for the first time and seeing Rei hurriedly tried to set her mind in order, hoping her friend hadn't caught any clues of what had just occurred."
"No. I'm fine. I think I might be getting a headache. I'm just tired I suppose."
"Oh. I thought we could blame this one on Endymion. You two didn't look very comfortable out there," Lita commented, sounding as if she was disappointed that she didn't have an excuse to hit the man and give him a well deserved payback for the fading bruise on her ribs.
"Politics," Serenity replied knowing that the one word explained away everything more easily than anything else she could have said.
They nodded in understanding.
"I think I'm going to bed early."
"Would you like me to walk with you?" Lita offered.
"No that's alright. Stay, enjoy the ball."
"I'm ever so grateful for the opportunity," Lita muttered sarcastically" causing everyone to smile. There were at least a half dozen other things Lita would rather be doing than getting all dressed up to go dancing particularly when there were no men worth dancing with. She'd already gone through her first choices, Endymion and Malachite. The rest were dull.
"I'm guessing Mael would be more than pleased to accompany you to your room," Mina teased.
Serenity frowned.
"Not happy with his sudden interest?" Mina questioned.
"I should be pleased, but it's a bit strange. This will take some getting used to."
"Well it's time to put on your pleased face because he's headed this way," Mina pointed at Mael's figure decked out in ivory approaching them.
She excused herself from her friends then explained to her mother and allowed Mael to escort her to room. He said goodnight with a surprisingly tender kiss on her cheek.
As the door closed behind her she sank down against it. Endymion's proposition kept running through her head and every time she thought about it she felt worse because she was actually considering it. It was utterly ridiculous, insurmountably risky and plainly wrong.
She refused to think about it anymore. She got up and tossed her clothes aside carelessly and sank into her bed the moment she entered the room. No sooner than she'd begun to doze off, she felt the bed sinking beside her. There was no mistaking it. She knew his scent, his heat, that indefinable essence that identified him. He was either losing his touch or she was getting used to his antics.
"What do you want?" she grumbled without bothering to open her eyes.
"You."
She sighed loudly. "Why are you here?"
"Did you think about what I said?"
She rolled over and sat up suddenly.
"Are you completely morally bankrupt? Did you not just meet my fiancée and his mother this morning? Didn't you dance with her not too long ago oozing charm out your from every orifice?"
"Are you in love with him?"
"Of course not. I'm not in love with you either," she replied rather bluntly.
"I'll try not to be too wounded by that. My point is…"
"You have one?" she interrupted snidely.
"You want me and I want you," He said it in such a matter of fact fashion that it belied the inherent conceited assumptions. It sounded like absolute truth, which was amazing considering the words, had come from his lips.
She flushed. "I don't recall telling you any such thing."
"You didn't have to. I'd have to be blind not to notice."
"Is there no end to your conceit?"
"Conceit, honesty, semantics really."
She sighed in frustration. He really was amazing. Right now he looked so charming and boyish leaning against her pillows as if he belonged there, his pale eyes tempting her. "Alright. If I acknowledge the possibility that I may desire you in some basic way will you stop badgering me?"
"Badgering? Where did you learn an Earth-bound term like that?"
"I heard your uncle using it."
"And you randomly pick up things you overhear? Never mind. Stop trying to distract me."
"Stop accusing me of things," she returned.
"I'm beginning to realize that things between us work a lot better when you're not talking. He kissed her."
"Stop doing that!" She demanded when they paused for air.
"Why?" He kissed her neck, traveling lower slowly.
"Endymion!"
"Hmm?" he moaned, nibbling on her ear.
"I can't think while you're doing that and you're obviously not thinking at all."
"Uhuh."
She was trying her best to concentrate but it wasn't working. It occurred to her that she could probably quite easily stop him. The question was why wasn't she even trying? It probably had something to do with what his hands and mouth were doing to her body at this very moment.
With every touch he was eroding her will. She was actually beginning to consider all the benefits of being his lover. He was a devil, seducing her and making her as depraved as he was. And to her disgust, she wasn't complaining. The sounds coming from her throat were definitely not sounds of complaint.
It was a good long while before he was done worshipping her body, and she was left feeling like a feather slowly drifting down from high in the sky. She worked up some energy and directed it in a hard punch to his arm. He grunted, wearily.
"Why are you doing this to me?"
"That's a very odd question. We have a saying on Earth, and since you seem to like picking these things up I'll encourage you to learn this one. 'Don't look a gift horse in the mouth."
She took a moment to ponder it. "You are not a gift and if you're any part of a horse it's the rear end. You're a damned curse. All you bring is conflict and guilt..."
"And pleasure, don't forget the pleasure."
"With a rather hefty price" she pointed out. "But I don't suppose you care since you don't exactly bear the greater weight if anyone should find about this."
"You mean apart from the fact that my own council might take my sleeping with the princess of the Silver Alliance as a betrayal and turn against me, try to take away my throne and kill me just to make sure there is no opposition to their next choice for king? Or that news of this would definitely persuade the Serene Alliance to cut off all contact with Earth causing an economic downturn for which I may be blamed? I may be the next King but not if they hate me enough to kill me."
She hadn't thought of it but it only proved her point. "Why take such a risk then?"
"Why have you taken such a risk? Your people may never trust you when it's time for you to take the throne and that would reduce your power as Queen. The economic ties to your fiancée's planet would be broken and you would have to make up for that as well in ways that I'm sure you don't want to imagine. The consequences are overwhelming."
"You seduced me. I didn't want this," she complained petulantly knowing well he couldn't have done anything she didn't allow.
"But you allowed me to. And you know why. I may have more freedom than you do at the moment but for both of us that is short lived. My father is ill and I must marry soon to his and the council's choice of wife and take over the reigns of power and the moment that happens my life ceases to be my own.
Before I resign myself to that life I want to be happy, if only for a short while, on my terms. Isn't that why you allowed me to be here?"
She didn't need to answer that question. They both knew the truth. She wanted the same thing and worse yet she wanted even more, more than she deserved or should wish for. This would have to do.
"I make you happy?" she questioned, flattered and a bit skeptical.
"Let's just say that I've never felt anything like this before. Perhaps it's the element of danger. But more than likely it's all this." He ran his hand down the length of her body.
"We have to be careful."
He grinned down at her and she could make out his features, devilishly highlighted by the dim light streaming through her windows. How was it possible for one man to be so perfect, so desirable and why hadn't the goddess seen fit to make her fiancée as desirable in her eyes?
"That sounds like you've accepted my proposal."
"You're right. I hate this feeling of being trapped. I like being with you like this, I feel almost free, as if I've forgotten who I am. Maybe I feel the need to take a bit of revenge on life for forcing me into this role with all its responsibilities and obligations. I might be wrong but maybe we deserve a reprieve from all this."
"A few moments when you're just a woman and I'm just a man, no titles, no kingdoms, no one who depends on us," he finished her thought.
"Hmm," she agreed unable to speak with his mouth on hers.
******
