I got out of my car ad looked around , no one was outside just me and my nerves. I walked to the entrance and looked inside, I closed my eye's and took in everything. I opened my eye's and thought I was going to be sick, so I sat down on the bench that sat by the entrance way. I closed my eyes to fight the knot's that were forming in the pit of my stomach. The world was swimming around in my head, then within a second I felt a hand touch the tear's that were starting to flow down my face, like rain coming down on a cold rainy day. I opened my eyes and there they were the smokey colored eyes that I had seen earlier that night on her daughter's face. It was Johnny. I looked up and smiled as he took my hand and brought me up against his body, for an embrace. I soaked in the moment, a moment that had been in the back of both our minds. This moment will be in our heart's for the rest of our lives. Tear's started to stream down my face once again and Johnny's hand came back up to my face and wiped the tears away, pulled me closer to him , making circling motion's on my back. I closed my eye's once more and opened them back up to make sure that he was still there, it wasn't it a dream after all. My heart was making sure that I knew that it was not a dream but an reality, a reality that has been in the making for eight years.
"Baby , you ok sweetheart?" I opened up my eyes and smiled warmly.
"Yes, I am fine now that I am here with you."
"So how about we go in now , so I can show you off to everyone"
"Oh aren't you a sweet one? Thanks for making me feel better."
"You know you are welcome Baby." Johnny grabbed my hand and let me into the room full of people. Everyone looked at Johnny and I am and I felt as if they knew something that I didn't know. I looked to where Johnny was standing beside me and he gave me that vain, sly, smile that I knew all to well. He was up to something, I guess I will find out later. The music came booming out the speakers mounted on the wall, it was These Arms of Mine, the sensations started over taking my body. Johnnys hand came down and grabbed my hand and lead me out to the dance floor where everyone parted to let us dance. With the first dip everyone in the room had disappeared, with every twirl my room got foggier and more dense. I felt the love that I had once had for Johnny grow deeper with every second that he held my body close to his. Johnny pulled me into him and put his face against mine as the words came from the song ( Come on , come on baby , just be my little woman, just be my lover, oh i need me somebody, somebody to treat me right, ohhh I need your warm, loving arms, to open wide to me.) Johnny whispered the words to song into my ear like he did the last night at Kellerman's. I felt the heat from his body on mine as his nervousness disappeared into the thick air surrounding us. Before i knew it the song was over and another one began and we kept on dancing , song after song. When the last song was over we quit dancing , everyone was staring at us like we were doing something wrong.
"What you guys looking at? Have you not seen people dance before?" There was a voice that came above the crowd, "Not like that , you dance different with her Johnny"
"I guess because she is different, now you al get back to dancing, we are going to go and talk." Johnny looked over at me and said. "Is that alright with you? Would you like to go to another room , so we can dance alone and talk?" I nodded my head in approval.
"That would be great." Johnny held his hand out for me to take, I accepted and he walked me down a long white hallway that looked like the one at Kellerman's. We walked in the room and I was blown away. It had pink roses and flowers all around and soft soul music flowing from the turntable, sitting in the corner. I made my way in a circle looking around the room. It was absolutely gorgeous. Johnny in one fast motion grabbed me my the waist and started dancing, just like the night he first made love to me. We danced and danced, like we had never parted. I wanted to know , why he had made this room up so beautifully for me so I just asked. "Why did you do all this for me?"
"Penny told me about the things that you had been going through and I wanted to make you happy."
" But you didn't have to do all this for me."
"I know I didn't , but I wanted to."
"You know Johnny, I will never forget this for as long as I live."
"Well (He laughed), that was what I was aiming for."
"It worked, you think that you are slick , don't ya?"
"What? You know I am ."
"Is that right?"
"You know it, now look into my eyes, I want to teach you a new move." I look strait into his eyes , they were sparkling like sweet apple cider on a cold winter night. Then I felt that familiar felling of his lips on mine. A long Passionate, heated, loving kiss, one that had been in waiting for eight year's. I could feel the heat rising in my chest and the heaving of my breast. I couldn't breath, it was caught in my chest, I think that I am going to pass out. My knee's went weak and Johnny lifted to off the ground and twirled me around. "Baby I want you to know something, I will never let anything happen to you ever again." I looked at him rather confused, "Do you mind telling me what you mean?" Then he looked at me.
"We may never be anything other than friends, but I want you to know, I will never let anyone harm you, you mean so much to me Baby."
"Johnny, I do want you, I always have, but is there room in your life for me and Sarah?"
"Oh that's right you have a daughter now."
"Yes I do and she means so much to me, can you handle me having a child?"
"Baby you know me better than that, I love kids, I would love to meet her sometime." I thought to myself , you will , very soon infact. That made a smile come on my face and he noticed.
"So tell me about your daughter."
"She is great, she looks just like her father , except for one little detail."
"What's that?"
"She was cursed with my hair, other than it being almost black."
"Does your husband have black hair?" Oh no he knows what will I do, it is not the time to tell him. I will ask him to go somewhere else.
"Johnny can we go somewhere else? Maby spend some time together."
"Sure you want to go to my cabin.?
"Yea that would be great." Johnny and I made our excuses and left. We walked out to his car and I walked to my car to get my beg. I had brought me a bag incase I were to need extra clothing. We got into his same old beat up car and took off. The car ride was silent most of the time, and the music came through the speakers litely. The mood was right and I was ready to move on with him, to take it to another level. The best thing was to be honest and tell him what I want from him. "Johnny can I ask you something?"
"Sure, what do you want to ask me?"
"Well I have never been very bold as to ask someone for something, but I wanted to know if you ever want to have kids?" By about that time we pulled into his driveway and it ran along a beautiful lake and there was a beautiful cabin. He got out of the car and walked around and opened the car door for me, held out his hand and helped me out of the car.
"Now about that question you asked, I told you earlier, maby someday, but I think that I already have one." That was it my heart hit my stomach, he had a child already and he would not want mine. I broke down on the steps and cried and screamed, I had nothing now. Johnny picked me up and carried me to the porch swing and sat down. "Baby calm down, it's ok, whats wrong, did I say something, is it me?" I just sobbed even harder, I shook all over and shuddred at the thoughts of him ever touching someone else. "Baby talk to me, are you ok?"
"I'm not ok, I have made a mess of my life, I have problems, Johnny."
"It can't be that bad , you have your daughter."
"And you have your's."
"What are you talking about Baby? Tell me the truth."
"The truth."
"Yes tell me, is Sarah mine?"
"Yes Johnny she is."
"Why am I now just now finding out."
"I tried to find you , I really did, it just didn't happen, so I gave up."
"How could you not find me, I was just a few towns away."
"I don't know, I tried to find you so many times, but something always got in my way. Do you think that I wanted things to go this way, to have an abusive husband and a fatherless child?"
"No that's not what I am saying , all that I am saying is I sent you those letter's and you never replied."
"I never got any letter's from you."
"Well I sent them." All I could do then was to put my head into his chest and feel the comfort of being in his arms. We sat there for along time in silence, just enjoying the contact. He rocked me as if I was a small baby, his baby. "Baby, do you want to go in out of the night air?" I looked up and the tears still remaining on my face. "Remember Baby, everything will be ok, I promise." He got up carrying me in with the wonder of what was about to happen.
