Disclaimer: All Harry Potter people, places, and things, (all Harry Potter nouns) belong to J. K. Rowlings. Desiree Snape and Eleanora Snape are mine.
Chapter 14: The blame game.
Severus sat in the chair next to her bed. She looked small and frail under the blankets, scarcely moving. He watched her shallow breaths, wondering if she was even awake. He leaned close to her and softly called, "Minerva."
"Severus, you shouldn't be here," she whispered.
"Nonsense, I had to make certain that you were alright," he explained.
She smiled weakly. "Just give me a few days and I'll be back to stopping you from deducting house points from Gryffindor again."
He held her hand in his and rubbed it. "Umbridge probably deducted more points this year from them than I have."
Minerva tried to sit up, but he put a hand on her shoulder. Though it was painful, she turned her head to face him. "You have to go back and protect the school from her. She's likely to-"
"No, she's not likely to do much of anything at the moment. "I arrived just after you had been hit and froze everyone. All those involved are being held at the Ministry of Magic by now," he interjected.
"And Hagrid? Is he alright?" she asked, shifting her position slightly. He noted that she stiffened in pain for a moment.
He nodded. "Hagrid is fine. It would seem that you took the brunt of the attack."
Her eyes met his and she noticed sadness, possible guilt as well. "Are you alright?"
Looking away, he answered quietly. "Yes, but I should not be. You should be back at Hogwarts, safe and in good health. This is my fault! The whole bloody mess is my fault! You're in pain! If I had only gotten there sooner-"
"If you had gotten there sooner, you would most likely be lying in this very bed!" she interjected with as much energy as she could muster. He noticed as she grimaced in a moment of pain and then spoke again in a softer tone. "Severus, none of this was your fault. If anyone is at fault here, I am. I as Hogwarts' Deputy Headmistress should have dealt with Umbridge long ago. Instead I let my fear of being sacked get in the way of seeing how dangerous she was in actuality."
He moved from the chair to the bed and stroked her cheek. "The fault was not yours either. You did what you thought was best, and what Albus asked of you. Your only duty at this moment is to get better."
She did not want to trust her eyes, but it almost looked as though he had a tear in his eye. "Severus, are you…" she trailed off as he leaned close to her.
"I should be going soon," he mentioned, pausing to meet her eyes for a second. "I love you, Minerva," he whispered before kissing her tenderly. Then he dash out of the room too quickly for her to tell him that she felt the same.
Only a few days later disaster struck again. Back at Hogwarts, Severus ran past Desiree, almost knocking her over. Puzzled, she began to run after him. "Severus! Severus, slow down! What's going on?"
Slowing only to a jog, he finally spoke. "The Ministry of Magic has been attacked by deatheaters. There were several casualties. You might want to…" he hesitated, slowing to face her. "Desiree, how much do you know about Sirius' relationship to Remus?"
She struggled to sort out her thoughts. "He said they were schoolmates, best friends. He and Sirius were friends of James and Lily and the guy who was a rat for twelve years," she looked into his eyes and saw an expression she could not identify, something between pity and worry. "Is he… is he dead? Is that why you asked me?"
He nodded slowly. "Yes, Sirius Black is dead. The last I heard, Remus will be here by next week. I suggest that you do not leave him alone when he comes; he may do something rash."
She breathed a sigh of relief, having actually meant to ask him if Remus had died. "Why are you worried about him? Is he alright?" she asked with a pensive expression in her eyes.
"Cousin, you are his wife and I knew you would be concerned. Now that I've told you, I have to assemble the rest of the staff and explain what has happened," he stated curtly.
She nodded, but was not ready to let him continue on his way. "How is Minerva?"
All the colour drained from his face and she silently wished that she had not asked him. "Though she is feeling better and will have recovered enough to come back in a few days, she is still very weak. I will take it upon myself to inform her about the current events."
"Then I'm coming with you," Desiree decided.
After the staff meeting, Severus and Desiree flooed to St. Mungo's and walked over to Minerva's room. Desiree had not been to see the professor and was mortified at the dismal site that met her eyes. The woman she had considered strong and full of character lay almost motionless on a bed in the Spartan room. Severus walked over to her and instead of sitting in the chair next to the bed, chose to sit on the bed while his cousin took the chair.
He slowly traced her facial features with his fingers. "Minerva," he whispered. Her eyelids fluttered and she squinted to see who her visitor was.
"Severus, what are you doing here?" she asked breathlessly.
He caressed her cheek with his thumb. "I'm so sorry to be the one to tell you this, but the Ministry of Magic was attacked by deatheaters. We lost several good people."
She nodded slowly. "I see. Is that Desiree with you?"
Shifting slightly, he moved to reveal his cousin. "I wanted to see how you were holding up," Desiree stated.
Minerva gave her a small smile. "I am actually better today than I have been. I do hope for your sake that certain Order members made it through," she remarked, looking more at Severus than Desiree.
He nodded in understanding. "Lupin survived, but he hasn't returned to Hogwarts yet. He wanted to go through Sirius' home before anyone else for Potter's sake."
"So Sirius Black is gone," Minerva assessed. "The poor boy is going to take this very badly."
"Albus, having returned, also intends to tell him about the prophecy, if he hasn't done so already. Potter is going to be a handful for a while," Severus commented.
"I'll see what I can do for him when I am able to take care of my house again and…" Minerva suddenly trailed off and gripped the metal bar of the bed as another fit of pain hit.
Severus eyed her in a near-panic. "Is there anything I can get you? Is there anyone you need me to call?"
Her breathing slowly returned to normal, though it was still constrained. "No, but thank you. It will pass. Because of the stunners I've been having fits."
Once the pain had passed and he could see her relax, he leaned toward her and held her in his arms. She tried to sit up by placing her hands on his shoulders. Once she was on a more even level with him, he spoke. "You have to get past all this. Hogwarts needs you," he paused and brushed her lips with his. "And I need you," he added more quietly.
"You never let me tell you before you ran out of the room the other day. I love you too, Severus," she whispered.
They kissed again, softly until he heard a nurse coming. "I should be going. I promise to visit again."
She smiled as he got up off the bed and began to lead Desiree to the door. "I know you will. You always keep your promises," Minerva called out.
As they walked out into the lobby, Desiree raised an eyebrow and looked at him curiously. "How long have you two been seeing each other?"
A pinkish colour appeared in his cheeks. "We have been seeing each other since the night of the first Yule Ball."
Desiree raised an eyebrow and he noticed a mischievous glint in her eye. "Wasn't that the night I gave you that record to play?"
"Yes," he admitted briefly.
"Then I guess that my original idea worked as I intended: you two did spend the night making out on the couch," she teased. Severus simply snorted and remained silent as they headed back to the school.
Nora had been sitting in the Common Room worried about her stepfather when Harry barged into the room. "I can't believe he waited this long to tell me! How could he keep something like that from me? I trusted him and he betrayed me! Everyone's betrayed me! I'm supposed to kill Voldemort according to some prophesy! Why me? Why did Sirius have to die? I could have finally had a good home! Why do I have to stop Voldemort? How can I stop him before he kills anyone else?" he shouted, oblivious to Nora's presence.
"Harry! Harry, come back! Harry, what's going on?" she demanded. He dashed past her to his room and slammed the door. Then she heard sobbing. She sighed and stared into the fire. Closing her eyes she whispered, "Oh Harry, please don't shut me out."
Minerva returned to school three days later in time to give house points back to Gryffindor as she found Severus and Harry in a dispute. Once Harry had left, Severus took her right hand in his because the left one held a cane that she was using for walking assistance. He eyed the cane with distress as his eyes met hers.
"Minerva, I can't tell you how glad I am to have you back. I'm afraid the castle is much too lonely without you," he admitted bluntly.
She smiled and raised an eyebrow. "Severus Snape, I'm surprised at you, not one sarcastic comment."
"Then it would appear that I need you here to remind me when I am not myself," he stated, still eyeing her as if she were made of glass.
"I'm not going to break in two if you should kiss me," she told him coyly. With that he kissed her soundly with a gentle speed that surprised her and the two spent the rest of the day drinking tea and talking in front of a warm fireplace.
Exactly a week from the incident at the Ministry of Magic, Desiree was walking past a window and spotted Remus staggering toward the castle. The woman dashed toward her rooms, not knowing what to expect as she waited for Remus. She prepared soup for him and then started a fire in the fireplace. She turned around just to see him enter. When she studied him, she fought back tears. His clothing was slightly singed at his torn cuffs and at his ankles. The poor man hasn't changed in a week. But his expression tore her heart more than anything else. His eyes stared out at nothing and the cut across his cheek was bleeding. He sank down onto the couch and she hurried over to his side.
Using a tissue she dabbed at his face. It seemed to take him a while to notice her presence. "Remus, I know what happened. I'm so sorry. I know you lost a good friend and I understand how devastated you must be. Is there anything I can do? Would you like some soup?" she implored. He finally faced her, but remained silent. "Remus, please say something."
He did the only thing he could and pulled her to him. Then he wept, for Sirius, for the Potters, for Minerva, for all of the awful recent events. Desiree held him and let him cry as tears streaked her cheeks as well. "They are all gone, dead. I am the last of the group we once were. They died, and there was nothing I could have done to prevent it!"
She pressed her forehead to his. "It wasn't your fault, Remus. None of this was; don't blame yourself. And don't ever think that you're alone." She began kissing him softly. "I love you with all my heart and we'll get through this together."
After a moment he kissed her back. There was a deep need in his kiss for comfort. They stood and their kissing became passionate. In an instant she was grabbing onto his shirt as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer. They kissed hungrily and Desiree turned the knob to their bedroom.
Desiree proved to Remus that he was not alone. What he did not realize was that he was not alone on more than one front. Remus was not alone in dealing with his own difficulties, but he was also not alone in having ties to the deceased. Harry's rant had continued for days, even after school had ended. The only ones who would remain in the castle over the summer were a few of the professors, Nora, Desiree, and Harry. Finally Nora's patience became exhausted and she stood in front of Harry, stopping him from pacing through the Common Room.
"Could you please move? I want to go to my room. My scar hurts again and I need to lie down," he demanded.
She firmly stood her ground. "I will not move until you snap out of your depression!"
He glared at her. "You have no idea what I've been through, what I'm going through! I lost the closest thing I had to family, for the second time! Dumbledore waited longer than he should have to tell me about my destiny! I have a war to fight! I have to defeat Voldemort! People depend on me and here you are blocking me from resting and I really think-"
She was tired of his attitude and cut him off by slapping him. "Now sit down!" she ordered.
Too shocked to defy her, he complied and sat on the floor. She joined him and took a deep breath before speaking. "You forget that I was raised by grandparents who despised my mother, but loved me. You also forget that those same grandparents almost sold me to deatheaters. Lastly, you have forgotten that I am a Legilimens and I have seen inside your mind before. I know you and I know what you're going through."
He tried to speak. "But you don't have a war to fight that-"
She raised her index finger and shook it at him. "I'm not done yet!" she spat. Then she used a calmer tone. "This is not just your war, this is everybody's war. Voldemort is not the only person to fight, so you need the rest of us to help. And as for the 'why me' attitude, you're not the first person in history to ask that."
He sighed heavily and closed his eyes for a moment. "I just wish that I could have a moment's peace. I cannot even get that when I sleep."
Reaching out, she took both of his hands in hers. Suddenly nervous, her mouth became as dry as a cotton ball and she had to glance at the fire before facing him. "I don't know if this will work, but if you're willing to try, I might be able to help you find a little peace."
He did not understand her offer, but was touched by it. "I do not know what you are talking about, but I will try."
She nodded and took a deep breath. "I need you to close your eyes," she paused as he did so and she closed her also. "Now, imagine that you are in a forest. You are walking through tall redwood trees. It's cool, damp, and green where you are. There's some moss here and there. A little sunlight filters in through the trees. You come to a clearing and a few fallen trees are there for you to sit on."
To his astonishment, he looked around and found himself in the place she had described. He turned and she was there too. It was as if they were sharing a dream. "What is this place?"
She smiled. "Welcome to the Jedediah Smith Redwoods State Park. It's in Northern California. This is my favourite place in the world and I think if it when I'm upset or I need a moment's peace."
"How are we here?" he asked.
She placed a hand over his and her touch felt real. "Don't think about how we're here; just enjoy being here," she told him before releasing him.
He felt the cool weather of the day as he seated himself on a damp redwood log. For the first time in years he felt peaceful. He felt an overwhelming sense of something greater in that place. Just sitting on the log and looking at the scenery, he smiled. Suddenly he felt as though he was being jerked about and he found himself opening his eyes, once again in the Common Room. He looked over at Nora who had quickly dropped his hands. She moved over to the brick side of the fireplace and leaned up against it, breathing heavily.
"I'm sorry to pull you back so quickly, but I've never taken someone else with me before and I couldn't maintain it any longer," she told him in a whisper.
He moved closer to her and noticed how red her face was. When he put his hand to her cheek, he looked at her wide-eyed. "You are burning up! Are you alright?"
She nodded as her breathing slowly returned to normal. "I'm fine. It's a side effect to what I did. Don't worry; it'll pass."
Closing her eyes for a while, she began to regain her strength. When she opened her eyes, he was still sitting close to her. "I don't have the appropriate words to thank you for what you did. Is there anything I could do in return?"
She smiled genuinely and shook her head. "No. I only ask that you never give up hoping that things will turn out alright in the end. Harry, things are worth fighting for and you can't lose sight of hope. Hope is the one thing that is dependable. Think of that feeling of peace when you feel too squashed to fight back anymore. There will be a brighter tomorrow once we've won this war."
He placed a hand under her chin to meet her eyes. "There will be a brighter tomorrow because you showed me what hope is."
She never saw it coming. He took her completely by surprise, kissing her soundly. "Well, I wasn't expecting that," she remarked when the kiss ended. He did not speak, but kissed her forehead, then both cheeks. His lips captured hers in a tender kiss before he stood.
"I should be going. Once again, thank you," he remarked.
She slowly stood and smiled politely. "You're welcome."
As he quickly left in the direction of his room, she wondered what the next school year would bring, also hoping to finish his Occlumency lessons soon and that they all could help each other win the approaching battle.
(my thanks to Quill of Minerva, Leta McGotor, and excessivelyperky for reviewing :D)
