He hated himself.

He hated being two people. One white half, one black half. Both strange, out of the ordinary. Both unsatisfactory. He had lived his childhood in pain and fear, and that had torn him in two. Literally. He hated his black side, and he hated his white side. It was rare for him to find love.

But when he did, it was pure. It was gray.

That's what he liked, about being in love. It wasn't completely bad, or completely good. It was in the middle. Like a yin yang. Equal on both sides, and yet they weren't absolutely separate. They mingled. And that's what Haru wanted to do.

But this curse wouldn't let him.

The others didn't understand, with possibly the exception of Kyo, what was going on inside him. Kyo, being the Cat, might know. They had both been taken advantage of by the Rat. That's why he made sure to fight Kyo whenever possible. If he didn't, he might start to tell him.

His black side almost did, once. But at the last possible moment, a small bit of him, perhaps his gray side, stopped him.

So he kept it inside. Someday, he'd let it out, he'd let the truth out.

But not today.