As always, I own nothing you recognise. And even if you don't recognise it, it's not very likely that I own it. I'm not making money, just having a bit of fun. And, as always, thanks for reviews, they mean more than you might be aware of. And remember, people, this is a dream, it's insane. And so am I.
Erika's Dream
Chapter III
Erika went up all the stairs to the dojo, which was situated in the attic. She was not altogether familiar with these surroundings, since she was just a servant wench and not a Death Dealer, but she still found Kahn very easily. He was actually quite difficult to miss, since he was at the firing range, shooting at some very lycan-like targets. When he saw Erika coming, he lowered his gun, looking slightly surprised. She was, after all, not a common sight in the dojo, she was only there whenever Lord Kraven found reason to go up there and take her with him.
"Lady Sonja asked me to give this to you" Erika said, putting the glass bottle on a table. She was not completely sure if Sonja should be referred to as lady, but she suspected so. By some reason, Erika thought she was some relative of Lord Viktor, but she didn't know why she thought so.
"Thanks" Kahn said, and shot another ceramic bust into pieces. "Why didn't she bring it herself?" he added afterwards.
"She was busy" Erika explained.
"Oh, really? Never mind, the important thing is that I got it"
"What is it?" Erika asked curiously.
"Nothing, really" Kahn answered, his mind back to the targets in front of him. Erika, who realised Kahn didn't want her company, looked around. On the floor, not very far from her, was a red plastic bucket, filled with something that looked a lot like water. It looked a lot like the buckets that were part of the servant's cleaning equipment, but she had no idea why it was there. So she asked.
"Oh, well…" Kahn asked, "one of the servant girls out it there, saying I should take it and some Death Dealers and immediately go to Kraven's office, but well, I had more important things to do, so, well… You can take it down there, if you don't have anything better to do…"
"Sure, I'll do it" Erika said, sighing. And she was off again, heading for Lord Kraven's office for at least the third time that night.
Said office was complete mayhem when Erika arrived. The lycans and Selene hadn't been joking after all, since it looked like it had been a fire in there. Everything was completely covered in ash, including Lord Kraven's antique walnut desk and imported Persian carpet. In there were also a lot of people, most of them unknown to Erika, all looking at Lord Kraven, who was standing in the middle of the room, yelling something about "completely unacceptable". Nobody looked up when Erika entered, except Pandi, who looked extremely bored.
"Hi" Pandi greeted her, as Erika walked up beside her. "He's been yelling for at least twenty-two minutes, and hasn't said a sane thing in the last twenty-one"
"You really set his office on fire, then?" Erika asked, although the answer was quite obvious.
"What does it look like? Never mind, I'm fed up with that prick, let's silence him" And with that, Pandi took the bucket from Erika, and emptied it over Lord Kraven's head. It took three seconds, before everybody started laughing at the amusing sight of a furious, wet and rabid-looking Kraven. But of course, Kraven didn't laugh.
"Arrrgh!" he said, looking completely mad. "Why did you do that?" he asked Pandi furiously
"Because, well, I don't know, I just did it" Pandi shrugged.
"I want a straight answer to that question! Why did you pour water over me?" Lord Kraven yelled, pointing at her. Pandi looked at him, slightly annoyed.
"Because, well. I just did, you stupid twit! I didn't expect to being question about it afterwards, you should have warned me, and then I might have prepared a straight answer to that question!" Pandi looked almost as mad as Lord Kraven.
"Why did she pour water over me!" Lord Kraven shouted. "What's the point of that!"
"She's right, you know, with all your questions, you should have given us time to prepare, we weren't expecting the Spanish Inquisition" a large black lycan said. Suddenly. three men dressed in red robes came running though the open doorway.
"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!" the one in the middle said. Before he could go on, the black lycan had grabbed the now empty bucket from Pandi, and thrown it at the mid-section of the man in the middle.
"Ouch, that hurt! Biggles, get the rack!" the man in the middle said.
"Get out, you're not supposed to be here!" Lucian said, looking as if he was about to explode. The three men disappeared.
"Am I the only one who's starting to feel that this place is going completely mad?" Lucian asked.
"What do you mean, going? This place has been mad for as long as I've lived here" Sonja pointed out.
"You've been living in here, no wonder you think it's mad" Selene said.
"You know, this place is actually much nicer since you guys burned it" Sonja said. "The smell's much better"
"The smell?" Lucian asked.
"Yes, the smell, darling. His closet smelled terribly of rotten soap"
"Excuse me, love, but soap can't be rotten. Are you sure the stupid little author didn't mistype and meant soup?" Lucian said, sounding doubtful.
"Perfectly sure, sweetheart. I said it smelled of rotten soap, and then it did" Sonja said stubbornly.
"If you say so, dear" Lucian said, looking defeated.
"And now, that we've cleared that up, what do you suggest we do now?" Lord Kraven said.
"Let's all sit down and smoke …" Selene suggested.
"Good idea" Kraven said, and sat down on the ashy floor. Everybody followed his example, sitting down on whatever was near, searching their pockets for something to smoke. Most people were able to find their cigarettes, but none could find their lighters or matches.
"My hover-craft is full of eels" one of the lycans said, but nobody in there had watched mortal television that much, except Pandi, who laughed a lot. Nobody else understood the joke. As the room fell silent, most people were glaring at Pandi, Lucian and Selene.
"What are you staring at? Look, we needed a lot of matches to burn this place down, do you know how difficult it is to set a ceramic vase on fire?" Lucian tried to excuse himself.
"But Lucian, you have a lighter" Erika carefully pointed out. "Why didn't you use it?"
"I have a lighter? Why would I have a lighter, I gave up smoking centuries ago" Lucian said, puzzled.
"Look, that's what happens when you get as old as he is!" Pandi burst out. "You get completely senile! Of course you have a lighter, I gave it back to you not half an hour ago!"
If this was a cartoon, a light bulb would have appeared above Lucian's head, but this is just a fanfiction, which means Lucian just looked as if Pandi had just found a new continent.
"Now I remember! But what I can't remember, is where I put it…"
"Your left pocket" Pandi said.
"Now, what would I do without you, Pandi?" Lucian said, picking up his lighter.
"Remember everything on your own, maybe? Now, hand that over, I need a smoke"
Lucian's lighter was passed around the room, which was soon filled with dark grey smoke and an awful smell. Which caused all the lycans with their sensitive sense of smell sound like they were suffering from bronchitis.
"Honestly, people, why do you smoke if it makes you cough?" Selene asked.
"Fair question. Afraid I can't answer that one," Pandi said, interrupted when Lucian started to cough violently.
"Excuse me, Miss Author, how on earth can I cough violently, when I'm not even sure how to do that violently?" Lucian said, speaking to the author and looking at the ceiling. And then a voice came from above:
"I have actually no idea, Lucian, dear, I just needed an adjective in that sentence to make it less boring."
"You are already boring, and I think you are running out of ideas," Sonja said. "And stop hitting on my husband!"
"Hey, don't order me around, or I'll make sure you get locked in that closet for another six centuries!" the little author girl said, slightly annoyed.
"You can't, you don't own me!" Sonja said, also slightly annoyed.
"But I do own this fanfiction, in which you are in at the moment. So shut up. And, for hitting on your husband, I can do that as much as I like. And if you want to yell at anybody flirting with your husband, yell at Pandi, you should see what I make her do in another fanfiction…" the author said, giggling like a madman. Or a madwoman. Sonja glared at Pandi, who blushed.
"Are you referring to 'Hybrid Eyes'?" Selene asked the author.
"Of course. And if you don't behave nicely, I will put it up, and make fools out of you all. And myself, since it's such crap I even don't want to read it myself"
"Now stop that, and get on with this!" a young American l said from under a table.
"Michael!" the author exclaimed. "What are you doing in my story? Never mind, I'll continue this. Where were I?"
"I was just coughing violently" Lucian said.
"All right, you do that, and I'll think out of someway to end this madness. Bye bye everybody!" And with that, the never-visible author went invisible.
"She is so annoying!" Lucian said.
"We know, but follow her example and get on with it!" Michael said impatiently.
"Why me? I've forgotten what I was supposed to do!" Lucian defended himself.
"She may be flirting with you, but at least Pandi is right in something. You are senile, love. And, for your information, you were coughing violently" Sonja said, sighing. And if this was a cartoon, a second light bulb would have appeared above Lucian's head, but this is, tack och lov, not a cartoon. Lucian coughed violently.
Erika wondered whether it was her, or anybody else that had gone mad.
To be continued…As soon as I decide to write the fourth and last chapter
