Second Chances
- an Adam & Joan story -

by TeeJay

Chapter 5

--...----...----...--

In the morning, Joan was awoken by her alarm clock insistently beeping on her bedside table. She groggily hit the snooze button and wanted to turn around to slumber a few more minutes, when she suddenly remembered. Adam was sleeping in the guest room! She better give everyone a warning before her family discovered the uninvited guest.

She got out of bed, quickly tied her hair in a ponytail and went downstairs. Her mom and dad were getting ready to have breakfast. Luke and Kevin were nowhere to be seen. When Helen saw her slightly sleepy looking daughter, she greeted her. "Good morning, honey."

Joan got right to the point. "Mom, Dad, before you freak, I should tell you that Adam slept here tonight."

Her father suddenly stopped chewing on his cereal and looked at her. Her mother's mouth opened to say something, but Joan cut in, "Relax, it's not what you think. He slept in the guest room."

Helen had closed her mouth again, but now replied. "Oh, like that's going to reassure me."

Joan explained, "Mom, I'm telling you, it was completely innocent," she said insistently. "His dad is in the hospital and he came here in the middle of the night to tell me everything went okay with the operation, and I thought he should stay here instead of being all alone at home. Besides, we broke up, remember?"

Helen's features softened. "His father is in the hospital? Since when?"

Joan explained briefly about the kidney failure and the transplant. When Joan had finished, Helen told her, "Okay, let's say for now I believe you about Adam. Why don't you go get him, so you two can have breakfast?"

Joan went upstairs and knocked on the guest room door. When there was no answer, she knocked again louder. She listened for a few seconds if there was movement, but when she didn't hear anything, she carefully opened the door and went in. Adam was out cold, he was lying on one side, facing the wall, still asleep.

Joan carefully touched his shoulder. "Adam, wake up," she said softly.

He stirred and murmured something intelligible. Joan told him again, "Adam, you need to get up."

He turned his head toward her, rolling slowly onto his back and looked at her with sleepy eyes. Joan smiled at him. "Come on, time for breakfast."

Adam propped himself up on his elbows and rubbed one hand over his eyes, muttering, "Okay."

Joan smiled to herself as she left the room. 'And I thought I wasn't a morning person,' she mused.

After Joan had been to the bathroom, she went to her room to get dressed. Outside she could hear someone knocking insistently on the bathroom door.

Dressed in his robe, Luke knocked again. In an annoyed voice, he said, "Joan, come on, you don't have the monopoly on bathroom usage in the morning!"

A few seconds later, the bathroom door opened and Adam stepped out, still dressed in Luke's boxers and t shirt. He had a caught-in-the-act look on his face and mumbled, "Sorry."

Luke was dumbfounded. He opened his mouth, which hung open for a few seconds. Then he said stupidly, "Dude, you're wearing my ..."

Adam consciously looked down his body. "Yeah, I ..." Not sure how to explain it, he just said, "I should get dressed," and walked past Luke into the guest room.

Luke was still in shock. What was Adam Rove doing here in the morning, dressed in his clothes, to boot? He and his sister hadn't ...? Had they? No, they wouldn't dare, not in the Girardi house. Besides, hadn't they broken up recently? But then again, he couldn't figure out his sister's strange moods, projects and actions sometimes. No, strike that, most of the time.

A few minutes later, Adam, now dressed, went downstairs. The Girardi family, except for Kevin, was already seated at the table, having breakfast or just having finished it. Adam looked slightly sheepish, he wasn't sure how Joan's family would react to have him intrude more or less uninvited on their morning routine.

Joan must have already smoothed out the waves, because he was greeted with casual 'Good mornings' and was offered cereal, orange juice, pop tarts and toast. He went for the cereal. Helen got him some milk from the refrigerator and sat down at the table again.

She asked him, "Joan told us about the transplant. I hope everything's going to turn out all right."

Adam swallowed his cereal and replied, "Thanks, Mrs. G."

Will raised his eyebrows slightly at the form of address, but didn't comment. He got up from the table. "Well, I gotta get to work." Looking at Adam he said, "I hope your dad's going to be all right."

Adam was chewing on cereal again, so he just nodded as Will left the house.

Joan, having just finished her strawberry pop tart, asked Adam, "Are you gonna be in school today?"

"I wanna stop by the hospital first. Maybe I'll come later."

"Okay," Joan said cheerfully. She then looked at her mom. "Can we drop Adam off at the hospital?"

Helen nodded. "Sure, honey."

--...----...----...--

Neill Porter rushed into the Dungeon, roaming the desk. He was carrying his first morning mug of coffee in his hand, careful not to spill anything over the papers on the crammed desk. He had copied this one article on a kitten in a tree the other day and must have left it in here. He was in a hurry and needed this final article to finish his piece on the local fire department. He leafed through some papers on the desk and stumbled across the unfinished sketch of Adam's comic with the kitten and the firemen that Adam had left lying there.

Neill took it and studied it. "Wow, this is cool," he thought out loud. Underneath it, he also found the article he had been looking for. He took both and went to Kate Wiles with it.

"Kate, who did this?" He showed her Adam's comic.

Kate shrugged. "I don't know. Where did you find it?"

"In the Dungeon."

"Then I guess Adam did. He's our new intern. Well, more like assistant..."

"I really wanna meet him. This is good." He pointed at the drawing.

"Neill, he's, like, 16 years old."

Neill raised his eyebrows. "So?"

"Okay, I'll let you know when he's back. He only comes in a few hours after school."

--...----...----...--

The hallways of Arcadia High School were slowly filling with students, who were changing from one classroom to the next. Joan and Grace were walking side by side, discussing the homework assignment they had just gotten, which, in their eyes, sucked big time. They both saw Adam at the same time, sitting on the steps in the hall and went up to him. He was reading something in a textbook. When he heard his name, he looked up.

"Hey," he greeted his two friends, his face lightening up.

"How's your dad?" Joan asked.

Adam told them that things still looked good, no post-operative complications or tissue rejection so far. Both Joan and Grace were glad that everything seemed okay.

Adam got up and slung his red bag over his shoulder. The three of them walked down the hallway to get to maths class. They started discussing whether they would get their maths test back today and who would have fared the worst.

Just as they were rounding a corner, Joan saw a familiar looking guy about her age with handsome features and brown, spiky hair standing off to one side in the hallway. She excused herself from her friends and went up to CuteGuy-God, confronting him.

"Tell me Jason didn't die just to save Mr. Rove's life."

"My my, Joan, we're not beating about the bush today, are we?" he replied calmly.

"Don't give that smug attitude, God. Just answer my question. It wasn't just a coincidence that Jason found the organ donor card, was it?"

"It's up to everyone to believe in coincidences, Joan."

"No no no. Don't give me that vague crap. How can you do that when people's lives are at stake, how can you pull the strings and decide with a snap of a finger who's going to die and who's going to live?"

CuteGuy-God leaned his back against the wall. "It doesn't work like that. It is the circle of life, and sometimes going round that circle means people are going to die and others are going to live. Everything happens for a reason, and even if you can't see the reasons yourself sometimes, it doesn't mean that they are not there."

"So you're saying Jason would have died anyway, no matter what I would have done."

"What makes you believe that you could have prevented his death?"

"It was you who sent me to work at the cemetery, who sent me to work with Jason. Him finding the organ donor card, that was all a part of your big plan, wasn't it? So that Adam's dad could get Jason's kidney."

"I can see why you're angry and confused, Joan. But don't give yourself more credit than you deserve for what happens in the world. There are some things that you have no control over. I want you to remember that."

Joan's face fell. Sadly, she said, "But why can't there just be good ripples?"

CuteGuy-God looked her in the eyes and said, "Because good can only exist when there's bad to compare it to. That's life, Joan, accept it and make the best of it."

With that, CuteGuy-God turned around and walked off. Joan thoughtfully stared at his back for a few moments as he walked away before she headed in the other direction to get to maths class.

--...----...----...--

Joan was sitting on the couch in the living room, flipping channels on the TV, having just eaten microwaved leftovers for dinner. She got stuck on one of the music channels, which was playing Avril Lavigne's song 'Fall to Pieces'. When she listened to the lyrics, she involuntarily had to think of Adam. When she got to the part where Avril sang "I'm in love with you" she wondered if she still was. Everything had been so confusing lately. Not that their relationship had been an easy sail before she had broken up with Adam. They had both made mistakes, and they had both not been completely sure what they wanted.

One thing Joan had known, she had not wanted Adam to sleep with another girl. Nor did she think he had really wanted it, but it had happened and couldn't be undone now. She had been disappointed, betrayed and angry when she had found out. She had been mad at him, had thought she hated him. But when she now thought back to the afternoon where she had told Adam that it was over, the only thing she remembered was how heartbroken he had been, how much his tear-filled eyes had screamed at her to forgive him.

She had not been able to do that just then, but maybe she was ready now. Or maybe not? Just when she thought things couldn't get more confusing between her and Adam, they did, and then some. She was pulled from her musings when the phone rang. She went to answer it.

"Joan Girardi."

A familiar voice greeted her, full of anticipation. "Jane, can you come to my house?"

Joan's brow furrowed in confusion and curiosity at Adam's invite. "What, like, now?"

"Please. I need to show you something."

Joan resigned. "Okay. I'll be there in fifteen minutes."

She switched off the television, grabbed a jacket and went to Alexander Drive, where Adam lived. Upon arrival, she was greeted by Adam, who was awaiting her in front of his house. He had a mysterious look on his face, his eyes shining with a happiness that she hadn't seen for a long time. He simply said, "Come on," and they walked to his shed together.

In front of the shed, he stopped, turning to Joan. "You have to close your eyes before you go in."

Joan looked at him, curious. "What's with all the secrecy?"

"You'll see," he simply told her.

Joan closed her eyes and placed her hands over them. Adam took her by one arm and guided her inside. He stopped, so that both of them were facing the work bench, on which a newly created sculpture of his was standing. It was waist-high and made out of metal and differently colored plastic and hosepipe pieces, metal wiring and colorful ribbons, all intertwined and twirling around each other.

Adam carefully removed Joan's hands from her eyes, signaling for her to open her eyes now. She blinked and took in the sculpture on the work bench. It reminded her of a spiraling fountain that was spraying pure color. Her expression was a mixture of awe and surprise.

Adam asked her opinion. "What do you think?"

She whispered, "Adam, it's beautiful." She went closer and touched some of the colored ribbons. Then she realized what it was made of. "You took the pieces of the sculpture you smashed and put them back together to form ... this."

"I named it 'Revived by an Angel'." He turned to face her and told Joan, "I want you to have it."

"Oh, Adam, I don't know what to say. I don't think--"

He interrupted her. "Jane, I made it for you."

But Joan had already fallen in love with the sculpture. "Okay. I will find a place for it that does it justice, I promise."

In reply Adam just smiled that sweet, shy smile of his, then added, "Oh, I have another surprise."

"Another one? Aren't you getting a little ahead of yourself?"

"It's kind of a long story, but I was hired by the Arcadia Herald as an illustrator today."

Joan's mouth opened. "You what? Wow, that's incredible. How come?"

Adam told her the short version. "When I was working the other day, I was bored and drew this little comic when I had to wait for new instructions. I must have left it lying there, but one of the editors found it and liked it immediately. He met with me today and asked me if I could do some more artwork for the paper. You know, like comics, illustrations, that kind of thing."

"That's great, Adam!" Joan smiled broadly, she was just as pleased as Adam.

"We still have to work out the details, but they'll pay me even more than Michael did if they're satisfied with my work. I have to come back tomorrow for some sketches before they make a final decision."

Joan walked up to him, took him by the upper arms and spun him around playfully.

"You're gonna knock 'em dead, Rovester." She called him by the nickname his former boss at the art gallery had once given him. Adam had taken Joan's elbows as a kind of foothold because they were both still spinning around. They slowly stopped and Joan was surprised for a split second when she felt Adam's lips upon hers, but she didn't pull away. She let his lips envelop hers and leaned still closer, hungry for that soft touch that she had so missed and longed for.

Suddenly she realized what she was doing and pulled back. They separated almost violently, both looking vaguely sheepish, as if they had just been caught at something forbidden.

Joan almost stumbled backwards, sitting down on one of the old chairs that was standing in front of the work bench. She was the first to speak. "What was that?"

She rubbed her face with her hands. "That didn't just happen," she said as if trying to convince herself it indeed hadn't happened.

Adam softly said, "I think it did."

"But how?" Joan asked incredulously.

"I don't know. It just did," Adam responded.

Joan's face now looked stern. "Adam, I'm not sure this is a good idea. I mean, whatever 'this' was. I ... I don't know we should be going there just yet."

Adam looked just as confused as she did. "Yeah, but I ... I think we both wanted it, otherwise--"

Joan lifted her arms with her palms outstretched towards Adam in a 'Stop' gesture. "Please don't. I need some time to think about this, okay?"

"Okay," Adam said in a disheartened tone.

"I think I should leave now," Joan said and got up, walking towards the door. She completely forgot about the sculpture.

Adam quietly reminded her, "Do you still want to take the sculpture?"

"What?" Joan asked confused. Her brain was still stuck on her and Adam kissing a minute ago.

Adam indicated his artwork on the work bench. "The sculpture?"

"Oh. Yeah. Of course. Um, can I pick it up tomorrow?"

"Sure," Adam said. "Tomorrow."

--...----...----...--

The next day, Joan parked her mom's car in front of St. Andrews Church. She had gone to Adam's place after school to pick up Adam's sculpture. She got out of the car and looked for Father Tanner. She found him in the church, exiting the confessional, having just finished his duties for the day.

She went up to him. "Father Tanner."

The clergyman, who was in his early to mid-fifties, looked at her. "Joan, isn't it? You helped at the cemetery. What can I do for you?"

"I have a favor to ask you. You remember Jason, right?"

"Jason Hall, of course. What a tragedy."

Joan just lowered her head slightly, but then looked up at Father Tanner again. "I met his wife in the hospital. She asked me if I could plant a petunia for him, they were his favorite flower. I would like to do that in the cemetery, because he loved working there so much."

"Yes, of course," Father Tanner assured Joan. "You can plant as many petunias as you like, perhaps we can pick a good spot together."

"That's not all," Joan went on. "I have a friend who makes sculptures. Really beautiful sculptures out of what others would consider junk. It's kind of a long story, but, as you might know, Jason donated his organs for transplantation. And my friend's father's life was just saved by a kidney transplant. I'm not saying it was Jason's kidney, no one knows that. But I suppose it's possible, right?" Joan paused. "I'm babbling. Sorry."

Father Tanner looked a little bemused at Joan's comment, but she went on. "Anyway..." Joan sighed. "My friend made this sculpture in honor of his father's survival, and I thought that with Jason's organ contribution to save other people's lives, I was going to ask you if we could maybe put the sculpture in the cemetery with the petunias. To honor both Jason and the recovery of my friend's father."

"I think that's a lovely idea. But I would like to see the sculpture first, if you don't mind."

"Yes, of course. It's in the car out front," Joan said.

Both Joan and Father Tanner walked to Joan's car. Joan opened the trunk and carefully removed Adam's sculpture. She put it on the ground next to the car.

Father Tanner studied the tangle of metal and colors for a minute in silence, his hand rubbing his chin. Then he said, "It looks ... unusual, but there is a strange kind of beauty to it."

Joan added, "He called it 'Revived by an Angel'. That's sort of fitting for something to be put in a cemetery, don't you think?"

Father Tanner's brow was creased in concentration. "I'm trying to think of a place to put it, and I think I already know the perfect spot." He gestured toward the way to the cemetery. "Come on, let me show you."

They walked in silence to the cemetery and Father Tanner guided her to a place a little outside the main grave area. These were more quiet surroundings of the cemetery, if a cemetery could ever be called lively. A group of benches was set in a semi-circle, facing a round flower bed in which pansies were blooming in yellow and purple.

Father Tanner pointed to the round flower bed. "People come here often to pray or just seek a moment's silence. And I don't know why they keep planting pansies everywhere in cemeteries, they have such a boring ring to it. They can be removed and we could clear a spot away in the middle of the flower bed and put the sculpture there. Around it, you can plant as many flowers as you like for Jason."

Joan looked content. "It's perfect. Thank you."

Father Tanner turned to Joan. "Maybe your friend could also write a small text. We could put a sort of information plaque next to the sculpture, so that people will not only be able to look at it, but will also know what it means and why it was created. If your friend would agree to that."

Joan liked the idea, but she wasn't sure if Adam would. "I will ask him. In the meantime, do you think it will be okay to leave the sculpture with you until we can put it up?"

"Yes, of course, I can store it in the basement of the parish hall until you come back."

"That would be great, thanks," Joan said as she and Father Tanner walked back to the church. "I'll be back in a few days with the petunias."

--...----...----...--

On Saturday, Joan took Adam to St. Andrew's cemetery. She walked him to the spot where they had put up his sculpture and planted the flowers, and Adam also loved it. Joan had chosen different colors for the petunias that reflected some of those Adam had used for the sculpture. Adam had also liked the idea with the information plaque, so Joan had helped him put a short but concise text together that Joan had given to Father Tanner for it to be printed and placed next to the sculpture.

Now Joan was sitting next to Adam on one of the benches. Both were admiring Adam's sculpture in the middle of the luscious mix of colored flowers, somehow fitting in perfectly.

Joan looked at Adam. "So, you think I picked a spot that does it justice?"

Adam couldn't take his eyes off it, he liked it that much. "It's awesome. Unchallenged."

"Well, to be honest, Father Tanner picked it, but once I saw it, I knew it would be perfect," Joan admitted. "I'm glad you think the same way."

Adam looked at Joan with something between gratitude and admiration. "You're the most amazing person I know, Jane. I don't know how I could ever sleep with Bonnie, when I knew it would destroy everything between us." He looked down and shuffled his feet on the wet grass. "How could I ever be so stupid?"

Joan studied Adam's now sad looking features. "If even you don't know the answer, then how can I? Adam, you messed up pretty bad."

"I know," he admitted meekly.

"And I don't know if I'm ready to trust you again yet."

"I can understand that. But I hope that you will." He looked back at Joan. "And when you do, I promise you I will never cheat on you again."

Joan wished so much that were true, she really wanted to believe him. But something deep inside of her still wouldn't let her. She took his hand. "I need some more time, okay?"

Adam nodded almost imperceptibly. He moved his hand so his fingers would intertwine with Joan's. In a subdued voice, he said, "Thank you. For everything."

Joan now smiled. "Anytime." To change the subject, she asked, "Have you seen your father today?"

"Yes, he's doing fine. He's still on high-dose immunosuppressants, they're gonna keep him in the hospital at least another three weeks. But it looks good so far."

Joan and Adam resumed their talk about Adam's dad as they walked back. Joan hadn't told him about Jason's organ donation because she didn't want to put the additional pressure onto Adam, it would only make him realize once again that a person had to die for his father to live. She had, of course, told him about Jason's death and that she had planted the flowers in his name, but that was as far as it would go. She wondered if that underlined the fact that she wasn't trusting him completely, or if she wouldn't have told him this either if things were still different between them...

--...----...----...--

"Hey, Judith."

Joan was standing in front of Judith's grave, placing one red and one orange-yellow gerbera in front of the headstone. The stone had Judith's name on it, her date of birth, date of death and the inscription "Beloved Daughter".

Imagining Judith could actually hear her, she said, "Sorry, it's been so long since I've come by, but I've been kinda busy."

She paused. "No, that's not true. Well, it is, but it's no excuse, really. You know, God keeps me busy most of the time. Because I wasn't at crazy camp because I was crazy - or sick. God still talks to me, and I most definitely know I'm not crazy. Of course I haven't told that to anyone, so they all think I've claimed back my sanity. I mean, I told Adam when I was in the hospital with Lyme disease, but he ... well, he said he doesn't believe in God walking around, talking to people. But he believes that I believe it."

She lifted her hands in a shrugging gesture.

"I guess that's kinda the same as saying he doesn't believe it's true. And it's taught me to not boast about it, unless I wanna go back to crazy camp." Joan sighed. "So much has happened in the past few weeks. Adam and I broke up, did I tell you that? He cheated on me. With Bonnie! He slept with that little freak, can you believe it? Sheesh!

"You know, I can understand that he was confused when I told him I thought it was too early to have sex, that night after the concert in his truck. But did he have to go and screw some other little bitch instead, just to satisfy his raging hormones?" Joan's voice sounded angry now. She could have sworn she was past that, but apparently some anger would always remain. And there would always be that little tingle of mistrust and betrayal towards Adam just below the surface. She wasn't sure if she wanted to work her way past that.

She raised her arms at her sides and let them fall down again in resignation. "Sometimes, I just don't know what's going on with him. After we broke up, I thought I didn't care, but the truth is, I still do. Now more than ever, because I realized once more that he's dealing with so much more than I've ever had to. Sure, there was Kevin, and you, but where Adam's coming from, there's so much sadness and tragedy and hardship that I can't help but be proud he is as strong as he is. I think he has Grace to thank for a part of that. And last week he almost lost his father on top of everything. I don't think he would have been able to take that. And I really really hope he doesn't have to, but it looks like his dad is gonna make it."

Joan lowered herself into a crouch, so she was at eye level with the top of the headstone. "Sometimes I think it was a mistake to break up with him. I can't help it, I still love him." She let out a sound that was half laugh, half sigh. "Can you believe it, the other night we actually kissed. It was ... I don't know ... it just happened. I didn't want to, but I also did, and it was really awkward afterwards.

"I just don't know if I can ever trust him again. Man, I'm so confused right now," Joan sighed. She brushed some stray leaves off the top of the headstone. "Judith, do you believe in second chances? Do you think Adam deserves one?"

Joan looked at the headstone, as if she was expecting an answer or some sign of confirmation that giving Adam a second chance was the right thing to do. Right now she really wasn't sure if she was willing to open herself to another possibility of being disappointed or hurt again in the end. She listened, but there was only the faint sound of birds chirping in the trees nearby.

"Okay, I get it. I need to make up my own mind, huh?"

Joan got up from her crouching position. In a casual tone she said, "Other than that, everything's pretty much normal. If you can call what goes on around me 'normal', that is." Joan put her hands in her pockets. "Well, I just wanted to drop by and get you up to speed, so I better go now. Hope you are doing fine, wherever you are now.

"See you next time," she said before she turned around and made her way through the row of headstones towards the cemetery exit.

--...----...----...--

THE END.