Mel: WELCOME BACK!
Figgy: Groan
Mel: Here is my first Vday fic!
The World According to Fratley
Chapter One: Oh, Intro!
"FRATLEY ENRITE, GET YOURSELF UP RIGHT THIS MINUTE OR I WILL BE FPRCED TO DRAG YOU!" my fusspot mother yells over my head. Groanie-groan.
"Mom, I believe I am "Sir" Fratley?" I correct her. Obviously the wrong thing.
"Don't use that tone with me, young man! Now get up, Lord Cumbington is waiting!"
"CRAP!" I yell, suddenly remembering. Today is the first day of apprenticeship. WHEE!
Well, then again, if I think about it, Lord Cumbington is more "babe-magnetic" than I am…grr…BUT! I must not be mean as this is my only chance to escape my mother's evil clutches…
After getting dressed, I run downstairs and land on my two feet (most perfect I must say) in front of Lord Snoddly Cumbington.
"Err…nice Fratley…" he remarks. He obviously thinks, YOU ARE CRAZY TO DO THAT WHY DID I EVER TAKE YOU ON I MUST BE INSANE TOO!
"Now, Fratty-poos, do you remember what we talked about? About your P's and Q's?"
"MOM!" I yell. Geez, she treats me like a two year old. She seriously needs to get a life.
We (Snoddly I) walk outside, I just follow Snoddly, and I have NO idea what's going on.
"Er…what are we doing?" I ask sheepishly.
"There are some spies on the eastern border. We've been assigned to take 'em out. You do remember your training, don't you?"
Oh, right, thank you Snoddly for rubbing in the fact that I can't remember the past since a few years ago! You are a big help.
Not.
We go up to the eastern border. And if wonders would never cease, surprise, surprise, there are some spies. Hey, I'm a poet but I DO know it! Heh heh…
"Now, Fratley!" Snoddly yells at me. I do nothing but then decide to charge towards them yelling strange Tarzan noises.
"KREEGA! BANDALO!"
The spies were probably not expecting this, as they are absolutely terrified. But one is brave and tries to fend me back by swishing is sword…ooh I am so scared I'm going to wet myself…come on how sad can you get?
After splattering this naughty spy I trip over a stone (who put that there?) and my spear flies out of my hand.
Oh CRAP it's lodged itself into the rock, and THE ROCK HAS CRACKED IN TWO!
There is only one thing to do in a situation like this: RUN!
Of course, I drag the spy with me as I jump out of the way. I look back and see the whole mountain fall apart. Oh, boojie…
"Fratley…" Snoddly says with his teeth gritted. "What – did – you – do?"
"It was an accident!" I say in a very small squeak. Snoddly is about to kill me (kidding) when there is a whimper from the spy whom I still have in my hand. I let him drop and Snoddly kills him. Him, not me. Phew.
On the way back it starts raining, but wait a mo, it always rains in Burmecia. Duh…
Snoddly doesn't talk to me but I am sure that he wants to wring his hands round my neck. We come up to the main hall, near the palace.
"We have to put up a sign for the King, Fratley," Snoddly says to me.
"Oh, can't be bothered to do it himself, eh?" I joke. I get a hard look from him. (C'mon, just cutting through the treacle!)
He borrows a ladder from the nearest shed and I have the job of holding it still while he tries to fix the sign on.
I am bored. Yawn. Snoddly, surprisingly, takes a very long time putting the sign up. He keeps on uttering a gasp. What, is he afraid of heights? Hmmm…a plan is forming.
Only I don't have time to plot as I have just noticed a poster on the wall. It says:
VALENTINE'S BALL14TH FEBRUARY
GREAT HALL
Bring your date and be there…or be square
I notice that I am absolutely horrified. I am not that attracted to the other gender and so do not feel like getting a date…
"Fratley, what are you doing?" Snoddly yells at me. Temper, temper.
"Looking at the ball poster. Got a date yet?" I ask.
"Yup," Snoddly replies.
WHAT? ALREADY? Hmmm…if I am going to try to out-beat him I must find a date ASAP. Like now!
"Always were the builder type, weren't you Frats?" a voice from my left says.
I turn round.
"Hi Nina!" I smile. Nina, the Star maiden from Cleyra, was one of the people who helped me get some of my memory back. She and I have been good friends ever since then.
She smiles back. I explain what's going on.
"Snoddly's just fixing a sign. I'm well bored!"
"Why don't you go with me to the ice rink? It looks like you won't be needed for a while." Nina suggests. I agree and let go of the ladder.
As we walk off in direction of the ice rink we hear a crash! Behind us and a voice yelling,
"When I get you, I WILL kill you, Fratley Enrite!"
Here at the ice rink, there aren't many people skating. Nina gets her size 8 shoes (we Burmecians have rather large feet) and I sit on one of the tables overlooking where Nina is. She occasionally waves up to me while I wave back as I read magazines and eat chocolate (hooray for the satisfaction of eating chocolate when you're low!). She practices her ice dances. I think she's going to enter the yearly competition. I have kept on telling her that but she insists that she isn't good enough.
She's wearing a blue sparkly dress, which matches her blue eyes, and elegantly twirls on the ice…
WHY AM I THINKING THIS? Oh hell, if I'm getting a crush on Nina I SWEAR I will jump off a cliff…
As I am thinking this Nina has finished practicing and has come up to join me.
"Hi! I saw you staring. How was it?" she says, smiling at me.
"Wha? Oh, yeah, sure, you were great." I babble. Nina laughs at me and sits down next to me.
"You know what I like about you? You're funny, in a confused sort of way." She says. I smile at her. That's the best bit about Nina. She actually listens to you and when she tells you her woes, you can actually listen to her.
A few hours later Nina and I trot back to my mother's house.
"Well, I'll see you tomorrow I guess." She says.
I find myself staring at her again. Ooh crap…
"Yeah, well…yeah." I say. I do our normal ritual of giving her a high-five then get inside.
"Lord Cumbington called me today. He told me you left him up a ladder and caused a mountain landslide!" Mom laughs as I tread upstairs. I chuckle to myself about this and in my room, I get my phone and call Gus, my bestest best friend.
"What's up?" he asks, as he picks up the phone.
"How did you know it was me?" I ask bewildered.
"Just a feeling," Gus replies.
"Gus, do you know any good houses or apartments available? I seriously need to get out of here. I mean, I AM old enough to take care of myself!"
Gus has an idea. "You can move in with me, mate! It will be our own bachelor pad!" he suggests.
If Gus was here right now, I would kiss him.
"Thank you so much, Gus! You're the best!" I praise.
"I know," Gus says with a chuckle as he puts the phone down.
I am now reduced to skipping and dancing round the room singing, "la la". Oh dear. My mother come sin to see me and looks at me as if I am insane. I probably am, you never know…
"Just WHAT are you doing, son?" she asks.
"Doing my victory jig, soon I'm moving out!" I call out happily. To my great surprise Mom gives me a hug, which nearly makes me suffocate.
"That's great, Fratley!" she says. "You won't have to live with your fussy mother anymore!"
Wow she has noticed! A broad grin emerges on my face…
Mel: This chapter is rubbish!
Lottirebel: I'm sorry, Mel. I used a dictionary, honest.
Mel: Why?
Figgy: Shut up
