Mel: It's gone VDay
Figgy: But hey we don't care
Mel: I can't be bothered to update after this chappie
Figgy: Why not? Depressed
Mel: Yo
Chapter Three: I woke up (with a hangover) this morning
Well, that's it. I am now officially drunk. Ooh boy I musta drunk a lot of alcohol; my head is feeling as if it's going to burst.
I HATE HANGOVERS.
I am sprawled out on the sofa, groaning a lot. Gus comes down and tuts when he sees me.
"Good time with Nina?" he jokes.
"No," I moan. I mean, why would I have a hangover if it went well? Sometimes I wonder if Gus really does have a brain…
"I take it you won't be at work today. What shall I tell 'em, they won't care if I say, 'He has a hangover,'"
"Tell them to go suck a lemon," I snort, as if saying "Meh."
Gus understands and leaves.
I spend the morning moaning and plotting my revenge on Snottly (from now on I shall use that name when referring to him).
I try to get rid of this bloody hangover by drinking lots of water and watching soaps. Actually, the soaps are quite reassuring as there is at least one person who is having a hangover, like me!
My favorite soap at the moment has to be, "The End Will Come at Sundown". Ooh, it's on right now! Here's what happens:
Callum gets drunk and starts a fight with Liam because Liam slept with Callum's girlfriend, Suze only it was all a misunderstanding because it WASN'T SUZE it was in fact her twin sister Sophie who was in fact having an affair with Callum's married brother, Dennis, and Dennis' wife Kelly is in fact secretly running away with Daniel, Liam's evil brother!
See how neatly it all fits together? That's why I love this soap, it's confusing, like moi!
I still don't know whether to forgive Nina for what she said. It's all babble in my mind – should I, shouldn't I?
After the soap has finished, and the naff theme song has played (plunka-plunka-plunka…) the phone rings. I am not answering it; because it juts may be Snottly ranting down the phone to me. I hear the answer phone message being played.
"Hi, this is Gus…"
"…And Fratley…"
"…Yes, and Fratley…we're not in right now."
"Or very drunk,"
"FRATLEY! If you want to leave a message after the beep, then do so and we will get right back to you…"
"Once we've nursed our mammoth sized headaches!"
"FRATLEY YOU- …" the message ends there, and I find myself laughing uncontrollably. The phone beeps. And a voice comes out.
"Um…hi, Fratley? It's me, Nina…"
I spurt out the water I was drinking and run into the room, staring at the phone.
"Look, Gus mentioned you weren't here today. If it's about what I said last night, then I am so sorry! Listen – I'm at the lake right now. Do you want to meet up? Ok, bye."
I stand transfixed at the phone, bewildered, and Gus comes in and wonders what I'm doing.
"Gus," I say hoarsely. "Have you got a date for the ball?"
"Yup," Gus says happily. I wonder, hmm…
"Is it Nina?" I ask innocently. Gus shakes his head though he goes pink.
"Nope, her name's Daisy. Actually…she asked me," he says.
I decide now would be a good time to see Nina. There is an important question I need to ask her…
"There you are!" Nina cries. "Fratley, I am so sorry…"
"Nina!" I laugh, sitting down next to her on a bench. "You don't have to apologise!"
I think we're friends again. As we sit chatting about – stuff – I look around the fields around the lake, We always have a brolly up above us because it is still Burmecia and so it raaaiiins….
The lake looks dull today. And for unknown reasons the sky looks ominous (ooh…cool ominous)…something's about to happen (Editor: COPYRIGHT!)…
Nina looks up at the sky as well. I look at her. If you think about it, Nina looks real pretty. Suddenly a thought strikes me. Ow, nasty thought, you could have knocked me out!
"Nina – you know about…the ball?" I ask sheepishly.
"Yeah?" she says, looking at me.
"Um…well…I was wondering…I mean…you don't have to…"
Nina has her eyebrows raised, in a puzzled expression.
"Frats, what are you trying to say?" she asks.
"Do you wanna go to the ball with me?" I ask.
Slowly, Nina's face turns from puzzlement to shock and guilt. "Oh Fratley…Fratley, I'm so sorry…"
I sigh. "Already going with someone, aren't you?" I say sadly.
"Yes, but…oh Frats, I'm so sorry, I really am." She pleads. I try to smile at her.
"Who?" I ask, being the nosy interfering guy I am.
"Lord Cumbington." Nina says guiltily.
My eyes widen. It's my turn for shock. LORD SNOTTLY CUMBINGTON?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
"Oh…I…see…" I stammer. I get up and say goodbye to Nina very slowly, trying not to scream.
Fratley's new evil plan: Get Snottly alone, then KILL HIM.
I am going to get drunk again. No one cares. My life sucks.
"Not again, Frats!" Gus sighs. I drain my bottle of vodka and shrug my shoulders.
"Just because Snoddly asked Nina before you isn't the end of the world, Frats. There are plenty of other girls out there for you." He continues.
If only you knew, Gus, if only you knew.
I have already been turned down by 20 girls (Yep, my life stinks) and the last one said, "I'd rather kiss a Marlboro than go with YOU!" Now if Snoddly asked her, she would fall on her knees and accept.
Typical world, eh?
"I'm not going to the ball, Gus." I finally say.
"WHAT?" he shouts. He shakes me by the shoulders.
"You have to go, Frats!"
"No I don't! Anyway, I'm drinking so that I have a liver problem and die before dying of humiliation of not having a date." I moan, and curl up on the sofa, watching TV. Gus stands there, then shakes his head and walks away. I am sure he is in a mood with me.
Great. So now I have no one. No one to talk to, no one to listen. Nobody at all. I'm all alone.
See if I care.
Gus goes out to the market. Nina's out at dance practice. No one else wants to talk to me. Why don't I just end my life right now? That's a good idea…everyone will be better off without me clogging up their lives.
I get up to the kitchen and look at myself in the mirror. Dammit, I'm a mess. Hair tangled up, eyes red and puffy. I stink…
Who wants to go out with me now? NO ONE. I reach for my spear. I'm going to cut my throat, and then I'll be dead before Gus comes back.
I hold my weapon in my hands. I'm having second thoughts. And third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh…
That's it. I've had it with life. I place the blade next to my throat, near where my pulse is. Goodbye world…
The doorbell rings. DAMN IT!
Should I open it? I suppose so…
Bu then I have second thoughts. AGAIN!
It maybe Gus. It maybe Nina. I don't want them to see me like this. I ignore the door and get a bottle of vodka out of the cupboard. The doorbell rings. GO AWAY! I want to be left alone.
I open the bottle and drink it. I start to feel sick. Maybe I drank too much…Wait that's good now I can die…
Only I just throw up in the toilet. The doorbell hasn't rung again.
A few hours later, I curl up on the sofa.
This is probably the most depressed I have ever been in my entire life. To cheer myself up, I brush my hair (YUP I AM INSANE) and put some eye drops in to stop them looking so puffed up.
I'm just about to go to sleep when the doorbell rings again.
I'd better answer it this time. It might be the same person as before.
On the way to the front door I waggle my ears at the long mirror. That's the advantage of having long ears, you can make all sorts of funny faces with them, like drooping them when you're sad, covering your eyes with them during hide and seek, pricking them up when you're hyper…the list is endless.
I reach the front door and open it (Duh…). No one's there, but there is a couple of suitcases on the step. I blink at them. You don't just get suitcases on your doorstep…
Suddenly a honey-sweet voice calls out "Fratley!" and I look down the path.
Walking up with two more bags is the most beautiful young woman I have ever laid eyes on. Could she be the ONE?
Then a thought strikes me – ow! – She has shoulder length silver hair, and emerald green eyes. She's smiling at me, showing pearly-white teeth, and as she stands in front of me, she asks, "Remember me?"
It can't be. But it is.
OH MY GODS. IT'S FREYA.
Figgy: DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN
Mel: Fun
Figgy: Please RR
