Mel: Well, here we are again
Figgy: Next chapter (how many friggin chapters left?)
Chapter Seven: It's a Splunderful Life
"It's the Annual Valentine's Ball, everyone!" the TV presenter says to the camera. "And I'm your host, Jess! Now, let's see some of the couples here tonight!"
Freya is excited. "Wow! I wonder if they'll do us?" she asks.
"Oh goodie…joy." I say unenthusiastically.
The camera pans through the crowd.
"Ooh look, there's Lord Snoddly Cumbington and the Star Maiden Nina!" the presenter cries. Everyone cheers as Snottly and Nina enter the huge hall. Everyone except me. And Freya. And Gus. So not everyone…ha.
Gus' fists clench when he sees Nina with Snottly. I clench my fists because I just want to wallop Snottly in the face! We'll see if he's so handsome then shall we?
The camera pans through the crowd again.
"I'm going to the bar," I mutter, and turn around.
"And look! If it isn't Sir 'Irontail' Fratley Enrite with his partner, Lady Freya Crescent!" I hear the presenter say. I turn round and everyone is cheering, US this time. Louder!
Though I bet it's just because of Freya, not me. I can hear a few wolf whistles through the crowd, and Freya goes slightly pink…I must track those people down, and have a "quiet word" with them. Or words to that effect. The TV crew leaves so everyone starts dancing.
"C'mon Fratley, just one dance!" Freya begs, pulling my arm.
"Well…all right!" I sigh, and I let Freya drag me over to the dance floor.
As if by magic, "Fly High" starts playing. It is a slow (damn) instrumental piece and also Freya's favorite. I can tell because I am nearly suffocating when she flings her arms round my waist, pulling my closer.
Ok remember nothing romantic is meant to happen…but she feels so warm against me…DAMN YOU FRISSON! DAMN YOU TO TERRA!
All I can do is close my eyes and breathe in the sweetness of her long silver hair. It's weird because I've never seen anyone else have hair like Freya's. Never. Never ever. Must be a unique thing.
Being the annoying nosy man I am, I open my eyes and run a hand through her hair, just to examine it as I am wondering whether it is dye or not. Nope doesn't look like it…
Freya giggles softly when I resort to holding a strand of hair up to the light, juuuust to make sure…
"What are you doing?" Freya giggles.
"Er…checking your hair for dandruff?" I reply sheepishly.
"Oh no! Have I got dandruff?" Freya asks miserably.
"No, no, don't worry!" I say. Freya looks relieved. The song ends and we go off to meet different couples. Gus moans that Daisy has deserted him, and so we go to see Nina.
When Snottly sees Freya, however, he gets that "look" in his eyes. OH dear…
"So you are Freya? Fratley has said a lot about you." He says, smiling. Freya looks at me miffed. You never told me I couldn't tell anyone, did you Freya?
"I see." Freya says. Snoddly (sorry…SNOTTLY) offers Freya a glass of wine.
"Red wine for matching with your red lips." He grins as she takes the glass. Freya (like every other girl) goes pink at this compliment. I give him a warning look but he ignores it.
"Freya…may I give you the honor of a dance?" he asks her. Freya nods shakily and they go off into the crowd.
"I can't believe him!" Nina cries. "He's flirted with EVERY SINGLE BLOODY GIRL he's met this evening! What is he, a love machine?"
"Obviously thinks he is." Gus remarks. I feel let down. How could Freya do this? Nina isn't very happy either, what with him going off with her.
When the party is finished, we look for Freya and Snottly. No one seems to know where they are.
"Great." I say, teeth gritted, kicking a stray cup on the floor. "Now I've lost my date."
"So have Gus and I, Frats. Still, he was a pig." Nina says, sighing. We decide to go home and sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep…
I wake up the next morning feeling slightly tired. I'd better have a glass of water, I'm so thirsty…
I creep down the corridor and down the stairs so as not to wake Gus. I yawn as I pour myself a glass of water.
Walking into the lounge, I stop dead (well, I didn't die…figure of speech).
There, on the white leather sofa, curled up, is Freya. She's fast asleep and looks quite ruffled. I trot over and kneel beside her, gently pushing a lock of hair out of her eyes. Her face is red where she's been crying…
"Fratley?" I hear her whisper, opening her eyes. I smile in response.
"Hey. Feeling better?" I ask. She nods, but her eyes start brimming.
"I'm sorry." She apologizes. "It's just – oh, Fratley, I'm so sorry…"
What's she done now?
"What's wrong?" I ask. Freya gets up and burst into tears. I try to comfort her by puling her in for a hug.
"Fratley…it's about me and Snoddly…" she whispers.
I draw her back so I can look at her. "Snottly," I correct her. She giggles weakly, then starts crying again.
"What? Has he done anything?" I ask, anxious. If he's done anything horrid to her, I will keeeel him…
"No, well…during the party…I got a little – drunk." She says, eyes shining. I sit down next to her, my arm round her shoulders. There's frisson, but I ignore it, as this is more serious.
"Fratley," she sobs on my shoulder. "After the party I-I-I…slept with him."
I stop stark still, a thousand messages entering my brain. Something inside me starts shaking. I think it's nerves…oh crap it's not…here we go…
I start giggling, then before I can stop myself I am rolling about on the floor laughing, with Freya staring at me with a confused expression on her face as if I'm nuts.
"I'm sorry," I laugh, getting my breath back. "But you don't have to cry about it."
Freya blinks at me. "I don't?"
"No!" I continue. "I mean, nearly EVERY girl has slept with him. Come on, if you asked a girl, they would say…" I stick my head out of the window at this point, "…YES! I HAVE SLEPT WITH SNODDLY CUMBINGTON!"
A passer-by, after unfortunately hearing my outburst, runs away very quickly indeed. I wonder why?
Freya laughs this time.
"Come on, let's get some breakfast, I'm starved!" I suggest. We go into the kitchen and I cook us some cheese on toast. Mmm cheeeeeeeeese…
Gus comes down, probably attracted by the cheesy smell. "Why are you eating cheese without me?" I chuckle at him. "Sorry mate," I say, handing over a piece.
Gus sits next to Freya and notices her tear-streaked face.
"Hey…what's up?"
"Snottly." I reply. Gus raises his eyebrows at me. I take him and drag him into the lounge.
"Hey! What's going on?"
"Snottly took advantage of her when she was drunk." I whisper. Gus' eyebrows rise even higher.
"Who would do such a thing?" he asks, walking back into the kitchen. I follow him.
"Snottly." I reply, though it's obvious. I burst out the truth.
"First, he takes Nina when she would have been my only chance for a date and boasts about it. Second, he takes advantage of Freya last night. So now, I'm going to see him today and discuss it as adults."
"You're gonna kill him, aren't you?" Gus guesses.
"DAMN RIGHT!" I yell, suddenly red with anger. Freya gets up and shakes me by the shoulders.
"Fratley – please, don't do anything to him. Please?" she pleads. "Fratley – look at me and promise me you won't hurt him?"
You WHAT? Has Freya gone soft? Knowing her self (before she me the lizard man) she would have kicked Snottly where it MOST HURTS if he dared to ask her for a drink. She was still in love with me, then…
She's waiting for an answer now. So I respond.
I stare deeply into her emerald eyes and whisper, "I promise." Even though I'm shaking all over. She smiles at me and we hug, and a waft of perfume floats up my nose. After a minute or two we pull apart and Freya stares up at me, a look of puzzlement on her face.
"Is there something on my face?" I joke. Freya shakes her head but pushes a lock of hair out of my eyes, still staring at my mouth. No wonder – I am chewing my bottom lip so I look like a bunny-wunny rabbit…
"You've gone red," Freya says, as she starts stroking my lips with a smile on her face. Damn it why is she toying with my feeling? Must resist…licking…finger…ew! Why would I want to do that?
Gus starts whistling strangely and walking away briskly.
"Why are you whistling like that?" I ask, quite annoyed and I pull back from holding Freya.
Gus faces me, struggling not to laugh. "I just don't want to really be in the present watching you two making out on the kitchen table."
HUH? "You WHAT?" I yell. He's got it all wrong, I tell you. "Gus, there is nothing going on between us!"
Gus smiles at us. "Really, now?"
I can't help kicking the table in my anger.
"Yes, really! I do not want to be romantic with Freya, I never did! There is NOTHING romantic going on between us, and probably never will be!" I yell, and then run a hand through my hair. I am soo under stress.
To my surprise I hear a strangled sob from behind. I turn round swiftly and see Freya with tears in her eyes and a pained expression on her face, Oh crap…
"You…you wanted something romantic to happen?" I ask, my voice hoarse.
"YES!" she yells at me after a brief pause. "BUT I GUESS YOU JUST DON'T CARE, DO YOU? YOU ONLY CARE ABOUT YOURSELF, WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER?" she elbows me out of the way and races upstairs and her bedroom door slams.
I stand transfixed at the staircase. What have I done?
"What else can I do?" I ask miserably. I'm walking with Nina down the rainy streets.
"Not much else, Fratley but I hope you're happy!" Nina replies.
"Huh?" I step back.
She continues. "Breaking a girl's heart is the worst thing you could ever do, Fratley! At least don't yell your disapproval right back in her face! I'm sick of you!" and she storms off. Freya, so both my fave girls have abandoned me. I walk down the street to evil Snottly.
"Ah, there you are Fratley. Nice sleep?" he jokes about my tousled hair and the black circles round my eyes.
"Just had a mishap with Freya." I mutter.
"Ah yes, Freya…good girl she is," Snottly says, smiling.
I can't help sneering, "Well you would know, wouldn't you?"
Snottly jumps down then platform he was on and puts his hands on my shoulders.
"Listen, if you ever need any advice just talk to me, ok? He says. Should I…or shouldn't I? Oh hell…
"Well…there is one…Snoddly, what would you do if there was a girl who liked you but you knew deep down you liked her too but acted as though you didn't?" I ask. After a short pause he replies, "Never happened to me, but if it did, it would depend on how cute they are and whether I want to sleep with them or not."
Huh? "You mean, I have to sleep with Freya in order to show my true feeling!" I ask, warped.
"Well," Snottly replies with a grin, "that's what I do."
"Do you think of anything but sleeping with girls?" I ask mortified.
"…Not really," Snottly grins, and he gets back to the work he was doing.
I am going to get drunk again, feel so depressed…
Well, now I a drunk…I stumble back home and have to lean on the doorway to the lounge.
Nina's there. "Fratley? Are you drunk again?" she asks nervously. I nod a lot.
"Helloo Nin-Nin, the most beautiful girl in the world…" I slur. Am I this drunk!
Nina smiles sheepishly and blushes. "Oh, you're just saying that." She says. I stumble towards her and she has to support me in danger of fainting.
"Noo, I mean it Nina. I looove you!" I say. Why am I saying all this?
"Ok, I'm scared now, Frats…" Nina says, worried. "I have to go."
"NO!" I cry, grabbing hold of her arm. "Please, stay…I love you, I do, I really really do." I say.
Just as Gus and Freya walk in, I pull Nina in for a 'tender' kiss. They both gasp and Freya drops her mug, making it shatter on the carpet. Nina pulls back quickly. "No," she gasps. "Freya's the girl for you, Frats!"
"Aw, Freya's a slut. I mean, trying to get off with 3 different guys in one week! How sluttish is that?" I expect Nina to laugh with me, but she looks horrified at the couple in the doorway.
Freya, with tears everywhere, strides over and slaps me on the cheek. HARD. I end up on the floor and when she looks into my face I can see the fierceness of her eyes.
"YOU BASTARD!" she yells in my face. "THAT'S IT! I'M LEAVING! I'M GOING HOME! I DON'T EVEN SEE WHY I BOTHERED TO COME! AMARANT AND I WERE PERFECT, BUT THEN YOU HAD TO COME ALONG AND SPOIL IT!" She runs upstairs and I can hear her packing her bags. She then runs downstairs again and yells from the front door, "I HATE YOU FRATLEY ENRITE! YOU'VE RUINED EVERYTHING!"
And with that she slams the door behind her, never to return. Nina and Gus creep out as, with my cheek stinging, my ears ringing, I stare at the front door. I've really screwed up now…
Mel: Naughty Fratley got drunk
Figgy: NEVER EXCEED LIMIT KIDS
