Disclaimer: I don't own anything having to do with Harry Potter

I had fully intending on making this a one shot fic, but I didn't tell anyone that, and one of my few readers assumed there would be more. This got me thinking...

I've decided to use this story as an outlet for emotion, I'll try to link it all together, but if some parts don't seem to match.. well then I'll ask you to forgive me, I don't always make sense.

Chapter 2

The summer holiday passed in a haze of depression and pain. Harry never argued with his Aunt or Uncle, he did as he was told without question or complaint. Consequently, his relatives demanded less and less of him, leaving him more time to dwell on his memories.

He knew that cutting himself didn't solve anything, that it only took away his emotional pain for mere minutes. He knew, his brain told him, that cutting himself, physically harming himself, was causing more harm than good. It would leave psychological scars on top of the ones he already possessed. But he didn't care. Numbing the pain was better than nothing.

On September 1st the Order escorted Harry to the platform. Harry smiled kindly to Remus, the one person who may have had some idea of that what he was going through, but stayed completely silent for the entire trip. He politely thanked the Order as he boarded the Hogwarts Express holding a piece of parchment that Remus has slipped him.

Harry, I know this is hard for you, close to unbearable. Believe me, I know. But harry, stay with us, don't get lost in the pain. I know how easy it Can be to forget about everything, to concentrate solely on what you're Feeling and forget to live. It's not worth it, it's not worth forgetting to Live you're life. If you ever need anything, someone to talk to, a hug, Even a duller razor... well, Hedwig knows where to find me.
Remus

"How did he know?" Harry whispered, destroying the parchment with a waveof his wand.

"How did who know what?" Ron asked suddenly, walking loudly into the compartment with Hermione and Ginny in tow.

"Nothing," harry said quietly. He curled himself up, pulling his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around his legs and stared out the window.

His senses told him that Ginny was sitting beside him and that Ron and Hermione were talking quietly on the other seat. He concentrated on not looking at them, at anything at all.

No matter what Remus advised, Harry couldn't go back to who he had been before. Nothing was the same, and although Remus may have had a grasp on that, no one completely understood it. He couldn't just sit and chat with friends about things of little importance. He couldn't pretend that everything was aright when it clearly wasn't. He would pretend to be okay for his friends, but he could not sit there and try to be happy with everything.

Ron and Hermione were busy with prefect duties for most of the trip so the only time Harry was forced to speak was when he offered Ginny a pumpkin pasty he had bought off the trolley.

Rain splattered against the windows of the train as the sky darkened. Harry sighed inwardly and wondered if his mood directly affected the weather. The rain became a constant, penetrating drizzle as Harry climbed out of his carriage and walked into the Entrance Hall. Hogwarts was full of memory, memories that Harry was tired of reliving in his nightmares. He didn't want to be here, it was the one place that he could call home, and he could barely stand being there. In Hogwarts he was expected to be smart, to be strong, to be the saviour of the whole damn world.

Shivering in his damn clothes, Harry walked almost dejectedly into the Great Hall, ate in silence and walked quickly to his room. He couldn't handle talking to anyone right now. What he wanted was a really hot shower and that dull blade Remus had mentioned. He was practically shaking with suppressed emotion as he pulled the hangings clothes around his bed and pulled a still-sharp razor from his pocket. He cut his arm with an ease that only came with experience and after the pain no longer made him forget he healed himself and fell into a fitful sleep filled with visions of horrible, taunting memories.