Disclaimer: I did not invent cheese, Spanish, or Johnny Quest's dog. Or pretty much anything in this fic.

The Inner Demon Chapter 8

No one messes with Ranma. Or at least, no one messes with Ranma and lives. Well, if they live, then they either live in fear or without several limbs. Kuno was the exception. He didn't seem to care or even notice his curse. Don't get me wrong, he was frightened to tears by Ranma Saotome, but he had no problem glomping onto "Kama-chan" and reciting bad poetry or flowery speech. This was the last straw. Abducting the Kamaitachi from the hospital warrants death. Or at least coma.

Part 1: Shampoo Hate Ranma

"Great grandmother!" Shampoo pleaded with a short, ghoulish creature balanced on a gnotted cane. Shampoo was just outside of Joketsuko. She was returning to report her failure.

"You have FAILED!" the figure shouted as it advanced towards Shampoo.

"No!" Shampoo's eyes widened in abject terror, "Please! Shampoo no mean let bad demon girl live!"

"That matters not, Shampoo," the figure grinned, "It's time for your punishment!"

"Nooooooo!" Shampoo screamed and ran. Then a doppleganger of herself hit her over the head with a pane of...

"Nooooooo!" Shampoo awoke in a cold sweat to the sound of breaking glass from the room next door. She quickly hobbled to the window as best she could in her braces. She caught a glimpse of a strange boy carrying off... Kama-chan! "Shampoo make things better!" With this she tore off the medical devices on her body and leapt out the (closed) window. She tried to grab a flag pole on the way down to slow her descent, but to no avail. "Shampoo see life fla-"

She was cut off when she smacked into a moving car, "Aiyaa! Shampoo feel dizzy."

The occupants of said car stopped, exitted and stared at Shampoo, who then got into the driver's seat and (quite by chance) hit the gas. She swerved around as the car made strange noises, "did Shampoo break?"

The former occupants blinked. The passenger then made a disgusted face, folded her arms and said, "Take me home, Kuabara."

"But..."

"This is Nerima, K-chan, there's nothing that can be done," She said with an irritated tone.

Shampoo managed to (accidentally) take the car out of park and put it in drive. She was now pushing the car to it's limits to catch up to the mattress truck. This meant ramping up other cars and causing pedestrians to scatter for their lives. Police sirens blared behind her. The car flew towards the mattress truck, the driver of which bailed out. It was empty. "Aiyaaa!"

SMASH! SKID! BOOM! Kuno cradled his precious Kama-chan like a baby. How she shivered with joy at being the chosen of a samurai as courageous as he.

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This body cast is all that stops me from killing you

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"Come!" Kuno smiled, not even flinching when a nearby fire hydrant was broken by a skidding car, drenching them both, "We shall away to the estates of Kuno!"

"I hate you!" Ranma-chan seethed, her heart beating furiously. She was pale with fear and her eyes glared with unconcealed hate towards Tatewaki Kuno.

Kuno smiled with no reply as he carried Kama-chan away, immersed in his own delusions.

"I hate you!" Ryoga shouted as a second robot, this one quite huge, pulled itself out of his head.

"Woooo!" Haruko grinned mischeviously, "did I do that?"

They had been in the middle of the street in some city on their way towards Tokyo when the thing erupted from his head. It was very large and was missing an arm. Ryoga gulped at this fact, then realized that the thing had his bandannas on ITS head. That was too much. Ryoga ran at the thing, which swatted him away as though he were an insect. The blue robot flew into the behemoth while Haruko watched in amusement.

It didn't have much luck as it's flying kick bounced off harmlessly. The large robot then grabbed it and began slamming it repeatedly into the ground. Haruko watched seriously now. Ryoga got up from the debris of the building he had hit. He began to seethe with anger and ran full tilt at the large creature. He jumped diagonally into a double- fisted futai no wami, cracking the back of the robot's good hand. It dropped the blue robot and roared in agony. Ryoga assumed a fighting stance, "I WANT MY BANDANNAS BACK!!"

The creature stopped for a moment as Ryoga's eyes glowed red, "Sho!"

The blue robot rose.

"Ka!"

The robot landed behind Ryoga.

"Haaaaaaa!"

Just as Ryoga began to gesture towards the monster, he was swallowed up by the robot, which turned red. It's screen briefly flashed a strange symbol and it transformed into a cannon, which shot a fireball at the creature, immolating it on impact and punching holes in it and three buildings behind it. Bandannas fell from the sky like snow. The robot became blue again as it resumed it's normal form.

"Cool!" Haruko giggled as she patted the robot on the back, "We should call you Kashin!"

The robot's posture indicated that it was grateful for the gesture of appreciation.

"Let's get goin'!" Haruko smiled as she remounted her (unscratched) Vespa.

"Hey!!" Ryoga emerged from under a pile of debris in the distance, "Don't go without me!" Perhaps for the first time in his life, Ryoga managed to run a city block without missing his destination.

"Ryochan, meet Kashin," Haruko pointed at the robot.

"Ryochan!?" Ryoga gritted his teeth, "I am NOT Ryochan!"

Haruko laughed in response. Then the hulk of the monster bot rose. It was clearly preparing a final attack. Haruko leapt, maintaining a smile the entire time as she brought her spatula down on the creature, smashing what acted like its head and halting it's movement. Ryoga realized at this moment that the girl was a few inches taller than he was.

As the Vespa zipped off with its passengers and one follower, one of the few remaining onlookers asked another, "Was that Ryoga the Stampede?"

The other one stood there, unsure of his own sanity, "I... think so. Who were the others?"

"I don't know."

Akane had gone to Nerima General after school to check on Ranma. She had not seen him since the other night and had been distracted the entire day by thoughts of the poor guy being hurt in some new way. That damned Genma! She thought of the carnage she'd seen just a little ways past the hospital. Then there was the conversation inside the building.

"I'm here to see Ranma Saotome, my father checked him in."

"And you are?"

"Akane Tendo."

"I'm really sorry to tell you this, but... Ms. Saotome has disappeared from the premesis. We have alerted the authorities, but they have been on riot control since today's accident."

"Did you say Miss?"

"Yes, I did."

Kuno probably knew something about this. He had disappeared from the school campus shortly after talking to Nabiki, or ,at least, that's what she'd heard. She decided to perform the second unthinkable act since the Kasumi malleting. She would go to Kuno.

Shampoo awoke inside an office building. There was a broken window in front of her. She could see that there had been chaos in the streets when she rose and looked out, "Aiyaa! Shampoo no want drive again ever."

She then realized that she was still in patient garb. The office was deserted, probably because of the upside down car in it. This was the second floor, so this is indeed a strange occurance. Shampoo approached the car and found an unconscious (but miraculously not seriously injured) young woman. She switched her gown for the woman's pants and tanktop. It was not what she was used to, but it would have to do. "This for better good," She told the woman. She would now have to track Kama-chan. That boy looked like the one she had seen harass Ranma yesterday. Despite that her body ached (a testement to her great fortitude that she only ached.), she knew she could track them by the name "Kuno."

Ranma-chan was on a bed in a guest room in the Kuno household. Being in a body cast was not as fun as Ranma-chan had imagined. She decided that she had had enough of this. She flexed her arms, breaking the cast in those areas. Then she ripped the other pieces off. The Kamaitachi healed quickly. She got off the bed, did a practice jumping jack, then smirked.

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Quacks don't know anything. Maybe I'll turn them into ducks? With a VERY high changing temp?

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Then her legs gave out and she found herself limp, on the floor.

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Damndamndamndamndamndamnspamdamndamndamndamndamn

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Kuno entered and saw a nude Kama-chan on the floor in a position that, to him, appeared to be an attempt to seduce him. He turned away, tearing up, "The goddess Kama-chan has graced me to propose matrimony! I shall accept, verily! To deny would be dishonorable!"

He headed towards the green faced Ranma-chan, but quickly found himself drenched in water.

"Dear sister!" She turned around, "I see that You have returned from the hallowed halls of St. Hebreke!"

"Please, brother, " a long, dark haired girl with purple eyeshadow and an empty bucket said, "Don't you understand the difference between injury and marriage proposal?"

Kuno turned around and saw pieces of plaster cast strewn about the bed. She blushed in embarrassment and fumbled, "I-I humbly a-ask t-thy forgi-giveness, Kama-chan!" With that, she hastily retreated.

"Do not fault my brother too much, " the new girl said, "He may deserve death, but not for perversion."

Ranma-chan blinked at this statement. The numbness that had hit her was fading. The other girl helped her up and onto the bed, "I shall find appropriate attire for you. By the way, I am Kodachi Kuno." Kodachi left the room, leaving a key on the inside and locking the door outside.

Part 2: Kama's New Friend

Kodachi was looking through her wardrobe for something that would suffice until the girl her brother had brought home could be returned to whatever hospital she'd been in. This was no doubt the Kama-chan that Tatewaki had been on about almost as much as Akane Tendo. He'd been so irritating about his obsession that she'd conveniantly forgotten to tell him about the telegram that read, "I be commin back to punish dem bad keikis." Father was as demented as brother. Even writing in his latest accent. At least she'd been secretly writing him to secure that she would not be on The List. She'd heard the stories of how Father hung out with Genma Saotome, the Legendary Mad Martial Artist, and became warped in his company. No doubt that he had been excited to hear that one Ranma Saotome was causing havoc in Nerima. It didn't concern Kodachi, though, as long as she was not on The List. Too bad for dear Brother.

Kuno-chan had left in a hurry to blow off steam in town (fending off the creatures from Kodachi's genetics lab as she exited the property). She was truly embarrassed by her behavior. It was ill-befitting a true warrior of any kind. She was in front of the Tendo dojo when she decided to drop in on "the beautiful goddess within." She walked toward the house purposefully.

"Hey, you!" a man wearing glasses and a brown gi called out.

She whirled around, producing a bokken out of nowhere, "Who dares address the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High in so familiar and lowly a manner!?"

"I'm Dr. Ono Tofu," The man introduced himself as he stepped away from the bush he had been hiding in. He had been spying for Ranma with no luck, so now seemed to be a fine time to investigate this girl's relationship with the Tendos.

"I am known as Tatewaki Kuno, rising star of the high school Kendo world, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High," She said, relaxing, "and you are of the medical profession?"

"Indeed I am," Tofu adjusted his glasses, "I'm the Tendo family physician. They've been having some troubles I understand."

"Verily, they have!" Kuno loved hearing his own voice, "The beautaceous Akane Tendo has been assailed by some unknown villain that is taking over Nerima!"

"An unknown villain?" Tofu inwardly smirked.

Haruko and Ryoga were only 30 miles outside of Tokyo a suburb was in the distance. In scant hours they would be in Nerima. Then things would explode. Ryoga didn't feel any anxiety, though. With Kashin and Haruko, destroying the dreaded Kamaitachi would be child's play. Then Ryoga would be able to sleep peacefully and put this horrible episode behind him. Maybe he could finish school!

"You! Stop now!"

"What did you say, Ryochan?" Haruko asked, grinning still.

"What did I say!? What did you say?" Ryoga growled.

"You will pay for your crimes!" The voice called after them. The duo looked back to see about a dozen medium sized craft flying low in the sky.

"They're after me!" Haruko and Ryoga exclaimed in unison, "They're after you!? No they're after me! Shut up!"

"Can you outrun them?" Ryoga prepared himself mentally for a big fight.

"Naw, we're gonna have ta fight 'em Ryochan," Haruko said, seriously, "Unless..." she grinned a very wide grin, then drove off the road into the dirt and into nearby woods. Ryogas heart alternated between beating wildly and stopping completely as they dodged trees, smashed trees, and ramped up fallen trees at great velocity. Kashin didn't seem to be having any trouble keeping up, despite this, "Kakun, make a distraction!"

Kashin nodded and a picture of a thumbs-up appeared on his "face." He absorbed a protesting Ryoga and turned red, then pealed off into the sky, moving even more furiously. Because of the canopy cover, the craft had not seen him coming. Kashin flew right through one of them and then swung it's debilitated hulk into another, simultaneously destroying them. The other 10-11 of them locked onto him and began to fire chain gun like bolts in his direction. He dodged the barrage and swerved amongst them. Two of them were accidentally damaged and landed, with plumes of smoke rising from them, in the forest. They didn't explode, but were obviously out.

"Cease this at once or we will resort to extreme force!" the voice demanded. It was obviously a woman's voice. Ryoga realized that he was conscious of what was happening. In fact, it was like he was Kashin. This was strange.

Kashin responded by morphing and firing the fireball at a random ship. This time, the fireball returned, catching another ship in the return, and re-entered the cannon, which transformed back into humanoid form again. Both ships immolated. Ryoga realized that he probably just killed some people. He felt like crying or screaming or something. This was all Ranma's fault.

He would have pondered further, but Haruko had somehow gotten her Vespa onto one of the 8-9 remaining ships. She was throwing okonomiyaki this way and that as she went from ship to ship on her yellow Vespa. In a matter of moments, she'd tossed her treats on all of them and driven off the last into a dead (yet hilarious to her) fall, "Come, Kakun!"

Kashin blasted downward, following her. She pulled out her electric powered spatula (?) and pressed a hidden button.

Boom.

All of the ships rapidly descended into the ground. Ryoga felt ill.

Ranma-chan was dressed in a black shirt and purple shorts. While she much preferred a red shirt and black pants, or maybe her old gi, this would suffice for the time being. She refused to wear the undergarments, though, citing phony religious reasons. The only way she'd ever wear those would be if it was ABSOLUTELY required for the situation. Maybe it was time to cure herself? The only reason she'd kept the curse was to keep Genma from flipping completely. It didn't really bother her.

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Wetness makes a mean Kamaitachi. Curse means wetness. Therefore, curse means mean Kamaitachi.

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She was with Kodachi in the guest room she had been laying in. Because of a secret technique known only to Anything Goes masters, bones could be made to knit in under twenty four. It had been developed by her father. This was just part of it. Four hours could constitute ten hours of rest and a person could recover from any injury or illness short of chronic or inevitably fatal ones in under a week. Only five living people knew it.

"So, I take it that my brother has been a thorn in your side?" Kodachi asked, sitting in a nearby chair. The room was clearly quite expensive. There were two chairs, a small table, paintings, and the bed was perfect. Not soft or hard. Ranma-chan still preferred a futon on the floor, but could appreciate this setting.

"Yeah, he's tryin' ta glomp onta me here and there, left and right," Ranma-chan illustrated this with her hands. She was still sore.

"I see," Kodachi sipped tea that a small man in ninja garb had brought. Ranma hadn't touched hers, having experience with both drugging and being drugged, "Did you not fight back?"

"I wasn't gonna let someone do that ta me without a beatin'" Ranma-chan laughed.

"Hah!" Kodachi gave a short laugh, "It serves him right." She took no outward notice of the avoidance of the tea. Perhaps her reputation preceeded her?

"You don't like yer brother?" Ranma asked cautiously.

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Hell, if no one would miss him...

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"I do not know how I feel about the lout,"

Kodachi admitted. Despite her attempts on his life, she was not sure that she hated him. It was possible that she was just homicidal.

"Ah," Ranma-chan nodded sagely.

"He is worthy of contempt, and yet my murder schemes seem to be foiled partially by my own subconscious desire to see him survive," Kodachi responded, eyes closed as she took another sip.

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I like this one.

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"Sounds like my old man," Ranma-chan chuckled.

"Is this so?" Kodachi smirked knowingly.

"Yeah, he's always makin' me do crazy trainin',"

Ranma smiled.

"How to be proper and mannerly?" Kodachi barely managed to stifle a laugh.

"Naw, martial arts," Ranma-chan mimed a punch.

"Interesting," Kodachi sipped more tea.

"Yeah, I think he wants to seal me away for what happened in China," Ranma-chan said thoughtfully, "I think I could escape bloodily, but ,despite this, I can't bring myself to really hurt the guy."

"I see," Kodachi finished her tea, "We must maintain contact with one another. I believe we are more alike than meets the eye."

"Yeah," Ranma-chan stood, "I think I'll find my way home now."

"Shall we return home now?" Kasumi asked the panda at the slot machine.

Genma-panda had a vein throbbing in his head as he put in another coin.

"Those nice people will be dropping in unannounced," Kasumi seemed mortified, "We won't have a large enough dinner ready for them!"

The panda handed Kasumi bus fare for the long trip and turned back to the machine.

"If that is what you wish," Kasumi bowed and exited. She was starting to chafe in her tight sailor suit. And the people stared so. They would be much happier to look at a rainbow, their children, or maybe a sunset. Wouldn't that be nicer?

She exited the glitzy building and headed in a random direction in hopes of running into the bus terminal. That's when a large shadow loomed behind her. A female humanoid slot machine. Oh dear, not another one of these things.

Part 3: A New Sailor Comes to Town!

Ranma-chan entered the Tendo household. She was looking forward to a hot bath. So very sore. And itchy. She had made a true friend today. Her first mutual friend ever. Sure, she was using two fools at school named Hiroshi and Daisuke to advertise the fact that Ranma Saotome would only spare those who swore alliegance to him/her in his/her absence. This certainly didn't make them her friends. Kodachi had even seen her home in the Kuno family car. She found the house deserted. Lights were on, but no one was downstairs. Ranma-chan really didn't care at this point. She walked upstairs, entered her room and opened up the hiding place of her gi. She reached into it and pulled out a new set of clothing, then replaced the gi in its hiding place. She looked around the room. There were many markings of her habitation.

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This shall become a worthy abode of the Kamaitachi.

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She exited and activated her special door lock that she'd installed. Then she made her way to the bathroom. Kasumi (Ranma-chan shivered at that name) had repaired the hole in the ceiling prior to going berserk. She drew her bath water and settled in and changed.

Shampoo had watched Ranma enter from just outside the girl's perceptions. She had drugged the man and the girl with herbs that she'd retrieved upon a return visit to the hospital. She bound and gagged them in case the (quite potent) drugs wore off. She believed that Ranma would be weak enough that a surprise stabbing would seal the deal. Especially while bathing.

Ranma nodded off in the tub. He'd been so worked up today. Despite his hunger, he really felt the need to sleep more strongly.

Shampoo entered the room quietly. She ran softly up to Ranma and looked down. A boy!? She stumbled back. Kama-chan was really a boy!? Maybe instead of possible suicide against the Kamaitachi she could marry? She exited the bath room silently. This information might mean that more Amazons needn't be dishonored. She would return to China and consult great grandmother.

Akane knocked on the door to the Kuno mansion. This place gave her the creeps. The sun would set soon and if she was delayed by Kuno, she might not have time for her homework. She didn't want that, but Ranma's safety was paramount. It had been so hard for her to find the place after years of avoiding the general vicinity. Hopefully Kuno hadn't taken advantage of Ranma's vulnerability, the pervert.

Kodachi answered the door.

Akane turned white. She had forgotten Kodachi Kuno, the Black Rose of Death. Most of her opponents forfeit before gymnastics matches against her school, St. Hebreke. If they do not, then they face Kodachi "Kunoichi" Kuno, the Black Rose of Grief. She was infamous. Moreso than her brother, who held back so much that even Akane could tell he wasn't truly challenged by his opponents. With the exception of herself, naturally, but that's not the point.

"Ah, Ms. Tendo," Kodachi smiled with deceptive friendliness, "I don't believe there is an upcoming game. What brings the Kuno household the honor of your visit?"

"I'm looking for Ranma," Akane growled, determined not to show weakness. She didn't know how much she was sweating. She was the only one that survived a death threat from Kodachi. Only a few skilled practitioners of Martial Arts Gymnastics were "honored" with death threats from Kodachi before a game.

"Ranma?" Kodachi asked in mock confusion, "Who is this Ranma?"

"About my height, red hair?" Akane clarified, almost too shaken to catch the mocking tone.

"Oh!" Kodachi seemed to realize who Akane meant, "No, I haven't seen her. Perhaps she's at your home?" Kodachi enjoyed these little games.

"Yes," Akane nodded, "I'll... check at home."

"I'm happy to be of service," Kodachi smirked, "Have a save walk home. Hohoho!" She closed the door while making that irritating laugh.

Akane hurried off, remembering another reason why she would never, EVER return to the Kuno residence.

When Ranma was dried off and dressed, he made his way onto the roof to look at the night sky for a bit.

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Maybe I should "find" Shampoo's gifts in Nabiki's room?

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"Naah," Ranma said aloud, staring at the sky. It was the simple things in life that made everything worth it.

"Fight me!" a familiar female voice called from the ground.

"Wha!?" Ranma stood quickly and surveyed the area. A girl in kendo garb with short hair and a bokken was looking up at him, "Oh, Kuno! Here to harass me again?"

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I shall only maim you as a favor to Kodachi.

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"I know not of what you speak," Kuno-chan took a battle stance, "But I shall destroy you and free those you have bewitched, demon sorceror!"

"Oh?" Ranma's face twisted into a cruel grin, "Descending blade blast!"

It would be reasonable to assume that Kuno was unprepared for such an attack. What one would not assume would be how easily Kuno-chan swatted Ranma away.

"I see my light handed stuff ain't enough for ya," Ranma chuckled darkly as he landed on his toes. He blurred forward, and Kuno-chan managed a last second defense. Ranma's fists pumped like pistons at speeds unheard of, but Kuno-chan was just barely able to escape injury each time. She only took a few grazing hits. Ranma jumped back suddenly and shouted, "Pain Explosion!"

Kuno-chan felt as though needles had stabbed everywhere he'd been grazed. She fell over, spasmodically tossing the bokken away.

Ranma turned his back on Kuno-chan. Simple ki seeding. Weak.

Kuno-chan rose again, though. An expression of grim determination was on her face, "Courage!"

There was a familiar flace of light. Ranma snapped around, his eyes wide as saucers as he saw Kuno-chan decked in a red sailor uniform. This change came with a new, steel, katana that glowed with magical energy, "Do not let the annoying femininity of my attire disguise my immediate lethality to you." Sailor Kuno took a battle stance that was from a forbidden school of swordplay.

"Hiten Mitsurugi!" Ranma choked as he recognized it from some texts he had read.

"Verily, I do not know from whence my new style comes, but I indeed know Hiten Mitsurugi!" Sailor Kuno laughed condescendingly at Ranma, "Prepare to die, paltry demon!"

Now it was Ranma who was having a difficult time. He was just barely able to stop the yellow eyed sailor from cleaving him. They fought and fought and fought. Actually this "fight" was basically Sailor Kuno slashing wildly at Ranma as Ranma dodged. Despite its violence, Kuno's style was very refined. Moreso than moments ago, anyway. With this level of power, a graze might take off a limb. A miss could open cuts. Ranma was being forced back. He was uncertain of his surroundings in the action. Something caused him to lose his balance for a moment. The frenzied sailor took this opportunity to stab at him. He dodged and found himself falling. Before he knew it, he was floating in the canal.

The sailor sheathed her sword (deactivating her powers) and extended his right arm to Ranma-chan, "Kama-chan! I see that the demon used his magic to keep you sealed in the canal, but rest assured that I shall watch this canal in the future to ensure that he not switch places with you again!"

Ranma-chan sighed and allowed Kuno-chan to walk her back to the Tendo house. Great. Yet another sailor. These were easily the strongest she'd ever met. And they were everywhere now.

Haruko eyed the carnage outside Nerima General,

"I see that the Kamaitachi has broken loose."

Ryoga sighed. At least no one else would die this day. He'd had his fill.

Kashin walked up closely beside him.

"Take that damn wig off," Ryoga ordered, irked.

Kashin took off the rainbow afro that Haruko had given him as reward for a job well done. Ryoga felt that being crapped out by a robot justified being a buzzkill.

AN 8/17/03: My fastest update yet! I hope to put out one a week, but today I got lucky. By the way, I wrote the past two updates listening to Ride On Shooting Star, Little Busters and so many other FLCL songs (mixed with many other songs from my collection, but mainly repeats of FLCL songs). Anyway, I once again have more to say than I have words to say it with. Suffice it to say that things will stay wacky, even if a plot shows up. Remember I said Kuno had a reason to be unusually strong? Yeah, and there are at least three other sailors beside the two here. This will not turn into a Sailor Moon crossover, don't worry. I felt I might as well represent the Magical Girl subgenre. I'm gonna try to make Ryoga a bit more like Vash with out losing all of his own personality. Expect him to be like a Vashy Sano. Also, Ryoga is not a complete coward. I will show more of what happened between him and Ranma to justify his paranoid fear, which will subside as Kashin shows off. I wanted to call Kashin "Conti," but there was no way I could justify this, so... this's what you get. One of Ranma's friends down, one more. It seems like it'll be "Haruko." Maybe, maybe not. Next time: Ranma returns to school, another sailor, Haruko meets Ranma(or not?).