Disclaimer: This is so pointless now.

A/N: This chapter's song is by Jessica Riddle---Even Angels Fall. I'm sorry it took so long.

You've found hope
You've found faith,
Found how fast she could take it away.
Found true love,
Lost your heart.
Now you don't know who you are.

It's been a couple of weeks now, since I started going out with Harry, and I don't feel any better about it either. I really still feel like I'm leading him on. In a way, a big way, I am. He really thinks I like, maybe even love him, and I feel so terrible about leading him on. I know it's not right, but I can't tell him I was basically just using him to get to Draco. Well not really to get to Draco since he and Harry are barely on speaking terms, I really just wanted to make him jealous. I feel so horrible about all of this, that it's actually starting to affect my schoolwork! I've never let anyone have that much of an affect on me. Even when I just had a crush on Draco, I never abandon my work to find a way to just clear my head or try to figure out what I'm going to do about all of this. I can't just keep leading Harry on Merlin knows what that could lead to. I'm just so confused and there's no one to help me. I can't go to anyone. I use to go to Ginny but I obviously can't do that now. Ron won't be any help because he won't understand, and I can't go to a teacher because that would just be disastrous. I just don't know what to do.

She made it easy,
Made it free,
Made you hurt till you couldn't see.
Sometimes it stops,
Sometimes it flows,
But baby that is how love goes.

There's another problem resulting in this whole mess besides leading Harry on, I'm still in love with Draco, and I'm losing my best friend over a guy. Ginny's been my best friend since the first time I went to the Burrow. There were always things I couldn't talk about with Harry and Ron because they wouldn't understand, and Ginny also had that problem because she was always surrounded by her brothers at home and at school her best friend was Colin Creevy, and like me she just couldn't talk to them about some subjects. I never wanted to lose Ginny as a friend, but I am because I'm jealous of her and her boyfriend. I feel so bad because she and Draco are so happy together, I mean really happy, like bliss. It's almost sickening. I mean I'm happy for her, but I still love Draco, and this is just so conflicting. This is a problem no one wants to have. I just want to cry. Maybe that'll help a nice good healthy cry, then maybe I'll be able to think more clearly.

You will fly and you will crawl;
God knows even angels fall.
No such thing as you lost it all.
God knows even angels fall.

Okay, so I've cried, and I'm not really sure it worked. Deep breathe. . . okay, let's go over this one more time and list my problems in my diary maybe writing something out will help okay, here goes:

1. I'm leading Harry one and he thinks I love him

2. I'm losing my best friend because I'm jealous of her and her boyfriend

3. I'm still in love with Draco

4. My grades are dropping

5. I can't talk to anyone about this because everyone I usually talk to is involved or won't be any help.

All right now let's handle each problem one at a time, from the top of the list to the bottom, meaning I have to tell Harry how I really feel or don't feel I guess. Well there's no time like the present, I suppose. He's probably in the Common Room I'll just go down there and tell him we need to talk about something in private. Yes, that's a good idea.

It's a secret no one tells;
One day it's heaven, one day it's hell.
It's no fairy tale;
Take it from me,
That's the way it's supposed to be.

Great he's playing chess with Ron. Well I suppose I don't really have anything else to lose.

"Hi."

"Hi, Hermione, where have you been all morning?" Oh, shut up, Ron you've been disgustingly happy lately, and it scares me.

"Yeah, you missed breakfast, I saved you some toast but Ron ate it." Stop being so nice to me! It's making this really difficult!

"Well, it's the thought that counts, I suppose, thanks. Um, Harry, can we talk somewhere in private?"

"Sure, 'Mione, let's take a walk around the lake. Something on your mind?"

"Yeah, let's go."

"Right, Ron, we'll finish this later."

"Sure, I'm supposed to meet Gwen soon anyway."

"I think we should get our cloaks, 'Mione."

"Yeah, sure. I'll meet you back here in a few minutes then."

I can't do this. Harry really doesn't deserve this he's such a nice guy, why did he have to go and like someone like me anyway? I don't think I've ever felt so guilty before. This is so horrible.

"So what's one you mind?"

"Well, Harry this is really difficult for me to say."

"Well just go on and say it."

"Okay, well, it's just that, I, um, oh this is just so hard to say."

"Come on, 'Mione, what is it? Did something happen to your family? Did somebody die? Something wrong here at school? Is something wrong with us?"

"Harry, It's just that I- I- can't say it. I'm sorry."

"Hermione, what's wrong? Is it really that bad that you can't say it? Are you failing at something?"

"Um, yeah." Oh, no why did I just say that?

"What? Potions? Transfiguration? Charms?" What am I suppose to say I can't do this to him. It'll break his heart. I can't do this to him. What should I say, I just don't know?

'Transfiguration." Oh, shit, why did I just say that? I didn't want to say that. Oh, now I'm so into deep.

You will fly and you will crawl;
God knows even angels fall.
No such thing as you lost it all.
God knows even angels fall.

Harry agreed to start helping me now, so even though it's 2 o'clock Saturday afternoon, we're going back to the Common Room to do some homework. Oh, no I don't need this right now. Ginny and Draco just walk out of the castle and are walking right towards us.

"Hey, guys. What's up?" Oh, shut up, Ginny. You're so damn happy all the time now, it makes me sick. Oh, I make myself sick for thinking like this.

"Nothing, we're just heading back to the castle, so Hermione can help me with my Transfiguration homework." Well at least Harry lied and said it was him the needed help and spared me from even more embarrassment.

"That's nice of her." Draco stop looking at Ginny like that. You should be looking at me like that. Oh, no he shouldn't. I'm a horrible person and don't deserve anyone's love.

"Okay, well we're going back to the Common Room now, see you guys later."

"Right, bye." And they're just walking off so disgustingly happy together. I hate the way I feel. I hate leading Harry on. I hate still being in love with Draco. I hate losing my best friend. I hate my messed up life.

You laugh, you cry, no one knows why
Behold the thrill of it all...
You're on the ride
You might as well
Open your eyes

We're back in the Common Room, and Harry's doing all he can to try to be helpful, but I'm just not listening, nor caring. I can't take this anymore. I have to tell him, right now.

"Harry, I have to tell you something."

"What, 'Mione?" Oh, Merlin I can't believe I'm even in this mess.

"I-I don't love you."

"You don't?" He doesn't look all that upset. That's not encouraging, or is it? Maybe he really didn't love me either.

"No, I don't I'm sorry."

"Then why did you tell me you did?" Yeah, I wasn't expecting that.

"I don't know why I did. I guess I just didn't want to hurt you. I'm so sorry." I think I should tell him the rest too.

"Well, do you even like me?" No, that's why I've been your friend since first year.

"Well, yes, Harry, but only as a friend, like we use to be."

"Oh." Yeah, um, what do you say to that?

"I have something else to tell you."

"What?"

"I was, well, I was kind of using you." Oh, I feel so terrible, but in a good way if that makes sense.

"I see. How do you mean?"

"Well, I've kind of like and or maybe loved someone else for a while and I was trying to make him jealous."

"Oh."

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to play with your emotions. You must think I'm a horrible person."

"Actually, I don't."

"You don't" Oh, that's um good I guess.

"No, I have a confession to make too. I was doing the same thing I was using you to make someone else jealous too. I'm sorry, Hormone."

"Oh, It's really okay, Harry. I mean I guess it is."

"Yeah, I don't know. I'm so sorry I even thought up that plan, it's been driving me insane for these past few weeks."

"Yeah, me too." I guess this is sort of a relief; at least I didn't break his heart.

"Um, may I ask who you were trying to make jealous?" Yeah, number one question I don't want to answer.

"Um, well Drano Malloy." I had to say it really quietly.

"Holy shit." What should I say I couldn't lie to him anymore?

'Well, who were you trying to make jealous?"

"Ginny." Oh, no.

"Well, I guess we both failed then. They're so happy together."

"Yeah. How long have you liked Draco?"

"Longer then I care to think about. What about Ginny?"

"Since second year." Well I guess that's sweet.

"Well, I guess we both really did lose this one, they really are happy together."

"Yeah, but I bet we could break them apart."

You will fly and you will crawl;
God knows even angels fall.
No such thing as you lost it all.
God knows even angels fall.
Even angels fall
Even angels fall