Disclaimer: I KNOW that you didn't just check my
battlecruiser with your mountain stronghold!
As for why my disclaimers often make no sense....
It was Ranma's fault.
The Inner Demon Chapter 12: No Disc OR Verbing Weirds Language
Principal Kuno laughed to himself in his office. This would be a fun semester. Not as fun as the look on the occupants of the school when he uttered the words, "I tink I be needin ta make new rules," but fun nevertheless. Today he would enjoy watching the reactions of the students as the first full Hinako day wore on via his secret cameras. When the school's computer administrator asked whether it was legal to tape everything in every room coughbathroomcough, he had responded, "Legal shmeagal! Da big Kahuna in't fraid o' no law!" Yes, today would be fun.
"Principal!" Kouchou quickly scooped the action figures he had been playing with into their special drawer as Hinako #1 entered, "Ranma Saotome has entered the campus!"
"Excellent."
Part 1: What About Kouchou?
Ranma-chan sat in her seat, curious as to what Ms. Hinako had planned for today. Her class had been spared from the Hinako curse yesterday because, by complete coincidence, the Hinako that had fainted at the assembly was the one that had been assigned this classroom. She had a pretty good idea what she was like from the way the other twelve target classes had behaved.
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Can't let other people do my job, can I?
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"Good morning, class!" a cheerful Ms. Hinako sang out as she entered the room. No one knew quite how to respond to the happy dread teacher of despair.
Ranma-chan noticed something very strange about this woman that everyone else must have missed due to fright. She had red hair. It was in a tight bun. Her eyes couldn't be seen through the thick glasses she wore. She was eerily familiar. But...
"I am your substitute, " the woman, obviously not Ms. Hinako, announced, "I am afraid that your teacher could not be here today because of some... entangling engagements. "
Hinako #4 struggled with the power cords tied around her. She couldn't see anything in the cold, dark space where she found herself. Ms. Hinako, the dreaded, was locked in the AV supply closet.
"I wonder if I went a little overboard with the duct tape? " the sub thought as she wrote her name on the board, "I am Miss O'Leary. I am from Ireland. Please don't be too rough on me, my Japanese is not so good. "
Several students blinked at this statement. They would never have guessed that Miss O'Leary was from outside Japan. There was no clue, except for the hair.
"My father is from here, " She explained, "I moved here with my parents seven years ago when my father was transferred back to Japan. This is my second year teaching. "
"Could she possibly have chosen a worse school to teach at than Furinkan? " was what the students thought collectively.
"Hinako #4 has not been seen since she departed the teacher's lounge for her assigned class, " the Vice Principal informed Principal Kuno.
"Dat Saotome musta done sometin to da defenseless... " Kouchou began.
"Dread Teacher of the Abyss? " the Vice Principal coughed.
"..."
"Sorry sir. "
"I tink dat de big kahuna be needin ta be steppin in, " Kuno left his office with several patented coconut and pineapple grenades, "It gonna be a fun day! "
"Saotome, I just had a thought, " Soun looked up with sudden realization from the game board.
"Yes, Tendo? " Genma asked irritably, having hit his first losing streak in a while.
"Do you know who the principal of my daughters' school is? "
"I'll get the baseball bat, " Genma stood.
"No, you misunderstand, " Soun began, "Kouchou Kuno is the principal. "
"Ah, " Genma sat down, unconcerned, "Kuno, is it? "
"Indeed it is, " Soun seemed disturbed by this.
"What about it, Tendo?"
"Do you think he forgave you for the... 'incident'? " Tendo asked.
"It really doesn't matter, Ranma can take care of himself, " Genma made another bad move.
They were only about a half hour into the school day when Principal Kuno burst into Ranma's class, "Dis class be gettin de Hawaiian Challenge! " Some of the students were actually happy to see the crazed principal, as a relief from their current task of balancing eggs on their noses.
"Hawaiian Challenge? " Miss O'Leary raised an eyebrow in disbelief.
"Yes, " Kouchou produced two of his tear gas coconuts from a bag at his feet. "You keikis be catchin dem before dey be hittin de ground and go boom! " he laughed.
Miss O'Leary blinked. Then she walked up to the laughing man and cold cocked him. Eggs splattered on the classroom floor.
Ten minutes later, in the nurse's office, Miss O'Leary explained her actions, "I thought you were an intruder, Mr. Principal, I am ever so sorry! "
"Who be you is? " Kouchou asked, still a bit dazed.
"I'm a sub, I was called in to replace Ms. Hinako for the day, " Miss O'Leary replied.
"Oh, dat be good, " Kouchou blinked once, groggily.
Somewhere else, not so far away, Dr. Ono Tofu typed rapidly in an instant message conversation.
"It was not my fault that the sailors failed, " he typed, "They haven't been united, but I am working on it. "
"The sailors are causing quite a stir, " came the reply.
"Surely you remember the Shikon jewel incident of 1942. "
"Your point is taken, Doctor. "
"I'd say that that is what we have to blame. "
"This is not a debate. Our operations might be jeopardized. "
"This is not my fault. "
"We will be the judge of that. "
"Please do not be harsh. "
"You have three days to go stealth. "
Tofu's computer spontaneously shut down. The Legacy was always paranoid about its potential discovery. Tofu's hard drive was likely ruined. Still, it was odd that they would risk losing their Japan connections by using such an unsafe medium.
It was at this point that Tofu realized that he had continued to type on his broken down computer, "I seem to be off center... Kasumi!"
There was no answer.
"Tofu, " Hotsuma hobbled in. He was a mess, still. He was very unshaven and covered in bandages.
"You shouldn't be up, what if a customer wandered in? " Tofu rushed to the battered man's aid. He did not want to be forced to abandon his friend. He helped Hotsuma to a chair.
"Tofu, " the man grimaced painfully, "Genma got out. They don't care about the 'Kamaitachi', all they want is to make sure Genma stays quiet. Herb... "
"Shh! " Tofu silenced him, "Herb was a mistake. This might be his influence, but they would kill him in a heartbeat if keeping him around became a problem. "
"Tofu... "
"Look, I don't like this any more than you do... " There were so many factors and factions, Tofu had no idea what was going on. There were the demons, the mischief makers, the Galactic Police, the Legacy, Herb, the Legendary Martial Artists...
"I'm sitting on your acupuncture needles. "
"Oh. "
Miss O'Leary was now forcing the class to recite the entirety of Macbeth backwards. In sync. It was debatable whether the work or the punishment for not doing the work was worse. Yusuke was hanging from the ceiling, crying, so no one else really wanted to question the activity.
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This is fun!
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Oddly, Ranma-chan enjoyed this. Reading the death scenes backwards particularly excited her. Everyone did their level best to keep in sync with her, because of the looks she gave the class when they were forced to restart.
It was when they were moments from hitting the beginning of the play, and thus the end of this torture, that Principal Kuno popped into the class and threw candy at everyone.
Only a few students were naive enough, or unfamiliar with Kouchou enough, to actually eat the candy.
"Ah ah ah! Principal rule number 186.54: Eatin of candy given out by de principal is punishable by de bowlcut! "
"That's not in the rulebook! " one girl shouted after spitting candy out.
"Please refer to Rule 186.55: Questionin de Principal is punishable by bowlcut, and Rule 186.53: The Principal can make up any rule on de spot, " Principal Kuno laughed happily as he drew out twin shavers.
A very angry Ranma-chan rose from her seat, her eyes glowing blue with anger. An anime style cross vein would be visible on her forhead if this were an anime.
"You be gettin you punishment anudder time, keikis! " Kouchou ran out of the class room.
Ranma-chan sat down peacefully in her chair and flipped back to the end of Macbeth.
Everyone's eyes were on her.
"What?"
Konatsu sat between Kiyone and Mihoshi at a bar.
I don't need to make a joke about this, do I?
"Gee, Kiyone, I don't know how we're going to find Mr. Ryoga, " Mihoshi sipped her milk.
"Mihoshi, for the third time... " Kiyone looked over at Mihoshi, "..."
"Kiyone? " Mihoshi blinked innocently.
"Never mind. " Kiyone ordered another drink.
"Ahem, well, I see that the two of you are impatient about your mission, " Konatsu's left eye twitched, "The two of you are to search Nerima and beyond into any other section of Tokyo until you find Ryoga the Stampede and then ... "
Kiyone had started softly crying.
"Then the two of you are to stay with him to prevent further catastophe, " Konatsu resisted the urge to laugh unrestrained at the thought of being rid of Mihoshi.
Mihoshi skipped girlishly out of the bar, giggling,
"Are you coming, Kiyone? "
Kiyone raised her head off of the bar, dryed her face, slugged Konatsu, and stomped away.
"It was worth it, " Konatsu straightened his suit and rubbed the sore spot on his face.
For reasons only known to Miss O'Leary, the class's desks had been tossed out of the room and everyone was doing aerobics. Yusuke had quieted down some under threats of Pinata hour.
"How could one teacher be this evil? " Sayuri muttered to Yuka.
"I think I know why she's only a sub, " Yuka panted.
Ranma-chan, though, was thoroughly enjoying herself.
A few students had been making comments on her zeal.
They were hanging upside down from the ceiling now, after failing to keep up due to strange, spontaneously occurring bruises.
Suddenly, an announcement crackled over the intercom, "All classes with students whose names are Saotome or Ranma must report to the track field for an emergency mango slicing! "
Miss O'Leary gestured for them to ignore it.
Kuno had been hit with the Five Yen Satsu six times so far. He was ready to jump out of a window. Even being trapped in that illusion would be preferable to this undeserved punishment.
"What are you writing!? " Ms. Hinako screeched at him with a slap.
"Questions 1-78! " Kuno shook from the sudden surprise. His heart rate had leapt to about 200 beats per minute for a second there. He felt like he was about to die.
"Good work! " Ms. Hinako knuckle punched him in the back before using a Five Yen Satsu on someone that had been edging toward the door, "I didn't say you could leave! "
Kuno was breathing heavily. Why must life hurt so? The only thing that kept him going was the thought that if he could make it through the day, there would be a chance that he could speak with Kama-chan or Akane. The two goddesses!
The sound of another Five Yen Satsu in action startled him into continuing his work.
"Attention students! " Kouchou's voice came over the intercom, "Da big Kahuna be waitin outside wit a table o mangos fo an hour, when he realize dat no one gonna be showin up. Dis is not amusin! You bad keikis are gonna be-"
Miss O'Leary shut the intercom off.
Another hour later, Kouchou showed up at the classroom, which had been totally repaired, with all students quietly reading at their desks. Yes, even Ranma-chan, "You bad Kei-"
"Shhh!" the entire class turned to him.
"The class was perfectly calm and focused until you came along, " Miss O'Leary pushed him out of the class and closed the door.
"But... da big kahuna is bored... " Kouchou wandered off dejectedly.
Part 2: Ryoga, Mihoshi, and Kiyone.
Mihoshi and Kiyone found Ryoga and Kashin loitering outside of Furinkan, eating lunch.
"Is this Mr. Ryoga? " Mihoshi pointed at the boy with the red bandanna, who looked up with a bored expression.
"The infamous Ryoga the Stampede, " Kiyone's eyes focused on the boy that was eating okonomiyaki.
Fortunately, it was not spiced the way Haruko wanted it to be. It still reflected the girl's skill, though. Haruko was easily the best okonomiyaki chef Ryoga knew. Granted that he didn't know many, but the fact remained that he greatly appreciated her cooking.
"We're from the Inter...national Insurance Agency, " Kiyone flashed a badge, "We are here to prevent any further damage from your actions. "
"But, Kiyone, I thought we were here to spy o- " Mihoshi was silenced by Kiyone's hand.
"I am Special Agent Smith and this is Special Agent Wesson, " Kiyone continued.
"Didn't she just call you 'Kiyone'?" Ryoga deadpanned.
"Uhh... heh, " Kiyone began to sweat, "Kiyone is my nickname. "
"Right, " Ryoga continued to munch on okonomiyaki.
"Kiyone, I don't think he's buying it, " Mihoshi informed.
Kiyone resisted the urge to bind and gag Mihoshi for the duration of her stay on Earth.
"Yeah, " Ryoga, "And what's with the ears? "
Kiyone realized suddenly that human ears were more rounded than her's and Mihoshi's, "Heh... "
"If you girls don't mind, " Ryoga grimaced slightly,
"I'd like to eat in piece. "
For some reason, bad things always happen at the very worst moment. Case in point: A large clown/ ninja/ cyborg death bot launched out of Ryoga's head and pranced into an alley.
"For the love of all that is holy... " Ryoga's head veins bulged as he stood, "Kashin! It's showtime! "
Kashin sat, unresponsive. A question mark appeared on his screen.
"Ah, " Ryoga sighed in exasperation, "You just wait here then, until you feel like fighting the clown bot. " He then ran after the robot.
Kiyone blinked, then ran after Ryoga. Mihoshi stayed to polish off the oko- .... Watch after Kashin.
Ryoga finally chased the hideous hybrid creature into a deadend. It turned around, gave a hideous, wide mouthed, metallic grin.
"What are you so happy about!? " Ryoga took a fighting stance.
The clown responded by making a hand gesture and splitting into four selves. The four clowns then charged Ryoga, who punched at one of them, only to get cracked over the head from behind by a stale loaf of french bread held by the ninja clown.
"What are you!? " Ryoga stumbled back.
"... believe in magic, like I know you do, " It spoke in a grating chuckle, " Or I'll kill you! " It ran forth, spewing party favors of all kinds at Ryoga.
Ryoga was buried underneath a pile of noisemakers, pinatas, and cheap plastic junk in a matter of moments.
"Gee hee hee! " it hopped up and down excitedly, before getting a chunk of its shoulder taken off by a flying plasma bolt.
"Step away peacefully, or I won't miss next time, "
Kiyone commanded grimly.
"Aww, does daw widdle sowder wanna pway? " it giggled mechanically as a buzz saw extended from one arm, "Dat's too bad, daw games aw over! "
It rushed at her and feinted to the side at the last moment before slicing forward.
There was a flash of light.
The clown's buzzsaw was broken.
The abomination turned its head around in time to see Ryoga's fist. It flew backwards, through a wall.
Everything settled.
Then the thing burst forward, circling Ryoga at such a great speed that only after images could be seen and only that irritating giggling could be heard.
Ryoga closed his eyes and waited.
The creature burst from the ground under the spot Ryoga would have occupied only a moment ago.
"Futai no Wami!!" He punched the thing dead in the face with his specialty attack. The thing's entire face caved in and it fell into the hole it had created.
Ryoga wiped his eyes and tossed a red bandanna into the pit.
"You... " Kiyone could hardly breathe, "Are really him. "
Ryoga laughed suddenly, "C'mon now, let's leave this place. "
"Hee hee hee hee hee hee! " a crazed giggling sounded behind them.
The hair on the back of Ryoga's neck raised.
The Clown bot shot out of the pit, "Make-up shed! " It suddenly transformed into a robotic werewolf-ish creature, with twin Ninja-tos, one in each hand.
"Son of a... " Ryoga turned around with wide eyes before the creature charged him and uppercutted him into the sky, soon following after to kick him into a city park's pond. It landed on a rock in the center of the pond.
"Come out, little one, it's your time to be butchered! " The twin swords glowed bright yellow, then turned completely black.
"Not on our watch! " Sailor Kasumi shouted as she flew into the thing from behind with a shield butt.
The monster flew into a park bench just outside of the pond, then, with the sound of grinding metal, rose and growled in outrage.
Sailor Kasumi was now standing on the rock. Sailor Kodachi stood at the opposite edge. Kodachi seemed to be unarmed, but Kasumi brandished her shield with clear intent.
"Where is your brother? " Kasumi asked Kodachi, not taking her eyes away from the monster.
"He has probably lost himself somewhere, " Kodachi produced a black whip out of nowhere.
"M-Ms. Hinako! " Kuno rose his hand nervously in the middle of class as his pen made loud beeping sounds, "I need to.. uh.. "
"Sit down and shut up, Mr. Kuno, " Ms. Hinako snapped, "And shut off that cell phone! "
"But... " Kuno began before spontaneously transforming into sailor garb.
The whole class erupted into laughter as the (quite male) Kuno was instantly found wearing the uniform he had sported earlier in the week.
"I will not be mocked so! " Kuno stood, one eye twitching, as his magic sword found its way into his hand.
"Five Yen Satsu! " Ms. Hinako shouted.
"We can't depend on him showing up, " Kodachi shook her head.
"I'll make mincemeat of you! " The beast ninja clown robot shouted with its grating, metallic voice as it leapt at Kasumi, only to be sliced across the back by an almost flying Sailor Kodachi.
The metal skin of the thing's back sliced open and it dropped like a rock into the pond.
The lunch bell had just rung. Ranma-chan met up with Hiroshi and Shin to discuss business over lunch, Sayuri and Yuka met up with Nabiki to find out about Akane's whereabouts, and Sailor Kuno-kun ran to the bathroom to find some cold water to make his current appearance less embarrassing before heading off to the disturbance.
Mrs. O'Leary was strangely absent from the campus.
The monster jumped vertically out of the pond. The water that followed him out blocked their view. When the splash dissapated, the creature was not there.
"Come out and die, demonoid scum! " Kodachi shouted.
"Ok"
Kodachi was lifted off of her feet in a strangle hold. The monster was holding her up with one hand and charging energy in the other.
"Bweeeeeee!"
A small black piglet clung to the metal nightmare's face. The creature brought its free hand to its face, forgetting about the energy it had been charging.
BLAM!
It dropped Kodachi and flew into a tree, sideways. The piglet spun away onto the grass, prone.
Kasumi took this oppurtunity to use a special attack, "Happy Flying Painful Shield Bash! " She threw her (now glowing) shield at the beast, who took a direct hit, "Yay! "
The beast emerged from the cloud of dust flying full tilt, roaring angrily and with one sword drawn. It missed Kasumi by a hair.
Kasumi leapt to the ground behind her and Kodachi fired a beam of reddish black energy from a gem in the base of her whip.
This hit the monster in the back. He slowly turn to Kodachi, eyes glowing red. It calmly sheathed its sword, "Peace be with you. " It raised one leg and glided over the ground to the Sailor of Vengeance, grabbing her and shouting, "Shungokusatsu! "
There was a flash of horribly bright light that blinded any who had been watching. Kodachi felt like she'd been hit about fifteen times before she fainted.
When her sight returned, Kasumi saw the Kanji symbol for Heaven appear on the monster's back.
"You are next, " It said over its shoulder.
There was another flash of light.
The monster's head parted neatly from the afore mentioned shoulder. Sailor Haruko smirked, with her spatula shouldered, right behind the slumped beast.
"You haven't won yet! " The thing growled as its body and head reunited and grew into a huge version of itself ala Ultraman or Power Rangers.
"This is crazy! " Haruko leapt way up into the air, cackling like mad, hitting the monster all over as she spiraled around it in her vertical ascent. Kasumi followed her, attacking with special energy blades that formed on the rim of her shield.
"Bah, " The monster swatted Haruko to the ground and smashed Kasumi against its own tough hide.
Kasumi fell, KO'd, leaving Haruko uncertain of the path to victory, "Y'know, its not until you need a box of grenades that you realize you've used 'em all up. "
"Bwe..eee.."
Haruko looked down at the source of this sound and noticed that there was a piglet under her foot. She smirked.
Everyone in the school heard the roars now. Ranma-chan was on the roof, watching the battle. A huge werewolven robot ninja wearing a cheery red wig was fighting two magical sailors. And now there was a huge red robot joining in. Ranma-chan couldn't help but laugh, barely noticing the announcement for the school to evacuate.
Kashin's screen head showed the symbols for "Ryu Kan Sen Tsumuji," then dashed forward at an insane speed, leaping over the monster, and flipping to land behind it, back facing to back, and, at some point, slashing it from behind with his energy saber.
The monster stumbled forward, then turned around and belched a green cloud of smog. A bright red beam of light fired from Kashin's set face, annihilating the creatures upper torso.
"Victory! " Haruko shouted from the ground with a smile.
Then the monster's legs began doing a jig.
"What? " Haruko raised an eyebrow.
The legs stopped and leapt into the air, landing on Kashin and stomping him to the ground. They continued to stomp repeatedly, until Kashin managed to groin punch the thing. The pair of legs stumbled backwards into the pond. One of the legs sank deep enough to get stuck. Then Kashin stood and punched the thing with it's refined Futai no Wami. (I know how it's spelled now, but I'm going to keep spelling it this way for now. )
The creature glowed red, then faded away, leaving many large yellow birds behind, which flew away with "wark" sounds.
AN 10/12/03: And so it was finished. Optimistically, I will write some more today or tomorrow. Unfortunately, I have been playing Final Fantasy Tactics (both), so who knows? There are many things in store though. Four or five surprises are in the works, and I plan to get around to at least one in the next chapter. It's a funny one. Now for the "relevent" protions of 12a's notes:
"Anyway, you should notice that Akane is only mentioned once. Is she the new leader of the Sailors? No. I already said no. As for "Miss O'Leary"... eh. I'm really not trying to trick you. It is exactly who it seems like. Just thought it would be ironic to have her actually do a GOOD job at keeping a class together. Poor Hinako #4. For those of you that remember that Poltergeist TV show from a few years back... yes that is the Legacy. As for the Shikon jewel? Eh. I just needed something to refer to, so I stole the Shikon jewel and blamed WWII on it. Or... was it Roswell? I'm too lazy to check dates. As for why Hello Kitty wants the Shikon jewel... I don't know."
Should I put quotes on myself? Eh.
Next Time-
Shampoo: Shampoo marry Airen!
*scene at a wedding chapel*
Ranma: Hail naw!
*scene of Ranma running down a street*
Akane: What's going on here!?
Ranma: Just thought we'd do the preview, Cowboy Bebop style.
Akane: It's already written?
Shampoo: Shampoo think it fun idea to guess!
*scene of Shampoo hiding a corpse in Akane's closet*
Akane: That's stupid!
*scene of Akane cooking a cat*
Ranma: Next time, Meet Great Grandmother!
Akane: I hope I'm in it this time.
The Inner Demon Chapter 12: No Disc OR Verbing Weirds Language
Principal Kuno laughed to himself in his office. This would be a fun semester. Not as fun as the look on the occupants of the school when he uttered the words, "I tink I be needin ta make new rules," but fun nevertheless. Today he would enjoy watching the reactions of the students as the first full Hinako day wore on via his secret cameras. When the school's computer administrator asked whether it was legal to tape everything in every room coughbathroomcough, he had responded, "Legal shmeagal! Da big Kahuna in't fraid o' no law!" Yes, today would be fun.
"Principal!" Kouchou quickly scooped the action figures he had been playing with into their special drawer as Hinako #1 entered, "Ranma Saotome has entered the campus!"
"Excellent."
Part 1: What About Kouchou?
Ranma-chan sat in her seat, curious as to what Ms. Hinako had planned for today. Her class had been spared from the Hinako curse yesterday because, by complete coincidence, the Hinako that had fainted at the assembly was the one that had been assigned this classroom. She had a pretty good idea what she was like from the way the other twelve target classes had behaved.
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Can't let other people do my job, can I?
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"Good morning, class!" a cheerful Ms. Hinako sang out as she entered the room. No one knew quite how to respond to the happy dread teacher of despair.
Ranma-chan noticed something very strange about this woman that everyone else must have missed due to fright. She had red hair. It was in a tight bun. Her eyes couldn't be seen through the thick glasses she wore. She was eerily familiar. But...
"I am your substitute, " the woman, obviously not Ms. Hinako, announced, "I am afraid that your teacher could not be here today because of some... entangling engagements. "
Hinako #4 struggled with the power cords tied around her. She couldn't see anything in the cold, dark space where she found herself. Ms. Hinako, the dreaded, was locked in the AV supply closet.
"I wonder if I went a little overboard with the duct tape? " the sub thought as she wrote her name on the board, "I am Miss O'Leary. I am from Ireland. Please don't be too rough on me, my Japanese is not so good. "
Several students blinked at this statement. They would never have guessed that Miss O'Leary was from outside Japan. There was no clue, except for the hair.
"My father is from here, " She explained, "I moved here with my parents seven years ago when my father was transferred back to Japan. This is my second year teaching. "
"Could she possibly have chosen a worse school to teach at than Furinkan? " was what the students thought collectively.
"Hinako #4 has not been seen since she departed the teacher's lounge for her assigned class, " the Vice Principal informed Principal Kuno.
"Dat Saotome musta done sometin to da defenseless... " Kouchou began.
"Dread Teacher of the Abyss? " the Vice Principal coughed.
"..."
"Sorry sir. "
"I tink dat de big kahuna be needin ta be steppin in, " Kuno left his office with several patented coconut and pineapple grenades, "It gonna be a fun day! "
"Saotome, I just had a thought, " Soun looked up with sudden realization from the game board.
"Yes, Tendo? " Genma asked irritably, having hit his first losing streak in a while.
"Do you know who the principal of my daughters' school is? "
"I'll get the baseball bat, " Genma stood.
"No, you misunderstand, " Soun began, "Kouchou Kuno is the principal. "
"Ah, " Genma sat down, unconcerned, "Kuno, is it? "
"Indeed it is, " Soun seemed disturbed by this.
"What about it, Tendo?"
"Do you think he forgave you for the... 'incident'? " Tendo asked.
"It really doesn't matter, Ranma can take care of himself, " Genma made another bad move.
They were only about a half hour into the school day when Principal Kuno burst into Ranma's class, "Dis class be gettin de Hawaiian Challenge! " Some of the students were actually happy to see the crazed principal, as a relief from their current task of balancing eggs on their noses.
"Hawaiian Challenge? " Miss O'Leary raised an eyebrow in disbelief.
"Yes, " Kouchou produced two of his tear gas coconuts from a bag at his feet. "You keikis be catchin dem before dey be hittin de ground and go boom! " he laughed.
Miss O'Leary blinked. Then she walked up to the laughing man and cold cocked him. Eggs splattered on the classroom floor.
Ten minutes later, in the nurse's office, Miss O'Leary explained her actions, "I thought you were an intruder, Mr. Principal, I am ever so sorry! "
"Who be you is? " Kouchou asked, still a bit dazed.
"I'm a sub, I was called in to replace Ms. Hinako for the day, " Miss O'Leary replied.
"Oh, dat be good, " Kouchou blinked once, groggily.
Somewhere else, not so far away, Dr. Ono Tofu typed rapidly in an instant message conversation.
"It was not my fault that the sailors failed, " he typed, "They haven't been united, but I am working on it. "
"The sailors are causing quite a stir, " came the reply.
"Surely you remember the Shikon jewel incident of 1942. "
"Your point is taken, Doctor. "
"I'd say that that is what we have to blame. "
"This is not a debate. Our operations might be jeopardized. "
"This is not my fault. "
"We will be the judge of that. "
"Please do not be harsh. "
"You have three days to go stealth. "
Tofu's computer spontaneously shut down. The Legacy was always paranoid about its potential discovery. Tofu's hard drive was likely ruined. Still, it was odd that they would risk losing their Japan connections by using such an unsafe medium.
It was at this point that Tofu realized that he had continued to type on his broken down computer, "I seem to be off center... Kasumi!"
There was no answer.
"Tofu, " Hotsuma hobbled in. He was a mess, still. He was very unshaven and covered in bandages.
"You shouldn't be up, what if a customer wandered in? " Tofu rushed to the battered man's aid. He did not want to be forced to abandon his friend. He helped Hotsuma to a chair.
"Tofu, " the man grimaced painfully, "Genma got out. They don't care about the 'Kamaitachi', all they want is to make sure Genma stays quiet. Herb... "
"Shh! " Tofu silenced him, "Herb was a mistake. This might be his influence, but they would kill him in a heartbeat if keeping him around became a problem. "
"Tofu... "
"Look, I don't like this any more than you do... " There were so many factors and factions, Tofu had no idea what was going on. There were the demons, the mischief makers, the Galactic Police, the Legacy, Herb, the Legendary Martial Artists...
"I'm sitting on your acupuncture needles. "
"Oh. "
Miss O'Leary was now forcing the class to recite the entirety of Macbeth backwards. In sync. It was debatable whether the work or the punishment for not doing the work was worse. Yusuke was hanging from the ceiling, crying, so no one else really wanted to question the activity.
-----------------------------------------------------
This is fun!
-----------------------------------------------------
Oddly, Ranma-chan enjoyed this. Reading the death scenes backwards particularly excited her. Everyone did their level best to keep in sync with her, because of the looks she gave the class when they were forced to restart.
It was when they were moments from hitting the beginning of the play, and thus the end of this torture, that Principal Kuno popped into the class and threw candy at everyone.
Only a few students were naive enough, or unfamiliar with Kouchou enough, to actually eat the candy.
"Ah ah ah! Principal rule number 186.54: Eatin of candy given out by de principal is punishable by de bowlcut! "
"That's not in the rulebook! " one girl shouted after spitting candy out.
"Please refer to Rule 186.55: Questionin de Principal is punishable by bowlcut, and Rule 186.53: The Principal can make up any rule on de spot, " Principal Kuno laughed happily as he drew out twin shavers.
A very angry Ranma-chan rose from her seat, her eyes glowing blue with anger. An anime style cross vein would be visible on her forhead if this were an anime.
"You be gettin you punishment anudder time, keikis! " Kouchou ran out of the class room.
Ranma-chan sat down peacefully in her chair and flipped back to the end of Macbeth.
Everyone's eyes were on her.
"What?"
Konatsu sat between Kiyone and Mihoshi at a bar.
I don't need to make a joke about this, do I?
"Gee, Kiyone, I don't know how we're going to find Mr. Ryoga, " Mihoshi sipped her milk.
"Mihoshi, for the third time... " Kiyone looked over at Mihoshi, "..."
"Kiyone? " Mihoshi blinked innocently.
"Never mind. " Kiyone ordered another drink.
"Ahem, well, I see that the two of you are impatient about your mission, " Konatsu's left eye twitched, "The two of you are to search Nerima and beyond into any other section of Tokyo until you find Ryoga the Stampede and then ... "
Kiyone had started softly crying.
"Then the two of you are to stay with him to prevent further catastophe, " Konatsu resisted the urge to laugh unrestrained at the thought of being rid of Mihoshi.
Mihoshi skipped girlishly out of the bar, giggling,
"Are you coming, Kiyone? "
Kiyone raised her head off of the bar, dryed her face, slugged Konatsu, and stomped away.
"It was worth it, " Konatsu straightened his suit and rubbed the sore spot on his face.
For reasons only known to Miss O'Leary, the class's desks had been tossed out of the room and everyone was doing aerobics. Yusuke had quieted down some under threats of Pinata hour.
"How could one teacher be this evil? " Sayuri muttered to Yuka.
"I think I know why she's only a sub, " Yuka panted.
Ranma-chan, though, was thoroughly enjoying herself.
A few students had been making comments on her zeal.
They were hanging upside down from the ceiling now, after failing to keep up due to strange, spontaneously occurring bruises.
Suddenly, an announcement crackled over the intercom, "All classes with students whose names are Saotome or Ranma must report to the track field for an emergency mango slicing! "
Miss O'Leary gestured for them to ignore it.
Kuno had been hit with the Five Yen Satsu six times so far. He was ready to jump out of a window. Even being trapped in that illusion would be preferable to this undeserved punishment.
"What are you writing!? " Ms. Hinako screeched at him with a slap.
"Questions 1-78! " Kuno shook from the sudden surprise. His heart rate had leapt to about 200 beats per minute for a second there. He felt like he was about to die.
"Good work! " Ms. Hinako knuckle punched him in the back before using a Five Yen Satsu on someone that had been edging toward the door, "I didn't say you could leave! "
Kuno was breathing heavily. Why must life hurt so? The only thing that kept him going was the thought that if he could make it through the day, there would be a chance that he could speak with Kama-chan or Akane. The two goddesses!
The sound of another Five Yen Satsu in action startled him into continuing his work.
"Attention students! " Kouchou's voice came over the intercom, "Da big Kahuna be waitin outside wit a table o mangos fo an hour, when he realize dat no one gonna be showin up. Dis is not amusin! You bad keikis are gonna be-"
Miss O'Leary shut the intercom off.
Another hour later, Kouchou showed up at the classroom, which had been totally repaired, with all students quietly reading at their desks. Yes, even Ranma-chan, "You bad Kei-"
"Shhh!" the entire class turned to him.
"The class was perfectly calm and focused until you came along, " Miss O'Leary pushed him out of the class and closed the door.
"But... da big kahuna is bored... " Kouchou wandered off dejectedly.
Part 2: Ryoga, Mihoshi, and Kiyone.
Mihoshi and Kiyone found Ryoga and Kashin loitering outside of Furinkan, eating lunch.
"Is this Mr. Ryoga? " Mihoshi pointed at the boy with the red bandanna, who looked up with a bored expression.
"The infamous Ryoga the Stampede, " Kiyone's eyes focused on the boy that was eating okonomiyaki.
Fortunately, it was not spiced the way Haruko wanted it to be. It still reflected the girl's skill, though. Haruko was easily the best okonomiyaki chef Ryoga knew. Granted that he didn't know many, but the fact remained that he greatly appreciated her cooking.
"We're from the Inter...national Insurance Agency, " Kiyone flashed a badge, "We are here to prevent any further damage from your actions. "
"But, Kiyone, I thought we were here to spy o- " Mihoshi was silenced by Kiyone's hand.
"I am Special Agent Smith and this is Special Agent Wesson, " Kiyone continued.
"Didn't she just call you 'Kiyone'?" Ryoga deadpanned.
"Uhh... heh, " Kiyone began to sweat, "Kiyone is my nickname. "
"Right, " Ryoga continued to munch on okonomiyaki.
"Kiyone, I don't think he's buying it, " Mihoshi informed.
Kiyone resisted the urge to bind and gag Mihoshi for the duration of her stay on Earth.
"Yeah, " Ryoga, "And what's with the ears? "
Kiyone realized suddenly that human ears were more rounded than her's and Mihoshi's, "Heh... "
"If you girls don't mind, " Ryoga grimaced slightly,
"I'd like to eat in piece. "
For some reason, bad things always happen at the very worst moment. Case in point: A large clown/ ninja/ cyborg death bot launched out of Ryoga's head and pranced into an alley.
"For the love of all that is holy... " Ryoga's head veins bulged as he stood, "Kashin! It's showtime! "
Kashin sat, unresponsive. A question mark appeared on his screen.
"Ah, " Ryoga sighed in exasperation, "You just wait here then, until you feel like fighting the clown bot. " He then ran after the robot.
Kiyone blinked, then ran after Ryoga. Mihoshi stayed to polish off the oko- .... Watch after Kashin.
Ryoga finally chased the hideous hybrid creature into a deadend. It turned around, gave a hideous, wide mouthed, metallic grin.
"What are you so happy about!? " Ryoga took a fighting stance.
The clown responded by making a hand gesture and splitting into four selves. The four clowns then charged Ryoga, who punched at one of them, only to get cracked over the head from behind by a stale loaf of french bread held by the ninja clown.
"What are you!? " Ryoga stumbled back.
"... believe in magic, like I know you do, " It spoke in a grating chuckle, " Or I'll kill you! " It ran forth, spewing party favors of all kinds at Ryoga.
Ryoga was buried underneath a pile of noisemakers, pinatas, and cheap plastic junk in a matter of moments.
"Gee hee hee! " it hopped up and down excitedly, before getting a chunk of its shoulder taken off by a flying plasma bolt.
"Step away peacefully, or I won't miss next time, "
Kiyone commanded grimly.
"Aww, does daw widdle sowder wanna pway? " it giggled mechanically as a buzz saw extended from one arm, "Dat's too bad, daw games aw over! "
It rushed at her and feinted to the side at the last moment before slicing forward.
There was a flash of light.
The clown's buzzsaw was broken.
The abomination turned its head around in time to see Ryoga's fist. It flew backwards, through a wall.
Everything settled.
Then the thing burst forward, circling Ryoga at such a great speed that only after images could be seen and only that irritating giggling could be heard.
Ryoga closed his eyes and waited.
The creature burst from the ground under the spot Ryoga would have occupied only a moment ago.
"Futai no Wami!!" He punched the thing dead in the face with his specialty attack. The thing's entire face caved in and it fell into the hole it had created.
Ryoga wiped his eyes and tossed a red bandanna into the pit.
"You... " Kiyone could hardly breathe, "Are really him. "
Ryoga laughed suddenly, "C'mon now, let's leave this place. "
"Hee hee hee hee hee hee! " a crazed giggling sounded behind them.
The hair on the back of Ryoga's neck raised.
The Clown bot shot out of the pit, "Make-up shed! " It suddenly transformed into a robotic werewolf-ish creature, with twin Ninja-tos, one in each hand.
"Son of a... " Ryoga turned around with wide eyes before the creature charged him and uppercutted him into the sky, soon following after to kick him into a city park's pond. It landed on a rock in the center of the pond.
"Come out, little one, it's your time to be butchered! " The twin swords glowed bright yellow, then turned completely black.
"Not on our watch! " Sailor Kasumi shouted as she flew into the thing from behind with a shield butt.
The monster flew into a park bench just outside of the pond, then, with the sound of grinding metal, rose and growled in outrage.
Sailor Kasumi was now standing on the rock. Sailor Kodachi stood at the opposite edge. Kodachi seemed to be unarmed, but Kasumi brandished her shield with clear intent.
"Where is your brother? " Kasumi asked Kodachi, not taking her eyes away from the monster.
"He has probably lost himself somewhere, " Kodachi produced a black whip out of nowhere.
"M-Ms. Hinako! " Kuno rose his hand nervously in the middle of class as his pen made loud beeping sounds, "I need to.. uh.. "
"Sit down and shut up, Mr. Kuno, " Ms. Hinako snapped, "And shut off that cell phone! "
"But... " Kuno began before spontaneously transforming into sailor garb.
The whole class erupted into laughter as the (quite male) Kuno was instantly found wearing the uniform he had sported earlier in the week.
"I will not be mocked so! " Kuno stood, one eye twitching, as his magic sword found its way into his hand.
"Five Yen Satsu! " Ms. Hinako shouted.
"We can't depend on him showing up, " Kodachi shook her head.
"I'll make mincemeat of you! " The beast ninja clown robot shouted with its grating, metallic voice as it leapt at Kasumi, only to be sliced across the back by an almost flying Sailor Kodachi.
The metal skin of the thing's back sliced open and it dropped like a rock into the pond.
The lunch bell had just rung. Ranma-chan met up with Hiroshi and Shin to discuss business over lunch, Sayuri and Yuka met up with Nabiki to find out about Akane's whereabouts, and Sailor Kuno-kun ran to the bathroom to find some cold water to make his current appearance less embarrassing before heading off to the disturbance.
Mrs. O'Leary was strangely absent from the campus.
The monster jumped vertically out of the pond. The water that followed him out blocked their view. When the splash dissapated, the creature was not there.
"Come out and die, demonoid scum! " Kodachi shouted.
"Ok"
Kodachi was lifted off of her feet in a strangle hold. The monster was holding her up with one hand and charging energy in the other.
"Bweeeeeee!"
A small black piglet clung to the metal nightmare's face. The creature brought its free hand to its face, forgetting about the energy it had been charging.
BLAM!
It dropped Kodachi and flew into a tree, sideways. The piglet spun away onto the grass, prone.
Kasumi took this oppurtunity to use a special attack, "Happy Flying Painful Shield Bash! " She threw her (now glowing) shield at the beast, who took a direct hit, "Yay! "
The beast emerged from the cloud of dust flying full tilt, roaring angrily and with one sword drawn. It missed Kasumi by a hair.
Kasumi leapt to the ground behind her and Kodachi fired a beam of reddish black energy from a gem in the base of her whip.
This hit the monster in the back. He slowly turn to Kodachi, eyes glowing red. It calmly sheathed its sword, "Peace be with you. " It raised one leg and glided over the ground to the Sailor of Vengeance, grabbing her and shouting, "Shungokusatsu! "
There was a flash of horribly bright light that blinded any who had been watching. Kodachi felt like she'd been hit about fifteen times before she fainted.
When her sight returned, Kasumi saw the Kanji symbol for Heaven appear on the monster's back.
"You are next, " It said over its shoulder.
There was another flash of light.
The monster's head parted neatly from the afore mentioned shoulder. Sailor Haruko smirked, with her spatula shouldered, right behind the slumped beast.
"You haven't won yet! " The thing growled as its body and head reunited and grew into a huge version of itself ala Ultraman or Power Rangers.
"This is crazy! " Haruko leapt way up into the air, cackling like mad, hitting the monster all over as she spiraled around it in her vertical ascent. Kasumi followed her, attacking with special energy blades that formed on the rim of her shield.
"Bah, " The monster swatted Haruko to the ground and smashed Kasumi against its own tough hide.
Kasumi fell, KO'd, leaving Haruko uncertain of the path to victory, "Y'know, its not until you need a box of grenades that you realize you've used 'em all up. "
"Bwe..eee.."
Haruko looked down at the source of this sound and noticed that there was a piglet under her foot. She smirked.
Everyone in the school heard the roars now. Ranma-chan was on the roof, watching the battle. A huge werewolven robot ninja wearing a cheery red wig was fighting two magical sailors. And now there was a huge red robot joining in. Ranma-chan couldn't help but laugh, barely noticing the announcement for the school to evacuate.
Kashin's screen head showed the symbols for "Ryu Kan Sen Tsumuji," then dashed forward at an insane speed, leaping over the monster, and flipping to land behind it, back facing to back, and, at some point, slashing it from behind with his energy saber.
The monster stumbled forward, then turned around and belched a green cloud of smog. A bright red beam of light fired from Kashin's set face, annihilating the creatures upper torso.
"Victory! " Haruko shouted from the ground with a smile.
Then the monster's legs began doing a jig.
"What? " Haruko raised an eyebrow.
The legs stopped and leapt into the air, landing on Kashin and stomping him to the ground. They continued to stomp repeatedly, until Kashin managed to groin punch the thing. The pair of legs stumbled backwards into the pond. One of the legs sank deep enough to get stuck. Then Kashin stood and punched the thing with it's refined Futai no Wami. (I know how it's spelled now, but I'm going to keep spelling it this way for now. )
The creature glowed red, then faded away, leaving many large yellow birds behind, which flew away with "wark" sounds.
AN 10/12/03: And so it was finished. Optimistically, I will write some more today or tomorrow. Unfortunately, I have been playing Final Fantasy Tactics (both), so who knows? There are many things in store though. Four or five surprises are in the works, and I plan to get around to at least one in the next chapter. It's a funny one. Now for the "relevent" protions of 12a's notes:
"Anyway, you should notice that Akane is only mentioned once. Is she the new leader of the Sailors? No. I already said no. As for "Miss O'Leary"... eh. I'm really not trying to trick you. It is exactly who it seems like. Just thought it would be ironic to have her actually do a GOOD job at keeping a class together. Poor Hinako #4. For those of you that remember that Poltergeist TV show from a few years back... yes that is the Legacy. As for the Shikon jewel? Eh. I just needed something to refer to, so I stole the Shikon jewel and blamed WWII on it. Or... was it Roswell? I'm too lazy to check dates. As for why Hello Kitty wants the Shikon jewel... I don't know."
Should I put quotes on myself? Eh.
Next Time-
Shampoo: Shampoo marry Airen!
*scene at a wedding chapel*
Ranma: Hail naw!
*scene of Ranma running down a street*
Akane: What's going on here!?
Ranma: Just thought we'd do the preview, Cowboy Bebop style.
Akane: It's already written?
Shampoo: Shampoo think it fun idea to guess!
*scene of Shampoo hiding a corpse in Akane's closet*
Akane: That's stupid!
*scene of Akane cooking a cat*
Ranma: Next time, Meet Great Grandmother!
Akane: I hope I'm in it this time.
