Disclaimer: I don't own any rights to Harry Potter or any characters or places in this story, they belong to JK Rowling. I am making no money from this story.

Author's Challenge: Listen Carefully. I have read a few challenges put out there for authors to attempt. I thought that perhaps it might be a bit of fun for an author to challenge the readers. I'll give this a shot and see if I get any results. I have added the first line of 5 songs throughout this chapter and 5 in the next. Your mission is to identify the quotes, artist, and title. Once you have done this list it as a review, and I'll check it over. Hints: I will be using music that I usually listen to: Rock, Hip-hop, Classic Rock, Punk, Blues, most of which you should be able to easily identify. I may throw in a few obscure songs just to see if anyone is really going to put an effort into this challenge. Good Luck

I also wanted to say thanks for the reviews; Rahl, sachigh05 (again!), Arcane, Sarily, and Midknight00711. There have been some problems with the site, so that's why I haven't updated frequently.

As far as the review from Mid, who commented after the first chapter that he/she was no longer following the story because the author had given up on it, thanks for the compliment, I also feel that my story is decent, or I wouldn't have bothered posting it. I can appreciate constructive criticism, or even someone who wants to argue a point of my story, but I'm not sure if you are complaining or just making random statements for no real purpose. If you're not following the story anymore than I am sorry I lost a reader. I apologize to any other readers, but I took a bit of offense to that review. Anyway, hope you're all trying the reader challenge and enjoying it. Thanks again.

Jeremy

Chapter 11 Good Graces

Dinner was a subdued affair. There was still no report from either Snape or Kingsley Shacklebolt. Whatever relief Harry had felt after Ginny had held him quickly disappeared as everyone at the table was in a somber mood.

After the meal Dumbledore pulled Harry aside. "Harry I am sorry for whatever Kreacher said to upset you. I know that you hold him responsible for Sirius' death and it must be difficult for you to live here with him. I would ask you to have patience, and remember that we have little choice other than to keep him here. If he were freed he would surely betray us to Voldemort. Also you must not blame yourself for today's attack. It was only one of their goals to try to capture you. It was far more important for them to free the other death eaters from Azkaban. I am afraid that we were almost completely blindsided by this attack. We had little warning other than the obvious fact that Voldemort would try to free his followers. I am very curious about the lack of information on this event. Perhaps it is nothing." Dumbledore trailed off with a concerned expression on his face.

Later that night both Snape and Kingsley arrived at headquarters to give their reports. The students were sent to bed before the meeting started. Even Harry had to leave, and he did so willingly according to the conditions of his joining the Order. So slightly shaken by the events that had unfolded that day, they said goodnight, and made their way to their bedrooms. Harry changed into his pajamas and flung himself into bed, with Ron doing much the same. Despite being worn out Harry was far too restless to sleep. A short time later Mrs. Weasley came up the stairs and opened the door to their room to check on them. She shook her head and whispered to herself, "There's clothes all over the floor, don't remember them being there before." She was sure they were in bed though and so she left to check on the girls. Harry propped himself up on his pillows and slipped into his thoughts. His hand instinctively wandered to his forehead, where his finger began to trace the outline of his scar. After a few minutes deliberation he turned to find Ron staring at him from the opposite bed.

"What is it Harry? Is something wrong?" Ron's question was dripping with apprehension.

Harry took a moment to answer. "Aside from Voldemort's latest attempt to get me?" he said with an obvious bitterness. "Yeah there is a lot wrong Ron. Professor Lupin is hurt, I damn near killed Kreacher, Sirius…." Harry stopped at his own words, angry with himself for being so open, and angry with Ron for having asked the question. "I dunno. It seems that I've just got too much to think about. How am I supposed to deal with this all? I can't even get a full night of sleep with all these nightmares. I keep seeing the things that I could have changed, but it still ends in somebody dieing. Never mind thinking about how to stop Voldemort."

"Welcome to your life. There's no turning back, even while we sleep." Ron began with a shudder from hearing the Dark Lord's name. "Look Harry, I don't know about all the stuff that's going on, especially with you, so I can't tell you what to do about it. What I do know is that you're my best mate, and I'm going to stick by you."

Harry looked even more disturbed after Ron spoke. "That's just it though Ron. This is my life. No matter what I do I won't be able to get away from it. So everyone around me is at risk. Don't you think Voldemort knows who my best friend is? You're probably top on his list of people to use to get at me." Ron looked on in horror as he pondered Harry's words. "How do you deal with that Ron? How can you believe that our side will win?"

"Lately I've been running on faith," Ron started again seriously, "What else can a poor boy do?" He finished sarcastically hoping to cheer up his friend by poking fun at himself but to no avail. If anything his reference to his family's financial state only managed to further Harry's self loathing. Seeing the look on his friends face he continued in a more genuine tone, "Hey mate, Ginny was right a few weeks ago. We believe in you. You always come out on top. By the way if you tell her I said that I'm going to let Fred and George have a go at your trunk before we get back to school." He added with a glint in his eyes. "Nothing is going to change just because you sit here worrying about it. In fact that's only going to make it worse. You probably just need something to take your mind off it all. Help you relax, you know?" Harry just nodded his head. Sensing that no words he could say would stir his friend from his brooding Ron gave up. "Well alright then, but if you decide you actually want to talk about it let me know. Remember to do your Occlumency thingy before you go to sleep. You'll probably wake up the whole house after all the stuff today." With that Ron rolled over to go to sleep.

"Thanks Ron. Thanks a lot." Harry said with all the sincerity he could muster. "Goodnight." Ron replied the same and was soon producing the soft breathing that signaled he was asleep. Harry's mind continued to race however. Once he had started to think about his life it was difficult to bury those thoughts. He mentally prepared himself for another sleepless night. Perhaps Ron was right, he just needed a distraction, but he wasn't sure what could preoccupy his mind enough to keep it from thinking of the death that seemed to follow him around. Harry allowed himself to settle into his usual reflections. The night passed slowly, leaving him exhausted when he finally roused himself in the early morning hours.

He made his way into the kitchen, deciding that it he could give Mrs. Weasley a break by fixing breakfast. Pulling out pots and pans he began cooking eggs and bacon. He also prepared some coffee and juice in addition to a platter of toast. Mr. Weasley made his way into the kitchen before heading out to work. He grabbed some toast and coffee. He picked up his briefcase and gave a muffled "Thanks Harry," through the bit of toast in his mouth as he left.

Shortly thereafter people began to wander down into the kitchen to the wonderful smell of breakfast. Mrs. Weasley gave Harry a warm hug and a kiss when she found he had already cooked the meal for her. "You didn't need to go through all that trouble Harry. Thank you very much." she said with a look of pride to which the twins rolled their eyes. Harry sat with everyone else and picked at his food before finally deciding that he was hungry. Fred, George, and Ginny had all rushed through their meal and quickly left for the joke shop. After he finished Harry wandered back to his bedroom still lost in his own thoughts. Preparing breakfast had provided only temporary relief. Once again he threw himself onto his bed and resigned himself to spending the day in the same manner as he had the previous night.

Ron came in a little while after breakfast and asked Harry if he wanted to join him and Hermione in the library. He really didn't, but he followed anyway. They spent the whole morning there and left when it was time for lunch. Harry ate very little, and when his friends got up to return to the library he continued past them and up the stairs to his room, saying he needed to lie down for a while. He had no sooner entered the room then he found himself unable to settle down. Glancing around Harry's gaze fell onto the still unread letter from Sirius. Guilt washed over him. He paced the room drowning in his own emotions. Once again he was faced with the prospect of reading the final words of his Godfather, and once again he put it off. "I've got too much on my mind already," he thought, feeling the need to excuse himself.

The last few days of vacation slipped away quickly. Remus had returned two days after the attack. He had recovered well enough and assured everyone that he was in good health. He also took the chance to pull Harry aside. "So how are you doing Harry? I hear you had a little bout with Kreacher."

"Yeah I guess." Harry replied. "I just got really upset. That's all."

Remus eyed Harry with a look of compassion. "Care to talk about it?" he said evenly.

It took a few seconds for Harry to answer. "I suppose I panicked when I heard that you were hurt. I lost Sirius-" his voice broke over the words he was trying to say. "I- I lost Sirius and I feel guilty about it. They were looking for me in Diagon Alley when you got hurt. It felt like if it weren't for me you wouldn't have been hurt, and- and Sirius would still be alive." Once he began to speak he found it was much easier than expected and he allowed the words to continue their flow. "I've been trying to reason through it, but it's tough. I can't believe he's gone. I mean, how do I say goodbye to what we had? Anyway, I was going to sit down to think about it when I ran into Kreacher and he said something and I lost control. I hate him. God I hate him. If Ginny didn't stop me I would have killed him. And that just makes me feel worse. Even if I'm not the one doing these things I feel responsible. It seems like everything that happens because of me, and I can't do anything to stop it. I'm tired of being useless." Harry's shoulders slumped as he finished trying to explain himself. His gaze fell to the floor as he was speaking and he had yet to look up again.

Remus allowed Harry to speak without interrupting. The young man in front of him certainly looked like he had grown weary of the world long before his time. He had borne far too much for someone so young. Lupin's own experiences had been similar. His life growing up as a werewolf had forced him into a life of burdens and misunderstanding. He could relate to some of what Harry felt. Looking down at the child of his best friends he was filled with pity. "You know Harry, it's natural after all you've been through to feel guilt. I'm not saying that you are responsible by any measure," he added as Harry looked up in shock, "but you amaze me at how quickly you are maturing. Most adults wouldn't be able to distinguish the fact that it is not their fault, or even acknowledge their emotions after these experiences. You have always done what you thought was right, which is very important. It is also understandable that you will have a bad reaction when confronted by the people who are responsible. What is most important though is that as you sort through these problems you realize that you cannot control everything in this world. Not even the most powerful wizards can do such a thing. We all make choices and must accept the consequences of our actions. I went to Diagon Alley because it was the right thing to do. Sirius chose to go to the Ministry out of love for you. He accepted that he was putting himself at risk. There are some things that are worth dying for, and his love for you is certainly not the least of these things."

"I guess I can understand that, but even then he only had to put himself at risk because of my choice. I chose to go to the Ministry and because of that my friends were hurt, and Sirius-."

Hearing Harry's words only renewed the heavy feeling in Remus' heart. "I see your point Harry. Still I believe that this was beyond your control. You had a vision and did your best with the information you had. No one could expect anything more." His words did not have the desired effect. Remus had always tried to be the rational one growing up, rather a necessity of his condition. His own emotions had always been closely guarded. He pondered this for a moment and, deciding that it was perhaps what Harry needed, he changed tact. "Listen to me Harry. Can you recall the last thing that Sirius said to you?"

Harry blinked. What did this have to do with anything? "Yeah, I suppose. He said something like 'Good one, get Neville and the others and get out of here.' But what does that-"

Remus cut across Harry's last thought, "Exactly, exactly. Now, I may be guessing, but I am fairly certain that he didn't know that those would be the last words he would say to you. He loved you a great deal more than he ever said and that is why he left you a letter, to be sure that he had a chance to tell you everything he felt. Anyway, when he told you that in the ministry, what do you think he was feeling just then?"

"I don't really know. I suppose with all the fighting he was probably worried about all of our safety." Harry answered honestly.

"No Harry, that's not what I meant. I'm sure that he was worried about all of you, but I was referring to the first part. What did he feel when he told you good one?" Harry had no response other than shaking his head. Remus bore a puzzled expression for a moment and then continued. "Pride Harry. He was proud of you. Sirius might have gone there to save you, but he knew that whatever had brought you there must have been important, and that you would have made the right decision in going there. I would also think that in telling you to get the others out of there he showed a lot of faith in your abilities. He trusted you to protect your friends and get them out of harm's way." The thoughts had finally overwhelmed his former professor as tears began to well up in his eyes. Harry felt the same burning liquid as it streamed down his own face.

"Thanks. I needed to hear that. It's been a while since I could hold my head up high." Harry said. "I still feel terrible about it all, but at least now I can think a little more clearly about it. Thank you Remus." The door to the sitting room flew open at that moment, and they both turned in surprise at the intrusion.



A concerned look crossed the face of Ginny Weasley as she eyed the two men sitting in opposing chairs. Both were staring at her, and both had tears in their eyes. Realizing what they must look like they both turned away to right themselves before facing her again. "Harry Potter!" she yelled, returning to the reason she had actually charged into the room. She continued her rant with mock indignation, "You still owe me a talk you know."

Looking up Harry glanced a sly smile crossing Lupin's face before he turned his attention to Ginny, "Sorry about that Ginny. I didn't mean to, you've just been working a lot, so I didn't want to bother you. Besides, I could say the same thing to you."

Ginny looked crossly at Harry, unsure of what he meant. "What! What are you talking about? Don't you try to blame this on me." She would have continued but Harry had put up his hands up in surrender and Lupin was actually shaking in a fit of laughter.

"Alright I give up." Harry said, as a smile lifted on his face as well. "I only meant that you still haven't told me what was bothering you from when you found me with buckbeak, and that was ages ago. Anyway, I don't think I could handle much more talking tonight," he said bringing the mood back to normal. "Remus and I just finished with one long chat, and if I start another I am likely to turn into a basket case."

"Well okay then, but I'm not letting you off the hook. What do you say we talk on the train if we don't get a chance before then?" Ginny said, still eyeing him suspiciously. "It's not like I'll have anything else to do."

"Definitely." replied Harry. He noted the flat tone in her voice and wondered about it, but decided to leave it until they sat down to talk. With that the three left the room and went their separate ways.