Sara…
The very name evoked feelings of misery and hatred from the bowels of my soul. She had taken me down a path I would not have wished upon my worst enemy. She'd brought me a pain that only a woman could. It was because of Sara—because of all the people who said Lex was bad for me—that I continued to visit the CEO at the head of the nation's most enterprising corporation.
Sara. The aptly named "old ball and chain". Privately I wondered what she wanted to do with me, the fruits of my midnight discussion with her still looming heavily on my mind. Jesse approached the door and glanced thoughtfully at the hastily scrawled note.
"Who's that?"
"My…girlfriend," I said spitefully. "But we haven't spoken in…months."
"Clue number one," Jesse murmured quietly as he sat down at the computer.
"What was that?"
"Oh…nothing. You mind if I check my mail?"
"No, not at all. If you can get it to work," I said distantly. "Hand me my cellular."
Engaged in his own affair, Jesse obliged, handing it across his field of vision without missing a beat.
"I'll take this downstairs," I said, already on my way out. I didn't hear Jesse's muttered response.
I dialed Sara's home number on my way down the stairs. After three rings, a female voice answered.
"Hello?"
"This is Allen O'Neill. I need to—"
"Oh Allen!" she exclaimed loudly; I found myself rip the phone away from my ear momentarily on account of her loudness. "I'm so glad you called," she continued.
"I bet you are," I said, sidestepping her gleeful questions. I wasn't about to undergo a change of mind based on whim—I was never in that business. "Now what can I do for you?"
"Oh not much. I stopped in earlier to see if you wanted to grab a bite to eat, but you weren't there."
"Yeah, I got a sandwich with a friend."
"A friend, eh?"
"Yeah," I said curtly. I found my way to the ground floor and pushed open one of the double doors leading to the back parking lot.
"He's pretty cool. Name's Jesse. From Star City."
"Wow. He must have a lot of stories."
"What makes you say that?"
"Well, isn't that Green Arrow guy from Star City?"
"Yeah," I replied, puzzling over the idea of this Green Arrow guy actually existing. "I think he is."
"I'd like to meet him sometime. Why don't you bring him home on some weekend?"
"Jesse or the Green Arrow?"
"Jesse," Sara replied, unenthused.
"Yeah," I replied hesitantly. "I guess I could do that."
"Great. See you later."
"Yeah. See ya."
I disconnected the line and stared at the small phone in my hand, wondering why in all creation Sara had turned a page and decided to be nice to me. After what I pulled the last time we spoke, she should have ground me up and put me into a hamburger. Oh well, I thought. Things happen. Your job isn't to question why. Just roll with the punches.
Yup. I know.
On my way back up to my room, I couldn't stop thinking about Sara…and how nice she was to me. It wasn't overtly out of character for her, but disconcerting nonetheless.
When I got back to my room, Jesse had gone from the PC to my bed. My fucking bed, you sleaze. In any case, he was out like a light bulb; breathing rhythmically and making me feel oddly calmed.
"Loser," I muttered, and threw a blanket over him.
I spent the rest of the night on the PC looking at what Lex's money would be put to: a new dorm on the eastern side of campus. Near the River. Near Strykers.
But, oddly, he was only fronting half the bill. It's not every day that a billionaire with virtually no ties to the university comes through the door and whips out his check book. But…when money talks, people listen.
After I finished looking into Lex's beneficence, I found my sleeping arrangements were limited. The floor boasted as good a place as any, but I didn't want to work through a day of backaches.
So, despite the forking-over of a few dollars, I found the only coffee shop on campus; lucky me, it was open 24 hours. Over the course of several cups of coffee, I kept replaying my conversation with Sara over and over in my head. What was unsettling about it wasn't just her chipper mood—given her usual self, she was a box of chocolates over the phone—but the way she spoke. The inflection, the way she bounced off one word and onto the next one like some mindless Valley Girl. That was not the Sara Andrews I knew.
So the only question left…who was it?
When I returned to my room, it was 4 a.m. and Jesse was still asleep on my bed, one leg thrown lazily over the edge, dangling within a few inches of the floor. When I looked up at the bed, I saw Jesse staring down at me. The action took place rapidly, and the sight of his eerie brown eyes staring down at me made me shove my back up against the door with a shriek.
With a childlike gleam in his eyes, Jesse said, "Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."
"Yeah," I said clutching my chest and breathing heavily. "It's…alright. You got the jump on me."
"Sorry about that."
"It's fine. So how you doing?"
"Rested and rejuvenated," he said with a yawn. "You hungry?"
I nodded in agreement and pulled a Pop-Tart out of my backpack and tossed the foil-wrapped package to Jesse. Privately, I wondered what Jesse's fascination with always eating was. He was a little too well fed and muscled up to be a wino…or a pothead.
"So," I said as we were seated. "Sleep good last night?"
"Yeah. Had a messed up dream, though."
"Oh?" I pulled a glass bottle of Iced Tea out of the fridge.
"Yeah. I only wish I could remember it."
I snickered and started into the tea.
As I finished off my tea, I noticed Jesse was glancing dubiously at the ground, wringing his hands. That damn Nixon routine again, I joked to myself, trying to glaze over the oncoming gravity of the situation. Sweat trickled down his forehead. Something was eating at him, no doubts. But I couldn't be sure what it was.
"Uh…Allen?" He asked tentatively.
"Yeah?"
"Have you ever…felt a certain way about something but you were afraid…to talk about it. Because you were afraid of what someone thought of it?"
"Once or twice," I said lightly, as I flashed back to Lex and his recent decision to allow me a place in his life. He came to my house late at night and offered legal custody of me—to take me away from the iniquity--if that accurately described it--of my home. Reluctantly, I refused his offer. Since then, I had seen him, but less frequently. So the entire situation begged a thought: have I lost something in Lex only to find something in Jesse? I couldn't focus on my ongoing little crisis. Had to think about Jesse…and whatever was bugging him.
"Jesse, what is it?"
"Allen, I…" His posture slouched and weariness set across his face. "I feel I should tell you…certain things. We're friends, and the last thing I want to do is hide stuff from you."
"Hey…I respect that. You're my friend, and I'm here for you."
"That's…really nice of you to say."
"Don't mention it. Now what did you want to tell me?"
"Allen, I…" Jesse trailed off again, as my brow furled in concentration. Privately, I had a few preconceptions about what he was going to say, but no real concrete proof. Ain't it always the way?
Jesse glanced away momentarily, and turned back to me.
"Allen. I'm gay."
My eyes narrowed, and in the deep recesses of my mind I started searching for an answer. I was not concerned about the "why me" factor, as much as I was "poor Jesse". This was a very snobbish notion, I realized, but I remained still. Speechless.
Realizing he was out on a stretched limb, Jesse swallowed what saliva was in his mouth and his eyes began searching the room. I couldn't, obviously, read his mind; however, I did have a pretty good inkling of what was running through his head. I had been there myself a few times before.
Jesse stood, clearing his throat. His eyes darted around the room uncomprehendingly. "I…should probably go."
And Jesse left. I stood absentmindedly and walked slowly towards the door. I pulled a wad of cash out of my pocket and tossed it back on the table.
Next: Perspective!
