A Hard Place part four – Quiet Memories.
by Angel Mouse
Thunderbird Five
Alan couldn't sleep. No matter how hard he tried, how many times he tossed and turned, his mind couldn't turn off and he couldn't stop thinking of John. Finally he gave up and got up, heading towards the small kitchenette that they both used while on station.
He flicked the light on and went to the fridge. A few minutes later he had a mug of warm cocoa and walked out towards the control room but after a moment detoured and stood in the door of John's room. He cradled the mug of cocoa in his hands as he looked in his room. There was John's old telescope that he had been given as a Christmas present when he was just starting high school.
When Thunderbird 5 had come online John had brought it with him, saying with a grin that it was a piece of home he wasn't going to be parted with. Alan's gaze then fell onto the nightstand by John's bed and he couldn't help the warm smile that came on his face. It was a photo of the five boys just before International Rescue came online.
They were all in their uniforms for the first time ever and it would be the last time they would be together. John was standing between Scott and Virgil, with his arms slung around his two big brothers. Alan and Gordon were standing in front of them and all five boys were grinning madly. Alan remembered that day with great fondness, as it had been a good day all round. A barbeque with all the family, trying on their uniforms for the first time and their Father looking so proud of them as they took the photo.
Alan leaned against the door frame, looking at the photo and John's bed, neat, tidy and made with clean sheets and military square corners. Alan smiled as he recalled a conversation he had with John later on that night the day the photo was taken.
Alan leaned against the balcony, a beer in his hand. After some photo's had been taken they had all changed into some casual wear. Alan had slipped back into his tan shorts and a blue shirt. Suddenly he was aware that he wasn't alone and he looked over to see John standing next to him, a beer in his hand as well. John looked relaxed in his brown shorts and white t-shirt as he leaned against the balcony next to Alan.
"Hey Alan."
"Hey John, how's it going?" John gave him a warm smile as he sipped his beer and looked out over the ocean.
"It goes well Alan. Are you ready for everything?" Alan looked over at him sharply, not sure what John meant.
"Huh? Of course I'm ready John. We all are." Alan looked away from his brother, studying the ocean. John just smiled at him and lowered his voice slightly.
"Alan, this is me you're talking to. I know you have doubts. We all do." Alan was surprised and looked over sharply at John, only to find his brother looking out at the sea again. John kept speaking softly. "I've been having the same thoughts you know. I keep thinking what if I make a mistake, what if I get it wrong. What if I make a wrong choice or decision and one of you guys get hurt? I couldn't live with that. And I'm not alone in my thoughts. Scott, Virgil and Gordon, we've all had them the last few weeks as tomorrow got closer and closer."
Alan kept looking at him and finally John turned and looked Alan in the eyes and smiled. "But I have faith in you all Alan. Each of us will do our best and that's all we ask. I know you have been having the same thoughts, but remember this Alan. I'm here for you, for all of you, always. Even though I'm not going to be physically here, I'll only be a call away. I promise you that I'll always be here if you need me." Alan was speechless and finally after a few moments got his voice back.
"How did you know?" Alan hadn't told anyone his fears, even Gordon and he was closer to Gordon than any of his brothers. John had just smiled and slung an arm around Alan's shoulder and grinned, lowering his voice.
"Because I know each and everyone of my brothers Alan, surprisingly enough. And over the last two days I've had to have this same chat with each and every one of them. All you have to remember is try your best, do your best and always have faith that no matter what, your brothers will always be there for you and always watch out for you." Alan didn't know what to say and had just looked at John for a few moments and then he smiled.
"Thanks John. You don't know how much that means to me. Just to know you're here if I need you." John grinned and squeezed his shoulder before dropping his arm.
"Always will be Alan." Alan just smiled and suddenly felt a lot better, his fears melting away at his brother's quiet reassurance. Just then his other three brothers came bustling out onto the balcony, fresh drinks and noisy idea's for celebrating the last night the brothers would be together as a family for a very long time.
Alan sighed as he walked into John's room, his mug of cocoa now drained as the memories of that day over whelmed him. Unable to stop the tear falling down his cheek, Alan put the mug on the night stand and lay down on the bed, hugging John's pillow to his chest.
He curled up and began to softly sob as worry for his older brother finally took its toll. For a long time, the only sound that could be heard in Thunderbird 5 was the soft sounds of someone sobbing. But finally after almost an hour, the sobs stopped as its occupant finally gave into the sleep it so desperately needed.
Tracy Island
The kitchen fridge door cast a soft glow over the form leaning in it. The tussled brown hair and dishevelled clothes revealed someone that hadn't obviously slept well. Finally he reached in and grabbed a container of flavoured milk, the kind Kyrano always bought for Gordon on his shopping runs.
"Better grab two more of those Scott." Scott didn't even flinch; he just grabbed two more and closed the door, turning around to find Gordon and Virgil standing by the door. He threw the milk at them and as one they reached out and grabbed the cartons from the air. He looked at them as they moved over to the kitchen table.
"Couldn't sleep either huh guys?" Gordon shook his head, his dishevelled red hair reflecting the moonlight streaming through the windows. Virgil slumped down in a chair, pulling one out for Scott as the eldest Tracy brother slumped into a chair next to him, Gordon taking his normal seat opposite them.
"Nope. Guess we're all too much the same." Gordon began to shake his milk.
"Want to take bets that Alan's not sleeping either." Virgil snorted.
"No bet." Virgil didn't say anything, just shook his milk carton as well and opened it, drinking some from it. The three brothers sat there, not saying anything, drinking the flavoured milk with only the moonlight to see by. Eventually Scott sighed and Virgil looked over at him.
"Now don't you go thinking this is your fault Scott. There was nothing any of us could have done, you know that."
"I sent him down that hole Virgil. I sent him down into that trap. He's my responsibility on a rescue, you all are." Virgil sighed and looked at Scott.
"Scott he went down because he had a job to do, he was the only one who could do it. He wanted to go down there. He was the only one that could do it." Scott sighed.
"I know that Virgil, in my head I know that. But my heart, my heart aches for him to be home, to be safe."
"So does mine Scott, we all do. But Virgil's got a point. John was the only one that could do that job. He was the only one light enough to check out that wreckage, the only one skinny enough to fit down there and make sure those men were fine. You made the right decision. We weren't to know that there was a madman down there with a gun to take him away from us and kill those poor men. We do what we have to Scott. You've said that time and time again." Scott looked at Gordon, surprised by how vehement his words were. Scott looked at Virgil and they both looked at Gordon and suddenly Scott gave a short laugh.
"For a moment there Gordy, you sound like me." Gordon gave a startled laugh and grinned at them both. "You been listening to John haven't you?" Gordon's smile faded a little and he sighed.
"We chat a lot." Gordon paused and then continued his voice soft. "I miss him you know, when he's up in Thunderbird 5. Scott and Virgil both nodded.
"Yeah Gordon, we know. We all do. It's weird though, isn't it? When John's here we hardly notice that he's home, usually because Alan's trying to wheedle his way out of his duty and he only ends up being home for a short time. And then when Alan's home we barely know that John's not here with us. Does that sound weird or crazy?" Virgil's tone was thoughtful but slightly unsure. Scott reached over and put his hand on Virgil's shoulder.
"No it doesn't. We're too used to having Alan around all the time. John's so understanding and helpful to us all it doesn't really bother him when Alan tries to wheedle out of his duty." Gordon shook his head and looked at his two elder brothers, unsure if he should say something or not. But he noticed his brother's were looking at him, curiosity on their faces. "What is it Gordon? Do you know something that we don't?"
Gordon sighed, knowing that he had to say something. John would never say anything to his brothers but one night Gordon had managed to get it out of him. His mind flashed back to that conversation almost a year ago…
Gordon grinned at John as he sipped his hot chocolate. John was in his pyjama's, as was Gordon, and it was three in the morning. John was shaking his head as his hands were wrapped around a mug.
"Come on Gordon, you know as well as I do that Scott would never get back at Alan like that."
"Oh yes he did. I took photos and everything. I'll upload them to you in the morning." John laughed and drained his drink.
"I just wish I was as inventive as Scott for my revenge. But Alan usually stays away from me, he's always wanting to stay on my good side." John grimaced for a moment but Gordon caught it.
"What do you mean? Keep on your good side John?" Gordon studied his older brother closely and then his brain caught up with him. "Ah, this is about Alan getting out of Thunderbird 5 duty all the time, isn't it." John sighed and shook his head.
"No." Gordon just stared at him, raising his eyebrow as he locked eyes with his brother. After a few seconds John caved, as he'd never been able to hold up long under his ginger haired brother's stare. "Alright, it is."
"He's really pushing the whole brotherly love thing lately isn't he John?" John sighed, running a hand through his blonde hair.
"A little. I mean most of the time I don't mind but I'm starting to think that this is the only place that I belong in the organisation. Sometimes I feel like that Thunderbird 5 is going to end up being my tomb." John sighed again, looking down for a moment and then back up at Gordon. "Just sometimes I wish I could be on the ground more often, spend more time with you guys. I find I just miss you heaps sometimes." Gordon didn't know what to say and after a moment he finally spoke.
"We miss you as well John. I think Alan just doesn't realise how much he's taking advantage of you. You've got to stop saying yes to him John. And you've got to talk to him, tell him to stop weaselling his way out of his duty." John nodded.
"I know I should, but sometimes I find it hard you know. I've never been able to say no to Alan, especially since he and Tin-Tin have been getting more and more serious." Gordon nodded.
"I know but that's no reason for him to only spend about three months of the year up there instead of the six he's supposed to. You're going to have to say something to him John, or I will." John looked at him and nodded.
"Yeah I know. I'll think about it, just don't say anything to Scott okay Gordon? He'll just worry about it. Anyway, what are your plans for tomorrow?"
The conversation had ended there and Gordon had been occasionally on at John to talk to Alan but nothing had happened.
"Gordon, is there something you're not telling me?" Scott's voice had taken on the 'I'm the eldest so I know best' tone that he tended to use sometimes when something had happened to one of his younger brothers.
"He asked me not to say anything Scott." Now Scott was getting worried.
"About what Gordon? You're worrying me here." Gordon sighed.
"John and I chat of a night sometimes, when all you guys are asleep. We spend hours talking about everything and anything." Virgil sat up a little straighter in his chair and Scott leaned forward.
"Gordon." Gordon sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
"John's not as understanding about Alan wheedling his way out of his duty as you think Scott. Earlier this year we had a chat and John wasn't feeling to brotherly towards our baby brother at the time. He was feeling alone, cut off and not a part of the family any more. But thankfully not too long after that Alan actually stayed up there for a few extra weeks to give John a break, otherwise I think John might have had more than a few words with baby brother." Scott leaned back, stunned. Virgil looked just as shocked as Scott was. They exchanged glances and then looked back at Gordon.
"But he's okay now, isn't he?" Scott just sat there, unable to say anything, stunned that he had missed the signs of his younger brother being unhappy.
"Yeah he's fine now Virgil. I think he just needed a break. You forget sometimes Virgil and you to Scott, how much we all depend on John. I think this happening has brought it all back to us how much we depend on John, how much we all take him for granted. I've tried top make sure lately that we haven't been, but it hasn't been easy. But I promised John I wouldn't say anything to you guys, especially you Scott." Scott looked up, startled.
"Me? Why not me?" Gordon gave a frustrated sigh.
"Because he knew that you'd blame yourself for missing the signs that sometimes he gets a little unhappy up there, alone. He misses his family is all Scott. And we tend to forget that." Scott was startled by the depth of his brother's words and after a moment he nodded.
"I guess your right Gordon. We do tend to forget that most of the time John's stuck up in the station, unable to see us on a moment's notice, or join us in a game of volleyball at the drop of a hat." Scott nodded to himself as if deciding something. "But when we get him home, we'll make sure he doesn't feel alone any more, okay?" Gordon grinned.
"Fine by me Scott." Virgil echoed Gordon's grin.
"And me. Hey, why don't we have a huge party when he gets home? Show him just how much we miss him all the time." Gordon's grin turned extremely wicked.
"That sounds a great idea Virgil." Scott grinned as he stood, picking up the empty milk containers.
"It's a plan then. Now come on guys, we need to get some sleep. Hopefully in the morning we'll have some good news and by this time tomorrow night we'll have our brother back home with us." Virgil and Gordon got to their feet and nodded.
"Right you are Scott. Night Gordon. Night Scott." Virgil head off towards his bedroom and Gordon hung back a moment and looked at Scott.
"What is it Gordon?"
"You won't tell him that I told you, about what he said about Alan taking him for granted all the time." Scott smiled at Gordon and put his hand on his shoulder as they began walking back towards their bedrooms.
"No I won't Gordon, don't worry about it." Scott paused at Gordon's bedroom door and smiled gently at Gordon. "You did the right thing Gordon. Get some sleep." Gordon turned and gave Scott a quick hug and then went into his bedroom. Scott watched him go and then sighed. He turned and headed back towards his bedroom, but he paused on the way outside John's room.
John's room was next to Scott's, something that Scott had insisted on since his father had brought home the plans for the villa on Tracy Island. John had always had his own room, and it had always been next to Scott's ever since they were young.
The five brothers had always had each of their own rooms – except Gordon and Alan – they always shared. Scott had his room, John next to him and Virgil across the hallway from both of them. Even now it was the same, except Gordon and Alan now had their own rooms.
Scott opened John's door and stood in the door frame, looking inside his brother's room. It was neat, tidy and just like John. Star charts were on the walls and his book case was covered in books on astronomy, languages, piloting and all sorts of different things that John was interested in. And strangely enough, there was a reasonably large fantasy and science fiction section as well. His bed was made neatly and all his clothes were away.
Scott saw the telescope that he and his other brothers had chipped in one year and bought it for John. Scott walked over and gently ran his hands over the telescope, smiling in remembrance at the look on John's face when he had un-wrapped it three years ago on his birthday.
The four brothers were sitting around the table out by the pool, drinks and food on another table. Jeff had taken their grandmother inside for fresh drinks, leaving the four boys alone for a few minutes. Alan had followed them back inside and reappeared moments later with a long wrapped object.
Brains and Tin-Tin were currently on Thunderbird 5 installing some new software and monitoring systems. John's birthday gave them an excuse to go up and do it, plus give the brothers a couple of days together. Alan plopped the parcel in front of John with a grin and sat down opposite him. John looked at them all and got four wicked looking grins.
"What's this?" Scott just grinned.
"Your birthday present Star boy, open it up." John had laughed and ripped off the paper with the glee of a four year old at Christmas. Star boy had been a nick name that they had given John when he was a kid and had begun to stare at the stars.
John opened the parcel and gasped in surprise. His eyes took in the lines of the telescope and after a moment he looked up at each and every one of his brothers. Scott could see the joy in his eyes and the pleasure it was going to give him. John's eyes locked with Scott's and Scott could read the thanks in them. It had been Scott John had told a few months ago that he missed being able to study the stars from his room like he used to do at home before they moved to the island.
"I don't know what to say, thanks guys. This means so much to me." They all smiled at him and just then their father had come back out with fresh drinks. A few hours later John had managed to get Scott off to one corner quietly. John had been quiet and smiling brightly at his brother.
"Thanks Scott
."
"For what?" John just grinned.
"I know it was you that organised my present. I know you, you would do anything for any of us, and you knew how much I miss being able to look at the stars from my room. You always know how to look after us all. But you know what this means don't you?" John's grin was fairly wicked and Scott just looked at him.
"What?" Scott's tone was wary. Sometimes you never knew with John.
"You've just ensured that your birthday this year is going to be unforgettable." Scott had tried to protest but John had just winked and walked away.
Scott indeed had an unforgettable birthday that year thanks to his quiet brother. Scott took a deep breath and looked around John's bedroom. The worry he felt for his brother was beginning to take its toll on him. Scott ran his hand over the telescope once more and softly whispered as if to himself.
"Don't worry Johnny; I'm going to make sure you get home." Scott looked up to the stars. "We need you. We all need you." Scott sighed softly and turned, walking back to his own bedroom. He didn't see the shadow that was Virgil sitting in the darkened corner of John's room.
Virgil's heart practically broke at Scott's soft words. He hugged his knees to his chest as he sat in his brother's room. Scott and Virgil were close, that was natural really as they went on every rescue together and had worked in so many dangerous situations that there bond grew so strong that sometimes they acted and thought almost as one. It was like the bond between Alan and Gordon. The two youngest Tracy brothers were the same really.
But John was special to all the Tracy brothers. Each of them had a special bond with John. When Virgil thought about it, and he did occasionally, John was really the heart of the Tracy boys. Each of them went to him when they had a problem or wanted to talk about something.
John was the one they all turned to when something was troubling them or they had experienced a bad rescue or just wanted to chat. Virgil knew that Gordon was probably closer to John than all of them, but that's mainly because of all the late night chats the two brothers shared.
Virgil sighed as his eyes roved around the room like Scott's had a few minutes ago. The room felt so empty without John being in it. Over on the desk was the latest piece of music that Virgil had recorded for him to listen to. Virgil often recorded music for John to listen to up in Thunderbird 5 when he was studying the stars.
John had often said it helped him numerous times when he was watching the stars. With a smile Virgil remembered the first time he had given John a tape of his music. John had made a comment one day that he enjoyed listening to Virgil play the piano when he was stargazing and that had given Virgil the idea.
"What's this Virgil?" John had been busy packing his things for his next stint on Thunderbird 5 as Alan was due to come home from his first stint on Thunderbird 5. They had been in the rescue business now a few months and things were going well for them. John looked up from the parcel that Virgil had gift wrapped for him.
"It's a present for you. Open it." John was perplexed as he opened the parcel and then looked up at Virgil, confusion on his face.
"Virgil, what's this?" Virgil just grinned at him.
"It's a few of your favourite pieces of music that you've mentioned a few times over the years that you enjoyed. So, I taped them for you as a present." John looked down at the tape and then back up at his brother, the joy was evident in his bright blue eyes. Suddenly he threw his arms around Virgil and pulled him into a hard hug.
"Thank you Virgil. This is a beautiful gift and I will treasure it until the end of time." John had hugged him tight and after a moment he let him go.
"Any time John." John held him by the shoulders and grinned at him.
"Virgil, never, ever stop playing and never doubt your talent. Your music is so uplifting and so beautiful it is the soul of this family. Never, ever change."
That memory brought tears to Virgil's eyes. That was one of his fondest memories of John and that day had been a beautiful one between the two brothers. Virgil loved all his brothers but John was special. To all of them really. Virgil sighed and got to his feet. Suddenly he knew he wasn't alone and he turned to find Scott standing in the doorway. Scott gave him a small smile.
"I knew I wasn't alone in here. Come on Virgil, we're doing Johnny no good by wallowing in sorrow and what ifs and memories. We need our rest for when we find the bastard that's taken him from us." Virgil nodded and left the room, walking with Scott towards his room. Suddenly Virgil felt the need to be close with his brother's tonight and turned to look at Scott and Scott was just smiling slightly at him.
"Yeah I know. Come on, let's go join Gordon. If he's like you, he'll want company tonight."
"Thanks Scott. It's kind of hard to explain." Scott squeezed his shoulder as they opened the door to Gordon's room.
"It's okay Virgil." Scott looked in to find that Gordon wasn't there. They turned and glanced at one another and then heard soft footsteps behind them. They turned to find Gordon coming out of Scott's room. Gordon looked relieved to see them both and without words or thought, the two older brothers went to Scott's room.
Putting an arm around Gordon's shoulders Scott led them into his room and the three brothers curled up together on Scott's bed. They stayed there for a long time before sleep over came them.
Unknown location
The guards had came in some hours ago and taken away the uneaten meal. John hadn't moved from the bed where he had lain down earlier, curled up, trying to come to grips with the whole situation. The only time he moved was earlier when he had to use the bathroom.
He knew he was being watched but right now he didn't care. All he wanted was to be at home, safe, with his brothers. He wanted Scott to come and tell him it was going to be alright and to stop worrying so much.
His big brother always made him feel safe and strong. He wanted Virgil to play him his favourite sonata on the piano as he gazed at the stars. He wanted Gordon to work with him in the kitchen making pizza on a late night fridge raid. He wanted to play video racing games with Alan, beating his little grand prix driver brother. He wanted to talk about the latest World Space Agency project with his father. He wanted to help Brains work on a new prototype of something or other.
He wanted to weed the garden beds with Kyrano and talk with Tin-Tin about the future. He wanted to taste Grandma's fresh baked apple pie. He wanted to hear Parker's cockney accent arguing with Kyrano over who took Lady Penelope's tea to her.
And he wanted to hear Lady Penelope's soft, cultured tones chiding them all for acting like kids when they splashed her with water from playing in the pool. He wanted so much to be home with his family. A tear wound it's way down his cheek as he held himself as sleep slowly over came his tired and exhausted body.
"I miss you guys." was the only thing he could think of to say. Never had he so much felt so alone like he did right then.
Hotel Crownside
Penelope was tired from the long day of fruitless searching for clues to John. After having a small meal in the hotel's dining room she had retired for the evening to her suite, giving Parker the night off. She had changed into her satin pyjamas and was brushing her hair in preparation to go to bed when the video phone beeped. Frowning as no one but Jeff knew she was here; Penny answered the call and raised an eyebrow in surprise as she saw who it was.
"Lord Nicholas Leeton. This is an unexpected surprise." He smiled at Penelope and it sent shivers up her spine. Lord Leeton was a lovely elderly man whom Penelope greatly respected. His son – Nicholas – how ever wasn't one that Penelope usually associated with. She'd had dinner with him a couple of times, seen him at the odd charity event. But something about him always made her shy away from him.
"Ah Lady Penelope. You won't believe how surprised I was to see your name come up the guest list of one of my hotels. What are you doing down this way?"
"Just doing some travelling about Nicholas and need a stop over before continuing on. I didn't know this was one of your hotels. I must say it's very lovely. I'm enjoying it immensely." He smiled and Penelope felt shivers run up her spine.
"I'm glad you like it Penelope. Say, I'm going to be in town in a couple of days time, have some business to attend to and then I'm going out to a little island off the coast for some hunting. Why don't you come with me? It's been ages since I've seen you at a hunt." Fox hunting had been a long British tradition for years gone by. The hunts were still held, but these day with no foxes. The riders and their dogs hunted a robotic fox. They still got their excitement and entertainment but it was a lot more humane. Penelope shook her head and managed a smile.
"I'm sorry Nicholas. But this travelling I'm doing is actually business related for a dear friend of mine and I can't put it off. But I didn't think American's were into Fox Hunting." Penelope knew that Nicholas was in to all sorts of strange sports and adventures.
"No they aren't. Some person called Meriza has set up what he calls the greatest hunt of all time. He's invited a select few for free and charging the rest of us a bundle of money. He's promised that we'll be hunting the ultimate prey but no harm will come to any animal." Penelope shivered. She didn't like those sorts of things.
"Sounds dreadfully awful. I'm sorry Nicholas, but I'll have a take a rain cheque for the moment." Curiosity won out for a moment though. "Does this person say what he's going to let you hunt?" Nicholas shrugged.
"No, no idea. Just claims that it's the most dangerous mammal on the planet and it'll be like no hunt ever staged. Are you sure you don't want to come?" Penelope opened her mouth to say no again but something inside stopped her. After a moment she looked at him.
"I'm not sure Nicholas. Tell you what, you have the number of FAB1, call me when you get down here and I'll think about it." Nicholas smiled and Penelope had to restrain herself from physically shivering.
"Great Penelope. I'll let you get some sleep and I'll talk to you in a couple of days when I'm down there. Bye." The call ended and Penelope closed the video phone down, frowning thoughtfully. There was something about the timing of his call that was bothering her, but for the moment she couldn't put her finger on it. Sighing, she turned off the lights and slipped into bed. hopefully tomorrow with a clear head and fresh start things would look up.
