WARNING! This guide contains somewhat to very offensive content to the following jobs. If you think this story will offend your job, do not read. The last thing I need is seeing a shitload of flames. By reading on, you have agreed not to flame me because of the content below. And yes…I trained all of these jobs, heard facts from Level 60-75 experts, and tried the follies myself. Ok, this bold text must ruin your eyes right now, so you can move on.
How to be the perfect job
Ever wondered that the job you are right now isn't working out for you? Tired of just stabbing things with your sword? Tired of curing helpless assholes? Well you came to the right place! In here, you will find ways to be the job of your choosing. Today our volunteers will be Coronos and Madant. Coronos shall be the job, and Madant will be the co-helper.
How to be a Warrior
In order to be a Warrior, you must first learn how to Provoke. Coronos and Madant will demonstrate now.
Madant: Shit! Coronos! HP55/100!
Coronos: Wtf do you want me to do?
Madant: Um…let's see…VOKE IT!!!
Coronos: Oh ok…
/ja Provoke Goblin Mugger
Madant: Thanks man. I owe you one.
Coronos: AAAGGGHHH!!!
Madant: HOLY SHIT!
/ma Cure Coronos
Coronos has been defeated by the Goblin Mugger
Madant: Oh…F
Rule #1 of being a Warrior. YOU WILL DIE! The only purpose of a Warrior is to take hits so the others don't get hurt. The purpose of a WAR is to die. And die. And die. Over…and Over…
How NOT to be a Warrior
Madant: Shit! Coronos! HP55/100!
Coronos: Wtf do you want me to do?
Madant: Um…let's see…VOKE IT!!!
Coronos: Everytime I voke the mob, I die.
Madant: WARs have uber DEF. You can handle it!
Coronos: But my HP is in the Orange Zone…
Madant: HURRY MAN! HP34/100!
Coronos: Cure yourself, you'll be 'aight.
Madant: OMFG!!! PLZ!!!
Coronos: Make me!
Madant has been defeated by the Goblin Mugger.
Madant has deleveled to Level 9.
Coronos: Oh…F
What Coronos did was a fatal and irresponsible mistake. He forgot the #1 rule of being a Warrior. YOU WILL DIE! It's ok for WARs to die, because that's their main purpose of life! Warriors are meant to take hit for the other adventurers. I mean, we don't wanna die.
How to be a Monk
In order to be a Monk, you must learn how to use your hands. Monks who use weapons are not only pussies, but weak. Coronos and Madant will demonstrate now.
Coronos: YEAH! YOU LIKE THAT BITCH?!
Madant: You tell 'em Coro.
Coronos: I'MA BEAT YOUR ASS TO THE GROUND!
Madant: You missed a spot.
Coronos: EAT IT! EAT IT! EAT IT!
Madant: Now have you learned your lesson?
Poor Beaten-up Tarutaru: Mffffmmffmfffmmfff…..?!?!?!?
Madant: I don't think he learned yet. Please continue Coro.
/ja Hundred Fists Coronos
Coronos has used the full potential of a Monk called, Hundred Fists, also called the Monk's 2hr. This 2hr cannot save your party, so feel free to use it whenever you feel like it. It's mostly used to relive some anger and beat up poor Tarutarus so you can finally get that gil he owned you 5 years ago.
How NOT to be a Monk
Madant: Shit I got aggroed.
Coronos: Is that my problem?
Madant: Let's beat the shit out of it.
Coronos: Finally! I can use this!
Madant: WTF IS THAT?!
Coronos: What? It's a club.
Madant: Pussy…
Coronos: What did you call me?
Madant: I called you a pussy, what'cha gonna do about it?
Coronos: I'ma beat you with this club, that's what I'ma do!
Madant: Pussy. Fight me like a real man!
Coronos: I'm already a man!
Madant: No you're not! You're a Pussy! (Still aggroed by the Goblin)
Coronos: STFU!!!
Madant: PUSSY! PUSSY! PUSSY!
Madant has been defeated by the Goblin Pathfinder
Coronos: AHA! WHO'S THE PUSSY NOW?!
/ra Coronos
Coronos: Oh you fing crossbow whore! TAKE THIS BIOTCH!
/ws Shining Strike Goblin Pathfinder
Shining Strike inflicts 2 damage to the Goblin Pathfinder.
Coronos: Oh shit…
/ra Coronos
Coronos has been defeated by the Goblin Pathfinder.
Coronos has been deleveled to Level 24.
Goblin Pathfinder: What a pussy…
What Coronos did back there was idiotic. Monks are useless with a club. They are in fact…pussies. Now, a Monk with a staff is a different story. They're cool. Not like Coronos…the pussy Monk with a club.
How to be a White Mage
The first rule of being a White Mage is never to get mad. A White Mage must obey orders from everyone. If a White Mage ever gives an order, prepare for a can of Whoop-ass. Coronos and Madant will demonstrate now.
Madant: Coro! Give me a Cure!
Coronos: (How would you like a penis for Christmas?)
/ma Cure Madant
Madant: You call that a cure?! Give me a Protect!
Coronos: (The only 'Protect' you need is a condom you HIV magnet.)
/ma Protect Madant
Madant: You suck ass! Give me a shell.
/ma Shell Madant
Coronos: (The only 'Shell' you'll ever need is your mom's ass.)
Madant: Give me a raise!
Coronos: But your not de-
Madant: Bitch?! Did I tell you, you could talk?!
Coronos: All I sai-
Madant: I'ma open a can of Whoop-Ass on you if you don't shut up!
Coronos: (I'ma open a portal to space and fling you in it.)
Coronos has successfully passed as a White Mage. WHMs should NEVER talk. That's why Coronos kept his comments to himself.
How NOT to be a White Mage
Madant: Damn this Goblin is hard. Coronos! I need a cur-
Coronos: NO!
Madant: YOU SPOKE! I DID NOT TELL YOU TO SPE-
/ma Silence Madant
Coronos: HA! You stupid-ass fag! Can't talk shit now can you?
Madant: … (Why I oughta kick you ass for that!)
Coronos: What's that Madant? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Madant … (Ok, Ok, Coro, you win! Just don't let me die!)
Coronos: I'ma let you die.
Madant has been defeated by the Goblin Shaman
Madant has deleveled to Level 19.
What Coronos did back there was irresponsible. Now that Madant is dead, the Goblin is now after him. That's what WHMs are for. They heal people while they beat the shit out of mobs. Now that he can't melee like a Monk, he's going to die just like Madant.
Hope you like this! It made my cousin laugh. I'll post BLM, RDM, and THF in just a bit. For now, enjoy this guide of Pros and Cons. Catch Coronos (me) and Madant in the Midgardsormr Server!
