Today, we will feature the wonders of three new jobs, Black Mage, Red Mage, and Thief. We will explain how to be those jobs, and how NOT to be them. Today, our volunteers will be Coronos, who will be the Job, and Latias, a new member that will be the co-helper.


How to be a Black Mage

In order to be a Black Mage, you must learn how to control AOE, or Area-of-Effect spells. If you use AOE spells at the right time, you will live. If you use AOE spells at the wrong time, you just wasted a shit load of MP...and you will die. Coronos and Latias will demonstrate now.

Latias: AAAGGGHHH!!!

Coronos: Wtf?

Latias: CORO! I HAVE 10 ORCS ON ME!!!

Coronos: So?

Latias: …

Coronos: Hey man, you linked them. Not me.

Latias: DO SOMETHING!!!

Coronos: Fine…

/ma Sleepga" Orcish Fodder

Latias: Phew…Thanks man.

Coronos: Sorry, I was helping a Level 2 with a linked Orc Train. You were saying?

Latias: Wait…if you used Sleepga on that guy's train…where's my train?

Coronos: Oh shit…

Latias has been defeated by the Orcish Grunt.

Coronos had just used one of the AOE spells, Sleepga. Sleepga is an AOE spell that obviously sleeps a huge amount of monsters.

How NOT to be a Black Mage

Latias: Damnit! An Orc linked me!

Coronos: When will you ever learn?

Latias: 7:45 A.M. when I go to school.

Coronos: …

Latias: Don't just stand there! Do something!

Coronos: There are other things around us.

Latias: I don't care! Help me!

Coronos: Fine! (Me, Me, Me, I, I, I, when the hell will it be Me and not Me?! That did not make any sense…)

/ma "Stonega" Orcish Grunt

Latias: Thanks man.

Coronos: Latias? I thought you said a Orc linked you?

Latias: No. I said an Orc lined me.

Coronos: You know what I mean!

Latias: Yeah. Why?

Coronos: Because there's 15 other Orcs behind you.

Latias: Oh shit…

Latias had been defeated by a shit load of Orcs.

Coronos: Wow…I'm next…

What Latias (yes…the co-helper, Latias), did back there was idiotic. BLMs are meant to obey commands because they can't think for themselves. He told Coronos to do an AOE spell, which caused the both of them to die. When partying with a BLM, never give them commands.

How to be a Red Mage

In order to be a Red Mage, you must first realize that you suck. Let's prove this mathematically.

WAR plus WHM plus BLM plus (shit times 2) equals RDM

Red Mages are a shitty Warrior, a shitty White Mage, and a shitty Black Mage. Not to mention that they are so shitty that they make shit look good enough to take a shit on, then shit it all over again. Coronos and Latias will now demonstrate.

Latias: Hello shit.

Coronos: What?!

Latias: I mean, hello Shitonos.

Coronos: CORONOS!!!

Latias: Yeah, that's what I said.

Coronos: What do you want?

Latias: My friend needs a Raise.

Coronos: I'm Level 25…

Latias: Exactly, can you Raise him?

Coronos: I don't learn that till 38.

Latias: Oh yeah…you suck.

Coronos: What else do you want?

Latias: Can you Warp II me?

Coronos: I'm a Red Mage…not a Black Mage…

Latias: Oh yeah…you suck.

Coronos: WHAT DO YOU NEED?!

Latias: Nothing from a Red Mage.

Coronos: What's that supposed to mean?!

Latias: Nothing.

Coronos had done the real job of a Red Mage: Accept harsh content from other people. RDMs are only in parties, because they are felt sorry for by others.

How NOT to be a Red Mage

Coronos: So, what do you want me to do?

Party Leader: Um…I dunno. Just do something.

/ma "Cure" Party Leader

Party's White Mage: HEY PAL! THAT'S MY JOB!!!

Coronos: Oh…sorry. (Midget little prick.)

/ma "Blind" Goblin Pathfinder

Party's Black Mage: CORONOS! THAT'S MY JOB!

Coronos: I didn't know…sorry. (I hate Mithras even more.)

/attack Goblin Pathfinder

Party Leader: WTF YOU RED MAGE! THAT'S MY JOB!

Coronos: What the hell am I supposed to do?!

Party Leader: I don't know! Go sit down!

Coronos: Fine…

/sit

Elvaan Bum: Hey dude…that's my job.

Coronos: That's it…I'm committing suicide…

What Coronos had done in this demonstration was wrong. Red Mages are not to interfere with other jobs of the party. If they do…they will committee suicide.

How to be a Thief

In order to be a Thief, you must learn how to Steal and make gil. The only reason why parties invite Thieves is because they want to make money while they train…but we don't tell Thieves that. Coronos and Latias will demonstrate now.

Party Leader: So, you got a Thief?

Latias: Yeah, he's on the way.

Coronos: Ok guys, I'm here.

Latias: Ok, let's kill this Goblin!

/ja "Steal" Goblin Gambler

Coronos/Latias/Party Leader: DIE!!!

The Goblin Gambler has been defeated by Latias.

Latias: What did you Steal, Coronos?

Coronos: Just a stupid Beastcoin.

Party Leader: Sweet! 100g!

Latias: Me too!

Coronos: Wtf? Where did you guys get 100g?

Latias/Party Leader: NOWHERE!

Coronos had just done the real job of a Thief: To get the party money while he gets a crappy 1g Coin.

How NOT to be a Thief

Latias: Die you Orc!

Coronos: AAGGHH! DIE!

The Orcish Fighter has been defeated by Coronos.

Latias: Hmmm. Hey Coro, don't Beastmen usually drop gil when they die?

Coronos: Maybe this one's fresh out.

Latias: That can't be possible. Beastmen always have spare gil, no matter what.

Coronos: Beats me…

Latias: Coronos, empty your pockets.

Coronos: Ok.

Latias: (Hmm…they're empty. I know he's hiding it somewhere.) Coronos, take off your pants.

Coronos: Ok dude, you just gone too far.

Latias: Do it!

Coronos: Wow…forceful, aren't we?

Latias: (Nothing?! God I know he is hiding that gil!) Take off your shirt!

Coronos: DAMNIT LATIAS?! I DON'T SWING THAT WAY! And besides, I hate having sex in a forest. Gives me all sorts of rashes. Like this one time, when I was alone with this hot Gir-

Latias: DO IT!

Coronos: (Crap! The gil is under my shirt! What to do…) Eh…

Latias: Well?

Coronos: Um…

/ja "Flee" Coronos

Latias: GET BACK HERE YOU SELFISH PRICK!

What Coronos did was the job of a Medeocre Thief: Steal from others. Thieves like those were caught, and executed. Todays Thieves are to steal from Beastmen.


Hope you guys like the new Chapter! Next Chapter will be a guide on how to be a Paladin, Dark Knight, and Beastmaster...or will it? O.O.o.o.O.O R&R!!!