************************************************************
************************************************************
Deep in the blackness of space, approximately three million years from old home Terra, third planet of Sol, an insignificant little green dot buzzed around aimlessly. With no prospects, no direction, no reason to be anywhere. It was a pointless thing, really, this little green dot. The life forms inside it were hopelessly primitive, still thinking of love and lust and sweat and food and tears and laughter and blood. It was as if the last thirty millennia had passed them by. Which, in a way, they had.
They all had their duties aboard their little green dot of a ship. Kochanski was at the navicomp. Rimmer was at ops. Kryten was in charge of stores and general health. The Cat and Lister were, as always, firmly at the steering columns, either together or in shifts. Hollister was their security team. It was really all quite perfect, in a dysfunctional family way. They all had their niches, and they all had their down times. Kochanski and Lister got theirs together, as did Rimmer and Hollister. The Cat and Kryten declined to spend their off time together, seeing as the cuddle bug had firmly bitten every human member of the ship, and they were afraid of catching it themselves.
Speaking of cuddle bugs. . .
"Mrmph. Rimmer, get the smeg to bed, would you please? I need to sleep."
"So sleep." Rimmer was seated at his desk, a lamp burning brightly pink over head, a beautifully rendered revision timetable spread out before him. He was studying it intently, but his mind could see nothing but the blonde woman entangled in his sheets.
"Six weeks," she said suddenly, sitting up, her left breast coming into view as the sheet slipped down.
Rimmer's head snapped up as he stared at her. "I beg your pardon?"
"Beg away. Good for the metabolism." Rimmer snorted, but continued to stare. "I said, six weeks. Six weeks, now, we've been sleeping together. And from that six weeks, you should know that I can't sleep unless the lights are out."
"Sorry. But I can't revise in the dark." Rimmer lowered his eyes back to the time table in front of him.
"Why don't you come to bed and we'll revise together in the morning?"
"Because you hate astrophysics?"
"Not true!"
He looked up again. "Yes, true. The one time you revised with me, you got all huffy and left."
"Because you were more intent upon me than you were of your revisions."
"Can you blame me?"
She chuckled softly to herself. "No, I suppose not."
Hippolyta and Rimmer had claimed the Officer's quarters on the Starbug XX in their first day on board. It had come down to Rimmer saying, "I called Firsties," when Lister had protested. In the end, he and Kochanski took the slightly smaller quarters just down the corridor. Mainly because Hippolyta had taken him aside and threatened him with emasculation if he didn't give in.
Their first night together, Rimmer and Hippolyta had gotten undressed, crawled into bed, promised to do horrible, nasty, lascivious, lecherous things to each other's bodies, and then promptly fell asleep. They didn't mean to, but that first night came at the end of an extremely long day, involving a stint in prison, Rimmer getting a fat lip, a gun fight with several big men and a seat of their pants escape from the Red Dwarf.
Came the dawn, however...
Hippolyta had been startled out of a deep and dreamless sleep by the realization she was naked, that there was a naked body in the bed next to her, and that it was a man. It took her several moments to get her bearings, most of which were filled with the thought of, "Holy shit, how much did I have to drink?" But her mind snapped the context back to the forefront of her consciousness, and she realized that it was Rimmer that she was laying in bed naked with.
In the non-light of Starbug's "dawn," Hippolyta turned and stared at Rimmer's sleeping profile. When his face was relaxed and composed by sleep, he looked like a child. His poor, bruised mouth was slightly open, and his breathing soft. She could stare at him forever. She had only met him three days previously, and she could, in all seriousness, see herself being with him until the day she died. Ridiculous. But strangely, crazily, true. She'd heard of this before. Someone told her once that this was what true love was all about. You didn't know how or why or when it would hit you. You simply knew. Without doubt, without hesitation, that this was it.
She leaned over his sleeping face and planted a very delicate kiss on his slack upper lip.
He woke up instantly.
She began to apologize for waking him up, did I hurt you? Your lip? But without a word, he grabbed her around the shoulders and kissed her back, hard. Hippolyta could feel him becoming very aroused, and nearly fainted. She had never been with anybody naked all over, before. It was unbelievable. It was intense.
It was the best in either of their lives. He rolled her gently onto her back, still kissing her passionately. He slowly positioned himself over her, giving her ample opportunity to stop him. She did not. They broke from the kiss, and he looked into her eyes, as, for the first time, he entered her.
They lay there, not moving, for a few seconds. They couldn't move. They could hardly even breathe. But finally, he began to move, trying to find a rhythm that they could both enjoy. She tried her hardest to give back as good as she got, but her relative inexperience gave her no clue as how to proceed, and what he would like her to do. She had never asked Rimmer about his previous sexual encounters, but the way he was trembling indicated to her that his experience was limited as well. So she let her body guide her, and unhooked her brain from the entire process. If it felt good to her, perhaps the same would be true of him. She knew that it was working when Rimmer moaned her name in ecstasy. She bit back the desire to scream. She wanted to, because it felt good, dammit!
Suddenly, a hot, tingling sensation began in her stomach and spread quickly throughout her entire body. She had never had an orgasm before, and was so shocked that she stopped moving, every muscle growing rigid. She felt Rimmer's body give a jerk, and she felt her insides awash with something wet and warm. He collapsed on top of her, breathing heavily. He had come.
He lay on top of her for a few moments, his face buried in the pillow. She stared up at the top bunk, trying to catch her breath. Finally, he pulled away from her, using his arms to support himself, looking down at her.
"I love you."
"My God. I love you too."
He rolled back over "his side" of the bed, and she shifted position so she could snuggle up to his side. She ran her fingers through his unkempt hair, and used her other hand to draw little circles on his chest and abdomen. He snuck his arm under her neck, and they lay in the afterglow.
Over the next six weeks, that same scene played itself out many, many times, with subtle variations. They experimented. They giggled a lot. They made the others slightly nauseous with their random "Excuse us, be back in a moment's. Lister had commented that if they weren't careful, they'd fill the ship to capacity in a matter of months. This, of course, had made Rimmer blush slightly, snap a scathing comment back at Lister, and ask Hippolyta later in private if she was on the pill. She said no, but don't panic, as her implants were guaranteed effective for ten years. What she didn't tell him was that she'd had the implant done the day that she was commissioned at eighteen, and never tested it. Only two years effectiveness left... Oh well. Burn that bridge when they get to it.
******************
"So? You coming to bed? Or not?"
"Not. Hippolyta. Darling. Sweetheart. I love you very much. I have to study."
"Why? You're an officer, already. We all are, here. No tests. No commanding officers to try to make nice with. One big happy family. Or at least a benevolent dictatorship."
Rimmer sighed. When she put her mind to it, Hippolyta could be quite the tease. He loved her, but he suspected that she didn't respect his need to finally pass the smegging astronavigation exams. He looked up from his charts. "Hippolyta, please. . ."
She rose from the bed, standing fully naked in front of him. He marveled once again at her amazing body. Even when she annoyed him, he couldn't help but adore her every move. She ran her hands through her hair and struck a pose that would raise the dead. "You look at this and still say no?"
"Yes. I say no. Hippolyta, you can shag me stupid later. I have work to do."
She stuck out her lower lip and pouted playfully at him. But he was right. He did have work to do, and she understood. She reached over and grabbed her panties that were draped across the back of his chair. She began to get dressed.
"Where are you going?"
"The galley. I can't sleep with the light on, so I'm going to go get a quick midnight snack. You want anything?" She pulled a tee-shirt on, without putting a bra on first. It was white, and Rimmer could see her nipples standing out happily. He took a deep breath in through his nose.
"I'm ok." He rose quickly and crossed to her, cupping one of her breasts with his hand. "But if you go out into the galley without a bra, Lister would be shocked."
"Lister? Shocked? He'd love it. Are you kidding me?" He raised an eyebrow at her. She frowned. "Party pooper." She wiggled out of his grasp and grabbed her bra, which lay discarded on the floor. Without removing her shirt, she put the bra on underneath, a trick that never failed to amaze Rimmer. He suspected that they taught women how to do that in sex education in secondary school. She moved to the door. "You sure you don't want anything?"
"Yes." He sat back down at his desk, mostly to hide the enormous hard on that was threatening to bust out of his trousers. She smirked at him, because she noticed. She crossed to the door.
"Hippolyta?"
She turned back. "Yes, Rimmer?"
"Thank you. I love you."
She smiled gently. "I love you too, dearheart." And she exited.
******************
~There.~
~There they are.~
~That's them? We're sure?~
~There are no others. They can be the only ones.~
~It has been too long. Many of us have died since that time. Many generations. They might not have it.~
~They have it. We see it. We can see it in that one's mind, clear as light, clear as song. He is a picture book for children. He is so simple, we would not have found him if it were not for the other one. Do we all see it now?~
~Yes. We see. Thank you for showing us, our very self. Our love.~
~My own. My body and soul. We will get it back.~
~Now?~
~Soon. What has been taken from us will be back with us. But not until we have meted out a punishment.~
~His body? Or his soul?~
~Perhaps both.~
~Yes.~
******************
Hippolyta lumbered down into the galley, thinking what could possibly be in the stores. Her stomach rumbled slightly, but the thought of a cold sandwich did not sound like what she wanted. She felt the desire to cook something. Glancing around, she made sure that Kryten was nowhere near the galley. If that damn mechanoid showed up, he'd try to take her project away from her. He was nowhere in sight. Good.
******************
~But what of the other one? The strong one who is so much like us, and yet not us? What of that one?~
~We shall see. That one is as much a puzzle to us as our own nature once was. In the end, who can know? That one could end us.~
~No. No no no no.~
~Not all of us. Just me.~
~No no no nonononononononononononononono. . .~
~Calm yourselves, children. It has happened before.~
~Never. You've been with us since the beginning, and will be with us until the end.~
~In one way, you are right. This moment is eternity. But I promise you that someday I shall die, and you'll have a new motherloverfriendkeeper, and you'll have known no one else but her.~
~Impossible.~
******************
She opened the refrigeration unit, and bent at the waist to inspect it's contents. A gallon of dried and reconstituted milk. A box of powdered eggs. A container of freeze-dried vegetables. And, surprisingly enough, a block of real cheddar cheese. She could make a passable omelet with this.
She swiped the ingredients out of the fridge and laid them upon the counter top. She pulled a frying pan off of the hook nearby. A bowl and spoon later, she began to swirl the contents of her masterpiece around, waiting for the pan to gain it's proper heat.
******************
~How long? How long now? How long?~
~Patience, my loves. Our revenge may take many more generations. Patience. Patience is a virtue.~
~What is virtue?~
~Nothing that concerns us any longer.~
******************
"Somfin' smells good! Kryten, izzat you?"
"No Dave, it's me. Making a quick snack. Anything new and exciting?"
"Naw." Dave Lister swung his body through the cockpit door and joined Hippolyta in the galley. He looked refreshed, as his shift had just started. He carried a mug of what Hippolyta thought was mud at first sniff, but turned out to be coffee. She turned her attention back to her omelet, making sure that it didn't burn. Lister pulled a chair up to the table and sat.
"Who's minding the store?" asked Hippolyta as she looked for a spatula.
"The Cat," answered Lister after he swallowed his mouthful of coffee.
"Wonderful," Hippolyta said, voice dripping with sarcasm. "I feel so good about that. While we're at it, let's see if your unwashed socks want to drive." She slid her eggs out of the pan and onto a waiting plate. She dumped the used frying pan into the sink, not bothering to soak it. Revenge against Kryten, of course. But also because she was feeling lazy.
"Hey, now. The Cat's on top of things."
"Yeah, on top of the heating duct. It's a good thing there aren't any sunny windowsills on a space ship, or we'd never see him at all." She joined Lister at the table. Lister grinned, and blinked coyly at her. He looked like he was trying to get something out of his eyes. Hippolyta took the hint. "Oh, fer Pete's sake. Here." She stood and retrieved a second fork for Lister, who dug into the oversized breakfast dish with abandon. She smirked and started in herself.
"You're a better cook than Krites is, Hippolyta," said Lister around a mouthful of eggs.
Hippolyta snorted and swallowed her own mouthful. "Oh, please. Say that a little louder. I don't think he heard you down in the cargo hold."
"He ain't giving you a hard time, is he?"
"I think Kryten just doesn't like women much. Misogynist androids. Sounds like the name of a band."
"What's misogynist?"
Hippolyta did not answer, but raised an eyebrow at him.
Lister smirked at her, and asked, "So, how's everything with you and Rimmer, then, eh?"
"Peachy keen, thanks for asking."
"You two getting on ok? Really?"
She chewed and swallowed again before answering. "Yes. It's funny, but when I first met him, I couldn't stand him. Thought he was a pompous little twit."
"He is a pompous little twit."
"And I love him. So what does that make me?"
"Either blind or stupid or both." She stuck her tongue, which was specked with pieces of egg, out at Lister. "Or you're a saint."
She pulled her tongue back in. "What do you mean, a saint?"
"Well, you obviously love him, and he's the kind of guy who's very difficult to love. That means you have the patience of a saint."
"I don't think he's difficult to love. No more than I am, anyway," she said defensively.
Lister said nothing, just maintained a pointed look at her. She rolled her eyes. "Ok, I can be a bit of a handful. I'm loud, I'm blunt, I'm bossy. I'm also aware of these things. It's not like I'm doing it on purpose. I just... do it. Lousy childhood..."
"Oh God," moaned Lister. Hippolyta cut him off.
"But that's no excuse. Horrible schooling years. Not an excuse. Bad experiences in love. Still not an excuse. Being told by dozens of people, most of whom happen to be related to you, that, no matter how hard you work and how hard you strive you'll always be second class due to the equipment between your legs... ah hah. Now we're getting somewhere."
"Oh, I see. You're like this because you're a woman?"
"No, I do it because other people refuse to see me as a capable human being. Because I'm a woman."
"What a load of tosh. This is the 24th century! Sort of. Women's lib has come a long way."
"Not long enough. If you were told that you were less able simply because you had a penis, how would you feel?"
"I'm less able for that reason? And here I thought it was because I was a space bum."
She rolled her eyes again and took the last bite of omelet. "I wish you could be a woman for just one day, David Lister. Then you'd see what I'm talking about."
******************
~Yes. Oh, that one is a brilliant thinker. So much like us. Gather yourselves, children. We're ready.~
~Now?~
~Almost. . .~
******************
Lister stood up from the table, grinning. "If I was a woman for one day, you'd never see me. I'd lock meself in me room and play with me breasts all day."
Hippolyta grinned at Lister. "Oh, I believe that. Of course, if I were a man for a day, I would want to pee standing up. You would not believe the nasty stuff I've sat in."
"Ick. That's gross even for me, Hippolyta."
"I do try." She took the empty plate and dumped it in the sink. "What made you ask, anyway? I mean, about how things are going with me and Rimmer?"
"Well, it's just that it's your bed time, and instead of the usual moaning sounds coming from your quarters, you're here cooking. I sense a bit of subletting here."
"Sublimating?"
"That's the bird."
She shook her head. "We're fine. He's revising. And you know how much fun he is when he's revising."
"Don't I just?"
"What time is it?"
Lister pulled back the sleeve of his left arm and glanced at a watch there. "Just after 0200."
She nodded, then did a double take. "Lister, where did you get that watch?"
******************
~Sooooooooon. . .~
******************
"What, this? I found it on that really weird derelict a few weeks back. Ya know, the U.S.S. Swiss Cheese? It was just sitting in this room, not doing much. So I swiped it."
She frowned at him. "You took an item off that ship without clearing it with me first?"
"Aw, it's not a big deal. Everything else was fine."
"Yeah, because I tested it all before we took it. Nothing was wrong with it because it was prescreened. Dammit, Lister!" She pounded her fist on the table top. "We had a deal. All items removed from derelicts are screened by either me or Kryten! You should know better by now, dammit!"
"I don't see what the big deal is. It's a watch. A normal, boring old watch!"
"Which could turn into a Polymorph or a Psiren or be a booby trap by a Gelf... You starting to see what the big deal is, Lister?"
"It's been three weeks. It hasn't changed shape or blown up or released radiation or the boogie man or aliens. It's just a watch. A normal old wrist watch with a light up face. See?" Lister pushed the button on the side of the watch.
******************
~NOW!~
******************
Hippolyta felt as if she was being buffeted by a gale force hurricane. Her mind could nearly hear a million voices calling out, "Now," in a buzzing tone. But it was so random and so brief and so faint that she totally forgot about it in the face of what happened next.
She felt the winds whip around her body and soul, imagined and yet physically real at the same time. She lurched forward and grabbed Lister by the wrist that had the watch on it. As soon as she touched him, she felt as if her skull was too small to hold her brain anymore. A sizzle of electricity flashed through her brain pan, and her stomach knotted and released. She was blinded by a sharp, bright light.
She blinked.
The light and wind and electricity were gone, and she found herself staring down at herself. She couldn't believe it at first. Her first rational thought was, Oh great, I'm dead and having an out of body experience. But when she saw her body move, and blink and breathe, she knew that there was another explanation.
"What the hell was that?" She heard her own voice, but it sounded thick and husky, as if she had smoked an entire pack of cigarettes in one sitting. She was totally unprepared for what happened next.
"Holy shit. Hippolyta?" Her body was talking to her, in the voice of Dave Lister.
"Dave?"
"Yeah."
They stared at each other for a moment, then she lifted her hands in front of her eyes.
They were brown, and calloused from playing the guitar, and stained by curries and nicotine. They were also thick and manly, with knobby knuckles and blunt, chewed fingernails.
She was in David Lister's body.
"Holy. Fucking. Shit! Dave! What the hell did you do?"
"I'm a woman! I'm a smegging woman!"
"You're not a woman! You're you in MY SMEGGING BODY! Now what the hell button did you push?"
"Button? What button?" Dave, in Hippolyta's body, was staring about, eyes wide and darting.
"THE BUTTON ON THE FUCKING WATCH!"
The Cat, who had been listening with half an ear to their conversation, heard Hippolyta shouting. He put the 'Bug on auto pilot and jumped down into the galley. "Hey, what are you two monkeys arguing about? Keep it down!"
"Don't panic, Hippolyta! We can fix this." The Cat did a double take upon hearing Lister's voice coming out of Hippolyta's body.
"What the hell is going on?" asked the Cat. He didn't get an answer, as Hippolyta and Lister were both too wrapped up in their problem to take him into account.
"How? How do we fix it?"
"We push the same button again, ok? That should reverse it, right?"
"Right, good thinking."
They both paused, staring at each other. "Well?" asked Hippolyta.
"You're wearing the watch now, Hippolyta."
"Oh. Right." She pulled the offending wrist into view and inspected the watch. "Which button?"
"The big one on the right side of the face."
"This one?"
Lister leaned in to inspect it. Rather, Lister leaned Hippolyta's body closer to his own to inspect it. "Yeah."
"Brace yourself." Hippolyta pushed the button.
Nothing happened.
"Ok." She pushed it again. Things refused to get back to normal.
"Smeg," moaned Lister, as Hippolyta frantically jabbed at the button over and over again. The face of the watch blinked on and off like an indicator light on the back of a car, but other than that, no effect. She finally stopped her futile attempts and looked up at Lister, murder shining in her eyes. His eyes, really. Her own eyes were shining with a different emotion entirely. Fear.
The Cat, who all this time had been jerking his head back and forth at them, finally realized what was going on.
"You two switched bodies? Oh my God, that's hysterical!"
"Shut up, Cat!" the two of them snapped together.
It was at this moment, of course, that Rimmer decided to make an appearance.
He crossed instantly to whom he thought was Hippolyta, and wrapping her body in a tight embrace, he said, "Are you all right, Hippolyta? I thought I heard you yelling." He glared around the room at the Cat and Lister, wondering who to beat up first. If they had done anything to her...
To his consternation, it wasn't Hippolyta who answered him, but Lister.
"Rimmer, there's something I need to tell you..."
He looked over at Lister. "Bugger off, El Slobbo. Or is it your fault she's upset, you rancid sack of protoplasm?"
Lister goggled at him. Then he noticed that Hippolyta was squirming in his arms. He let go of her and looked down at her.
Then, Hippolyta did something totally unimaginable. She spoke up and said, "Who you callin' rancid, man?" In a Scouse accent.
Rimmer jumped about a foot and a half. He screamed in terror hearing Lister's voice coming out of Hippolyta's mouth.
"Hippolyta?"
"Over here, Rimmer." Rimmer jerked his head to look over at Lister's body. Lister waved at him. "Don't panic, Rimmer, but there's been a bit of an accident..."
Rimmer felt like he was hyperventilating. No, he was hyperventilating. His breath came in short gasps, as he waved about to grab onto something. His hand landed on the back of a chair, and he sank down into it. Lister, no, Hippolyta was at his side in an instant, laying a brown hand on his shoulder.
"Rimmer? Breathe, sweetie. Breathe. In, out. In, out." Rimmer managed to calm himself, hearing her voice, but not able to look at the body that she was currently habitating in. Finally, he mustered up his scant courage and looked at her. Him. Her.
"What the smeg happened, Hippolyta?"
She pointed Lister's finger at her erstwhile self. "He smuggled this watch on board, and made us switch bodies. And now we can't get it to happen again." She sounded very angry. Rimmer understood why. He glared at Lister. Hippolyta. No, Lister.
"Fix it, Lister. Now."
"We've tried, Rimmer! We've tried! But it ain't workin'!"
"Then get Kryten! He can fix it!"
"Good thinkin', man. Hold on..." He crossed over to the cockpit, to call Kryten up to the galley. That was when Kochanski came down the stairs. She was wearing a white button up man's shirt and a pair of boxer shorts. She rubbed her eyes and blinked to clear the sleep out, as she gave a huge yawn.
"What the devil are you all yelling about?" She sauntered across the room to where Dave was standing next to Rimmer. Before anyone could stop her, she ran her hand across his bottom and pinched it lightly. Surprisingly, he swiveled his hips away from her and flinched. "Dave?"
"Not exactly, no." Hollister's breathy alto voice issued forth from Lister's mouth. Kochanski drew back in alarm, her jaw dropping in amazement.
"Hippolyta?"
Lister's face adopted a grin that Kochanski had only seen Hippolyta wear. On her, it looked evil and cunning. On Dave's face, it made him look like a chipmunk with delusions of grandeur.
Kochanski felt as if her knees lost the ability to maintain integrity. Oops, not a feeling, but reality. Without warning, they gave way, and she sat down on the hard cold floor with an audible thump. She was vaguely aware that Hippolyta, no, Hippolyta's body, was helping her stand up. She found herself staring into deep blue, feminine eyes. Only behind those eyes...
"Dave?"
"Yeah. Kris, please don't panic, ok? We're going to fix this."
"How did you... when... huh?"
"My thoughts exactly," said Rimmer, who was still seated at the table, trying to regain his grip on his sanity.
Hippolyta, tired of having the same scene repeat itself, was frankly glad that there were no others on the ship who'd have these reactions. The only one left who didn't know was Kryten, and he'd take it in stride. Then fix it. Hopefully. She marched into the cockpit and said into the intercom, "Kryten, join us in the galley, would you please?" Her voice rang throughout the ship. She did not wait for an answer. She came back into the galley and sat down at the table next to Rimmer. She noticed that he leaned imperceptibly away from her. She realized it was a subconscious thing on his part, but it still stung. She surpressed the desire to take him in her arms and hug him. She knew that that would be of no help at all. In fact, it would probably make it worse.
"Kris? Dave? Cat? Have a seat. Let's calm down and not panic."
"Easy for you to say." That was Lister. "I'm a woman now!"
"Yes, and I'm now a man. I'm as ill-trained to handle this equipment as you are."
Kryten entered the galley, finally, after several minutes of silence, broken only by deep sighs from Lister. "Yes, Miss Hippolyta? You called me?" He was, of course, looking at her body.
"Have a seat, Kryten." Kryten swiveled his head to look at the direction her voice came from. He boggled for a moment, then reluctantly sat down at the head of the table, next to Rimmer. "There's been a bit of an accident. Dave and I have switched bodies. We figure it was this watch that did it." She thrust her arm forward, exposing the object at fault. "Now we can't get it to switch us back. Can you take a look at it and see if you can fix it?"
"I can try." Kryten looked horribly confused. It was a common feeling among the crew, suddenly. All the rage. Hottest feeling in Paris, Milan and Starbug. Hippolyta fumbled for a moment with the watch's fastening, unfamiliar with Lister's thicker fingers. She got it loose, finally, and leaned across Rimmer to hand it over to Kryten. Rimmer sat stiff as a board, not even breathing. Hippolyta felt like smacking him. Kryten, meanwhile, turned the watch over and over, trying to determine where the fault lay.
"I'm reluctant to take it apart, Miss Hippolyta. If I do, and I can't get it back together, you're stuck this way. Where did this watch come from?"
"I got it off that weird derelict a few weeks back, Krites. You know, the one with all the holes?" Lister spoke up from the other side of the table where he sat with the Cat and Kochanski.
"Mm hum. Indeed. Mr. Lister, didn't I tell you not to take anything without clearing it with me first?"
"Don't bother, Kryten. I already lectured him about it. He didn't seem to think it was a big deal." Hippolyta's voice could have cut glass. Lister shrank under her stare. For some odd reason, he felt... more vulnerable in her body. Like he needed someone to protect him. From the big, scary man that sat across the table with homicide in his heart and his face. He shook himself mentally. This was ridiculous. He didn't need protecting! What the hell was he thinking?
Kryten pushed the button as futilely as Hippolyta had herself a few minutes before. Other than a nice, soothing, eye-easy green glow, the watch produced no results. He looked up. A decision formed.
"We're going to have to go back to the derelict. Try and find any paperwork or manuals on this particular piece of equipment."
"But that derelict is three weeks away!" This last was from Rimmer, who couldn't contain himself any more. "Can't you do anything now, Kryten?"
Hippolyta laid a hand on his forearm. "Rimmer..." she began. He pulled his arm away from her in a violent motion. She took in a sharp breath, shocked. They stood for a moment, staring at each other. Rimmer couldn't believe his reaction. It was such an immediate response, it was almost instinctual.
"Hippolyta..."
"It's ok." But it clearly wasn't. This was something that wouldn't easily be forgotten. By either of them. Hippolyta swallowed the lump that was building up in her throat. She found it difficult to let her emotions out while she was Lister. She stored them away for future use. There was nothing else to do. "We go back to the derelict. We can stand three weeks, right Lister?"
"I don't know if I can," whined Kochanski. "This is beyond bizarre." She took Lister's hand. She felt odd, holding the slim and tapered hand of another girl, but Lister needed her. Lister squeezed her hand, and she squeezed back.
Hippolyta shot a look at Rimmer, who, for his part, felt like a total smeghead.
Lister suddenly dropped Kochanski's hand and said, "Krites! Remember when Rimmer and I switched? Why don't we just set up another mind enema? Download our minds onto disk and swap 'em!" Rimmer looked confused for a moment, then realized that Lister must have been talking about the other, hologrammatic Rimmer.
Kryten looked pleased for a moment, but then his face fell. "A brilliant idea, Mr. Lister. With one small drawback. We don't have the necessary equipment to do it. It's all back on the Red Dwarf."
Lister's face fell in tempo with everyone else's.
Hippolyta sighed. "Nice thinking anyway, Dave. No, we stick to the original plan. Back to the derelict, and find the manual. Dave, can you do your shift?"
"Yeah, I feel fine."
"Ok, then I'm off to bed. I still feel very tired, for some reason... Rimmer?"
There was an awkward silence as Rimmer stared at his feet. "Yes?" he asked, without looking up.
"How do you want to work the sleeping arrangements?" Her tone was chill.
Rimmer blinked, and tried to hide his nausea. Then he said, "Oh. Right. Um. Do you mind taking the top bunk?"
"No. I'll see you in our quarters." She turned to ascend the stairs. She stopped suddenly and turned back to Lister.
"Lister. If I catch you playing with my tits, you're a dead man." And she was gone.
******************
~So. It is done, and they are on their way back here.~
~At last. We will soon have it back.~
~Yes. Now, my children, I've used too much of our energy this night. You and you and you, sleep. Forever. You and you and you and you and you and you...~
******************************************************************
AN: Chapter two coming soon! What will Hippolyta do? What will Rimmer do? What will Lister do? What will Kochanski do? Can we say het *AND* slash at the same time, kids? I knew we could. Hee hee. *V. evil grin.*
TO BE CONTINUED...
