Spoiler: Don't own these people.
AN: this is kinda woe so COMMENT!
Ch. 16 Good bye
The room exploded with cat calls and clapping as she stood up, smiling shyly and waving lamely. She sat back down and looked across the table at Snape, what she wouldn't give to see James's face when he saw him. Ooh…that wouldn't be good, eh, what am I saying? She was praying for the moment!
Lily was still in the hospital the colorful cloth still around her head. She was unbelievably exhausted and spiritless. In other words, she had hit rock bottom. Remus was still in pretty bad shape in the room across the hall from her and because of the stupid Healers she couldn't go and visit. They said that seeing him would put too much strain on her nerves, and James was the first person in the group of people recommending her to stay away. But she wanted to see exactly what was making her son and husband tear up every time.
"You awake mum?" she heard ask as the door cracked open slightly.
She turned her gaze from the window and looked at Harry's head, "yeah," she smiled and gestured for him to come into the room.
"How are you feeling?" he asked politely sitting on the uncomfortable chair next to her bed.
"Terrible," she smiled, "I'm fine sweetie. How are you holdin' up?"
"Ok," he answered wearily.
She scoffed, "no your not, the wars having the same exact effect on you as it did your father," she told him, "there's no wrong with what your feeling. It's called fear and concern sweetie."
He smiled, "I'm just scared of losing you and dad again."
"I know you are sweetheart," she said sympathetically relating to his pain, "as much as I hate to say this, but I guess I have to. If anything should happen to me, I want you to know for sure that your father will be there every step of the way."
"Nothing will happen to you ma," he said less the reassuringly.
She smiled sadly as tears formed, "we both know that's a little too naïve to believe," she said. It was quite obvious that the chemo wasn't working, and the tumor was increasing rapidly shutting off some of her vital organs and causing her limbs to go in painful spasms. Though no one dared admit, Lily was slowly wasting away to a horrible disease. James had declared in a confidential conversation with Sirius that he would rather bite a flying bullet rather then admit that Lily was dying. That seemed to be the case for everyone since creating the image of her getting better was easier then actually seeing the reality in front of them.
"I love you mom," he said throwing his arms around her and embracing her, crying shamelessly in his mother's caring arms.
"I love you too Harry," she assured him, "I love you so much!"
James stood in the falling rain and you could be rest assured that if a bolt of lightning struck him, he wouldn't notice. He looked so frail and numb as he stood there. There were no words to describe how much he was feeling, only Sirius had a inkling but for the time being he was shut out. James looked so deadened it worried his friends and son to no end. Life wasn't working out at all, and right now it was on a constant downhill spiral. His eyes that were once so immature and jovial were now filled with vengeance, anger and sadness beyond tears. Which was exactly why he wasn't crying, he had cried beyond comprehension and tears didn't seem to be able to form in his eyes. His entire system had shut down. (AN: Anyone care to venture a guess about what happened before reading on…?)
Harry however, was having no trouble crying whatsoever. He stood held tightly sandwiched between Hermione and Ron's grip as he cried on his girlfriends shoulder. He hadn't had the chance to grieve the first time, he seized this opportunity to let out all the horrors of the last few months since the attack during Christmas.
"C'mon Prongs, let's get you home," Remus whispered seeing as how Sirius had completely lost his voice, but made his presence known to his best friend by squeezing his arm. "You'll catch a cold out here, let's get you home," Remus repeated with blood shot eyes.
But James didn't respond, just stared at the freshly dug patch of dirt where his life lay six feet below.
"C'mon James," Sirius whispered inaudibly in his ear.
"I'm not going anywhere," James answered looking into his best friends eyes. Remus had been hoping that the two grieving friends would open up to each other. He had never been as close to James as Sirius had been, and it was times like these that he didn't envy the bond they shared.
"You can't stand out here forever Prongs," Sirius said putting an arm through his brothers and made to escort him back to the car but he didn't budge.
"I can if I want to Sirius," he said.
"Oh come on," Sirius said trying to somehow lighten up the gloomy mood. He knew it was useless but Sirius never gave up, "remember what you told me at Piper's funeral? There are still people here that need you…remember?"
James scoffed, "I didn't know what you were going through, I was blind…now I can see…" he gulped.
"Look, I know exactly what your going through James, but you can't spend the rest of your life standing here, planning an out of reach vengeance against cancer!"
"Then what can I do Sirius?" he asked looking back into Sirius's warm and extremely caring eyes, "I can't comfort my son when I myself can't even comprehend what's happened!"
Suppressing the shock that was about to take over, he didn't think James would be capable of speaking in sentences that made sense. He remembered distinctly that he didn't make any sense during Piper and Roses's funeral.
"I'm not gonna go to him and tell that everything's gonna be ok because it's not!" James whispered dangerously, he looked over to where Harry was. His head was resting on Hermione's shoulder while Ron put his head on his shoulder from behind him, rubbing his best friends back comfortingly. "He's in pain, I'm in pain. Those two factors added won't make any sense, I'll end up making it worst."
"No you wont," Sirius said calmly, his voice still cracking slightly.
"All I want to do is drown in Fire Whiskey," he said kneeling in front of the grave and closing his eyes tightly.
"I'll join you, c'mon, we can go to my apartment," Sirius said offering his hand after sniffing.
Remus looked at him, shocked, "you're gonna let him drink? Like this? You're crazy!"
"Hey, booze have a tendency of making you forget."
"Only to remember what happened after sobering up!" Remus hissed.
"Leave it too me Remus, you can't reason with him now," Sirius said. He put a shoulder on James's shoulder, "c'mon, Molly can take the kids home," he whispered.
James stood up and hugged his best friend and looked at the grave over Sirius's shoulder:
Lillian Lois Potter
May 5, 19 71-September, 11, 2005 ((AN: Don't know why I chose this date)
She will be missed massively
A light burned out on September 11
"Oh Lily," James moaned and cried such a painful cry that the world heard it. It was the cry of pain heard around the world, and for a second, the earth stood still. "Oh God!" he cried into Sirius's arms.
"Let it out," whispered Sirius holding a firm grip around him, "I'm here for you."
"Why did it have to be her Sirius? Why?" James whispered.
As the tears subsided, James was led to the car followed by Sirius as Remus went over to Molly Weasley, "Sirius is gonna try a new method of pain killers," he said, "I was wondering if Harry could stay with you for just one night…"
"Of course!" Molly said.
"Thanks."
He stared back at Lily's grave, what he wouldn't give to have her alive. She would know exactly what to do. She always did. Stupid cancer.
Hehe...what do you think?
Thanks to all my reviewers! I love you all! Lol, and thanks for the birthday wishes and stuff.
