A/N: A very weird YohjiRan short. Although I'm not sure it's actually Ran; he'd be kinda screwed if he was angsting in this particular way when he was fighting or anything, you know? Well, whatever, it was the closest pairing Icould think of to fit this story. Please review, I'm really not sure how this one turned out. ...sheeshes, and I'm sorry about the formatting. Seems they are not keen on page breaks and indentations here.
Disclaimers: Not mine. Don't want them either. No really, they're pretty messed up.
My breath catches in my throat -
painful convulsive relief whites out my vision for a moment. Relief like ears popping on a plane. Like sneezing, right? crude and biological. I open my eyes to see my sticky fluid float with the dead hairs and soap and dirt to the edge of the tub. I feel suddenly disgusted. Again.
I sit crosslegged on the bed like a ghost and watch him through the open door. Kinesis. Everything about him is motion, purpose, balance, arcs of cause and effect flowing smoothly into one another; even now as he sheds his coat and looks in the fridge and puts the kettle on and stands half in the light and half out and stretches and cracks his knuckles and/
/and I live a series of vignettes, snapshots. He will have already moved on to something else and I stare dumbstruck at the perfection of that moment. His angular silhouette, split diagonally by the the light shafting through the window, kink-curled dark blond hair white with the sun behind it. The dusty hollow shadow of the table, the dishes stacked in the sink. I missed half the conversation at lunch today contemplating the intersecting wires at the corner of the street, then looking at the design of my coffee cup which seemed so suddenly, bizarrely alien and/
/and this, too, this is just another static moment, I know. The bed creaks as he thrusts energetically back and forth inside me. Creased sheets chafe my shoulders.
I'm sorry, I don't mean to be so passive.
I can't get close enough.
Please, go deeper. Hold me harder. Crush me, I don't mind if it hurts. Just let me know I really exist.
I need so much to be drawn into his motion, his storyline, but I just glance off. I know I need to wake myself, and I know just as well that I can't do it, and neither can he.
