A/n:

Annabelle… Funiemonkie..

You guys.. are my heroes. I lurve you guys .

Technically, I got 3 new reviews.. just no only on this fic.. I'm hoping people will grow to love it..Enough of this though.. ONWARD, MARCH!

Tha Muse: It's may. Fucktard.

Me:.. You're a cynic little jerk, you know that?

Tha Muse:. .It's from working with you..

Me:..Touche..

Cliché Wars

Episode VI: The Fangirl Strikes Back

The trio made their way down to the Great Hall for dinner.

"That was a particularly horrid Potions class, don't you think?" asked Harry.

"Oh yes, Bloody dreadful. Mostly because the way Snape was looking at you all period." Said Ron.

"What?" said Harry with a concerned look.

"Everyone, Shut you faces!
Screamed Dumbledore at the top of his old yet unseemingly strong lungs.

"How out of character," mumbled Hermione with slight suspicion.

"Today.. Something positively WONDERFUL has happened!" he said with delight.

"We have a new student. A day late, yes.. but who cares? Because she is TOTALLY AWESOME!"

Dumbledore pulled back a previously nonexistent curtain to reveal--------

The Prettiest girl in the entire everywhere.

She was tall, slender and had straight blond hair that fell into soft waves down her back. Her eyes were bright green, and shone icy blue. Her cheeks had soft rosy red coloration to them, as if she was flattered by Dumbledore's enthusiasm.

"Hello everyone. My name is Phoenix Sabrina Cute Lynn Magickson, but you can call me 'Fi'.

The crowd was in awe, everyone basked in the light of total purity Fi generated.

Harry looked into her blue eyes and saw on her forehead.. was a small but still totally attractive lightning bolt scar…

Hermione raised an eyebrow. It seemed that the entire room had gone … STUPID. She could almost taste the bad grammar and the tangle of typos. Not to mention the fact that she heard music coming from nowhere, and birds had starting whistling.

"What the hell.." she mumbled.

After Fi explained her reasons for attending Hogwarts, (which was a lavish plot designed to promote world peace and end poverty,) the school made it's way back into their respective dorms. Fi was in gryffindor, naturally. She lilted up the staircase, humming a diddy as she went, and into her dorm room.

Hermione stared at Harry and Ron.

"Either of you notice anything freakishly… freakish.. about that new girl?

"I've noticed that I want to spend the rest of my life with her.." said Harry.

"I want to attend to her every whim…" said Ron..

"I want to be sick." Said Fred.

"Me too," said George.

"Well I'm glad someone ag—Wait, what in the Hrung are you two doing here…?"

The twins shrugged.

"Comic relief," suggested Fred.

Ron and Harry obliviously stumbled their way to their dorms..only God knew what was on their minds. Well.. God and Fi. She's telepathic, you know.

"So. You two notice that there's something really strange happening too, right?"

"Yeah. It's quite obvious that things are … different…" stated George.

"I know it must be Fi but-" suddenly tinkering footfalls came down the stairs.

"My, Hermione, you should really go to sleep. Early to bed, early to rise," she smiled.

"Um.. whatever.." said Hermione as she slinked up the stairs."

Fi giggled.

"Hermione has a lot of spirit. I find it absolutely charming, don't you Fred?"

"…I'm not.. Fred.. I'm George.. He's Fred." Said Fred.

Fi giggled again.

"Oh, you two jokers! You can't pull one over on my so easily. It was lovely of you to try though. Here.. I made you both some chocolate, it tastes divine but it's healthy! Good night.." she danced back upsatirs.

"Fred.." said George as he held the box of confectioneries.

"Yeah George?"

"..I'm scared …"

"Me too.." answered Fred

The next morning, Hermione started a plan to figure out what was going on. Surveillance of the subject was way to risky, so as she sat in her trunk, hiding herself in the darkness, phase one came to mind.

Hermione pulled herself out the trunk and looked around. Fi was no where insight. She cleared her throat.

"Fi.. Phoenix, can you please come here?"

She hadn't finished her sentence before she heard inexplicable music heading her way.

"Yes Hermione?" she said in a honey sweet voice.

"I was wondering if you could do me a favor, and take my place cheering on the Gryffindor team at quidditch practice today, I have a potions paper I need to finish." Hermione asked.

"Why of course. And when I get back, I can help you with your astronomy scroll, too" Fi cooed.

"Thanks you kindly," smiled Hermione.

After Fi had left the room, Hermione hurried to the Owlery which was apparently where Gred and Forge had been living.

"I think I've ditched her for the day, " Hermione told them.

"Excellent. To the Library!" charged Fred.

"Excuse me.." said Hermione, "But we need to look in the restricted section." She told the Librarian.

"Sorry. It's off limits to students." She replied.

"We're.. On an errand for Miss Magicson," said Fred.

"Oh.Why didn't you say so? Here's the key." Smiled the bookeeper.

She handed them the key and the three made their way to the forbidden literary devices.

Fred skimmed the shelves with an index finger..

". veela..sirens.. succubi…" he paused on one particularly dark book. "Fangirls."

Hermione yanked it off the shelf and slung it open.

"Oh my god. It's worse than we could've ever imagined.."

That evening at the dinner, Harry and Ron sat by their entrancing new friend. Just as she was about to get to the punch line of an adorable joke, the great Hall doors burst open.

"She's not who you think she is Harry!" screamed Hermione.

Fred and George panted at her side.

"She's.. a.. Monster!" Fred exclaimed.

"She's.. a demon .. that creates feelings in your subconscious.. then she feeds on them until you wither and die.." gasped George.

"Why.. why would you say such horrible things about me?" sniffled Fi.

"Cut it, Phoenix." Hermione threw the book on the floor in front of them.

Fi's expression changed rather quickly then.

"So.. You've found me out?" she screeched. "Well, IT'S TOO LATE! I HAVE THIS ENITE SCHOOL UNDER MY HAND, I can squash it with nothing but a mere thought!"

Suddenly smoke billowed out from the room , and someone appeared from its mist.

"VOLDEMORT!" Screamed Harry.

"..Eek." said Ron unenthusiastically.

"I don't think so, Hogwarts is mine!" said Voldemort as he aimed his wand at the fangirl.

McGonagall leaned toward Dumbledore..

"Who's side are we supposed to be on?.." she asked.

"Frankly," said Dumbledore, "I'd say we're pretty screwed either way.

"HA HA HA! Even you can't stop me!" Fi cackled and she used telepathic waves to knock Voldie through the nearest solid object. "I SHALL RULE ALL!"

"Not quite." Said a perfectly calm and unperfect voice from a corner.

"And who might you be?" asked the demonic woman.

"I, my dear phoenix…am none other.. than… an Authoress." She stepped from the shadows, lap top in hand.

The crowd gasped and the fangirl winced.

"It was fun Fi, but.. .I really have to end the chapter now." A few taps on the keyboard and a blinding light filled the room, and a last "NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" was heared from a fangirl in pain before she was silent.

"Well. It's been fun guys, but, I really gotta go." Said the Authoress. "It's a schoolnight." She smiled and vanished in a poof.

AN:…Hee hee hee.

Ps. The new xbox 360 is the most awesome thing I've ever seen in my entire life.. ever.. I love it and want to have it's children.