Chapter 4 – Kamino and the Lake Country
In space, Strong Bad was flying in a small Starfighter with his little "droid", the Goblin, who he liked more than Homsar. Then the Starfighter disengaged from the hyperspace transport ring as it flew towards Kamino.
"There it is, Goblin, Kamino, our missing planet. You know, I like you better than that weird Homsar," said Strong Bad.
"(Merry organ notes)," replied the Goblin.
The Starfighter landed on a circular platform of Tipoca City in Kamino. Kamino was raining and looked like it never stopped raining, or faced sunlight. As soon as Strong Bad got out of the ship, he was soaked.
"Stupid rain! Has this planet ever faced sunlight at all?" asked Strong Bad.
"No, but thanks for repeating what I just said," replied Homer Starrun.
"Oh, sorry about that," replied Strong Bad as he put on his hood and walked towards the door the path led to.
Inside, Strong Bad took his hood off as he was greeted by Rather Dashing.
"Master Jedi, it's nice to see you. The King of Kamino is expecting you," said Rather Dashing.
"What? I'm expected. Whoa, maybe this planet is better than I expected it to be. Maybe there's going to be a party or a parade or something like that," said Strong Bad.
"No, you're just going to meet the King of Kamino. Follow me," ordered Rather Dashing as he "dashed" slowly down the corridor. His "dashing" was as fast as Strong Bad's walking.
In the King of Kamino's room, the King was having a meatball sub when Strong Bad and Rather Dashing entered the room.
"This is the King of Kamino, King of Kamino. M'lord with the unicorn shirt, may I present Master Jedi…" said Rather Dashing.
"Strong Bad," said Strong Bad.
"I trust you're going to enjoy your stay. I'm the King of Kamino of Kamino, but you can call me the King of Peasantry," said the King of Peasantry.
"Or the King with that Unicorn shirt," said Strong Bad.
"Hey! You will not sass back at this council about this unicorn! Anyway, let's go to business. You'll be delighted to know we're on schedule, two hundred thousand units are ready, and a million more are on their way," said the King of Peasantry.
"Um, I guess that's good news," replied Strong Bad.
"Please tell Master Dorka-Dyas that we have every confidence his order will be met on time and in full. He is well, and dumb, I hope?" asked the King of Peasantry.
"Um, Dorka-Dyas died ten years ago, he was murdered by possums, or so to speak," said Strong Bad.
"Oh, that's too bad, but he would have been proud of the army we made for him. Maybe we can use the clone army to kill the possums."
"So, when Dorka-Dyas asked for an army, did he say who it was for?" asked Strong Bad.
"Yeah, the Republic, and now, let's show you the army," said the King of Peasantry.
"Um, okay, let's go," said Strong Bad with no clue on what to do.
In the Naboo Lake Retreat, Homestar and Marzipan walked towards the balustrade before the lake.
"When I was young, we, as in me and some other girls, used to come here for school retreat. And we would do some stuff like swimming to the island over there," explained Marzipan, "Then we would lie on the sand, letting the sun dry us, and try to guess the names of the birds singing, unless it's a bird cloud."
Then Homestar picked up some sand on the balustrade.
"I don't like sand. It's so, uh… sandy. But with you, it's not so… sandy," said Homestar.
"Oh Homestar, that's so sweet!" remarked Marzipan.
"Yeah, and not, so… sandy," added Homestar.
Then they looked at each other for a moment. Then Marzipan asked, "Well, aren't you going to do it?"
"Do what?" asked Homestar.
"Kiss me," replied Marzipan.
"Ew! Gwoss! You think I would kiss giwls?" Homestar asked Homer Starrun.
"Um, you're supposed to," replied Homer Starrun.
"Actually, this kiss isn't supposed to count. Maybe next time, you'll mature," said Marzipan with some anger and disappointment.
In Kamino, the King of Peasantry and Rather Dashing were showing Strong Bad the clone army.
"We take pride in the clones we made and their combat education and training programs," said the King of Peasantry.
"Oh, I see. So they have growth acceleration, right?" asked Strong Bad.
"That's right. They grow twice as fast as regular people, so they can mature quickly."
"What would happen if you quadruple the growth, so there's more clones?" asked Strong Bad.
"Good point, never thought of that," admitted the King of Peasantry.
While talking, they passed by clones in a classroom (they were all children). Then they passed by a cafeteria where the clones were eating (with empty plates), and there were no food fights. All of the clones looked like Stinkoman.
"The clones are obedient and less independent than their original host," explained the King of Peasantry.
"Who is their original host?" asked Strong Bad.
"Stinkoman, a bounty hunter," replied the King of Peasantry.
"Oh right. So he stays where?" asked Strong Bad.
"Oh, we keep him here. And apart from his pay, he wanted an unaltered clone of himself. Unfortunately, something went wrong in the cloning process, and the clone looked nothing like Stinkoman, unless he will look like Stinkoman when he grows older."
"Okay, so can I meet this Stinkoman?" asked Strong Bad.
"I can take you there!" replied Rather Dashing.
Then from a balcony, they watched clone troopers fully-grown have army training.
In a mountain meadow in Naboo, Homestar and Marzipan were sitting on the grass.
"So, there was this one boy named Palo. And then he became an artist instead of a politician, so I never met him again, and then he drew this weird picture, got into a fight, and cut off his…" began Marzipan.
"Eaw?" asked Homestar.
"Ew, that's sick! He cut off his… oh wait, that's sicker," said Marzipan.
"Anyway, I think the Senate sucks! I think that they should all sit down, talk, be boring, and agwee on something befowe lunchtime," said Homestar.
"Um, that's how we do it, except we don't agree on stuff a lot, and we always finish after dinnertime," replied Marzipan.
"Then let's have someone make them do it," said Homestar.
"Like you?" asked Marzipan.
"Um, I don't know. How about you?" asked Homestar.
"Are you teasing me?" asked Marzipan.
"Oh no! I teased baseball bat head!" exclaimed Homestar.
Later, they played around. Homestar tried to stand on Poor Gary, who was galloping down the meadow. Suddenly, Poor Gary literally threw Homestar off, galloped over him, and galloped off. So Marzipan ran up to Homestar.
"Homestar! Are you all right?" asked Marzipan.
"Welcome to the pie family," replied Homestar, dizzily, "I'd like Jedi pies."
In Kamino, Strong Bad and Rather Dashing went to Stinkoman's apartment. When they knocked on the door, 1-Up answered the door.
"1-Up, is the Guy here?" asked Rather Dashing.
"Of course he is! Come in!" replied 1-Up.
So they walked inside the apartment.
"Hey Stinkoman! This guy with dumb pants is here again!" shouted 1-Up before Stinkoman jumped out of his room and into the room where the three were.
"WHY did you have to INTERRUPT my whatever activity?" asked Stinkoman.
"Uh, this is Jedi Master, Strong Bad," said Rather Dashing.
"Well, Stinkoman, nice clones you have there," commented Strong Bad.
"THANKS! I'm just trying to make my way into the universe!" replied Stinkoman.
"So, ever been to Coruscant?" asked Strong Bad.
"MAYBE RECENTLY!" replied Stinkoman, raising a fist and a leg for no reason.
"Then you must know Master Dorka-Dyas."
"Hey kid, shut the door!" ordered Stinkoman.
Then 1-Up closed Stinkoman's bedroom door, where Strong Bad spied Stinkoman's bounty hunter armor.
"Master who?" asked Stinkoman.
"Not Master Who, who was killed by a pebble. The guy who made you be cloned and stuff," replied Strong Bad.
"I never heard of him," replied Stinkoman.
"What? Oh man, this is more confusing!"
"I was hired by a guy named Darth Zee on one of those moons over there."
"Hmm, another Sith?" asked Strong Bad.
"I don't know what you're TALKING about! LIKE the army?" asked Stinkoman.
"Of course! It'll be so cool to see them in action!" replied Strong Bad.
"It'll be so COOL! GUARANTEED!" shouted Stinkoman.
"Okay, bye," said Strong Bad as he got ready to leave.
"SEE YA, JEDI!" shouted Stinkoman.
So Strong Bad and Rather Dashing left the apartment.
"Hey kid, pack up! We're leaving!" ordered Stinkoman.
"All right! A space trip!" exclaimed 1-Up.
In the dining room of the lake retreat in the evening, Homestar and Marzipan were having dessert, which was made up of Deauregard the cantaloupe.
"And then, we went to aggwesive negotiations, whewe we negotiated with a lightsabew," explained Homestar.
"Nice story," remarked Marzipan in interest.
"What stowy? Oh cwap! I missed it!" exclaimed Homestar.
As Marzipan tried to stab the cantaloupe with her fork, Homestar used to Force to bring the cantaloupe to him. However, he tried a little too hard, for the cantaloupe flew smack into his face. The result: Homestar had a juicy face while the cantaloupe was in edible pieces that landed on his plate. Then Homestar sent a piece to Marzipan by using the Force, which landed on Marzipan's fork.
In the lodge of the lake retreat, Homestar and Marzipan talked."Um, I don't know, but BE MY GIWLFWIEND!" shouted Homestar.
"But I can't. We live in a real world, well, not exactly. You're a Jedi Knight, I'm a Senator. So we can't be together!" shouted Marzipan.
"Then let's keep it in secwet," suggested Homestar.
"That's crazy. We'd be ruining our lives," replied Marzipan.
"Okay, you know, this convewsation is extwemely showt compawed to the othew vewsion," remarked Homestar.
"That's because the author doesn't really like corny scenes/conversations, or at least, that's what Queen Yatta told me," explained Marzipan.
In Kamino, Strong Bad went back to his Starfighter.
"Hey The Goblin, send a message to Master Pom-Pom, and maybe Strong Mad," ordered Strong Bad.
So, a hologram of Strong Bad appeared in Pom-Pom's quarters, where Pom-Pom and Strong Mad were.
"YOU'RE BACK!" shouted Strong Mad as he attempted to hug Strong Bad's hologram.
"Easy there, fella, brother, Master, whatever. I need to talk to Pom… Master Pom-Pom," said Strong Bad before Strong Mad stopped his hugging, "I found some stuff out. They're using bounty hunter Stinkoman to create a clone army. And I think this is the assassin we're looking for. If not, this trip is a waste, for I never got my parade/party."
"MARZIPAN ASSASSINATION?" asked Strong Mad.
"I don't think so," replied Strong Bad.
"Do not assume anything, Strong Bad. Clear, your mind must be if you are to discover the real villains behind the plot," Pom-Pom bubbled.
"Okay. They say Master Dorka-Dyas placed the order for the clone army. He was killed by possums before that, right? Did the Council ever authorize the creation of this clone army?" asked Strong Bad.
"NO!" replied Strong Mad.
"Into custody, take this Stinkoman. Bring him here. Question him, we will, if you bring him alive, unlike that Sith one episode ago," Pom-Pom bubbled.
"Hey! That Sith killed Coach Z!" retorted Strong Bad as his hologram faded.
"Blind we are, if creation of this clone army we could not see," Pom-Pom bubbled.
"LET'S TELL THE SENATE! NO MORE FORCE!" shouted Strong Mad.
"Only the Dark Lords of the Sith know of our weakness, if alive they are, and hope not, I do. If informed the Senate is, multiply our adversaries will," Pom-Pom bubbled.
"I DON'T GET YOU!" shouted Strong Mad.
In Homestar's bedroom in the lake retreat, Homestar was having nightmares of Unnamed. Once again, he was sleeping with cinnamon all over his mouth. That morning, Homestar was looking at the ducks outside for some reason. Maybe they were duck-clouds. Then Marzipan came and decided to leave Homestar.
"Don't go, you'we not supposed to," said Homestar.
"So, you had another nightmare?" asked Marzipan.
"Jedi don't have nightmawes," replied Homestar.
"But you're not really one. You're just a Padawan learner," said Marzipan.
"Okay! Let's go to Tatooine to save Unnamed, fow something bad's happening to hew. Come with me!" said Homestar.
