NIGHT DRIVE by King Cheetah

I can't beleive that none of these characters are mine, but thanks to Craig Bartlett for letting us play with them.

Rated T for adult situations and language. Lemme know whatcha think!

4 Something in the Oven

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As I applied the last touch of eyeliner, Phoebe and Sheena glided into my room, dressed to the nines, as per Arnold's instruction. Rather than the sort of clubware we all usually favored, we went for our nicest evening gowns, Phoebe in sleeveless basic black with matching gloves, and Sheena in powdwer blue. More impressively, Sheena's mile of hair was bound into a complex coiffure that was no doubt the hanywork of Phoebe's mom. Your's truly was red hot in my off the shoulder crimson gown and gloves, not that it mattered all that much. I didn't plan on being in it all that long this evening.

"Hello ladies..." I capped the eyeliner and began touching up my lipstick. "I'm in the market for some new best friends. Any candidates come to mind?"

Phoebe and Sheena feigned confusion.

"She's not making any sense! Sounds are coming out of her head, but they're not forming words"

"Perhaps it's a seisure of some sort. Does she have a history of stigmata or speaking in tongues?" asked Sheena, rubbing her chin.

"Yuck it up, japesters. I'm still pretty peeved." I said, giving them a sideways look.

"Now Helga," Phoebe soothed, "Arnold is our friend as well, and it WAS he who offered the invitation, without prompting from Sheena or myself. Besides, we'll excuse ourselves after dinner leaving you and Arnold the rest of the night to flaunt our states oppressive statutory rape laws."

Hmm... Well, I wouldn't have put it that way myself, but the sentiment was genuine.

"Okay, but I'll expect a boon from you two in exchange for the two hours of lost intimacy..." With a deft bit of sleight of hand I produced a twenty, seemingly from nowhere, and placed it in Phoebe's gloved hand. "Two boxes, ribbed. Take my car and meet us back here."

Phoebe looked confused for longer than I felt proper, when the little light went off in her head.

"ME!" she squeeked.

"Well of course 'you'. The pharmasysts all know ME, thanks to Miriam."

"Just a moment, Helga. It would be bad for your reputation, but it's okay for MINE?" she asked, hands on her hips.

"Well yeah, pretty much." I said thoughtfully.

"I gotta go with Helga on this, Phoebe. You have that whole poindexter thing goin..."Said Sheena thoughtfully.

With an expression akin to an Easter Island statue, Phoebe grabbed my car keys and stomped out.

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Arnold's suprise was dinner at Chez Paris, which brought back some memories and thankfully, no one on the waitstaff recognised Phoebe or myself. The meal was exquisite, as was the company. As good as their word, as dinner drew to a comfortable close, the girls made an excuse to leave, all be it a goofy one.

As Phoebe dabbed the last remnants of dessert from her lips, she turned and took Sheenas hands, interlacing their fingers. Clearing her throat, Phoebe said, "Helga, Arnold? We have a confession to make...we're lesbians.

"BIG TIME! I cried when 'ELLEN' went off the air." added Sheena

"And I'm vacationing on the Isle of Lesbos this summer..."

"So, no offense, but Phoebe and I need some time alone..."

"Quality time..." leered Phoebe.

"And remember Helga, if this 'Arnold Phase' you're going through doesn't pan out, well...you know where to come." Sheena feigned sympathy.

"Oh yeah, now that's what I'm talkin' bout!" cooed Phoebe

"Well, we gotta get a move on. There's a sale on Flannel shirts at SEARS..."

And with that, they hiked up their gowns and sprinted towards the entrance, making an exit that would have done Curely Howard proud.

Arnold turned to look at me, as if I could have possibly offered an explination. "We're,um...working on Phoebe's image...groan..."I stammered.

Fortunatly, the rest of the evening went EXACTLY as I wanted, and then some. Back in his room, I demonstrated my perfected sleight of hand by pulling a strip of condoms out of his ear.

Then, we made them all disappear.

I arose early on Sunday, and met Arnold and the girls for a picnic and walk in the country, then dinner and dancing. At 8:00 PM, we helped Arnold pack up for his return trip home, and despite promises of his speedy return the very next weekend, I'll be the first to admit that I drug my feet a little.

I don't like dwelling on the moment Arnold took off, but suffice to say Sheena had to drive us home. I allowed myself two hours to cry. As the clock struck 10:00 PM, I dried my last tear and prepared for tomorrow.

Helga G. Pataki was back in control.
Monday morning, I awoke at 5:00 AM, as usual and began my daily routine.

Excersise, breakfast, school, homework. As I got back into the swing of things, I kept the sweet memory of Arnold fresh in my mind. I tore through all my homework and outside responsibilities, just to fill the time until the appointed hour. Brasing myself, I waited for 9:00PM, then fired up my laptop and got online. "You have an Instant Message from footballhead69.
Do you wish to accept it?"

"Oh yeah!" I smiled.

footballhead69 (09:06 PM): Hey lover. Miss me.
theonlypataki (09:06 PM): Like air. You?
footballhead69 (09:07 PM): Counting the minutes

That became our routine. Nightly chats, weekly hand writen letters. He sent me flowers, I sent him gourmet coffee.

On the Friday evenings, he drove up the coast to my waiting arms. Our weekends became a chance for Arnold and I to touch base with some of our old friends, and attend more of Rhonda's parties (trust me, it wasn't all that hard to sync up). My world was heaven for three weeks, when I slowly began to become aware of something.

Carefully, I rechecked my figures, double-checked the calender, and did a physical count of feminine products. The reality of this hit me like a truck.

I hadn't had my period this month...

To Be Continued...

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