Chapter 5 – Things Get a Little More Interesting
In Kamino, Stinkoman and 1-Up were getting ready to leave in their spaceship, the Slave I. 1-Up saw Strong Bad coming.
"Hey Stinkoman! That shirtless guy with weird hands and head is coming!" alerted 1-Up.
"GET IN THE SHIP!" shouted the armored Stinkoman as Strong Bad ignited his lightsaber.
Then Stinkoman fired at Strong Bad with his blaster. Strong Bad deflected each shot with his lightsaber easily. Just as Strong Bad was about to strike at Stinkoman with his lightsaber, Stinkoman used his jet pack to fly away from Strong Bad. On top of a tower, Stinkoman shot a missile at Strong Bad, sending Strong Bad away as he wasn't hit.
1-Up decided to be of use as he used the ship controls to fire laser blasts at Strong Bad. The explosions caused by the laser blasts caused Strong Bad to let go of his lightsaber. Then Stinkoman flew to Strong Bad when Strong Bad punched Stinkoman, sending him away while hurting his own boxing glove, or hand, whatever.
"Ow, that armor is like a freakin' wall," remarked Strong Bad.
Suddenly, Stinkoman punched Strong Bad away. As they fought, Strong Bad tried to Force summon his lightsaber. As he did so, Stinkoman fired a thin wire which wrapped Strong Bad's arms together and flew into the air, making Strong Bad fly with him, not getting his lightsaber. While flying, Strong Bad hung onto a column, sending Stinkoman back to the ground by the edge of the platform. Then Strong Bad used his right boxing glove to punch Stinkoman off.
"YEAH! I did it!" exclaimed Strong Bad when he noticed the thin wire attached also to Stinkoman going down the edge, "Oh crap, I did something dumb."
Then Strong Bad fell down the edge as well. While falling down the slanted surface, Stinkoman used his forearm claws onto the surface to stop them from falling, but Strong Bad was in a hanging on string position. Then Stinkoman ejected the thin wire, making Strong Bad fall to the water.
While falling, Strong Bad untied the string and use the Force to tie it to a pole to prevent Strong Bad from falling. When Stinkoman looked down, he saw nothing but water, thinking Strong Bad drowned. Then he climbed up the surface. Then Strong Bad swung himself to the nearest platform, used the Force to open a door, and ran inside.
Then Stinkoman went back in the Slave I, which was ready to fly away. Then Strong Bad came with his lightsaber back and ignited it. Seeing it was too late to capture Stinkoman, he threw a tracking device on the ship, which stuck to the hull of the ship flying away from the watery planet.
"Well, at least I can get away from the crappy planet of never-ending water," said Strong Bad as he walked away.
The Nubian ship with Homestar, Marzipan, and Homsar landed in a landing place in the Tatooine city of Mos Espa. Then Homestar and Marzipan rode on a rickshaw driven by a droid, forgetting to bring Homsar, who was walking behind them. Finally, they stopped in front of The Cheat's shop and went to The Cheat, having trouble fixing a pit droid.
"Hey The Cheat!" said Homestar.
"Who the crap are you?" asked The Cheat in his language.
Then Homestar picked up the pit droid and began fixing it like a master.
"Wait, you're a Jedi! Please don't hurt me with your lightsaber! I didn't do anything bad, besides cheating on that girlfriend and doing other bad stuff," pleaded The Cheat.
"Uh, whatevew. Where's Unnamed whatevew hew last name was?" asked Homestar.
Then The Cheat looked at him suspiciously, "You're not Homestar." But then, the pit droid Homestar was fixing came back to life, "You are Homestar! Whoa! You're a Jedi! Wait, you haven't changed at all! Why couldn't I recognize you? Must be those cigarettes. Anyway, how about you blackmail these idiots who owe me money?"
"What about Unnamed?" asked Homestar.
"Oh right, that one slave. Look, I sold her to Cliegg Depot for more money, you know, since business is business, and Coach Z destroyed mine, as well as you! Anyway, then this Depot freed and married her. I think that's illegal, or deleted, am I confusing you?" asked The Cheat.
"What? Uh, whewe is she?" asked Homestar.
"Maybe in a moisture farm near Mos Eisley."
"Whewe's that?"
"Uh, here's a map!" shouted The Cheat as he threw a folded piece of paper at Homestar.
"Uh, how do I open it?" asked Homestar.
"Ugh!" shouted The Cheat before Marzipan opened the folded piece of paper and Homestar looked at it.
"How do I wead it?" asked Homestar, driving The Cheat insane.
Outside the planet Geonosis, Strong Bad's Starfighter continued to chase the Slave I. In the cockpit of the Slave I, 1-Up saw something besides asteroids on the ship's system.
"Hey The Guy! I think that guy's following us again!" said 1-Up.
"OH man! He must've tracked us! Let's do some TRICKS!" shouted Stinkoman.
So the Slave I went into the asteroid field surrounding Geonosis with Strong Bad following. Suddenly, the Slave I sent a charge flying in Strong Bad's direction.
"Uh oh, this is going to be messy," remarked Strong Bad.
Suddenly, the charge blew up in two blue rings shaped in a cross and the seismic charges blew up all asteroids around the exploding range. Strong Bad wasn't hit.
"That's not messy, that's cool!" exclaimed Strong Bad.
So another charge was released. The same thing happened, which was pretty cool.
"WHAT'S wrong with him?" asked Stinkoman.
Then the two ships flew into an asteroid tunnel. The Slave I did a somersault so in the end, it was chasing Strong Bad's ship.
"Now, fire!" shouted 1-Up.
"Who are you to order me around?" asked Stinkoman.
Then the Slave I fired lasers at Strong Bad's ship as they got out of that asteroid tunnel.
"Oh crap! This is why I hate flying!" exclaimed Strong Bad.
One of the lasers struck the ship, nearly hitting The Goblin.
"Hey the guy, you hit his ship!" exclaimed 1-Up.
"Let's FINISH him off!" said Stinkoman.
Then the Slave I sent a heat-seeking missile at Strong Bad. No matter how he good he was in evading (which was pretty good for one who doesn't like flying), the heat-seeking missile continued to chase Strong Bad.
"Hey The Goblin, release the spare part canisters," ordered Strong Bad.
The ship released some metal which was what the missile struck; causing a huge explosion that didn't kill Strong Bad. But 1-Up and Stinkoman thought differently.
"HE'S DEAD!" shouted Stinkoman.
Then the Slave I flew to Geonosis and flew into a Trade Federation ship on the ground which was large enough for the Slave I in the desert (which is the best way to describe the whole planet). However, Strong Bad's ship was hiding on an asteroid (in space, obviously), well out of the Slave I's scanning range.
"Okay The Goblin, let's go. Oh wait, I'm flying the ship," remembered Strong Bad as he flew to Geonosis, where he noticed the Trade Federation ships, "Oh man! Blue Laser's involved in this, I know it! I hated his voice. When will he ever quit?"
The ship landed in an empty place far away from the Federation ships. Then Strong Bad looked around to investigate.
In Tatooine, the Nubian ship landed in front of the Depot's or whatever's moisture farm. Homestar and Marzipan got out and walked towards it while Homsar was ordered to stay in the ship (and perhaps have freeze-dried food if needed, which isn't). They saw Strong Sad doing some work when he noticed the visitors.
"Oh, uh, hi, I'm Strong…" Strong Sad began to say when Homestar finished with, "Sad?"
"Oh Homestar! You've returned, as well as Marzipan, and I would have to do even more work," said Strong Sad, sadly.
"Hello Strong Sad. How's life? Sad?" asked Marzipan.
"As usual, sad."
"Whewe's that woman you wowked fow?" asked Homestar.
"Uh, let's go inside," decided Strong Sad.
So they went inside the moisture farm, where The Owen and The Beru came to meet the visitors.
"I'm Homestaw Wunnew!" said Homestar.
"Homestaw Wunnew?" asked The Beru.
"No! Homestaw Wunnew!"
"I'm The Owen and this is The Beru," said The Owen.
"I'm Marzipan," said Marzipan, feeling a bit left out.
"Hello green toothpick," said The Owen.
"You have a dumb name," remarked The Beru.
"So whewe's that oldew woman besides that mowon bwoom," said Homestar before he saw Marzipan looking at him angrily, "The othew mowon."
"She's not here," wheezed Cliegg Depot as he hobbled to the scene, since he had one foot and a peg leg and a cane, "The name's Depot, Cliegg Depot, and I have the license to… never mind, I've been watching too much James Bond Tatooine plays in hosted in Mos Eisley."
"Uh, nevew mind about that. Just whewe is she?" asked Homestar.
"Let's talk in the office, er, kitchen," replied Cliegg Depot.
In the homestead kitchen, Cliegg, The Owen, Homestar, and Marzipan sat around the table while The Beru served a tray of drinks.
"I forgot to put the drinks in the glasses!" said The Beru, but no one cared, for they were listening to Cliegg, and Cliegg was talking.
"Anyway, it was before dawn when Unnamed went to go get mushrooms from that one place like, a mile away. When she was halfway there, somehow, the Marshies took her. The Marshies are vicious, freaky, mindless monsters," explained Cliegg Depot.
"I agwee," agreed Homestar.
"Thirty of us went to save her, only four of us came back, minus my leg. I didn't want to meet you like this, but she's been gone a month or two or three or four or one, but I don't think she's still alive," wheezed Cliegg Depot.
"Okay, I'm going to find Unnamed, bye!" said Homestar as he left.
"But wait! It's hopeless! Oh well, maybe I oughta find another wife with a son," said Cliegg Depot.
Outside the farm, Homestar was looking at something, maybe a predator eating its prey, when Marzipan came.
"Stay hewe, fow the Mawshies don't like bwoom i… Mawzipans," said Homestar.
"Oh Homestar!" said Marzipan as she tried to hug Homestar when she realized she can't if neither of them had arms.
"I gotta go!" said Homestar as he went onto a kiddie bike and pedaled away slowly.
"Homestar, I think that speeder bike's faster and more efficient," said Marzipan.
"Okay, bye!" said Homestar as he kicked the bike away, got into the speeder bike, and sped away to look for Unnamed.
Homestar sped through the Tatooine landscape, looking for the Marshie camps. He asked some Unguraits for directions, and continued looking for the camps after risking being eaten as Homestar Casserole by the Unguraits.
