This is the chapter where Zee-Gee-Oh (Count Dooku being played by 20X6 Coach Z (Zee-Gee-Oh is my name for him)) makes his appearance, as well as the Separatists. Also, this is where Anakin kills the tusken raiders, but things are not what they seem (I had to change the plot a little in order to keep Homestar in character).

Chapter 6 – Learning about Some Things and Evil

Strong Bad walked up to an entrance of a tall rock tower shaped like stalagmites. He looked around while being careful not to be found. Then he saw something peculiar: a battle droid factory. After seeing that, he snuck around for a few minutes, finding nothing, until he heard voices. He hid behind a pillar as Fhqwhgads the Lesser, Zee-Gee-Oh, Blue Laser, as well as other separatists, walked by, discussing political matters.

"Now we must persuade the Commerce Guild and Corporate Alliance to sign the treaty," said Zee-Gee-Oh with Christopher Lee's voice (the guy who played Count Dooku and Saruman of Lord of the Rings).

"WHAT ABOUT THE SENATOR FROM NABOO? I STILL WANT HER DEAD! IN FACT, I WANT HER BASEBALL BAT SHAPED HEAD ON MY DESK SO I CAN SIGN YOUR TREATY!" screeched Blue Laser.

"I'm a man of my word, Viceroy," replied Zee-Gee-Oh.

"With our new Battle Droids we built for you, Viceroy, we'll have the finest army in the galaxy," said Visor Robot.

Then the separatists sat around a conference table with Strong Bad spying on them.

"And now, I'll make a speech. More systems will join us. And blah, blah, blah, blah. And when we combine Blue Laser's battle droids with yours, we'll have the finest army in the galaxy, and I don't care if you already said that, Visor. The Jedi will be overwhelmed. The Republic will agree to any demands we make," explained Zee-Gee-Oh.

"…" said the Poopsmith.

"That's all we ask," replied Zee-Gee-Oh with no clue what was said to him.

"I think the Banking Clan will sign your treaty," said an Olda Boy.

"I miss my mom," said another Olda Boy.

"The Techno Unions are at your disposal, Count," said Visor Robot before going out of control and blowing up its head, revealing a red light bulb, "Not agaiiiinnnn…" as the robot's voice faded away.

"Good, good, one less annoying separatist," said Zee-Gee-Oh.

So Strong Bad moved away from his hiding spot and went towards the exit.


Homestar snuck into the Marshie camp. He saw a hut with two Marshies guarding the doorway. So, he went to the back of the hut and used his lightsaber to cut a hole in the wall. Then he went in through the hole. Inside, he saw some candles and Unnamed strapped to a wooden frame. So Homestar took the Velcro straps off and freed Unnamed, who woke up.

"So, wemembew me?" asked Homestar.

"Homestar? Is that you?" asked Unnamed, who looked like she was beaten up.

"You'we safe, since I'm hewe. Well, maybe not," said Homestar.

"Oh, you look so, the same as Episode I. My, er, 'son', my 'son' is here. I'm so proud of you, Homestar. And now, I'm complete," said Unnamed weakly.

"Uh, okay, now let's take you to the Depot moistuwe fawm," said Homestar.

"I… I lov… I lo… I love…" Unnamed tried to say something, but then she died.

"Oh, she must be sleeping," said Homestar, "All wight, I'll walk awound."

So Homestar walked around in a circle until he stubbed his toe on the cross Unnamed was just freed from.

"Ow! That huwt! Those Mawshies awe going to pay fow they'we poow intewiow decowating!" shouted Homestar as he ignited his lightsaber.

Then Homestar ran outside and began slicing up the Marshies, beginning with the Marshie guards.

"Ow! My marshmallow!" exclaimed some Marshies before dying.

Along with the Marshies, Homestar also killed the Mrs. Marshies, Marshie Juniors, Uncle Marshies, Sear-g-geant Marshies, Vampire Marshies, and other Marshies.


In the Jedi Temple, Pom-Pom was meditating. Suddenly, he heard the voice of Coach Z, who was killed an episode ago, for those readers who didn't read the first Episode.

"Hamstray! Homegrown! Stairmaster! Homestar! NO!" cried out Coach Z's voice.

Then Strong Mad ran through the wall and jumped onto a chair, crushing it.

"WHAT MOVED MY CHEESE?" shouted Strong Mad.

"Pain. Suffering. Death, I feel. Something terrible has happened. Young and naive Runner is in pain. Terrible pain, or stubbed toes," Pom-Pom bubbled.


In Geonosis, Strong Bad went to his Starfighter. He examined the transmitter dish.

"Well Goblin, the transmitter's working, but we can't get a return signal. Coruscant is too far, unfortunately. Hey Goblin, can you boost the power?" asked Strong Bad.

"(Merry organ notes)," replied Goblin.

"I think I'm changing my opinion about you and Homsar. Maybe I can contact Homestar on Naboo, you know, since it's closer" said Strong Bad as he went into the cockpit, "Homestar, Homestar, do you copy? Well, he's not in Naboo, and that's not surprising. I'm going to widen the search and not be surprised something happened to him," said Strong Bad.

While Strong Bad did so, a Fhqwhgads spied Strong Bad and his Starfighter from an overlooking cliff. Meanwhile, Strong Bad found where Homestar was.

"Well, that's the tracking system Homestar accidentally ate, which was disgusting, but good thing that was indigestible. But it's coming from Tatooine. What the crap is he doing on Tatooine? I told him to stay on Naboo! Not that you can expect a lot from that idiot," said Strong Bad as he got out of the cockpit and spoke to Goblin in order to transmit his message.

"Homestar, Homestar, you there? This is Strong Bad," said Strong Bad as he heard a screech, or a quack.


In the Nubian ship in Tatooine, Homsar was working on receiving the message from Strong Bad, which started to fade away due to Strong Bad's damaged ship.

Meanwhile, Homestar came back to the Depot Moisture Farm on the speeder bike, carrying Unnamed's body in a sack. He carried the body to the homestead while The Owen, The Beru, Cliegg, Marzipan, and Strong Sad watched.

"Shh, she's sleeping," said Homestar.

"Homestar, she's dead," said Marzipan.

"Oh," replied Homestar.

"I knew she's going to die. As I said, each day we die a little more," said Strong Sad mournfully.

"I just wish you leave us alone," said The Owen.


In the garage of the homestead, Homestar was fixing the speeder bike when Marzipan came, carrying a tray of tofu.

"I brought you some tofu, just in case you're hungry, and you seem to appreciate the tofu a little bit these days and…" began Marzipan before Homestar interrupted.

"I'm good at fixing things. Life is bettew that way. But…" began Homestar.

"I know, you're all upset about your, er, pretend mother die," said Marzipan to comfort Homestar.

"No! But, why did I have to stub my toe? It huwts!" cried out Homestar.

"Oh, so you don't care if your pretend mother died?" asked Marzipan.

"What's dying?" asked Homestar.

"It's when people… stops living," explained Marzipan.

"Uh, I don't know what you meant," replied Homestar.

"Well, people have to die, like my un-watered plants, but you're not all-powerful," said Marzipan, ignoring the last question.

"WHAT? I should be! You know, since, I'm, the Chosen None, I mean, Chosen One!" retorted Homestar, "I think I can stop people fwom dying, whatevew that is! And I should stop all stubbed toes!"

"Homestar…"

"It's all Stwong Bad's fault, making me look stupid, making me think I'm stupid, calling me stupid, even though I'm stupid," complained Homestar, "It's his fault, with his selfishness and self-… uh, I don't know what wowd it is, but it's Stwong Bad's fault! He's the one who gave me the cottage cheese and The Cheat hair instead of the sou-whu cweam and The Cheat haiw, and he's the one who told me my cweepy Daisy Dukes wewen't long pants!" shouted Homestar as he threw the wrench at another piece of machinery, setting it on fire, "I, uh, I didn't do that, as well as making the Marshies, uh, it's, uh, this new wowd called die."

"Homestar, what's wrong with you? And what did you just say?" asked Marzipan.

"All wight, I'll tell. I made them die. I made them all die. They die, evewy single one of them! But not just the men, but the women, and the children too, and the old guys, and the vampiwes, and that fat Mawshie, and the solidew! They'we like animals! And I made them die like animals!" explained Homestar.

"How dare you insult animals!" shouted Marzipan.

"I hate those fweakin' mawshmallows!" shouted Homestar (ignoring Marzipan), making Marzipan slap him three times to bring him back to his old self.

"To be angry is to be human," said Marzipan.

"But I'm a Jedi, maybe a Padawan leawnew, and I suck, but I'm supposed to be bettew than this!" said Homestar before fainting from the rage and confessions.

"I guess I can eat this tofu myself, since the Depots prefer lint over this," muttered Marzipan.


Later, Unnamed was buried in her grave. Then her family, Marzipan, and Strong Sad gathered around the grave.

"I know that wherever you are, it's better than here, since the farm sucks! Well, goodbye, my wife," said Cliegg as he hobbled away.

Then Homestar went to the grave.

"Uh, I think I'm bettew than this, so I will! So, bye, and I'll miss you, whewevew that one-legged guy said you wewe," said Homestar.

Then Homsar came.

"Homsar? What are you doing here?" asked Marzipan.

"Bombs for the cherries! Knives for the wonders!" replied Homsar.

"I can translate this!" said Strong Sad.

"You can? I thought you were a waste of space," said Cliegg Depot.

"No, I'm a waste of fat space. Anyway, he said there's a message from Strong Bad. Homestar, who is this guy? I don't want to know, but who is he?" asked Strong Sad.


In the cockpit of the Nubian ship, Homestar and Marzipan were in front of Strong Bad's hologram.

"Homestar, Homestar, you there? This is Strong Bad. If you're smart enough, my long-range transmitter's knocked out, so retransmit this message to Coruscant. If you can't do it, make Marzipan do it," ordered Strong Bad.

So Marzipan went to the control board and pressed a button, and Strong Bad's hologram appeared in the Chancellor's office in Coruscant, which was full of Jedis and politicians obviously talking about the conflict of the vote for the army.

"I have tracked the bounty hunter, Stinkoman, to the droid foundries of Geonosis," said Strong Bad.

"What does that mean?" asked Homestar.

"Ssh," ordered Marzipan.

"What does that mean?" asked Jedi Knight Teenager Tompkins.

"Shh," ordered Jedi Knight Senor.

"The Trade Federation is taking delivery of a droid army here and it is clear that Viceroy Blue Laser is behind the assassination attempts against Senator Marzipan, unless Homestar accidentally killed her," explained Strong Bad.

"I did not! Take that back!" shouted Homestar.

"Homestar, it's a hologram, he can't answer you," said Marzipan.

"The Commerce Guile and Corporate Alliance have both pledged their armies to Zee-Gee-Oh and are forming an… wait… Wait! Oh crap! Those deflector shield droids! I hated those!" exclaimed Strong Bad as he got out his lightsaber and began deflecting laser blasts. Then his hologram moved away as a hologram of a droideka appeared, shooting at Strong Bad, "NOT COOL!" shouted Strong Bad as the droideka disappeared from view.

In the Chancellor office…

"More happening on Geonosis, I feel, than has been revealed," Pom-Pom bubbled.

"WE'RE GOING TO WAR! PROTECT BROOM! STRONG BAD!" shouted Strong Mad as his hologram disappeared.

"Okay Stwong Mad," said Homestar in the Nubian ship, not aware that Strong Mad didn't hear him, not that he needed to.

"They'll never get in time to save him! Geonosis is less than a parsec away from here!" said Marzipan.

"Mawzipan, what the cwap is a pawsec?" asked Homestar, "And let's not go, Stwong Bad can take cawe of himself."

"Homestar? Is that you?" asked Marzipan.

"Of couwse, duh!" replied Homestar, "Otherwise, I'm Kevin DuBwow!"

"You're not Kevin. But I'm going to save Strong Bad so I can get some medal or promotion, or some new plants that don't need water! And if you want to protect me, you will have to follow me!" retorted Marzipan.

"Okay, you win again," agreed Homestar with reluctance.

Then the Nubian ship began to fly away with the two and Homsar and Strong Sad, who came in for a reason.

"Wait, why am I here? It's against the law! You're kidnapping me!" exclaimed Strong Sad.

"No more FBI to save solo!" shouted Homsar.

"Yeah, and they don't like me anyway," agreed Strong Sad.