Stargazing
As an innocent child.
"Severus," a woman called to me softly in the darkness. "Severus, wake-up. The meteor shower will begin soon."
"Mmmmm.ok.I'm coming, mother." Mother. The woman who I dearly loved. She always looked after me, though at times in my childhood I resented her. She seemed to be unafraid of showing her emotions; and for this, I admired her. Her eyes showed her every thought. I remember how they sparkled in the starlight that night as we rode out to a field on our broomsticks. The crisp, moonless sky was perfect. As the wind rippled though our hair and our thick cloaks, we sped to our destination. It was early spring, and I will never forget how the air was still cold and damp. We spread the blankets that we had brought on the frost-stiffened grass from last autumn.
In a brilliant flash of light, the first meteor streaked across the sky.
"Make a wish, my son." My mother said excitedly. "I promise that it will come true."
I wished to be strong and please my father.
~~***~~
I awoke midmorning in my own bed. I pulled back the thick bed curtains and saw that dawn was over and noon was fast approaching. I quickly dressed myself in the traditional black robes that I was expected to wear, and ate a quick breakfast of honey-bread with mint tea. A house elf informed me that my father had been waiting for me for over 3 hours in his study; he was not a man to be kept waiting. I ran through the corridors and up two flights of stairs. The last door on the left was my father's study. Normally, he would have been furious and lecture me on the Snape family expectations, one of which did not include sleeping late. His life had been spent working constantly; he prided himself for being a self-made wizard even though he came from a wealthy pureblood family. I expected a punishment from him. Everyday I assisted him in making, studying, and organizing his potions and other magical paraphernalia. Today, I soon found, was a special day.
My father handed me two small, thick books. Uncounterable Curses, Hexes that Never Miss, and Potions without Antidote was the first book. The second book was clearly mysterious and quite magical. I opened it up only to find it blank. I began to open my mouth to ask my father the meaning of the empty book, but he cut me off.
"There is no such thing as good and evil. There are those who seek power and those who all others to overpower them. Never has a Snape succumbed to the rule of anyone. I do not want anyone to have power over you, my son."
A long awkward silence followed. I opened my blank book up to the inside cover. His words were burnt in the careful black script that I knew so well to be his. The little book would eventually become my world. My father accomplished his goal: no one was ever in full control of his son.
~~***~~
Over the next few weeks, my mother developed a cough. Gradually, what seemed like a mild cold, blossomed into what muggles call Tuberculosis. Father, being too prideful, refused to allow her to be treated by a squib- turned-muggle physician. "No illness can kill a Snape," he said daily as she weakened. I remember seeing her in bed. She looked very weak by this time.
"Mother.an owl came.it brought me a letter." I opened the letter. "Congratulations you have been accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!"
She smiled a weak smile, but it lit up her face. She looked happier than she had been since we went and wished upon the falling stars. Her dark eyes were large and dewy against her pale skin. Her hair was down; and for the first time, I marveled at her long, thick, black disheveled tresses. I stood staring dumbly at her. It finally dawned on me that she was dying.
I ran from her room down to my father's potions storage. After minutes that seemed like hours of frantic searching, I found Healing Elixirs and Tonics. I flipped pages until I found a cure-all-ailment potion. I began to mix the ingredients together carefully despite my shaking hands. The elixir of life that I made in the late morning and finished in the late evening was my best ever-I would have guaranteed that it would pull any mortal man away from death's tight grasp. At a quarter till midnight, I presented the goblet of potion to my mother. She took the goblet from my hands and gently set it upon the nightstand by her pillow. She smiled in gratitude, but I could still see great sadness in her eyes. She drew me close to her as if I were still a babe. I realized that she was not going to drink the potion that I made for her. She was choosing death. I buried my face in her hair, wanting the moment to last forever. Tears were coming to my eyes. I fought to hold them back.
"I love you, Severus. I will always love you no matter what." she whispered in my ear.
Tears came flooding out of my eyes, burning my cheeks as they poured down. I didn't understand why she was choosing death. I wouldn't until much later in life. "I love you, too, mother." I croaked. "Don't die.. Please don't leave me."
She began coughing again, more violently than before, gasping for her breath that would not come. As she coughed, bright red flecks of blood flew from her mouth. She coughed more violently for a short spell, and then stopped. I heard her draw in one shaky, long breath. As she exhaled, her body seemed to relax. My head on her chest, ear to her heart, I felt the relief that passed over her. I listened for the steady beating of heart, but heard none. She was gone. I could not contain my pain any longer. I wept bitterly, begging her to return. I must have made a great deal of noise because my father heard me and stormed in to the room. Behind him walked a man and a child.
"Eleven years old and still crying like a baby girl?" the man sneered. "Thought that you would have brought him up better than that, Snape?"
"I thought I did too. It was his mother's fault that he is so emotional, Malfoy." My father replied.
"A great shame." Responded the man. The child with him sneered, copying his father.
My father gave me a severe look. Immediately, I stopped crying and dried my tears on the sleeve of my robes. I never again cried.
As an innocent child.
"Severus," a woman called to me softly in the darkness. "Severus, wake-up. The meteor shower will begin soon."
"Mmmmm.ok.I'm coming, mother." Mother. The woman who I dearly loved. She always looked after me, though at times in my childhood I resented her. She seemed to be unafraid of showing her emotions; and for this, I admired her. Her eyes showed her every thought. I remember how they sparkled in the starlight that night as we rode out to a field on our broomsticks. The crisp, moonless sky was perfect. As the wind rippled though our hair and our thick cloaks, we sped to our destination. It was early spring, and I will never forget how the air was still cold and damp. We spread the blankets that we had brought on the frost-stiffened grass from last autumn.
In a brilliant flash of light, the first meteor streaked across the sky.
"Make a wish, my son." My mother said excitedly. "I promise that it will come true."
I wished to be strong and please my father.
~~***~~
I awoke midmorning in my own bed. I pulled back the thick bed curtains and saw that dawn was over and noon was fast approaching. I quickly dressed myself in the traditional black robes that I was expected to wear, and ate a quick breakfast of honey-bread with mint tea. A house elf informed me that my father had been waiting for me for over 3 hours in his study; he was not a man to be kept waiting. I ran through the corridors and up two flights of stairs. The last door on the left was my father's study. Normally, he would have been furious and lecture me on the Snape family expectations, one of which did not include sleeping late. His life had been spent working constantly; he prided himself for being a self-made wizard even though he came from a wealthy pureblood family. I expected a punishment from him. Everyday I assisted him in making, studying, and organizing his potions and other magical paraphernalia. Today, I soon found, was a special day.
My father handed me two small, thick books. Uncounterable Curses, Hexes that Never Miss, and Potions without Antidote was the first book. The second book was clearly mysterious and quite magical. I opened it up only to find it blank. I began to open my mouth to ask my father the meaning of the empty book, but he cut me off.
"There is no such thing as good and evil. There are those who seek power and those who all others to overpower them. Never has a Snape succumbed to the rule of anyone. I do not want anyone to have power over you, my son."
A long awkward silence followed. I opened my blank book up to the inside cover. His words were burnt in the careful black script that I knew so well to be his. The little book would eventually become my world. My father accomplished his goal: no one was ever in full control of his son.
~~***~~
Over the next few weeks, my mother developed a cough. Gradually, what seemed like a mild cold, blossomed into what muggles call Tuberculosis. Father, being too prideful, refused to allow her to be treated by a squib- turned-muggle physician. "No illness can kill a Snape," he said daily as she weakened. I remember seeing her in bed. She looked very weak by this time.
"Mother.an owl came.it brought me a letter." I opened the letter. "Congratulations you have been accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!"
She smiled a weak smile, but it lit up her face. She looked happier than she had been since we went and wished upon the falling stars. Her dark eyes were large and dewy against her pale skin. Her hair was down; and for the first time, I marveled at her long, thick, black disheveled tresses. I stood staring dumbly at her. It finally dawned on me that she was dying.
I ran from her room down to my father's potions storage. After minutes that seemed like hours of frantic searching, I found Healing Elixirs and Tonics. I flipped pages until I found a cure-all-ailment potion. I began to mix the ingredients together carefully despite my shaking hands. The elixir of life that I made in the late morning and finished in the late evening was my best ever-I would have guaranteed that it would pull any mortal man away from death's tight grasp. At a quarter till midnight, I presented the goblet of potion to my mother. She took the goblet from my hands and gently set it upon the nightstand by her pillow. She smiled in gratitude, but I could still see great sadness in her eyes. She drew me close to her as if I were still a babe. I realized that she was not going to drink the potion that I made for her. She was choosing death. I buried my face in her hair, wanting the moment to last forever. Tears were coming to my eyes. I fought to hold them back.
"I love you, Severus. I will always love you no matter what." she whispered in my ear.
Tears came flooding out of my eyes, burning my cheeks as they poured down. I didn't understand why she was choosing death. I wouldn't until much later in life. "I love you, too, mother." I croaked. "Don't die.. Please don't leave me."
She began coughing again, more violently than before, gasping for her breath that would not come. As she coughed, bright red flecks of blood flew from her mouth. She coughed more violently for a short spell, and then stopped. I heard her draw in one shaky, long breath. As she exhaled, her body seemed to relax. My head on her chest, ear to her heart, I felt the relief that passed over her. I listened for the steady beating of heart, but heard none. She was gone. I could not contain my pain any longer. I wept bitterly, begging her to return. I must have made a great deal of noise because my father heard me and stormed in to the room. Behind him walked a man and a child.
"Eleven years old and still crying like a baby girl?" the man sneered. "Thought that you would have brought him up better than that, Snape?"
"I thought I did too. It was his mother's fault that he is so emotional, Malfoy." My father replied.
"A great shame." Responded the man. The child with him sneered, copying his father.
My father gave me a severe look. Immediately, I stopped crying and dried my tears on the sleeve of my robes. I never again cried.
