"It's so strange to think that all this was going on in your life and I had no idea."
"You had no idea? I would've thought that your father told you everything."
We are now both sitting with our backs against the stone walls of the cell, facing our cellmates, who seem to be inspecting a small pebble lying harmlessly by the single set of bunk-beds.
I know it's wrong, but I can't help but snicker at how strange they're acting. They're like older, male versions of Luna.
Draco smirks as they poke at the pebble with a tiny stick.
"No, he only told me what he thought I needed to know. I'm sure even he didn't know half the things you've told me, like that stuff about your relatives. Didn't Dumbledore know how your muggle family was treating you?"
"To some extent, yes, but maybe not as bad as it did get at times."
"Why didn't you tell him?"
"It wouldn't have mattered, he couldn't have moved me anyway because I was protected there."
"Why didn't he just keep you at Hogwarts? Then he could watch over you himself."
"You mean once I'd found out that I was a wizard and everything?"
"Yeah."
I shrug, still watching the pebble poking. "I dunno. I'm sure Dumbledore didn't want to spend the summer babysitting me, I'm sure he has better things to do, more important things. Or maybe he thought I needed a family to go home to once and awhile, so I could get a break from it all."
"But you would have rather stayed at school, right?"
"Definitely," I answer firmly.
We both laugh as one of the inmates puts the pebble into their mouth then spits it out in disgust.
"I hope they spring me before I go that psycho." Draco snickers.
"Can you imagine how long they've been here to become that loopy?"
"Nope, I honestly can't. I wonder what they did to get locked up?"
"I have no idea, Amari wouldn't tell me."
"And that's another thing, what's he in here for?"
I turn to look at Draco. "I didn't ask, but I'm dying to know. I can not imagine that man doing anything that would be suspicious or even remotely illegal."
Draco nods his head in agreement. "He doesn't seem the criminal type."
"Then again, neither do we, and look where we are…"
"True."
I smile and sneak my hand under the mat to grab another piece of bread from the secret stash. I tear it in half and hand over the other piece to Draco.
"So what about your childhood?" I ask, conversationally. "What was it like?"
"Full of beatings, dark magic, and blood ceremonies."
I whip my head to the right, eyes wide. "What?"
Draco bursts into laughter. "Potter, you are priceless! Do you always believe everything you're told?"
"No," I reply sulkily, feeling foolish.
Draco smiles and chews on his bread thoughtfully before answering. "Believe it or not, my childhood was actually pretty good - up until my fourteenth year, that is. My parents kept me from anything too dangerous, or too gruesome, which had the unfortunate side-effect of causing me to believe that the Dark side wasn't all that bad. I thought it was exciting, you know? Sneaking around in black cloaks and going on missions."
"Like it was all just some kind of game?"
"Yeah, sort of. I mean, I knew people died, I wasn't that naïve. But I always pictured these nameless wizards that were of no importance, and murdering them was just part of the mission. There had to be casualties along the way – they knew it and I knew it."
"Never thinking that you might be one of those casualties."
"The thought never crossed my mind. My dad always told me that he would be there with me, to help me, and to protect me, as long as I was fighting for the cause."
My gaze shifts past Draco's face and out the tiny window as I shake my head with a frown. "What a twisted existence we both share; we were both lied to all our lives, forcing complexes on us that we really don't deserve."
"What's your complex, Potter? Heroic tendencies?"
"No," I say sharply. "Trying to come to terms with the fact that I'm not responsible for everything that happens to the people around me."
"Ah, a guilt complex, then. Who do you feel responsible for?""My friends, the ones I've already lost and the ones whose lives are in danger because of me. Even people I hardly know can get caught in the crossfire."
"Like Diggory?"
"Yeah…like Cedric." It hurts a little bit every time I say his name. Maybe it's my punishment.
"And…your godfather?"
"And Sirius…" Another stab of pain, another victim to fall under Voldemort's hand while I stood by and watched.
Draco lets out a low whistle. "Shit…I'm glad I'm not responsible for the safety of the world."
"Thanks, that helps a lot," I answer dryly, giving him a withering glare.
"Hey, better in your hands than in mine." He smirks.
"Why's that?"
"Because when the shit hits the fan, I'll be looking out for one person and one person only."
"Yourself."
"That's right. What's the point of saving the world if you're not here to enjoy it?"
"That is the most selfish…" I trail off, shaking my head in wonder. "You really are a piece of work, Malfoy. You know that?"
"Thanks." He smirks proudly. "Didn't you know that Gryffindors were put here to save the world while Slytherins are here to run it?"
"Feels like it." I snort, rolling my eyes at the smug blond.
"We don't like to get our hands dirty."
"Oh yeah?" I pick up Draco's wrist and hold up one pale-skinned and filthy palm.
He quickly grabs it back and sends me a glare. "There are exceptions when under certain circumstances, obviously. But I still manage to make this look good, which is more than I can say for you."
"Draco, you haven't brushed your teeth in about a week – nobody makes that look good," I shoot back.
"Well, at least my hair doesn't look like a rat took up house on the top of my head and died."
"Yeah? Well, just so you know, loads of people have told me that my hair is irresistibly cute."
Draco snorts, his eyes flicking up to my tangled locks and back. "I'd take sexy over cute any day."
"Did someone actually say this to you, or is that just something you say to yourself when you look in the mirror?"
"Loads of people have said it…and I happen to agree."
I laugh and have the strongest urge to reach out and mess up those silvery strands even more. I don't know how his hair manages to look windblown and sexy while mine just looks…well, like the body of a dead rat that I haven't yet removed.
Did I just think of Draco as sexy?
Okay, Harry, go over and join the loony bin in the corner.
"Harry?"
"Huh?" I snap out of it and blink stupidly at the frowning blond beside me.
"I just asked you something."
"Oh…what?"
"What were you thinking about?" He asks curiously.
"N-Nothing. What did you ask me?"
"I was just remarking on how far we've strayed from our original topic."
"What? Our childhoods?"
"Yeah. You never finished telling me about when you first found out you were a wizard."
"Oh…" I lean back and cross one ankle over the other, eyes back to watching the amusing antics of our cellmates. "There's not much to tell really. My uncle refused to let me have my Hogwarts letter, even taking us all out to this remote little rock in the middle of the ocean to do it. Hagrid showed up at the door, with my very first birthday cake and my letter. He told me everything; about being a wizard, this whole other secret world that I had no knowledge of, how my parents died, Voldemort, Dumbledore – everything. And he took me to Diagon Alley, bought me an owl for my birthday, and gave me my ticket for the Hogwarts express. I spent the rest of the summer waiting anxiously at home until September first, I met Ron at the station and the rest is history."
"You forgot to mention me," Draco pointed out.
"You?"
"Yeah, in Diagon Alley."
"Ah…" I smile at the memory. "And I met this rich spoiled brat who I hated instantly at the robe shop. The first thing I thought when I met you, was that you reminded me of my cousin Dudley."
"The big, fat whale boy?" Draco asks, insulted.
"Not your looks, stupid, the way you acted; rude and cruel, not to mention superior and haughty."
"But I looked good."
"Actually, I thought your chin was a little pointy," I say, trying not to laugh.
Draco's eyes widen and he instantly brings a hand to inspect his perfectly normal chin. "You're such a liar, Potter," he says, eyes narrowing at me.
"I'm not lying," I exclaim innocently. "But don't worry, you've grown into it now."
"Hmph." Draco grumpily turns his head away.
"Aw, come on." I laugh, nudging him with my shoulder. "Don't be so sensitive. You haven't told me about your childhood yet – give me a happy baby Draco memory."
Draco's face softens. "Like what?" he asks.
"How would I know? Tell about the time you…went to the zoo."
"I never went to the zoo." Draco frowns, then smiles. "But I did go to the place where they keep all the dangerous and exotic creatures that they've confiscated before they're killed."
"Killed?" I swallow, wondering how this could possibly fall under the 'happy memory' category.
"Oh don't look like that, Potter. I was eight years old, my father didn't show me the actual killing part. He brought me around to see all the amazing animals."
"That sounds pretty cool."
"It was." Draco leans his head back as he reminisces. "I thoroughly enjoyed myself. All these magical beasts that no one else was allowed to see or touch, and here I was, eight years old, and I was right up close. Seeing them for the last time. And my father just stood and watched me with them, smiling. I think he was proud that I wasn't afraid. I was a little, but I knew he wouldn't let them hurt me. It was the last time he took me somewhere, just the two of us, where I could act like a kid and he just smiled and…was there. He seemed colder as I grew up, not harsh or mean, but…like there was this distance between us that wasn't there before."
I watch Draco closely as he talks about his dad. I want to know what the man was really like as a father.
"Right before I turned eleven, he ordered the house elves to remove all the toys from my room. He said that I was to start acting like a man since I would be going away to school for almost ten months of the year. I didn't argue, I wanted to make him proud, but…"
"What?" I prompt curiously.
"It wasn't just the toys that he took away. I didn't realize this until after I'd learned what my father really was, but he took away anything he considered even remotely 'un-masculine'."
"Like what?"
"My mom."
"Your…?"
"She suddenly wasn't around all that much anymore. I mean, she wasn't before either, but suddenly she wasn't at meals with me. We used to sit and talk in the afternoons when she wasn't planning dinner parties or shopping or whatever it was that she did, but that stopped, too. He took away my horse, all my clothes had to be black – no colour. He took away my paint and canvases…"
"You paint?" I ask in surprise.
"Not anymore," he answers bitterly. "I loved painting…" he trails off quietly.
"And you think he did all that to…ensure your heterosexuality?"
"It's obvious, isn't it?" He says, turning to me. "For awhile I tried to console myself with the thought that maybe he did it because he wanted me to be happy, and not have to live the life that he did. But I think he did it because he really can't stand gay people, and it tears him up inside that he himself is gay."
"But…" I chew my lip thoughtfully. "It doesn't matter what people do to form a person's character, you're sexuality isn't some kind of life choice, you don't turn thirteen and then answer either yes or no to being gay. It's just how you're born."
"That wasn't going to stop him," Draco says. "He was going to make me straight or die trying."
"And did he succeed?" I ask before I can stop myself.
Draco whips his head around, his eyes icy cold. "There was nothing for him to fix, Potter. I'm not gay. I slept with a girl, remember?"
Just who are you trying to prove it to, Draco?
"Right. Never mind." I say, wanting to get off that subject. "Tell me more about your father."
"Like what?" He says, turning away, shoulders still tense.
"Like…where he and your mum met."
"Well, leave your romantic fantasies at the door, Potter." Draco says humourlessly.
"It's Harry," I remind him. "And why's that?"
"Because it was an arranged marriage."
"Oh."
"Most of the pure-blood families – well, the self-respecting ones that is – continue with the arranged marriage tradition. That was the only way wizards married at one time, before they began to marry muggles." Draco grimaces in disgust.
"Not allowed to marry outside the faith?" I smile.
"What?" Draco frowns.
"Nevermind." I shake my head. "So…do you have an arranged…erm, wife somewhere waiting for you?"
"No. She's dead."
"What?" I turn to him in shock.
"Her parents were both followers of Voldemort and he had the entire family killed because he was displeased with them."
"But surely she-"
"Doesn't matter with that psycho, Harry. You should know that. He doesn't care about age or sex or anything. After she was…disposed of, my parents didn't have the time to go out looking for a new bride for me – my dad being in Azkaban and my mum being dead, and all."
"Would you really have married her?" I ask.
"Of course." Draco shrugs.
"Was she…nice?"
"Dunno. I never met her. I never even saw a picture of her, I have absolutely no idea what she looked like. It's kind of strange…"
"What a stupid tradition," I mutter.
"How's that?"
"You don't think being forced to marry someone is a bad idea? Didn't you learn from your own parents that being forced into a marriage results in an unhappy life and unhappy children? It's not fair to the kids, and it's not fair to the parents either."
Draco shifts uncomfortably. "Look, can we talk about something else?"
I bite my bottom lip and lean back against the wall. "Sure…if you like."
But we don't talk anymore. We sit in silence and watch our cellmates, who have now settled down for a good hour of watching the flies buzz around the toilet. We share a disgusted glance but don't speak.
Amari finally returns and walks into the cell with a pleasant smile.
"Hello boys. Have you settled in alright?"
"Oh yes, we've had a ball watching those mental patients over there. They're better than the telly."
Amari gives me a surprised look as he sits down on the bunk bed across from us.
"So…do you take turns sleeping in the beds?" Draco asks with a winning smile.
Amari's dark brown eyes shift to Draco. "No. I sleep in the top bed and Liam sleeps in the bottom. Ian there, sleeps on that mat."
"And where am I supposed to sleep?" Draco demands, upset that he wasn't even being offered the use of one of the beds.
"There is still one mat left for the two of you."
"What?" Draco gapes. "You have got to be kidding. I am not sharing that tiny scrap of fabric with Pot-Harry. It's too small!"
"You will make it work, friend." Amari smiles in amusement.
Draco looks to me, as if waiting for me to say something.
I merely shrug in response. What can you do?
Draco rolls his eyes with a sigh.
Amari hides a laugh.
"It's time for dinner. Let us go."
Draco and I follow Amari down to the dining hall and join our usual group of friends at one of the tables.
I seat myself in between Jack and Trip, laughing as I hear the two of them arguing over who was the true inventor of Stones.
"You should patent it, you could make a fortune," I interrupt.
"Yeah." Jack smiles slowly. "When I get out of here, that's the first thing I'm gonna do. Set myself up a little business and make a ton of cash."
"And I'll sue your ass for stealing my idea."
"It was not your idea, Trip," Jack says in exasperation.
"This could go on forever," Draco mutters to me from across the table.
I smile and nod in agreement.
"How are you doing, Bakari? I heard they put you two in a new cell." Harshad leans down the table, talking over the two arguing men beside me.
"Yeah," I answer loudly. "They put us in with Amari."
"Well, that's good," Little Slick speaks up. "You could've done worse."
"That's what I said."
"Too bad you're not with us," Jack says, stopping his arguing long enough to listen in. "Me and Little Slick have a ball taking the piss out of our roommates."
"I'll bet." I chuckle. "Yours must be the party cell."
"Too right." Jack winks.
I force another mouthful of gloppy mush into my mouth and swallow. I would gladly take Hagrid's rock cakes over this…this…I don't even know what it is, or what it's even supposed to be.
"Ugh…"
I look up and grin at the look of disgust on Draco's face as he examines his forkful of mush.
"What is this?" he asks.
"I think it used to be potatoes at some point," I say.
"Nah, I'd go with glue," Trip says authoritively.
"But not just glue," Little Slick cuts in. "Glue mixed with something else…"
"Snot?" I suggest helpfully.
"Phlegm?"
"Ew!" I burst into laughter and elbow Jack in the ribs.
Jack elbows me back.
"Ow!" I glare and elbow him again – harder.
Before he can retaliate, a big splat of mush lands right on my cheek and begins to ooze down.
I don't need to turn around. I know bloody well who that was.
I load up my fork and whip the vile stuff straight at Draco's face. He tries to duck, but it catches him on the neck. He smirks at me and begins to scoop some more food onto his fork. I do the same.
In fact, I notice that our entire group seems to suddenly have the need to put quite a lot of food on our forks.
I smile, and brace myself for the attack.
Suffice it to say, when Draco and I got back to our cell that evening, we were both quite giddy and silly.
Amari picks up one of the books he got off the book cart and begins to read it as he lounges comfortably on his bed. Draco and I can't stop giggling as we wash our faces in the hand basin. And our hands, and necks, hair, clothes, arms…
Draco suddenly reaches out and wipes his wet hands on my shirt.
I give him an evil look, then with a parting smirk, run over and throw myself onto the last available sleeping space.
"We're supposed to share, Potter." Draco glares mockingly.
I stick out my tongue and fold the mat up and around myself.
"You look like a pig in a blanket." Draco laughs.
"I feel like one." I laugh from the floor.
Draco gives an exaggerated sigh and strides over. "Okay, Potter…"
"Har-ahhh!" I screech as Draco suddenly plops down on top of me. "Ow!"
"You really should learn to share," Draco says smugly from atop my back.
"Oof! Get off! Your heavy!" I whine.
"Sorry, no can do."
"Draco!"
"Harry."
I laugh at the same time as I'm protesting. Draco folds his arms over his chest and smiles unconcernedly.
Amari sighs and lowers his novel. "What do you two think this is? Summer camp?"
"Isn't it?" Draco asks in feigned confusion.
I laugh helplessly, still stuck in the rolled up mat. "Please let me out, Draco! It smells in here!"
Draco laughs and slides off of me to the bare stone floor.
I unroll the mat and throw it on top of the laughing blond.
"Ew!" He tosses it off of himself and back towards me.
Amari sets his book aside and stands up.
"Alright, children. It's almost lights out, you need to settle down or you'll never get to sleep."
"We are not children," Draco huffs indignantly.
"Yeah." I nod. "We're hardened criminals."
"That's right." Draco smiles. "Jailbirds."
"Felons."
"Thugs."
"Street toughs."
"Street toughs?"
"Yeah…"
"We're not in a musical, Potter."
I stick my tongue out at him again and start humming the theme to West Side Story.
"What is that?"
"West Side Story."
"Ah…" Draco's face brightens. "Jets and Sharks."
"How did you know?"
"All the girls in Slytherin are into musicals, well, the tragic musicals. I hate them, but those bloody tunes are now ingrained into my head." Draco stops and grins at me. "How do you know them so well?"
I almost say because I'm gay – but I don't.
"My aunt." I shrug. Which is true, no need to mention the fact that I actually liked some of the songs.
"You should have hummed something from that musical that actually takes place in a prison."
"Which one is that?" I frown, thinking.
"I dunno, but it's an all female prison."
"Are you sure that isn't just some fantasy you have?" I tease.
Draco laughs as he wrinkles his nose. "That sounds like a porno movie."
"Oh, so you know about porno movies, as well?"
"Of course."
We both erupt into laughter again. I'm sure we're both picturing the other in their common room, crowded around a transfigured telly and watching muggle porn.
"I think prison porn is more along Zabini's line of fantasy."
"Why's that?" I ask between giggles.
"His fantasy's always involve leather and punishment."
"Ew! I did not need to know that!"
We both start laughing again.
"Okay, that's enough boys." Amari stands over us disapprovingly.
"I'm sorry," I gasp, wiping tears of laughter from my eyes. "I don't know what's wrong with me, but everything seems absolutely hilarious."
"Maybe they spiked our water," Draco suggests.
"I think you both need a good night's sleep," Amari says firmly.
"Oh, it's going to take me forever to fall asleep," I groan. I am way too wired to even think about sleeping.
"I have an idea." Amari walks over and picks up our mat. "I will teach you boys a meditation technique to calm and soothe the soul. It is helpful in times of stress or fear, as well as when you need to calm the body and try to sleep."
"Alright." I sit up and watch the older man settle the mat on the floor closest to the window. He seats himself cross-legged on the edge of the mat and beckons to us.
Draco and I walk over and sit down next to him to complete the circle.
"It's so bloody cold," Draco complains, rubbing his arms.
"Shh!" Amari silences him. "Now, you must join hands and close you eyes."
I bite my lip to keep from snickering as I take up one of Draco's hands and one of Amari's. Amari closes his eyes. I glance to my left at Draco and see that he's also trying to keep in some very obvious laughter.
I quickly close my eyes and try to concentrate on Amari's voice.
"Listen to the air. Feel the moonlight on your face. You are in an open field, all alone, with nothing but the sound of the wind in your ear. There are stars up above you, millions of them, glittering up there in the heavens. The earth is warm and soft beneath you. You are safe. You are at peace…"
Draco suddenly squeezes my hand really hard and I snort out loud.
I open my eyes and quickly apologize, but Amari isn't even looking at me, he seems to be lost in the meditation.
I glance at Draco and he closes his eyes, letting out a loud fake snore.
I snort again and quickly bite my lip.
This time Amari does open his eyes.
"We will continue this tomorrow, I think." Is all he says.
I feel a little bad now. He was trying to help us.
Amari stands and returns to his bunk bed.
"Goodnight, Amari," I say. "Thank you. I think we'll be much better tomorrow."
Amari smiles. "Goodnight, Bakari. Sleep well. Goodnight, Draco."
I drag the mat back over to the other wall and Draco comes over to stare down at it with me.
"So, how are we going to do this?" he asks.
"Back to back?" I suggest.
"Okay." Draco sighs as he kneels down and squishes over as far as he can get, while still lying on the mat's surface.
I roll my eyes and lie down next to him; back to back as promised.
"You'd better not molest me in my sleep, Potter."
"I'll try not to, Malfoy."
"So sorry, I meant, Harry."
"You're forgiven – Draco."
We both chuckle lightly as we close our eyes and try to sleep. Draco's back is warm and comforting against mine and I can't help but feel a little glad that there weren't enough beds to go around.
