Spyro: A.C.I.D. Reign
Chapter 3: Gnasty's Got Nothing On This
Author's Notes: Oi! I'm here to explain more crap about my story! So anyways, here's some more useless information. What is the Aqua Armada you ask? It's very simple, it's a not-so-secret organization that deals with a lot of investigation, fighting evil and forensic science; I guess you could call it a an alternate universe version of Kids Next Door. There are three different sections (Air, Water and Land) and I'm dealing with the land section in this particular fic. Originally composed of aguamonkies ( a race of super-evolved sea monkeys--that's spelled right) until the majority of the species was killed by a vicious tribe of warrior demon-goats called The Fay, later to be known as A.C.I.D (That explains what Phaydees' name means: "Ruler of Domesticated Farm Animals" ). Now, not only are there only a few aquamonkies, but Dragons, ducks, squirrels, hedgehogs, mice, Cherubs and a number of other odd creatures. (The Water and Air versions of The Aqua Armada are mostly made up of my friends' characters. Most likely I'll get to that later, Bob willing.) P.S.-I'm not making fun of punks, because I am one and so are many of my friends. Power to meee!
Oh and these Cherubs aren't the decapitated head-baby faces with two useless little wings that you see in churches. If you've read "A Wind in the Door" by Madeline L'Engile you'd know that. Except Bea is a lot different looking than Proginoskes. Think Doodlebob of Sponge Bob meets Ditto, that morphing blob Pokemon thingy.
"Who are you two, the twins that played the banjo in 'Deliverance?' "-Estelle Ghetty as Sophia in The Golden Girls. You'll understand this little quote in a few…
"Spyro, it's getting late. Shouldn't we've gotten home by now?" Sparx complained.
"Damn it, Sparx. I don't know all of the Dragon Realms!" Spyro felt kind of bad that he was venting his anger out on his tiny dragonfly friend who could be easily be mistaken for the Coheed and Cambria symbol, but he was too tired to care. "Uh…I think we're uh…lost, Sparx."
"Oh yeah, 'Let's take the shortcut, 'cause I know everything! It won't take long, five hours or until morning, whichever comes first!' " Sparx mimicked his idiotic friend.
The two had used the shortcut through the cemetery and had found an old, ivy-covered, crumbling portal back to the Dragon Realms and used it, but were now in some unrecognizable part of another forest. It was near morning, the sun's first rays of the day streamed gold and pink through the trees. Birds trilled a song picked out especially for the day and fodder romped through tall grasses and exotic flowers. Spyro and Sparx were both getting fed up with the other's attempts in finding a way back home.
"Do you think you can do a better job, you-" but Spyro's swearwords were cut off by some of the most infamous banjo notes played in movie history.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! DELIVERANCE!!! RUN AWAAAAY!" Spyro and Sparx screamed in unison. They ran away from the place where they assumed the music was coming from. They weaved gracefully through trees, jumped over rotten, fallen trees and debris and through pricker bushes, just to get away from the horrid music.
"It's getting louder!" Sparx said urgently.
"So run faster, ya stupid---OOF!" the wind was knocked out of Spyro as he collided head-on into some creature. He was similar to a monkey, but had a large green fin on his head and several rings and plugs in his ears. He had a lighting bolt-shaped pattern of fur on his stomach His legs were covered in green scales which allowed him to move in fluid, quick motions, but they looked a lot like pants for they draped over his sneakers.
"Holy mashooghna! Spyro, we've been looking all over for you! Guys, come out! I found him!" the creature said. He seemed to have a goofy nature about himself, but was a sincere creature to be taken seriously.
"You were? There's more like you?" Spyro stammered. He questioned his sanity and wondered if his hunger and fatigue was causing him to see things.
Another creature walked out into the open. She looked a similar to the first creature but had a muscular female build (and obviously had a shirt on) and huge frizzy black hair that would make Fran Dresher look like Sinead O'Connor.
"Hi, I'm Mica," she said happily and stuck out a hand in welcome. Spyro shook it and let go of it quickly and sheepishly. "I guess brainless over here didn't introduce himself, did he? Well, that's Aqua Monkey. Bea should be here any time now…Oh, wait. Here she is."
The strangest creature Spyro had ever seen touched down in front of him and folded its wings. It was a pinkish-purplish-bluish blob with beady eyes, twig-like arms and little red sneakers. It had three antennas on its head, one green, one blue, and one yellow, a pair of feathery wings and a long tongue.
"Spyro, This is Bea. She's a Cherub," Aqua Monkey said.
"Howdy, howdy, howdy! If you catch me I'll give you me pot of gold!" Bea said with a sweeping wave. "Uh, guys, where's Mel- AAAAAH!" A brown and green creature fell out of a tree overhead and landed on Bea. "Your stomach makes a nice landing pad," the creature commented. He was a small brown mouse wearing a pair of camouflage pants. He carried a bow and arrow and for some odd reason, had heavily lined eyelids.
"Holy dude, it's Spyro! Nice to meet ya," the mouse known as Melvin said in a British accent that made Spyro want to coax the singing falsetto out of it. "Uh, should we tell him now?"
"It's better that he knows sooner rather than later," Bea said as she began to unleash a warp spell…
"I don't get it. Why did you warp us here?" Spyro asked the little Cherub. She had warped the ragtag group to the Professor's Underground "Secret" Laboratory. Everything was the same as it always was: the dirt floors, the occasional technical noises from the large computers and abandoned inventions and projects lay strewn here and there.
"You'll see soon enough," Melvin said as he opened the door to the main part of the lab, ushered the group in and locked the door behind them with a click.
There was something very, very wrong. All of Spyro and Sparx's friends were there, but they were frozen in mid-action: Hunter was sitting on a crocheted couch and Bianca was sitting opposite of him on a squashy, overstuffed chair. Elora was trying to coax a caffeine-high Agent 9 down from a large insulation pipe and the Professor was in mid-pour or some dangerous chemical. But there was something else different about them: they were all dressed like punks. Hunter had many tattoos and was wearing baggy bondage pants, and Bianca was wearing a leather bustier, fishnets and heavy white makeup. Elora was similarly clad and her hair was dyed black and there were many earrings in her fox-like ears. Agent 9 had on a pyramid spike choker and an Anti-Flag shirt. The Professor had a mohawk instead of his regular balding hair and was wearing a black lab-coat and a shirt with flaming skulls.
"I wish everyone in this universe dressed like this…But you gotta admit, Phaydees can come up with some cool spells," Aqua Monkey said absentmindedly like he had no voice inside his head to think out what he had to say before he said it.
"Aqua Monkey! We're in the middle of a Realm-wide crisis and that's all you can think of?!" Mica screeched.
"Wow, Gnasty's crystallization spell's got nothing on this," Sparx said.
"Wait a minute, you said someone named 'Phaydees' was involved? Why would he do a sick thing like this?" Spyro exclaimed.
Mica smiled and snorted. "Phaydees isn't a guy, Spyro. She's a girl, an evil cruel malicious goat who rules over this school-type-thingy A.C.I.D. with an iron claw. She's the one who cast this spell, for what we think was revenge for her boyfriend Corky's death."
"But what do I and everyone else have to do with her revenge plots? It's not like I killed her boyfriend! This is wonderful; my best friends are frozen, I'm caught up in a revenge/love triangle I didn't even know about, and four complete strangers could be leading me to my impending doom!!" Spyro said. "And how did you figure out all of this stuff anyways?"
"Well, we're supposed to be the Aqua Armada. We fight for a common good against all evil forces and one of our missions was to go and help you. We do a lot of work with investigation, and forensic science, but we also fight battles and have a limited knowlege of magicand science-well, except for Bea over here.But we're gonna help you defeat Phaydees.This is one of our missions. So they sent the cruddiest division they could get--us," Mica said.
"Well, Corky was a sheep, so she just doesn't want revenge for his death, but every other sheep. Unfortunately, some of her best friends were domesticated farm animals.… heh heh. But anyways, Ripto killed Corky. But we don't know why… but would it make you feel any better if we told you that she's keeping Ripto hostage?" Aqua Monkey said meekly.
Spyro and Sparx burst out laughing. "I don't believe it. She's keeping Shorty hostage??" Spyro wiped tears of mirth from his eyes. "This is too funny! Phaydees' probably putting Ripto through hell right now…not saying he hasn't been there already,"
"Spyro, this is serious. Your friends could be stuck forever like this (even though someone always says something like that in most 2nd rate fics like this ) You gotta get rid of her! That's the only way reverse the spell!" Melvin said profoundly. He usually didn't say "smart" things like this; Melvin wasn't the brightest bulb in the package.
"So how do I get rid of her? Do I need to collect stuff?" Spyro replied.
"Well, the odd thing is, Phaydees didn't back the magic of her spell with power from gems or dragonflies or Dragon eggs or anything. She must be using some pretty powerful dark magic. But you need something in particular: Corky's medallion. You see, before he died, he imbued all his power into a necklace type thing. You've got to find it, it's the only way to get rid of her. From what we've figured out, it's in Chateau Ripto."
"Right. So let's just warp to Shorty's house and-" but Spyro was cut off.
"It's not that simple. Two reasons: A: There is no real portal to Ripto's realm. Remember how tha rip in the fabric of time and space closed up? Thank you. B: My teleportation spells aren't worth crap… Cherubs may be one step up from Earth Angels, but we're not all-powerful," Bea sighed. "But I could use a lot of stuff here and maybe power my magic to create a temporary portal. It might take a while but if you guys are willing to wait a bit…"
"I'm willing to wait for anything as long as it's gonna help save my friends," Spyro said
"I'm game," Aqua Monkey said.
"Me too," said Mica.
"Not like I got a choice, do I?" Melvin said.
Meanwhile, while the four sat down and talked…
"I gotta get out of here…I gotta get out of here…I gotta get out of here…" Ripto paced around his throne room floor and muttered nervously to himself.
"Aw, shut up. Everyone already thinks you here voices. Fanfics can give evil characters such bad reps," Phaydees said. Zola nodded in agreement. Zoloe and she decided to split up and notify the Rhynocs to set out for Avalar and the Dragon Realms. She had gotten back from telling her half, but Zoloe was no where to be seen and it was morning.
"Maybe Zoloe went and got herself killed! One down, two to go…" Ripto said hopefully.
"I'M BAAACK!" a voice screeched. Zoloe stepped proudly into the room, not before accidentally clonking her horned head on the door frame.
"Roxanne Ze'eva Zoloe, where were you?" Phaydees said in a voice that was as sweet as milk chocolate, but dripping with venom.
"ROXANNE?? YOUR NAME'S ROXANNE?!" Ripto burst out laughing. "And all this time I thought your first name was Zoloe, that's it, end of story. But Roxanne Ze'eva Zoloe? Now that's a freaky name," Ripto laughed.
"But 'zoloe' means 'crush' in Old Fay …" Zoloe blushed shamefully.
"I wouldn't be talking, Giovanni Amaducias, " Phaydees smiled evilly at Ripto.
"What's 'Amaducias' mean?" Zola asked.
"Amaducias was a grand duke of Hades who took the form of a unicorn. God, DSI gives out weird names for things she doesn't know," Ripto complained and held his head in his hands.
"Don't feel bad; Phaydees' middle name is 'Dandelion'," Zola admitted.
"Yeah, how did I get stuck with a middle name that's a garden weed?" Phaydees smiled. "but anyways-"
"I wasn't finished!" Zoloe screeched, "so anyways, I heard that Spyro's found out about you, Phay! And he's in cahoots with a couple of aguamonkies! This must be stopped!" she said in a tone of mock-bravery.
"She was never this smart as Crush…" murmured Ripto.
"Well, that's what you can do for not reporting to me the news of that dang Dragon sooner. You can go put the kibosh on him and his little friends…heh heh heh," Phaydees muttered to herself and wrung her hands in thought. "Well, enough of acting like a homicidal maniac."
She muttered something to herself and an axe appeared in her hands. Chanting something truly evil, she planted the axe in the ground and made a slash in it, as if she was to plant something there. Linoleum and ground tore open and flames sprouted up where the axe had struck. She peered down into the dark hole, which seemed to go on forever. "Okie dokie, Zoloe. Hop down that hole."
Zoloe grabbed the axe from her. "Why?"
" 'Cause I said so."
"Why?"
"Because I am your master and you do what I say."
"Why?"
"DSI made us that way."
"Why?"
"SHUT UP!" Phaydees shoved her down the hole, without as much as a scream from Zoloe. She turned around and wiped her hands off. "Zoloe should take care of 'em. Then I can go back to my revenge plots, she smiled wickedly.
"OH NO YA DON'T BUCKO!" more flames suddenly burst out of the pit. Zoloe looked like a lurid creature of nightmares, hovering amid the flames with her scaly tiny wings (for she was born with those wings and they weren't Crush's to begin with), and carrying that axe. She looked pretty threatening, for once.
"I could see that coming," Ripto sighed.
"Aww, c'mon Zoloe," Phaydees thrust out her bottom lip and her normal eyes engulfed with blood-red flames were replaced with glassy, teary eyes, like that of an over-exaggerated chibi character.
Zoloe sniffed. "Fine. I'm determined to die for what I believe in," she put her hand over her heart sarcastically and gave a mock-salute.
"What an idiot," Ripto whispered to himself and shook his head.
That chapter was a little longer than the others. Will Zoloe kill Spyro and his newly found friends of the Aqua Armada? Will Ripto regain his composure? Will this story still go on or will I decide to take it down for it's crappiness? If you're one of the few people who's reading this, please review. Thank you.
