Stranded Memories
Rating: PG-13 for language
Disclaimer: I own crap. They wouldn't even give me the bloody Lost poster at Disney, and that ruined my day. FOX owns all OC characters and OC related thingys… and ABC owns sobs all Lost related things… even my Charlie…
Summary: Little things can push people over the edge. That very thing happens to Seth Cohen, and he runs away (knowing that it worked before), but something happens sending him into a crashing situation. Lost/OC Crossover.
A/n: Finally, we go back to Newport. Hota ka Ali!
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"Role Reversal"
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I hadn't left my room in three whole days. Three long, miserable, terrible days. I was in denial. Seth wasn't dead. How could he be? He was Seth, he was the only person in this family that hadn't fully lost it. Wait, he had. And he was gone. Not just to Sydney. He was really gone. No. I hadn't lost my son. This wasn't happening. No. No. No.
"Hey," Sandy said as he stood in the doorway. I stared at him for a moment, trying to do that look that Ryan does when he wants to be left alone. How does he do that? I mean, you just know. My look just was stupid. "You know, Aerin seems like a nice girl. She really cared about...." Sandy didn't finish. He had been trying to get me out of this goddamn room since I went into hiding when we got home from the airport. I refused to see anyone. Not unless they were Seth. And that was impossible.
I continued to stare at him and he walked over to me. I wanted him to leave. To leave me alone. I wanted to be left in misery. Misery and denial worked. It's not like the outside world was so great. My dad was facing jail, Ryan was in a coma, and Seth was dead.
Aerin
had seemed like a nice girl, but I had yet to speak to her since that
airport. Sandy had obviously, and he was taking this okay. I didn't
see how he could. Our son was dead and he just acted as though Seth
was still in Sydney. Seth had practically disappeared from our lives.
He never called, or wrote, and then everything was happening. We
wanted to talk to him so badly, but he refused. Now look where it got
him.
Sandy sat next to me, just like he'd been doing for the past
three days. He didn't say a word, he just sat next to me and put his
arm around my shoulder. He knew I was taking this really roughly and
he accepted that. He tried to get me to open up, but I couldn't. My
voice box was gone. Kaput.
"Are you ever gonna come out of your cave? You haven't spoken to me in so long," He told me. I knew I would break. Didn't I always? He had that effect on me. I could only not talk to him for so long. Three days had been long. So I looked at him, with my eyes brimming with tears. "Come on, speak. I'd like to hear your voice."
I looked away, because I was about to break. Why was this happening? Seth hadn't deserved this, we hadn't deserved this. Seth was gone. Seth was dead. I kept thinking it, but it didn't sink in.
"Please?" Sandy begged and I tried to look farther away from him, but I couldn't. If I did, I'd be looking at him again. Instead I stared at the back board of the bed. For some odd reason, it made me think of Seth. Damn it, here comes the tears. "Pretty please?"
"Go away," I muttered to him, trying to hold back the consistent tears. I wanted to go back in time and stop Seth. I could've stopped him, but I didn't. God, I would regret that moment for the rest of my life.
"Well, that's a start. But how about coming down and eating? Who knew food is good for you?"
Sandy wasn't going to let me stay in my room any longer. Damn it. I guess I couldn't stay in here forever. I mean, I needed time, and I was getting a little bit better. And I did want to see Ryan. And that would include me leaving my room.
"Fine," I gave in and Sandy helped me to my feet. I hadn't really gotten out of bed most of these three days. I wobbled a bit, and practically fell. Good job.
Once I got my balance, we walked down the hall and into the kitchen. Aerin was cooking, something that I was really, really, bad at, and talking with Lindsay.
My half sister had been really good during the last two months. Much better than all my other sisters. Hailey called a few times, but other than that she had some wonderful life in Japan. Good for her. I mentioned Seth running away, and all she said was "He'll come back. He just has to figure his life out. I came back." Right. Then she left. And came back. And left. And was found to be a stripper. And then stayed for the summer. And then went to Japan. When she had told me that, I prayed Seth wouldn't come out like her, I wanted him to do something with his life. Now, he couldn't.
Marissa didn't come by as much as she used to. According to Summer, she hung out a lot with her friend, Alex. Wasn't Seth dating her or working with her? I don't remember. I couldn't keep up with that stuff for some reason. It felt like a month ago when I first learned Ryan had been dating Marissa. That was a year and a half ago.
"Wow, you're out," Lindsay told me. She put on a fake smile for me. Everyone did that around me. I seemed to make everyone smile. Did that help me? Make me feel better? No, it just made me more sure that we all are faking our way through this.
Lindsay practically stayed over here all the time. She still wasn't on very good terms with her mother or my dad, and whenever things were too tough, she was welcome here. I needed someone to talk to every so often. Even if she was about 25 years younger than me.
I couldn't believe this was our life. We had no one anymore. Everyone was alone. Lost.
Aerin was looking around for an escape. She didn't like to be in the same room as me or Sandy. I think she felt uncomfortable with us. She was the last person we knew that saw Seth alive.
"Stay," I croaked as she began to leave. The fourth word I said all day, a new record. I was warming up a bit, but not totally. I wanted to warm up, but everything was just falling apart. Now, I had to deal with the full lose of my son. Before, I at least knew he was alive. Now, he was dead. And my other son was on life support and in a coma. What happened to them? Our family used to be so happy; we would joke, laugh, and smile from being happy. Now, we could even get a real smile on our faces.
Aerin looked at me and tried to put on a smile. She went back to her cooking and I sat down. I was too tired to stay up, I just wanted to sleep. And all I had done was sleep. Can you get tired from sleeping?
"So, I went to see Ryan this morning and he's okay, hasn't woken up yet. Summer was there. I think she might come over soon. She mentioned it. Does she know?" Lindsay tried to start a conversation. Sandy helped Aerin with the food and a plate was put in front of me. I was hungry, but I couldn't eat it. Seth was gone, didn't anyone get that? He was dead. Not coming back.
"No, we haven't told her. We haven't even gone up to see Ryan since we came back from the airport," Sandy answered Lindsay's question. Aerin looked down, and I suppose I was kinda staring at her, but seeing her made everything real. She was here, yet Seth wasn't. She was with Seth when he said goodbye, forever. She had survived because of him, and he died instead.
The crash had been all over the news, supposedly. We didn't have a television in our room, but Sandy had kept up with watching news. The wreckage had yet to be found. How could you not find a giant plane? Someone should've noticed it. That would mean either that the plane crashed in the water, or was on some deserted island. Yeah right.
"Right," Lindsay seemed to have ended the conversation. I picked up my fork after I knew Sandy's gaze was on me. I moved the scrambled eggs around on my plate, hoping that would satisfy him. Nope, it didn't.
"Can you please eat?" Sandy begged and I looked up. Tears began to form, and I didn't know if I should run. I wanted to, but Sandy was clocking the way out. "I know it's hard, but we've gotta deal. He's gone."
How could he say that? There was a chance that Seth was still alive. A slim to nothing chance, but a chance none the less. I knew he was gone, but my heart didn't want to say goodbye. In my heart, there was a glimmer of hope still lingering. I had to hold on to that for dear life. Because once it goes away, all there is is the truth. That he's gone.
And how could we go on? Our son was dead. Didn't anyone really care? Was I the only one who did? Was I the only one who was feeling the pain? No one showed intense emotion like I had, not even Aerin. Well, I could tell she was devastated, but she tried to function. Better than me, I guess. But Sandy acted as if Seth had been a freaking cat. They mean something, just not as much anymore.
Was that why Sandy was acting like he was? Because he lost love for Seth? Sure, Seth ran away, but you can't stop loving him. He's our son, for crying out loud! Sandy just acted as though Seth was just the cousin of a best friend. You knew the person, and it was tragic to lose him, but it wasn't really a loss to yourself.
Sandy was still staring at me. I couldn't look up. I wanted him to stop. No one ate, or ate really silent that I couldn't hear. The kitchen was a battleground. Why was Sandy doing this? Couldn't he tell I was completely destroyed by Seth?
"Damn it, Kirsten! Will you take a freaking bite? You're gonna freaking kill yourself, just like Seth and Ryan did!" Sandy flipped out on me. He had cracked, and slammed his plate down on the counter, making all of us jump. He stormed out of the kitchen, leaving me fall into tears again.
So he was a fan of bottling up his pain and letting it topple over and then he would lose it. What had he meant, with Seth and Ryan killing themselves? Ryan wasn't dead. Almost dead, but he was alive, he just needed to heal. It had been a bad accident. And Seth didn't kill himself. He was just on a plane that crashed.
No one expected him to do that. I certainly hadn't. But that was Sandy. It really only had been a matter of time before he did crack. I would've followed him, but I knew he didn't want it. He needed time to figure out everything, then I would come. Like he had.
I took a bite of my food.
Lindsay and Aerin noticed, but they didn't say anything. What could they say? Good job, or way to go? I looked at the two of them. Lindsay stared down at her food, and Aerin was near tears. I don't know if she was like this for the last three days, but it didn't fully matter. She excused herself from the kitchen.
I felt the role reversal coming. Me and Sandy could not both break down. It was his turn to be sad and pessimistic. I had to be strong for the both of us, like he had. Usually, we both are in a good mood, but this was different. Sandy usually never flipped out. And now, I kinda had to take care of everything. Including Aerin.
I walked upstairs and went to the guest bedroom that Sandy had made up for her. I found her throwing clothes into the bag she had come with, tears pouring form her eyes. This had to be really hard. Being in a strange place, with your boyfriend's family, who happened to be in a plane crash. Oh yes, this happened all the time.
"What are you doing?" I asked her, but I knew. Why did people ask that if they knew what the person was doing? To be considerate?
"I shouldn't be here. I think I'll go back. Stay with my parents for a bit before I go back to, um, my....our....apartment," I didn't know Seth had an apartment. He really had a whole life in Sydney. More than he had in Newport.
"How?" I wondered. I mean, after this, you couldn't pay me enough to go on an airplane. And I don't think there were ships that took you across the Pacific.
"Um...." Aerin realized her dilemma. She was stuck. She tried to conjure an idea in her head, but I saw it was failing.
"Stay. We need you here. You were Seth's girlfriend, and we need you right now. I don't know how we're gonna get through all of this, but, just stay for a while. They could find him and then at least you can get closure. Heck, they might even find him alive. It's possible." Maybe they were living on some uncharted island, living and dealing. Maybe they had bamboo huts. Nah........... the living on an island idea was really farfetched. It sounded too Gilligan's Island.
"I don't know if they will, but..." Aerin still was arguing. She could not get a hint. I wanted her to stay, why did she always object everything? Because sometimes, things are too good to last. She just lost Seth, who was a really great kid, the best, according to me. Well, he was tied with Ryan.
"Just stay," I tried to end this conversation. She was thinking it over in her head for a second before she answered.
"Are you sure?" She asked me.
"Yes, I'm sure." I smiled the tiniest smile ever, which happened to be good for me. She smiled back and came over. She was a really great girl. Seth had been lucky.
The doorbell rang and I went downstairs, eventually followed by Aerin. Lindsay had come into the room and was heading to get the door, but I reached it first. I wanted to check on Sandy instead, but I supposed he needed some more time. Just like I had.
I opened the door to see Summer standing there. I wasn't ready to tell her. I was so not ready. I mean, we had to tell her that Seth was..... Oh gosh, why did Sandy crack now just when Summer came over. Couldn't he have waited? Just so I didn't have to be the strong one?
"Hi, Summer," I greeted her and noticed how innocent she looked right there. Like she really hadn't been in the real world and dealt with the stuff we had. The loss of a family member. Then her scar came into view. She had seen things that we never had, horrors in her nightmares we couldn't imagine.
"Hi Mrs. Cohen. Hey Lindsay," Summer didn't know anything was wrong with Seth. How could we tell her? Tell her that Seth was dead. It was too hard. I wasn't ready to tell her, I barely had a grip on it myself.
"Hey," Lindsay quickly looked up and returned the gesture before her gaze went back down to the floor. She didn't really know Summer all that well, since Summer was usually with Ryan, and Lindsay usually stayed here at the house.
"Can I come in?" Summer asked, not yet seeing Aerin. She was hidden from where Summer was standing. Oh well, this was happening. We were going to tell her.
"Sure," I moved out of the way to let Summer in. She kinda seemed suspicious, but not knowing why she was suspicious.
"Oh hi, I don't know you. I'm Summer," Summer saw Aerin and went over to her. She held out her hand, being really friendly. Had something good happened to Ryan? No, if something happened to Ryan, Summer would still be there calling us with tears in her eyes or jumping up and down. At least Summer was in a good mood. It was almost time to tell her.
"Aerin," Aerin shook hands with Summer. Who knew what would happen once Summer knew who Aerin was? I mean, Summer had been dating Seth for a while, and he had liked Summer since he was about six. Now, he had had a new girlfriend, and hated Summer.
"So what are doing here, Aerin?" Summer asked, being friendly. This wasn't going very well, I needed to leave, pronto.
"Um, I'm Seth's girlfriend, so....." Aerin answered warily. I had never wanted to leave a room so bad. I watched Summer's face as the smile disappeared and went into deep thought.
"Girlfriend. So does that mean he's back?" None of us looked at Summer in the eye. I knew if I did, I would cry. I wasn't going to cry, I would be funny-ish and sort of happy, and not cry.
"I'm gonna go get drinks and food and stuff that takes up time. So, you guys can sit and talk," Lindsay was good. Why hadn't I thought of that? It was the perfect escape.
"Can I come too?" I begged, knowing the conversation between Aerin and Summer would not be good.
"Sure," Lindsay and I turned to the kitchen as Aerin and Summer sat down on opposite couches. We got to work and I grabbed a bottle of soda and went to Lindsay with the glasses. I began to pour as she looked in on Summer and Aerin. "Stop," She took the bottle of soda and placed it back on the counter.
"What?" I didn't understand what she meant. Sure, this took up some time, but we couldn't just waste time.
"Don't actually do stuff. We're just faking it for a while," Lindsay explained and confused me more.
"But we have to get drinks and food...." I objected. Lindsay had opened up a lot more since Chrismukkah. She became a part of our family, our really screwed up family, and grew a bit of Cohen-sense of stuff. Yeah, that made total sense.
"Are you really close to this glass?" Lindsay had picked up a large glass that I barely remembered. I think we got it as a present a couple of years ago, and we never used it.
"No...... that was a gift we got...I don't even think we ever used that....Where did you find that?"
"In the back," Lindsay answered and went to the refrigerator and pulled out some orange juice. "You have enough of it," She commented to herself. She poured orange juice into the large glass, all the way to the tippy top. "Okay, now, Mrs. Cohen..."
"Kirsten," I corrected her. Why did everyone have a problem calling m by my first name? My own half-sister can't even call me 'Kirsten'
"Right, Kirsten, sorry. Still getting used to that sister thing. Anyways, usually older sisters teach younger sisters stuff. I'm switching that," And she pushed the glass off the counter.
The glass shattered into a million pieces, orange juice covering the floor. Okay, I wasn't even this bad in the kitchen.
"Why
did you do that?" I whispered to Lindsay, knowing Summer and
Aerin were watching.
"Dang it! Clumsy me, sorry guys. I
really did not mean to do that. Go on with you conversation, me and
Mrs......" Lindsay paused a second. "Kirsten, will clean
up," She told Summer and Aerin.
"Okay...." Summer looked strangely at us. I grabbed the paper towels and knelt down and started cleaning. Lindsay just sat on the floor.
"Aren't you gonna help?" I tried to picked up some glass, but it ws pricking my fingers, the pieces were so small.
"There's a more efficient way to clean. If you lay down a paper towel, and let it absorb the liquid, you don't waste any of the paper towel and it absorbs the most it can. That way, the dead tree's life wasn't in vain," Lindsay told me the ridiculous story that I did not buy. "Plus, we're eavesdropping."
"I don't think this is the time. I mean, we can't just start back up like our lives used to be..." I objected.
"Kirsten, if there's one thing I learned from Seth was that Cohens laugh through tears and make horribly timed jokes during traumatic events. And I think it's a really good theory. I mean, you stayed in your room for three days, that's not good. This way, when you laugh a little or something, it makes everything easier to deal with and even though Seth didn't really take his own advice, I think it helps," Lindsay stared at me. "And I don't want to let Seth down."
It was the nicest thing I had heard in a long time.
"Well, I guess we're eaves dropping," I stopped cleaning and listened to Summer and Aerin intently.
"You know, he did this before. Run away, I mean. I was dating him, and my boyfriend now had gone to Chino, that's a town, to help his pregnant friend. So Seth ran away on a little ass boat and left me a note, saying 'I have to do this alone.' I mean, who does that?" Summer was telling Aerin a tale of her and Seth.
"How long was he gone?" Aerin seemed a little weird around Summer. Who could blame her? Summer was Seth's first love, and.....yeah, I don't know. My mind was really blank at this moment.
"Three months. When he came back, he tried to get back together with me, and I totally flipped out on him," Summer answered.
"Did he ever call you or anything?" Aerin asked.
"Sure, for like the first month and a half. Then I told him to get lost on the Fourth of July. Because he hurt me, and wanted to be forgiven for just leaving and you can't forgive a person for that, right? Would you forgive him?" This was getting interesting....
"If I loved him, I would've waited," And there we have it. I knew Summer wouldn't be able to think of anything to counter that. Nothing beats the power of love.
"Oh, right. But oh well, if I had forgiven him, I wouldn't have dated Ryan, and he wouldn't have left, and he wouldn't have found you. But where is he? Reuniting with Captain Oats?" Wait, I remember that thing. It was the plastic horse I bought for Seth when he was really little. Did he still have that? I didn't know.
"Who's Captain Oats?" Aerin was confused. I was a little confused. Had Seth kept that plastic horse?
"Captain Oats is a little plastic horse that Seth has and talks to. Or used to, before he left without him...twice," Okay then, my son used to talk to a plastic horse. I never thought Seth was that lonely.
"Oh," Aerin commented.
"Where is he? I wanna hear what he's been doing since he last kind of destroyed Newport," Summer commented meanly. I knew we had to tell her now. I got up and poured drinks as Lindsay looked at me strangely.
"We have to tell her. We can clean up in a bit," I told Lindsay, who agreed, but first made a little dent in cleaning. "Sorry it took so long, it was a huge mess," I placed the drinks on the table and sat next to Summer as Lindsay sat next to Aerin.
"It's cool, but where is Cohen?" Summer took a sip from one of the glasses. She didn't really notice any of our sullen faces.
"Summer, um, we got a call from about three days ago saying he was coming home. And we went to the airport and met Aerin, and waited for Seth," I really did not want to tell Summer this.
"Why weren't you guys on the same plane?" Summer asked Aerin.
"There was only one seat left," Aerin asked, holding back tears.
"Anyways, um, we knew that Seth had used Oceanic Flights.." I thought I'd left Summer figure it out herself, with me directing her to it.
"That's the airline that has the missing plane!" Summer remembered. Oh God, here it was coming. "Did you hear about that? It was coming from Sydney...." She paused as she thought about it. "To Los Angeles...." I knew Summer knew. This is what I dreaded. "Three days ago....." She was answering her question herself. She knew where Seth was. "Seth was on that plane?" She asked, and I could tell she hoped it wasn't true. All of us did.
I simply nodded and felt the tears fall down my face.
"Oh God. No. It's not true, right?" She looked to me and I refused to look up at her. "Oh God. Um, I have to go. I should check on Ryan or something. Oh God...." I finally looked up and Summer got off the couch. I could see a few tears running down her face and I felt worse. Telling someone made it all too real.
I watched Summer run out the door and I knew that Seth was really dead.
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A/n: Yay!
angeL - haha, I'll try… it's a co-op though…
alexis - Danka
Harper's Pixie - really? You didn't think he was totally out of character. I mean I tried to make him go back to being "Jackhole" Sawyer when Kate and Jack were around because… idk… I sense some Sawyer character growth coming up… poor Seth… the question is, what will it do to good ol' Sawyer?
