Chapter 5
A/N: I took the SATs and lived to tell about it! Woohoo! Now all I gotta do is wait for the results cringes. That math section was killer.
"You locked Monica and Mrs. Geller in an apartment together?" Rachel repeated, incredulous. It had been a few minutes since Chandler came in, very relaxed. She and Joey wouldn't have known that something was up had he not told them. "Oh My God Chandler! You do know that's against the law, right?" Sitting next to him on the couch, she could undoubtedly see Chandler's face rapidly change from that of self-satisfaction to one of shock.
"It is?" Chandler asked nervously, little beads of sweat starting to form on his forehead.
Rachel paused, thinking. "Honestly, I don't know. But it sounds like it could be! What if they call the police on you?"
"Oh, come on, you don't think they would do that…" Chandler glanced from Rachel to Joey, unfortunately not finding any reassurance.
"I don't think they'll call the police." Joey said seriously. "But we might if Monica kills her mother. Or vice versa."
Chandler picked his head up from his hands, interested. "You think Mrs. Geller would kill Monica?"
"Oh, definitely," Rachel answered. "She may not seem like it, but remember, I grew up with Monica. If Mon was in five minutes after curfew…" Rachel just shook her head sadly at the many memories.
"Oh My God! I have to save Monica!" Chandler leaped off the couch and ran to the door, pulling keys out his pocket as he went. "Ok, bedroom, guest bedroom, patio…damn it where's the front door key?" He skidded to a halt and began frantically searching the floor. Finding the key near the foosball table, he started to run again.
"Chandler!" Rachel grabbed his arm before he could bolt through the doorway. "I was kidding! Do you really think Mrs. Geller would kill her only daughter? Sheesh!"
Chandler straightened up and tried to explain himself. "I don't know, it's just that I know how she can get sometimes…"
"Dude, I can't believe you thought that." Joey laughed as he shook his head. "Bruise her a little bit, but kill? Come on now."
"I guess so…." Beginning to relax, he went over and sat back down on the couch. Rachel and Joey followed, resuming their positions from before. "Should I let them out? Maybe you and Ross were right, Joe. Maybe this was a bad idea."
"Hell yeah it was a bad idea!" Joey exclaimed. "But you can't go in there now! You won't ever come out!"
"Yeah," Rachel added. "I've dealt with their arguments before. All you gotta do is let them scream it out, then go in after they've had a few moments of tense silence."
The three of them stayed quiet for a couple of minutes. When nothing could be heard, Joey and Chandler looked at Rachel suggestively.
"Don't worry. It'll come."
Meanwhile…
Mrs. Geller stepped back, shocked and greatly unnerved by the murderous tint to her daughter's glare. "E-excuse me?" She was surprised at herself. She never stammered like that…unless she was really nervous.
"You heard me." Monica said loudly, excitement growing in her heart. This was it. Over thirty years of rage were about to be let loose. And she knew that once she started, there would be no way to stop. "No one talks about my Chandler that way. I, well, he, invites you into our home, and all you do is criticize everyone and everything. This happens every damn time you come over, and, frankly, I'm sick of it."
The older woman stood in the corner of the kitchen, stunned by her daughter's rare outburst. "Honey, you really think I'm criticizing?"
Monica barely kept herself from laughing at her. "No duh! You've tortured me ever since I was a kid! When I was getting fat, you constantly reminded me to watch what I ate. When I was single, every single time I saw you there would be another comment on how I was never going to get married! When I was unemployed, you sent me copies of that day's classifieds section! Always always always…all the times I was down, you would be there to kick me further down. So, yes, I do think you're criticizing." She leaned against the counter, needing to catch her breath. She wasn't used to yelling so much, and she lived with Chandler.
"I had no idea you felt that way…" Mrs. Geller's mouth hung open. She wanted to comfort her daughter, but her feet remained glued to the floor. "I just care about you so much that - "
"Care about me!" Monica screamed, instantly recovering from her momentary breathlessness. "You don't care about me! You never have! I'm just one big failure to you! Every little thing I do – you don't care! All you can see is all the wrong choices I've made in my life!"
"Please, Monica, don't be silly!" Mrs. Geller responded, her voice rising a few decibels. "I'm very proud of you! You're the best daughter a mother could hope for!"
"That's BULL!" Monica shouted, knowing that the entire building heard it. "What are you proud of? That there are so many things about me that you can insult?"
Mrs. Geller was getting tired of this. "Stop this right now, Monica! Of course I am proud of you! Why shouldn't I be? You're a successful chef and a loving wife. There are so many things that I love about you."
Weary from so much yelling, Monica sagged her shoulders and leaned back against the counter once again. Looking straight into her mother's eyes for the first time in a long while, Monica asked solemnly, "Then why don't you ever say it?"
"Monica, this chicken is amazing," Nora Bing complimented. Two hours ago, Chandler had interrupted their fight by announcing that his mother, as well as Joey's mother, was here. That had abruptly cut short any bickering, and Monica had turned into the ultimate hostess, dismissing any hurt feelings remnant of the fight she had been having minutes before. Shortly after, the rest of the guests started to arrive, and before long the party was in full swing. Monica and her mother hadn't spoken since the doorbell rang.
"You really think so?" Monica blushed, hoping she at least looked embarrassed. She wasn't one to be modest.
"Oh, definitely. It's even better than the chicken I had on a date the other night." Chandler's wince could be noticed from the other end of the table, knowing what was soon to follow. Still, he chose to remain silent as his mother continued. "Of course, I don't remember exactly what it tasted like. The sex that night was so good that everything before it kind of faded into the background."
Complete silence followed. Chandler hung his head in complete and utter humiliation, not for the first time. The quiet was broken when Gloria Tribbiani spoke something in Italian, which Chandler couldn't comprehend.
Yet he could tell that by the look on Joey's face, it wasn't good. Joey immediately changed his countenance, thinking no one else noticed, and translated, almost forcefully, "She, uh, said that she, ah, likes your earrings." When the others glanced at him, confused, he shrugged, "She doesn't understand English too well."
Content with that answer, they resumed eating. However, Chandler could tell that his best friend was lying. When no one was watching, he leaned sideways in his seat, since Joey was right next to him, and whispered, "What did your mother really say?"
Joey hesitated before explaining, "She called your mom a slut."
Chandler was about to protest, but shrugged instead. "Yeah, I figured."
Somehow the guests managed to get through the dinner without incident. The girls began clearing the table, after vehemently refusing assistance (from their mothers; with the guys, it was a different story). Not having anything else to do, Phoebe Sr., Nora, Judy, Gloria, and Sandra did what everyone does when bored at a party – mingle.
"So, Nora," Sandra Green began, a little nervous. She had never met the woman before, but, judging from what happened at dinner, she was a very interesting person, if not a bit intimidating. She gave herself a few seconds to think whilst she filled her cup to the brim with punch from the bowl on the table in front of her. Nora was also at the rectangular table, selecting various desserts to put on the paper cake plate in front of her. Suddenly realizing that the woman hadn't noticed her, Sandra cleared her throat and tried to say the most meaningful thing she could come up with. "I like that top, but it looks a tad uncomfortable," she commented, referring to the borderline inappropriate, very low cut pale blue top Nora was .
"It was at first," Nora admitted, adjusting it as she spoke. "But after you've worn it a couple of times, it really stretches. The wonder of cotton," Nora explained with a short laugh.
Sandra laughed too, only to be polite. Truth be told, she never would have picked out that top in a million years. It was a little too revealing for her, but she was quickly discovering that she and Nora Bing were too completely different people. Still, she couldn't help asking, "You wear it often?
"It really attracts the hunks," Nora replied, as if it should be obvious. "It's gotten me quite a few dates. Last week, I wore it to the supermarket. I had about ten guys' phone numbers by the time I got to the check out line."
Sandra paused, feeling as if she should criticize the woman for her behavior. Then she thought about how long it's been since she went out on a date. "Do you happen to remember where you got that? And if they had it in a medium?"
A/N: Just a little light humor before the blow out. Nora Bing is so much fun to write (in case you were wondering why she's in here so much). She so different from the other mothers that it's fun to see how they would interact.
And, yes, I will get to the end eventually. I'm very very sorry that this was not done in time for Mother's Day, but hopefully you still want to keep reading. This is Part One of the end – I was originally going to make this the last chapter, but I didn't want it to get too long, which is what was happening. And I will get the last chapter up by the end of the week.
Review ResponsesELEVEN reviews! For ONE chapter? This is going to take some getting used to!
Rachel: An update in five minutes? I only wish I could type that fast! Thanks for the compliment!
Lucy Goose: It probably helps that I used to watch Friends A LOT. And that I've probably seen every episode. Thanks!
Mam: Definitely good to know. Oh, and I liked that line too (I SO love being sarcastic). Thanks!
Exintaris: shields self from Exintaris Ok, ok, I promise you'll like it! (That little fight they had in this chapter was NOT the end. Just so you know.)
MinnieLover: Yeah, SATs suck. (see A/N at top of chapter). How did you do (presuming you took it on Saturday)?
Also many thanks to takes deep breath Jayne Leigh (how did you review two hours after I posted the chapter? It wasn't even on the site yet! Lol), rachgreengeller, miss jasadin, LilMondlerLuver , Chan4Mon4EVA4EVA, and DrKerryWeaver
A lot of you mentioned how you liked that Monica talked back to her mother. Well, you probably REALLY liked this chapter – it had a whole section of that. And there will probably be more to come when the finally battle it out!
