Stranded Memories

Rating: PG-13 for language

Disclaimer: I own crap. They wouldn't even give me the bloody Lost poster at Disney, and that ruined my day. FOX owns all OC characters and OC related thingys… and ABC owns sobs all Lost related things… even my Charlie…

Summary: Little things can push people over the edge. That very thing happens to Seth Cohen. When something happens to him that sends him into a crashing situation, who knows how he will survive. Seth-centric. Lost/OC Crossover.

A/n: Ali, I changed the time span, because… because… CLAIRE!!!

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"He's Really Gone… Isn't He?"

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One week. One more week. One more no news filled weeks. Had they found they plane? What was happening? I as getting scared. Nothing was happening. We were stuck in this reality. The reality of losing our sons.

Ryan wasn't waking up. It had been 37 days. More than a month. A month. I was going insane. He had to wake up soon. What else as there to do other than wait?

I walked into the kitchen, where Sandy and Aerin were sitting when I came in. Sandy was okay now, since his own mental breakdown. He says he saw kids surfing and one kinda looked like Seth and he started crying and he wasn't paying attention, so he got taken under. Nothing like a near death experience to make you understand you've got to be strong, that's what he said after that.

"Honey, I was thinking. How about I go to the airport and see what's up with the search. It's been a while since any info," Sandy told me, and I nodded. "You okay?"

"Do you know what day it is?" I asked him, he better know. Or he might not. He did forget our anniversary.

"Yep. I know. He'd be eighteen," Sandy looked away from me. My emotions were gone, I didn't cry as much anymore.

"He could've voted. Smoked if he wanted to. He would be an adult," I was really pessimistic. Aerin left the room. I didn't follow her. I didn't want to.

"What do you want to do today? After I come back from the airport?" Sandy asked me, and I didn't know how to answer. What did I want to do? It was my dead son's birthday. Well, he could be not dead, but four weeks? You couldn't survive for four weeks all alone.

"What I want? Or what I should do?" I asked him. There was too many things I wanted to do, but I couldn't do. I wanted to see Seth, but that was impossible. I wanted to wake Ryan up, but I couldn't. I wanted to go back in time, but that was the most impossible thing possible.

"You're in an especially bad mood today," Sandy commented. Had I been in a bad mood lately? I thought I was pretty bearable. Guess not.

"Sandy, it is Seth's birthday. How am I supposed to be happy?" I snapped at him. He was right. I was in a really bad mood.

"I don't know," Sandy stopped looking at me. Whenever our sons were the topic of discussion, which was almost all the time, we weren't good together.

"Exactly. So, I think I'll go see Ryan, or something. Have fun at the airport," I left the room. I shouldn't have been so mean. Stupid mouth.

I heard Sandy storm out and felt worse. Wonderful. I went back to our room and tried to find something to do.

There was nothing. Like usual. I was going insane. I should go see Ryan. Like I said. I got changed and soon enough, I was heading to the garage. Aerin was still upstairs. I worried about her every so often. I went upstairs to check on her and found her sleeping. Tears went to my eyes, thinking about Seth. She was going to have Seth's child. That was a scary thought. Scary, and sad.

I went to the garage and got in the Range Rover. Sandy had taken the other car. I pulled out and drove to the hospital. In 14 minutes, I would be there. I timed it a while ago. I had been there too many times.

Summer was in Ryan's room, as usual. She wasn't confessing Seth's death or anything, so I found it okay to go in.

"Hi, Mrs. Cohen," I was about to yell that she could call me 'Kirsten' since no one does, but I wasn't in the mood.

"How is he?" I asked, walking over, staring at sleeping Ryan. I had never seen him so peaceful. He was always worried about something, or someone, now it was our turn to worry about him.

"Sleeping. What else?" Summer looked down. She had calmed since learning Seth's fate, and she seemed quieter than usual.

"Should've guessed," I had no clue what else to say. What could I? I was in such a horrible mood. Ryan wasn't waking up, and Seth was dead and it was his birthday.
This was fucking wonderful.

"Um, I wanted to if I could stop by later. I think I forgot something in Ryan's room," I thought about that for a moment. Summer hadn't been in Ryan's room for a while, and she just realized that she forgot something. There had to be a reason why Summer wanted to come over.

"Sure," I didn't say anything to her though, I didn't want to accuse her of lying. Plus, I was just not in the mood.

"Thanks. Um, is now an okay time? I just wanted to grab it and go," Maybe she wasn't lying. There was a possibility. I mean, if she was, why would there be an urgency?

"Now is fine. I'm just gonna stay here for a bit," I sat down, and saw that Summer hadn't left.

"Yeah, I had my dad drop me off, and he told me he'd leave the car at your house later," So she had been lying. I had a knack for knowing. Sometimes.

"Oh. Well, I can drive you in a bit, I just wanted to sit here with Ryan for a little bit," I stared at him. I was gonna wake him up soon. He had to. I wasn't going through with this pain anymore. It was sickening.

"Sure," Summer sat down next to me, not looking at Ryan. Which was strange. She always looked at Ryan. Crying to him, begging him, her eyes were always glued to him. So why wasn't she looking at him now? Did she know?

Twenty minutes later, we were leaving, and she didn't really say a lot. I didn't want to either. We got in my car, and that was when she looked at her cell phone.

"Oh hey, did you know today is the beginning of autumn? My cell phone gives me reminders of what's happening every day," Summer told me. Of course I knew. She probably had Seth's birthday in it. They had dated, he had to have told her a while ago.

"And, it's...." She stopped. Wow, she had a knack for discovering the worst things by herself. Everything she figured out by herself, everyone just assisted. "Wow, did you know?" She asked me, looking over as I drove.

"Yeah," I didn't look over at her, I was already feeling horrible.

"He never really mentioned it. I mean, I barely ever knew. Of course, we were never dating for either of our birthdays, so we never bought anything for each other. But he always seemed to me like the person who would brag like no tomorrow," Summer tried to make a conversation.

"He used to. To me and Sandy at least. He'd start counting down in June, and would bug us every day. By the time it was his birthday, we just wanted to get it over with. And then, he would start counting down to Chrismukkah," I thought back to when Seth was so little and it was just us three.

"That's so cute. Do you think they'll find the plane by Chrismukkah?" That was so far away. We were giving them three months for them to find my dead son. Maybe he wouldn't be dead.

"I'm hoping so. Two Chrismukkah wishes for me: Ryan to wake up, and Seth to be found. Don't know if either will happen," I continued driving, growing sadder.

"Ryan will wake up. He can't sleep forever," Summer tried to make me feel better.

"He could," Wow, was I in a bad mood.

"Well, they'll find the plane. I mean, it's huge, how hidden could it be?" Summer commented.

"They've been searching for four weeks," I pointed out to her.

"So they're getting close to closing it. They're not gonna stop looking. They're not going to let hundreds of people go missing forever," Summer was so optimistic. She had changed since her 'I killed Seth' confessional to Ryan a week earlier.

"You're right. They're not gonna give up so easily," I pulled into the driveway. Summer and I went into the house, finding Sandy sitting in the kitchen, head in hands, staring at a cup of coffee.

"What happened?" I asked him, feeling a bit better from the talk with Summer.

"It's over," He got up and looked at me. What was over? What was he talking about?

"What's over, Sandy?" I wasn't in the mood for this guessing crap. I mean, just tell me, god damn it.

"The search. It's over. They ended it. They gave up. They're not gonna look for the plane anymore. They say it's a lost cause," I shut my eyes. Every time I felt better, things got worst. The plane was a lost cause. The passengers were a lost cause. Seth was a lost cause.

Seth was as good as dead to everyone.

"You're serious?" I asked, not wanting to believe it. They were not giving up on my son. He was my son. How could they just give up?

"Unfortunately," Sandy walked over to me and put his arms around me. I didn't hug him back, I was in shock. So, I would never see my son again. That was wonderful.

Summer had left the room and I felt the walls around me fall down. Seth was dead. There was no chance of him being found. Since no one was going to look.

"They're having a memorial service. You know, for everyone. They're gonna hold it in two days," How was that going to help? I would have to say goodbye to my son. It was over. He was gone.

"Do we have to go?" I asked him. I didn't want to say goodbye to Seth.

"I think it'd be good. We could call everyone. Your sisters, your dad, your step-mom, my mom..." Sandy began to list off people. Which sister? Lindsay? Hailey? Marissa? Kaitlin?

"Not my dad," I complained, having yet to talk to him for so long.

"You're gonna have to talk to him. Seth was his grandson. Don't deny a final goodbye,"

Sandy shouldn't have said that. I cried again.

"He's really gone, isn't he?" I asked Sandy, not wanting to hear the answer.

"I don't want to believe it..." Sandy started, I knew he had to be having a hard time with this.
"But we have to?" I finished the sentence for him, wanting to get away. But Sandy held me closer, which I needed.

"We don't have to. I mean, they could be alive. Just because everyone gave up, that doesn't mean we have to," Sandy tried to lift my spirits, which were now permanently down.

"Yeah, but it's been four weeks. How could anyone survive four weeks after a plane crash? It's as if that plane just..... disappeared," That was true. Where the hell could that damn plane be?

Sandy didn't know what to say, I pretty much finished that conversation up. Great for me. Seth was officially gone. How could I believe that?

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I had never seen so many weeping people in one place before. There were pictures of the victims, well over a hundred and fifty. We each had donated two pictures. The local newspaper would run a bio on everyone. And LAX would put all the victims' pictures on a wall for a memorial. Seth was on it.

I hadn't wanted to give a picture to them, because of the fact they were giving up. Suddenly, I had realized that so many other people were affected by this. Every single one of those people on that plane had left loved ones, and they would never know how much they were loved. Children had died, with their parents, sisters and brothers, husbands and wives, sons and daughters. They all were gone.

Sandy and I were in the lead of our little group, followed by Summer, Aerin, Lindsay, Hailey, and Nana Cohen. My father didn't even come. Sandy had called, as I had refused, and he said they were. But I doubted it.

"Kiki," I heard my father. Turning around, I saw him, Julie, Marissa, along with Alex. They had come after all. "I've been looking all over for you."

"Sorry," I said to my father, not meaning it. Almost every one in this huge place was dressed in black, it was just a giant funeral.

"How are you holding up?" My father asked me. I looked at him, and saw a true sadness in his eyes. I hadn't seen such sadness since my mother had died. He had been heartbroken, everyone was.

"I'm okay," I lied to him, I wasn't ready to shed a tear yet. Sandy put his arm around me.

"I wish you would've told me sooner," He commented, and for once, I believed him. Seth and my father were close, both sharing the love of sailing. My dad had been good to Seth, sometimes being harsh, but in the end, he adored his only grandson.

"Everything was just, um.... hectic," No one else said a word as I finally talked to my father in well over two and a half months. I avoided him at all costs, and whenever I needed to tell him something, I told Julie. She had been a good messenger.

"I know," He didn't say more, and I was relieved. This was just too hard.

Eventually, we had been all directed to where Seth's pictures was hung. The pictures were done by seating, and Seth was next to a blonde girl and her step-brother. That girl must've been the absolute last person to see Seth alive. She had to have looked over. Maybe they had talked, maybe they had something in common. Her name was Shannon.

I placed some flowers under Seth's pictures, and I fell into uncontrollable sobs. I didn't want to say goodbye, this was too soon. Seth had only been seventeen when he died, and that wasn't fair. He was too young to go. Parents aren't supposed to outlive the children.

I had begun to hear talk of a funeral, and that was where I ran. Julie had been mentioning it, thinking it would be good. To have closure. I didn't want closure.

No one ran after me for a bit, and I ran outside, where the air was warm. I found a bench, and saw a few other people breaking down as well. I wasn't the only unstable person here.

About ten minutes later, I felt someone sit next to me. Nana Cohen. We had never been close, she practically hated me. Sandy called her and she rushed to California, one of her most hated places.

"How are you doing?" She asked me, and I hadn't expected her to come after. She was the person I least expected.

"Not well," I answered her, trying to stop crying, but that really wasn't working.

"I saw. I know you miss him a lot," The Nana was being nice to me. That was a definite change. She had only been nice to me really twice. The last time she visited, and when I first met her.

"Yeah, I do," I agreed.

"You know, you're gonna have to let go sometime," The Nana was trying to be really nice to me. Which had to be difficult.

"I don't wanna. I refuse to let go," I couldn't let go. What would I have left once I did? Nothing. He would be gone forever, and never come back. I had to believe he was alive, out there somewhere.

"Okay," The Nana leaned back on the bench next to me, and I was stunned. She didn't try to persuade me, like everyone else was. She was just going to sit there with me. Everyone had been trying to console me, make me happy, but no one understood. All I really wanted was just to have someone listen, and not persuade, or argue, just sit and listen. The Nana was doing that.

"Sometimes, I just feel like I'm the reason he's gone. Because I called him, and told him about Ryan, and he boarded that plane....because of me. Because I scared, and made him worry. Maybe I should've just stopped calling after a while. You know, let him be. Though he never answered, he listened to them, and we made him feel horrible. I should've followed him. I should've told him to come back. I shouldn't let him stay there," I had finally felt the urge to talk.

"So you regret some things. That's okay, but don't beat yourself up because of it. Everything happens for a reason," Was everything for a reason? I mean, did Seth have to die now? What would happen in the future because of it? Everyone would be miserable, that's what.

"So I shouldn't have stopped him?" I asked the Nana, wanting an answer. I wanted to know why I didn't. I wanted to know why the hell I did not stop him from leaving. Or why I didn't go after him. I wanted to know why this happened.

"I suppose so. Something good will come out of this," The Nana was so calm. I was in awe of this woman. She was amazing.

"I hope so. I really, really, hope so," My tears had slowed down, but they still fell from my face.

We sat there in silence for a few more minutes, just thinking. Seth was gone, yet not fully. I didn't believe he was gone. Everyone else might, but I still had a tiny flicker of hope.

"Maybe we should go in," The Nana said to me, and I nodded my head. We got up and walked back into the enormous room, where she led me back to my family. They all were still looking at Seth, who was smiling, and happy.

We didn't leave until it was late, we had begun telling stories about Seth. I smiled thinking about those good times, those funny times. It was nice thinking of the good times with him. We didn't dwell on the problems that we had had, we just thought about the fun times. The times I missed much.

The only person I wished had been there was Ryan.

We began to leave, a lot of us began to say goodbye to Seth. Marissa had begun crying, as did everyone. Julie said goodbye first, and quickly left to go to the car. Alex was next, who looked uncomfortable as she said goodbye.

Lindsay was after Alex, and she tried to say something, but she was laughing through tears.

"I can't believe you're gone," She said, and left quickly. Marissa stepped up, and said 'sorry' about a million times. My father went next, and he said he missed the times they had sailed, but mostly, just Seth.

Hailey went up and talked to him as though he was going to college, which made me feel better. She sort of believed he was still alive.

I knew my turn would come soon.

The Nana went next, talking about only things they knew about. Summer followed suit as she looked up at Seth.

"I'll miss you Cohen. You were really great. I'm sorry for everything that happened, and all the mistakes we made, but being with you was really great. I'll never forget you Cohen."
Soon enough, it was just me, Sandy, and Aerin. Aerin walked up to the picture.

"I miss you Seth. I wish I had been the one on that plane. It's really hard without you, but I hope you're happy where you are now. I love you," Aerin walked away, and I watched her go.

Sandy walked up next, and said goodbye.

"I'm gonna miss you, kid. You were one hell of a son, more than anything we could've wanted. I wish we had had more time with you. But we made the most of the time, and I'll miss you. Love ya, Seth," He began to walk away, leaving me all alone with the last goodbye.

But I didn't say goodbye, because I didn't believe this was goodbye. I just told Seth the same thing I kept telling him on those messages.

"Come home soon, Seth."

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A/n: Awwwww to the freaking extreme Ali! Haha!! The sad thing is, I already have the next chapter written.

i-luv-the-oc-and-smallville -- who knows… evil glint in eye

alexis -- xD… if Ali ever writes one… oh, she did… haha! Kill Seth? Where did those words come from!?

Keks - Exactly poor Seth, but right now, I'm more like… poor Kiki!!

GOAT!!