Stranded Memories

Rating: PG-13 for language

Disclaimer: I own crap. They wouldn't even give me the bloody Lost poster at Disney, and that ruined my day. FOX owns all OC characters and OC related thingys… and ABC owns sobs all Lost related things… even my Charlie… Yellowcard owns the lyrics to "View From Heaven." Damn, what do I own?

Summary: Little things can push people over the edge. That very thing happens to Seth Cohen. When something happens to him that sends him into a crashing situation, who knows how he will survive. Seth-centric. Lost/OC Crossover.

A/n: Yay! I can finally write this part. I've changed the plot line for this so much, but this and Seth actually getting kidnapped are the only parts that have basically stayed the same through the whole thing! Hope you like it. Sorry if the last few chapters haven't been up to snuff. I've been sick, so I can't really concentrate, but I have to let the ideas out…

Sorry if this ends up being really long. I've been waiting to write this for like… ever.

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"As Dead as Seth"

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"I understood very well that people would forget me when I was dead. They wouldn't have anything more to do with me."

"The Stranger" by Albert Camus

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Claire was gone.

At first it hit me as a bit of a surprise. I didn't think she was going to do it. Slowly, everything faded as exhaustion took over me.

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When my eyes reopened, I wasn't in the stupid little… thing. I was in the room again. This time, I wasn't secured to anything. I was just lying on the ground. It was cold. I let out a big burst of air.

That wasn't the best idea. Ethan helped me up, gently. That was an odd change. I looked right at him. He looked right at me. He knew. I could just tell.

"Where is she?" he asked coolly, calmly. I was still a bit shocked. He had never been nice to me. Ever.

I didn't answer him.

He got angry. "Where is she?" he asked again, this time not as coolly, starting to loose it.

"Don't know…" I said simply. I knew that he would find out sooner or later that I had convinced her to run… but he didn't need to know that.

"Don't lie to me boy," he said angrily, pulling a knife out of his pocket. He flicked it open (it was a pocket knife) and pointed it directly at me. "I am giving you one last chance, where is Claire?"

"I don't know…" I said, as clearly as possible. It wasn't a total lie. I knew where she was going, I didn't exactly know where she was. As long as she wasn't here. And it was obvious by Ethan's reactions that she wasn't.

If it was at all possible I saw more anger appear in his eyes as he walked closer and closer to me. "Seth, all I'm asking is if you know anything about where Claire may be…" he said, attempting to sound calm. I knew better.

I shrugged and shook my head, trying to hide the nervousness and fear that was running through my body. "I really don't know…"

Just by the look on the man's face, I knew that there was no way in hell he believed me. "You did it, didn't you?" he asked me, now right up in my face. It wasn't at all comfortable. "That was why you stood up for her. Because you had a plan to help her escape."

Ethan was quite intimidating when he was mere centimeters from your face. I swallowed and without being able to stop myself, I nodded.

"You stupid piece of shit… I can't believe you would come up with something like that. Maybe you're not as useless as I originally thought," he said, a malice filled smile forming across his face. He slowly backed away and went over towards something. I couldn't see through his back, so I didn't know what exactly he was doing.

My mind was spinning. He turned around and walked back over towards me and slowly patted me on the back. "Too bad you ended up being a softy Cohen," he said simply. My eyes were locked on him, I didn't even know what he was going to do to me.

"You're pretty smart. I truly could have used your help on some of my little escapades. Too bad," that was when I felt a prick on my arm. I looked down and saw the syringe sticking out of my arm, totally empty.

Shit.

"What… what did you do to me?" I asked, starting to feel drowsy almost immediately.

"Oh don't worry Seth. It won't kill you. I just need a bargaining chip, you know. Claire. She's an important girl." I looked at him, his face filled with malice. I wanted to hurt him. But I couldn't.

My legs fell out from underneath me as I fell down to the ground. I was so tired. My head felt light. It would have been a nice feeling if it weren't for the fact that he was probably going to kill me.

Everything was going blurry, but I saw Ethan laugh (I couldn't hear him) and nod in my direction. I was terrified.

Oh well. It was bound to happen sooner or later. No one was going to miss Seth Cohen. I was as good as dead in everyone's eyes.

Then. I remembered no more as my world turned to black.

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What had happened? Once again, I found myself not remembering what had just happened. I remembered Ethan and his malice filled face, but that was it…

It was only then that I realized that I wasn't where I was supposed to be. This definitely wasn't some deserted island. There was a paved road, and I was standing on it. I looked at my arms, there were no scars. I didn't feel any pain, any fatigue, I didn't feel anything. I felt like good old Seth Cohen again. The Seth Cohen before the crash. The happy Seth Cohen.

Little did I realize…

Slowly I began to figure out where I was. There was Marissa's old house, and then… my house. It was empty, dark. My house was never empty. Or dark. Even though it was dark out, there was always a light on in the house somewhere.

Quietly, I walked up to the house. It was just like I remembered it. Nothing had changed, except for the fact that no one was there. There were no cars in the drive way. Nothing. It was an eerie feeling.

Not knowing what else to do, I walked up to the door, knowing that it was locked, but I was going to push my luck anyways. Oddly enough, the door was unlocked, so I opened the door, waiting for the security system to go off, but it never did.

"Mom… dad?" I called out. I got nothing back except my voice echoing through the empty house. I never thought I was going to see it again. I walked around. It was all the same. Every little aspect. There was even some Capt'n Crunch in the cupboard as well as some bagels. Some things never changed. The thought made me laugh.

I shoved a handful of the cereal into my mouth. I missed that a lot. The crunchiness of the cereal in my mouth was a welcomed comfort. It brought a smile to my face.

Walking through the house some more, the one thing I did realize was that all the pictures of me or Ryan were gone. There were none to be seen, it kinda freaked me out a bit. Slowly, I walked up the steps, making sure to skip the creaky one and walked into my room.

Talk about stepping into a time portal. It was all the same. Nothing, and I mean nothing had changed at all. The sheets were still the same as when I left. Captain Oats was in the same position, even the clock hadn't gone dead yet. I sat down on my bed and picked up Captain Oats.

"Hey old buddy," I said, still laughing. It was odd, but I missed the plastic horse. It was much different telling all my secrets to a coconut, they didn't talk back. I chuckled again and picked up my iPod, I couldn't believe that I left it at home. I nearly died without it.

I put the ear buds in my ears and turned it on. It powered up, same as usual, even the songs were the same as before. The tunes of Death Cab for Cutie and Modest Mouse hit my ears. I sighed and fell back on my bed (which I missed dearly on the island), allowing the music to take over me.

But that got old quick. I must have gotten so used to not having it, that now having it was just too strange.

I felt a shiver run through my body that I couldn't explain. I didn't know where it came from. Why it happened. It just did. Then I heard someone pulling into my driveway and sped over to the window to see dad's car. Where was the Range Rover? Then it hit me… Ryan… dead… car crash?

Quickly, I rushed down the steps. I missed mom and dad so much.

Suddenly, I felt my feel fall out from under me, and I tumbled down. Down, down, down.

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Ow. That hurt. But oddly, I got up like nothing was wrong at all. It was all very very confusing. I walked over to the door. Mom and dad didn't come in yet. I wondered why? Normally as soon as they came in the driveway, they were in the house.

I blinked a few times. Something was wrong here. I heard car doors slam. That took a while. A little too long if you asked me. I heard the key turn in the lock.

Odd. When I came in the door was unlocked, and I didn't relock it. I just added it to the list of things that made absolutely no sense at all. The door opened, and I wasn't ready for the sight that met me.

"Mom… dad?" I asked. Obviously they didn't hear me, but I wanted to comfort them so bad. Dad looked as if he had just lost all reason to live, and mom… Mom's mascara was running, and she… well she looked like shit. There was nothing in her eyes. Dead space. Emptiness.

I followed them as dad lead mom into the kitchen and with a shaky hand got out some wine and two wine glasses. Way to get drunk. Then I realized that something really horrible must have happened. I had never seen mom that way. Mom was always the strong one, the one who was calm all the time, the one who was there whenever I needed her.

She put her head on the countertop and began sobbing loudly. Oh yeah, something did happen. Something really bad must have happened.

"We're gonna get through this Kirsten," I heard my dad say, but his face and voice didn't match the words that were coming out of his mouth.

She shook her head and sobbed in her arms some more. Dad finished pouring the wine and set one glass in front of mom and the other was in his hand. He drank some of his while mom ignored that it was even there.

He wrapped his arm around her and she leaned on him, and her sobbing stopped. "See honey, you're doing better already."

She shook her head. "They're both gone. Both of our sons are dead, and you expect me to be okay with that?"

Excuse me? What did she mean we were both dead? I sure as hell wasn't dead, I was standing right there. I walked over to her and she cried more. "Why? Why Sandy? One month. One month and they both died. Car crash, plane crash… it doesn't matter, all that matters is that they're dead. They're gone. THEY'RE NOT COMING BACK SANDY!"

She almost had me break down. How could she say that? I tried to comfort her, but she obviously didn't feel it. This was all so confusing.

"I know Kirsten," I heard my dad say, before everything went black once more and I felt myself being pulled away.

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My eyes didn't close, but everything was black. I felt myself free falling. Free falling and spinning.

When the darkness cleared and everything was done, I looked around and found myself in a graveyard. One I had not seen in quite a long time. At least not since grandma died. I didn't like cemeteries. They were, just weird.

I wondered what exactly I was doing there, until I looked over towards my left and spotted two seemingly fresh mounds of dirt. One was newer than the other, I could tell just by the color of the dirt, but the thought made my stomach turn as I walked over and looked at who the two matching tombstones belonged too.

I felt sick as I read the first one, but it wasn't as if I wasn't expecting it.

Ryan Martin Atwood

December 13, 1987 - August 15, 2005

It just put closure on the whole "Ryan was dead" situation. He really was dead. But that wasn't the scary thing. As I read the second one, I felt my feet fall out from underneath me. This wasn't happening. It was too scary.

Mom was right. I felt like puking, but I had nothing in my stomach, so therefore, I couldn't. I touched the cold rock, outlining the name with my fingers. The issue was what was happening right now was impossible. It never could have happened under any normal circumstances.

I couldn't take my eyes off of it.

Seth Ezekiel Cohen

September 22, 1987 - September 22, 2005

I was dead, wasn't I? At least to them I was dead. I knew for a fact that I wasn't dead. Unless Ethan had killed me with whatever he had done to me. Maybe the rescue boat came, and I wasn't there, so they presumed that I was dead.

A horrible feeling came up in the pit of my stomach. But when I looked at the date, I knew it wasn't possible. That was my birthday. I didn't die on my birthday; I knew that for a fact.

Then, I wasn't alone. I could hear someone coming behind me and I turned around and saw Aerin. "Oh God, Aerin, are you a sight for sore eyes," but she didn't hear me. No one could hear me. No one could see me. I was dead. I had to keep reminding myself of that.

Aerin was still as beautiful as ever, her blonde hair was a bit longer than I remembered, and it blew in the breeze. Her blue eyes were sparkling, but not with curiosity. Now they had tears in them.

She fell down to her knees right in front of the mound of dirt that was my grave. How could they bury me without my body?

The tears fell down her face as she talked to the wind. I knew I didn't want to hear what she had to say, but something forced me to stay.

It was only then that I realized that she had my iPod. How in the world was this possible? None of this was making any sense at all. I had just listened to my iPod no more than a few minutes ago, and now Aerin had it.

I crawled over to her. She had a pair of headphones (they weren't mine) around her neck. I didn't recognize the song at first:

"Sometimes I still just can't believe you're gone.

And I'm sure the view from heaven

Beats the hell out of my here

But if we all believe in heaven

Maybe we'll make it through one more year

Down here."

Yellowcard. Summer liked them. That was why that song was on there. I never really listened to it, but now my mind was more focused on Aerin. She was sobbing.

"Damn it Seth. Why? I hate you. You left me. You left me here. You lied to me. And I trusted you."

I felt like crying myself. Aerin. I may have only known her for two months, but I really liked her. More than Summer, more than Anna, more than Alex… more than all three of them combined. The more time I spent with her, the more and more I thought that she was the one.

Not anymore. I was dead.

There was some silence. More sobs racked the poor girl's body. I wish there was something I could do to help her. Something that I could have done. But there wasn't.

"I know there's still a chance that you're still alive Seth, but the chances are so slim. They're almost not there. Maybe they're just a figment of my imagination…"

"Don't say that!" I blurted out angrily. She stopped and looked around. Maybe she could hear me.

"Seth?" she whispered in disbelief. I could hear the song blasting through the headphone speakers:

"I hope that all is well in heaven

'Cause it's all shot to hell down here

I hope that I find you in heaven

'Cause I'm so lost without you down here.

You won't be coming back

And I didn't get to say goodbye

I really wish I got to say goodbye…"

The song ended and all that could be heard was Aerin breathing heavily and the breeze blowing.

"Seth?" she asked again.

"Aerin," I said quietly, crawling closer to her (seeing as I was still on the ground).

She put a hand up to her mouth as tears began to fall. "I can hear you Seth. I just can't see you." As soon as I made my way over to her, I put my arm around her. I missed her so much. I could feel all her muscles tense.

"I can feel you Seth. Are you… are you a ghost?" she asked quietly.

I didn't know what to respond to that. Everything felt right, everything felt at peace. I knew that she was the one that I was destined to live the rest of my life with. But obviously, I was dead. I couldn't. I could feel the tears falling down my face as my grip on her tightened.

I never wanted to let go.

"I don't know," I said slowly. I knew this couldn't have been real, but I missed Aerin so much. And her being there. I never wanted it to end.

"I miss you Seth. I miss you a lot. I… I should have told you to wait, and not go on that stupid plane," she said, now sobbing again. I looked at her. She looked so different when she was crying. She looked weak, vulnerable. So un-Aerin-like.

I felt myself getting pulled away from her. I missed Aerin so much. I didn't want to leave. But obviously, it wasn't my choice.

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The next thing I knew I was in Summer's room. I knew it well. I had been in there so many times. Back when her and I were dating, or not dating, or… whatever it was that had actually gone on while she had been dating Zack.

She was sitting alone, on her bed. Looking at a newspaper. I walked over towards her and read the newspaper headline:

"Touching Memorial for Crash Victims"

Summer was just staring blankly at the page. There was nothing going on in her mind. I could see it. I looked at the date on the paper.

September 23, 2005. Was that what day it was? I was so lost. I began to read the article:

"We all will remember the many people on Oceanic Flight 815 that departed from Australia on August 15th heading towards Los Angeles. As it was reported in past issues, the search for the plane lasted for four weeks before it was ended.

There was nothing heard at all from the plane after in mysteriously disappeared. The devices on the plane had been decided faulty, only making it harder and harder to find the whereabouts of the wreckage and any survivors that there may have been. There were 175 people on the plane. All have been presumed dead."

After that point I stopped reading. This wasn't really happening. It was all coming in so fast. It was so much to take in in such a short amount of time. I looked at Summer who now had her attention turned on the television. When had it turned on? I held back the urge to chuckle when I heard a voice-over on it say… "Last week on 'The Valley…'" Then Summer turned it off.

I was shocked. She never ever would miss an episode of 'The Valley'. Ever. My eyes went from the now black TV screen to Summer. Back and forth.

A few sobs came out of her. Then I realized. Oh God.

As much as I hated her, I couldn't help but pity her. Ryan was dead. I was dead. That must have been a lot to handle. She sniffled quite a few times and moved the newspaper article to the side, revealing the black book.

The one that had all of the drawings that I had drawn of her while in Portland. I had forgotten that I had given that to her.

Slowly, Summer opened it and paged through it. There weren't many pictures in there, but she stopped at each one and just looked at it. Then she came to a blank page.

She pushed the book off the bed and turned around, burying her head in the pillow. I could hear the muffled sobs. Her world had turned to hell. While I didn't know what she was going through, I could just imagine it. Maybe I wasn't her boyfriend, but I sure as hell was a good friend. And Ryan was her boyfriend. And we were both gone.

But what about Zack?

Zack was soon forgotten as she reached towards her bed stand, and opened the drawer, pulling out a knife. Holy shit. Summer. Don't.

I went to shout out as she just looked at it. She wasn't. She couldn't. But I could see the look in her eyes.

"SUMMER, DON'T!" I shouted. She was taken off guard and dropped the knife. I felt myself being pulled back once again.

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Suddenly, I couldn't breathe. Whenever I tried to, all that entered my lungs was water. I began to panic.

The water was rough and choppy, that much I could feel. The water was circulating around me. As hard as I tried, I couldn't find the surface. I couldn't break the barrier between water and air.

My supply of oxygen was running out as I felt myself being pulled down, deeper and deeper.

I kicked more and more, trying to propel myself upwards. But the force was too strong. I was being pulled down into the murky depths of wherever I was. I was going to die.

Then it hit me. I was obviously already dead. How could I die again? Unless it meant that I wasn't really dead, and now I really was dying. If that was the case, there had to be something I could do.

But the force was too much as everything faded into darkness. Only I didn't feel myself being pulled this time. Just the oddly comforting black silence. That sure wasn't a good sign.

Then suddenly, without warning, I felt the sweetness of oxygen flowing through me again. I coughed a few times to get the water out of my system, until my eyes focused on the soaking wet person next to me.

I almost choked. I must have died. If I was alive, or even semi-alive then there was on way that this was even remotely possible. "Hey Seth," he said.

"Ryan?" I asked. I looked at him in utmost shock. He was the person who caused my rushed and un-thought out choice to go on the doomed flight. It was his death that caused all of it.

And I was looking at him. He sure as hell wasn't dead.

"Yeah…" Ryan said. I was still in shock. I blinked a few times as if to try to wake up. This was obviously a dream. But then it hit me. Ryan must have saved me from my watery grave. If you could have called it that. But… it was all… it didn't make any sense.

Lightning flashed from nowhere (it wasn't raining and the sky was so clear) and illuminated his face. For a second, it wasn't his face. The face looked so familiar, but I didn't know from where. Then when I focused on his face again, it was Ryan.

Confusing.

"Thanks man," I said, not really knowing what else to say. I wanted to break the awkward silence. But there was no doubt about it. It was awkward.

"It wasn't me," he responded without a beat passing between my words and his.

"What?" I asked, now even more confused than before. His words and his appearance said two different things.

"It wasn't me who saved you Seth… it was someone else."

"WHO?" I asked almost immediately.

Without saying a word, he shrugged. It didn't make any sense. No sense at all. He was soaking wet. Obviously he had done it. I took the brief moment to look around. I knew where I was. I was at the Pier. Somehow I must have gotten from Summer's room to the Pier and into the choppy, deadly water. I still didn't know or understand what the hell was going on.

"Who Ryan?" I asked again, running a hand through my wet hair. That was when I saw all these scars, all over my arm. Where had they come from? They weren't there a moment ago. I would have seen them. They just… appeared.

"Someone else…"

Gee, that was sooo helpful Ryan. Way to be specific. I felt like telling him that, but I didn't. I didn't push the subject any more.

We just sat there in silence. I was looking at him, he was looking at me. I still didn't believe it was him. He was dead. I was at his grave. Then again, it was my grave too, and I obviously wasn't dead. Or maybe I was. I didn't know what to think. Nothing made any sense at all. I was so lost and confused.

"I thought you were dead Ryan," I said, not being able to stop or control what was coming out of my mouth. That was a great conversation starter, wasn't it? I almost mentally slapped myself.

Ryan simply smiled. "I'm as dead as you are Seth…"

Suddenly, I felt myself being pulled away again. Shit! No! I was so close. So very very close. Talk about horrible timing.

Everything went black.

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Now I knew I had been wrong. People did care. People did worry. I didn't realize how much of an impact I had on people's lives. Mom and Dad, Aerin, Summer… everyone else. It made me feel so selfish, so self-absorbed.

Now it was too late. I was dead. I just knew it. I realized way too late. Now I would never be able to right all the wrongs I had done.

A sudden bright light slowly met my eyes.

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A/n: Okay, so for those of you who are really confused, August 15 was the day that Seth found out that Ryan had 'died'. And September 22 was his birthday (and now I learn it was the date of the crash on the real show… oh well). The two dates were the only ones that stuck out in his mind, and therefore, they were the dates on the tombstones because those were the ones he remembered the clearest.

As for other parts that may be confusing, don't worry. It wasn't supposed to make any sense really. I just wanted to write this so horribly. wink

alexis :D. Are you sure about that?

paige fan - Awesome! Another person that I got to watch the show. I guess it would be hard to see what the characters looked like, cause I can see it all playing in my head. More Seth stuff:D