Chapter one: Different Shades of Blue
Sara was standing on a bridge, a long golden bridge, so long she couldn't even see its edges. A beautiful, clear, blue ocean was spread beneath her; she had never seen an ocean so blue and so clear.
She watched the gentle waves that seemed to form at random spots: waves that came in different shapes and different shades of blue, waves that started one way and ended in another, each wave with their own style, each wave with their own unique splashing sound, and she found herself loving that sound, loving that chaotic sound that reached her ears and made her want to dance to it's rhythm.
The familiar smell of sand and salt reached her nostrils, and she sucked it in with a deep breath. She loved the smell of the ocean; if there was nothing else she could ever smell but its sweet scent, she would die a happy woman.
The smell of the ocean had always triggered good memories. So few of them still existed; she had to treasure each and every last one of them.
She looked upward and stared at the sky, the deep blue sky, a sky so close she could sense it, so close that if she tried, she was almost sure she could touch it…
After careful consideration, she decided not to. She was afraid that if she did, it would evaporate and disappear from her view. She didn't want it to, she didn't want to take that risk, so she turned her attention to the horizon instead where the sky and ocean met, creating two layers of texture, two layers of blue.
She had never seen so much blue in her life.
A cool breeze left moist drops on her soft skin, and the wind blew through her hair, leaving strands of it on her forehead.
From a distance, she could see gulls cawing with excitement, flying together in an admirable harmony, every wing flap synchronized perfectly, every sound each made gathering to form a special kind of orchestra, a live flying orchestra.
She thought it was funny that she had never seen or heard such gulls. She had never found them to have such a calming effect on her.
The sun suddenly came into view, intensely bright and yellow… She squinted her eyes and was forced to close them for a short while.
She was terrified for a second, terrified that when she'd open them up again, everything would vanish, terrified that she would be pulled out of the realm of happiness she was currently residing in, and terrified that she would never be able to bring back the rare serenity that had fallen upon her.
Her eyes shot open, and a wave of relief washed away all of her worries. Everything was in its place, the sounds, the smells, the blues - the sun was still there, its rays of light caressing her body with its soothing warmness.
The sight that lay before her was breathtaking, and she let herself get sucked into its beauty.
Tears were starting to form in her eyes, and she struggled to keep them down. She didn't want to cry because she knew if she did she would never be able to stop.
She shifted her gaze down again and was suddenly overcome with the urge to jump, to leap into those waters, those beautiful clear waters, to swim in them, to feel them around her skin, around her hands and feet, around her body. She wanted to feel them; she wanted to be them, to become one with them.
Sara didn't fight that urge, she embraced it.
She climbed over the rail, her arms rising at each side to form a cross.
Her heart began to beat quickly inside her chest, and her lips began to tremble. She could no longer hold the tears back, and one of them escaped and fell down her cheek.
She took a final deep breath and jumped.
For a long moment she was just flying, flying and enjoying the freeing sensation.
She allowed herself to close her eyes and take in the air that surrounded her.
The tranquil scenery changed quickly as the image of Grissom suddenly appeared out of nowhere, standing before her, reaching for her. Startled, she opened her eyes.
She looked up and saw several thick, black clouds that were now occupying the vast space that was once a deep blue sky.
She looked down, and her heart nearly jumped out of her chest. The ocean was no longer blue and no longer clear - it was black, and it was dark. She suddenly started screaming and kicking, trying with all of her strength to stop the rapid decent, wishing to turn back the time to when she was on that golden bridge again, safe and sound.
But it was all in vain, it was too late.
Her body hit the cold, dark water, and she struggled with all of her might against the cruel, hard waves that landed on her, turning and flipping her up and down and side to side.
She was soon engulfed by the thick, black liquid, which was now invading every cavity and every cell in her body.
She searched for anything that she could grab a hold onto, but it was in her eyes, so she couldn't see, in her ears so she couldn't hear anything, in her nose so she couldn't breathe, and in her mouth so she couldn't yell for help.
Her mind screamed for help.
She was drowning.
She was drowning, and there was no one there to help her.
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She was surrounded by darkness, a heavy and harsh darkness. She was completely lost, and everywhere she turned, darkness was all that she could see beneath her, above her, and all around her. It was so frightening and so black, blacker than she had ever seen or experienced.
She was confused and disoriented, her mind reeling with questions. Where was she? Why couldn't she open her eyes? What was that thing in her throat? She was choking, something was choking her. She panicked, she had to get that thing out.
"Sara, don't."
"Sara, no!"
"She's in shock."
"Grab her hands."
"Sara, just let us help you."
"Sara, calm down, everything is going to be okay."
"Sara, can you hear me?"
"Sara, I'm going to take that tube out in a second so just relax."
"Okay, here we go, one, two, three…"
Sara coughed violently, her eyes remaining closed, still refusing to acknowledge her current predicament.
For a long minute her state of awareness shifted quickly from one level to the next as she tried to make sense of the odd sounds and the weird smells.
She wanted to open her eyes, to escape the dark void, but she was so tired, so drained.
She refused to let herself succumb to it, and she tried again unsuccessfully.
She began to panic and thought that she had died and that maybe the eternal blackness was hell.
'No, no, no, no, no, this isn't possible, this isn't real,' she tried to calm herself down, repeating the words in her head over and over again. What had she done to deserve this? What had she done?
'Please God, help me'.
She took a final, desperate attempt to open her eyes, to escape the terrifying grasp of doom, and they finally started complying.
She slowly began taking in her surroundings. The bright, white light was the first thing she noticed, and a sharp pain shot through her entire body, causing her to moan.
The throbbing pain in her head sent waves of debilitating dizziness all the way down to her toes, and for a second she thought it might explode.
Her stomach was also hurting, twisting, turning, and making her think she was going to be sick. She was nauseated - she never thought it was possible to be this nauseated. Why was she so nauseated?
Every single part of her body now ached, and every slight movement sent jolts of dull pain down her spine and through her nerves and organs.
Her chest was burning, and she struggled hard to move. Every single breath she was taking served as a bitter reminder that something was wrong, something was very wrong.
She slid her tongue over her chapped lips to try to relive the dryness. She noticed how dry her mouth felt - so dry that the entire Nevada desert had probably taken temporary refuge inside of it.
Her mouth also seemed to have a strange metallic taste in it, almost like the taste of blood… blood? 'Blood?' she asked herself again, 'Why did she have blood in her mouth?' She was swept into panic mode again, and she tried to refocus her eyes on something, anything that could explain her current physical state. Though everything was still a blur, everything was a mixture of whirling colors and dancing sounds.
She blinked hard, and this time her eyes were drifting up and to the sides, thoroughly scanning the room she was in.
It was loud and alive, and she could now see shadowy figures hovering around her. She slowly began identifying them as people, people with intense stares and visible frowns on their faces. They paced quickly on the floor, coming and going, walking and running, people with tired looks and weary expressions, people who were hurting her. God they were hurting her, their hands pulling her down, grabbing her, poking her, and tormenting her. What did they want from her? Why were they hurting her? She flinched inadvertently as they continued torturing her with their cold hands and sharp instruments.
She wanted to call for help, to tell them to stop, but she couldn't get her mouth to open, she couldn't get her body to cooperate.
She tried not to panic again and focused on her breathing: inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. 'You can do this,' she instructed herself. It did indeed help a little, opening the door for pieces of logic to enter her mind.
The hazy fog was still preventing her from forming any coherent thoughts or remembering any painful memories. She couldn't avoid them forever, and they started to pour in, so many assaulting her mind all at once, terrorizing her with their implications.
She immediately felt a rush of guilt, but she didn't understand why.
What was she feeling guilty for?
A large flow of information flooded her senses and her brain was overloaded.
She tried to shut it all off for a second, and she took a moment to rest before confronting the devastating reality that she was placed in.
Once the smell of antiseptic reached her nose, there was no mistake as to where she was. She was at the hospital, and she couldn't remember how she got there.
'How did I end up in here?' she wondered.
She closed her eyes tightly and began searching her memory for answers.
TBC…
A/N: English is not my mother tongue, so if it seems a little fast, or a bit out of tune, it's unintentional.
