Stranded Memories

Rating: PG-13 for language

Disclaimer: I own crap. They wouldn't even give me the bloody Lost poster at Disney, and that ruined my day. FOX owns all OC characters and OC related thingys… and ABC owns sobs all Lost related things… even my Charlie… The plot at the end belongs to the song "Sorry" by Gary Allan.

Summary: Little things can push people over the edge. That very thing happens to Seth Cohen. When something happens to him that sends him into a crashing situation, who knows how he will survive. Seth-centric. Lost/OC Crossover.

A/n: Sorry about the wait… somebody didn't feel like writing. Teehee.

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"Head On Fears"

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Four months had passed, and I was growing horribly impatient at the time. Aerin's mother had called all the way from Australia. I was gonna be a grandmother from my dead son.

Most of the time we didn't talk about Seth, it still hurt. I had for the most part, calmed down. Ryan was still here, Summer was also. And yes, I apologized to Summer. Since the funeral, I had been numb.

Anticipation was killing me. I was going insane. Sandy was out surfing, and Ryan and Summer had gone out for the day. So I was home, stuck with being murdered by anticipation.

My thoughts drifted off to Seth, like they did a million times a day. It had almost been a year since I last saw him. Only two months shy. Where had the time gone? Ten months had just flown by since I last saw Seth driving away.

That moment haunted me everyday. Why the hell hadn't I stopped him? Or, as Sandy asked me, "Why the hell are you tormenting yourself over it?"

I checked the clock. Two hours passed since Eliza called me. When would anyone get home? I could hear a door open, and I jumped up, seeing who was there. Ryan and Summer had walked in, looking happy. I grinned because I knew something.

"Finally!" I exclaimed and hugged Ryan. He had a look of utter confusion on his face, as did Summer. They hadn't seen me smile in way too long.

"Hi Kirsten..." Ryan greeted me.

"Guess what?" I asked them as they continued to be confused.

"What is it?"

"Aerin's mom just called me and told me Aerin is having the baby," Finally, I let it out. Suspense was building up inside me. Had Aerin had the baby?

"That's great," Ryan clearly wasn't as excited as I was.

"When will we be able to see the baby?" Summer looked a bit more excited.

"I'm not sure, but she mentioned possibly us coming to Australia," We hadn't talked for long, and she had invited us to come. Meaning me, Sandy, Ryan, and Summer. Summer had become a daughter to me again.

"Australia, very cool," Summer commented.

"You'll have to tell me how that is," Ryan walked into the kitchen.

"You're not gonna go?" I asked him.

"We're gonna have to go on a plane. That means heights. I hate planes, and unfortunately, Seth is dead because of one," Ryan explained. I hadn't even thought of that. How could I go on a plane when that's how my son died? How did Aerin do it? She had been on a plane three times after the crash. How can she?

"Right," I realized the problem. Crap. Could we take a boat? Then maybe we can look for the plane. We had just as much luck at finding the plane than everyone.

"It's been ten months. You guys should go. Brave the plane," Summer told us.

"You'll come too," I knew she was still afraid of me. I could understand that. My dad scares everyone I knew. To an extent.

"I will?" Summer was surprised.

"Yeah. Ryan'll need you," I joked. I could see the fear in Ryan's eyes about flying. I only knew he had flown once. To get Seth. Guess that wouldn't happen ever again.

"Oh, cool. When are we leaving?" Summer smiled.

"I have to talk to them first," I hoped I would hear from the Jenkins soon. I could wait to see my grandchild. Though it would've been nicer if I could see my son.

"Well, that's neat," Summer looked dismayed. I left them and sat back down. I had suddenly lost my emotion again. Something was pulling me down. Seth.

Why could he be here? He was going to be a father. And he wasn't even alive. This had to be almost the most depressing day. I missed Seth so much.

"You okay Kirsten?" Ryan came up next to me. I looked over to him.

"Yeah, fine. I just miss him," I gave in and told him. He sat down next to me.

"Yeah, so do I," Summer had disappeared somewhere and I wondered where she was.

"Do you still think he could come back?" Our hope for Seth being alive was almost diminished.

"Maybe. There's a possibility," Ryan said the same thing we always answered.

"You know, I don't even think there's a possibility anymore. His child is being born and he's dead," I commented and felt all hope fly away from me. The idea of Seth alive was all gone.

I couldn't even remember the last real conversation we had. Every day before he, we were drifting. I had been so consumed in my own problems that I had forgotten about Seth. I tried talking to him, but we never had a conversation other than at the dinner table.

"There's still hope," I could tell Ryan didn't know what to say.

"Sure," I added and turned the television. Where had all that hope and happiness in me gone? It just disappeared, and left me to the disturbing thoughts.

The phone rang and I reluctantly pulled myself up to answer it.

"Hello?" I said.

"Hi Kirsten," Eliza's Australian accent brought back some of the joy.

"How's Aerin?" I had to know if I was a grandmother or not.

"She had it!" Eliza exclaimed and an elation like no other flooded through me. I had a grandchild. Seth was a dad.

"Oh my gosh, that's wonderful," I could feel tears protruding from my eyes and I tried to quell them, but it didn't work.

"I know. It's a boy," I wondered if Seth's kid looked anything like Seth. If he had Sandy's luck, the child did look like him. Seth looked so much like Sandy, it sometimes used to scare me.

"When can we visit?" I knew it would be hard to get on a plane, but I just had to see the baby.

"It doesn't matter when," Eliza told me.

"I'll talk to my husband tonight. Hopefully we can come by next week. How does that sound?" I asked her.

"That sounds great. Call me when there's a date," Eliza commented.

"Okay, sure. I'll talk to you later, Eliza," I hung up and sighed. I was a grandmother. Ryan was an uncle. My dad was a great-grandfather. Sandy was a grandfather. Julie was a step-great-grandmother.

She would not be happy about that.

"Who was that?" Ryan asked me as I came back with a smile on my face and sat down next to him and Summer.

"Eliza. Aerin had the baby," I was still grinning.

"Oh my gosh, that is so cool. When are we going to see them?" Summer yelled with joy.

"I don't know, I have to talk to Sandy," I couldn't wait until he got home.

"Oh cool. I can still go, right?" Summer was a lot more interested than Ryan.

"Of course," I answered and smiled at her. I felt bad for what I had said to her months ago. I still don't know what I was thinking.

"Cool. Isn't that great, Ryan?" I looked over at my now only con, who looked petrified.

"Yeah, sure. Can we go on maybe a boat?" Ryan asked and I couldn't help but laugh. Summer laughed too.

"Well, it would be a lot longer and maybe we can go on a cruise ship. That would be neat," Summer was off.

"I think we should go on the plane. Face our fear," I informed them.

"Fears for Ryan," Summer teased my son and I tried to remember when we officially dubbed Seth as ran away.

It had been that same night he left, and I checked upstairs for Seth. He hadn't been there, and I hadn't worried. But I still called him on the phone. No answer. I still didn't worry.

Sandy and I weren't on speaking terms and I had avoided him at all costs. That night was full of tears. I remembered calling take out and seeing Summer and Ryan walking in. She had an ice pack to the back of her head, and Ryan had one to his eye. I had stared at them strangely, they hadn't told anyone they were a couple yet.

I didn't remember how I made it through that dinner. I had been so confused and out of the loop. Everyone knew something. Something they did not want to talk about.

Seth hadn't returned my call, and I guessed he was with Alex. So I called the Bait Shop. And got the number from some person named Mandy.

"Hello?" I remembered jumping when I heard Marissa's voice.

"I'm sorry, Marissa. I must've called the wrong number," I had said, trying not to sound embarrassed.

"Are you looking for Alex?" Marissa had asked.

"Yeah. Um, Marissa, is Seth there?" I begun to get worried.

"No, sorry," The rest of the conversation was a blur and I remembered for the next two months trying to contact Seth, without any luck.

We had been dead to him, and now he was dead to us.

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I fumbled with my seatbelt. I felt like I was gonna puke. At least it would stop me from going.

I glanced over at Sandy, who was completely calm. But I knew he wasn't. He was just good at not showing it. We were holding hands, each of us squeezing harder and harder. Our hands would be numb in a matter of minutes.

Summer's laughter floated into my head. I also knew this was difficult for her, but she was the best at not showing it. She was laughing at Ryan, who looked worse than I probably did.

Either Ryan really was this afraid, or he was just trying to make us laugh and feel better. I chose the first. Ryan looked as though he was face to face with death. Hell, we all might be. But Ryan looked severely sick.

"I can't do this," He exclaimed and all three of us glared at him.

"Ryan, breathe," Sandy told his almost shaking son. I couldn't give any advice since all of mine was obviously not working.

"Yeah, if anything happens, you have me," Summer became serious.

"No offense, Sum, but I need more than you," I felt horrible for Ryan. What must be going through his head?

"Then..." Summer began to rummage through her bag and dropped a lilac My Little Pony in Ryan's hand. "Princess Sparkle will help you."

I laughed at seeing Ryan with the small plastic horse, and thoughts ran to me. Suddenly I remembered that birthday, Seth's sixth, giving Captain Oats to him. His smile when he grabbed it, the laughter that came from Sandy and my mouth.

Now thinking about that little horse, I regretted giving it to Aerin. I could try to get it back, but that would make me an Indian Giver. At that point, I didn't care. I wanted it back.

"Summer, I don't think this will help," Ryan informed her.

"She helps me through a lot. And it's a she," I still couldn't understand how Ryan and Summer made it as a couple. They couldn't be more opposite. But so were me and Sandy. How did Ryan and Summer work so well together? For a while, Ryan was meant to be with Marissa, and Summer with Seth.

But it turned into Ryan and Summer, Seth and Aerin, and Marissa with Alex.

"Sorry, but it's a little weird to be 19 and have a plastic horse," I couldn't help but laugh at the two arguing about a plastic horse. Yet inside I was incredibly scared. My son died on a plane just like this. It felt similar to the first time going in a car after Ryan and Summer's accident. Both of them avoided talk about it. The scars ran too deep. All our scars ran too deep.

We had been through so much, too much. I tried to be happy, and I showed it to everyone, but inside, I was dying.

Almost a year had gone by since Seth left us. Left our lives, and everything fell apart.

I remember trying to be brave at the kids' graduation. All four of them were supposed to graduate, but yet, I only saw three.

Ryan was one of the first to get his diploma. We photographed his emotionless face, and I was so proud of him. Two years ago, a graduation had been uncertain for him. And there, as he stood in front of all of Harbor School, I knew he made it.

Since Seth left so late in the year and we all thought he would come back, an empty seat took his place. They told us if he did come back, he could graduate with everyone, he just wouldn't get a real diploma. His grades were exceptional, they knew he could pass finals.

That empty seat glared at me, harassing me silently. Marissa was sitting next to that empty seat, and when she got up, I could only imagine Seth getting up in front of her. I knew he would be rambling, making her laugh in the last moments of high school.

Instead, Marissa put on her biggest fake smile she could muster. We all did.

Summer was later in the ceremony, and she didn't even attempt to smile. I barely made out a few tears glisten her face.

After the ceremony, we all met them. I was bawling by that point, hugging them all. I didn't know what emotion was overruling the other, joy or sadness.

We took pictures of the graduates, they were smiling. But were any of us actually smiling on the inside? Seth had just left our lives, and none of us knew for how long.

And it turned out to be forever.

I came back into the present and found Summer, Ryan and Sandy deathly quiet, my hand numb, and the plane about to leave.

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A/n: Okay, so that was it. I hope you liked it… and please review.. lurkers are EVIL! Only two reviews! Come on guys!

alexis Teehee, I know the last part was confusing. I like writing confusing stuff…

The Pirate Illusionist and people don't believe me when I say I ship Summeran!

And I decided to add a teaser for the next chapter:

I had yet to utter a word since that original conversation I had with… whoever that was. And that seemed like a long time ago. I don't think I had ever gone that long without talking.

That don't help at all…

"Ze dolphin is dead, did you know this? Died in a car accident!" Dom as Hans Jensen… RotK:EE Easter Egg