"Will? I'm sorry," Angel said quietly, closing the door behind him.

Spike spun around furiously. "Don't call me that!" he snapped. Angel knew from that moment that this could take some time.

"Ok. Sorry Spike." He wasn't quite sure what to say. For a few seconds the two of them stood there, Spike's jaw clenched in anger, Angel standing facing him. Eventually Angel took a few steps forwards and put a hand on Spike's shoulder. Spike shrugged it off.

"You can go now," he said coldly, turning away. "You've said sorry – and I bet it was Willow who made you come up here in the first place." His voice was bitter and hollow.

Angel moved up a hand and brushed aside Spike's hair. Since he'd come here, the hair had been slowly but surely growing, as if it was desperate to form back into those honeyed curls that made Spike look so much younger. It was already half way there, with the golden roots starting to overtake the peroxide bleach.

"Willow didn't send me. She's downstairs."

"Angel?" Spike's voice was different now. He sat on the corner of the bed, his head hanging down.

"Yeah?"

"I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to bite her neck, I just…"

Angel caught Spike's chin in his hand and pulled his face up. His boy's beautiful blue eyes were covered in the milky haze, and Angel felt a surge of guilt. "I know. It's ok."

"So why did you shout?"

He paused. Truthfully, he had no idea. "I don't know Spike. I shouldn't have got so angry. Willow's a friend, that's all."

Spike swallowed and the two of them then sat together in silence for a while.

"What's the soul like?" Spike finally asked, as if it were a question he would ask anyone, like 'what's your name?'

Angel was thrown. "Well… it hurts. It makes me feel guilty… you know all this Spike, why are you asking?"

He shrugged. "I've never had one."

"You did when you were human," Angel pointed out.

Spike let out a breath slowly. "I don't remember that. All I know is being a vampire. I can be evil, but when I am, people hate me for it. And I can't be good because I don't know how, you know?"

Angel nodded. "I think so. But… having a soul doesn't make it any easier, Spike. It just tries to stop you from doing bad things, it doesn't make you a good guy."

There was another silence, then Spike let out a small, bitter laugh. "Darla hated it. I remember, when you went away –" He stopped, realising what he'd said, and shook his head. "Never mind," he muttered. A few minutes later he turned his head up, reaching out to touch Angel's face with his fingertips. "Is it still you?" he whispered, almost to himself, sounding young and innocent. "Are you still in there?"

Angel knew who he was talking about. This was no longer Spike and Angel, it was William searching for Angelus. He smiled. "Not long ago, Will, you were the one telling me that Angelus and I were one and the same."

Spike took his hand away and shrugged. "Maybe you are. What happened downstairs, that's what Angelus would've done. But coming back up here and apologising… maybe that's not."

But maybe it is, Angel thought to himself. He could remember times when Angelus had taken care of the fledgling. Apologising to his Childe was just slightly too low for a master vampire, but there were times when Angelus had just been comforting.

Of course, most of the time he shouted at the boy, or hit him. It's not like he didn't deserve it.

Spike wished Angel would just leave. He wanted to be alone. Eventually, Angel said he was going downstairs, because he had heard Wesley come in and wanted to check he and Willow were ok with working on the spell.

Once he'd left, Spike lay down on the bed. Being blind, there wasn't much he could do in the room so he figured he would sleep. He just hadn't accounted for the dreams.

"Where's Daddy gone, Spike?" Dru asked girlishly.

Spike shrugged. "I dunno." He didn't look at her, being to preoccupied with what had just happened. Darla and Angelus must've had a fight, which meant that Darla would most probably walk out on them for a while, leaving Angelus with his Childer. This was a good thing, because Spike hated Darla.

Only it was a pretty big row, if Darla's temper was anything to go by. When Spike had brought Drusilla in, half an hour ago, Darla was in the middle of smashing things against the wall. When she heard them, she spun round and snarled at them to get out of the way, before storming outside.

Spike looked around at the mess she'd made. "Come on, Dru, we'd better clean this up before Angelus gets back." He'd only tell them to clear it up once he got back anyway, better to do it first so they had more time.

Only Angelus didn't come back that night. Or the next night, or the next. Darla was nowhere to be seen either. Spike grew more and more agitated everyday, and tried his best to hide it from Drusilla, who would often break into fits, screaming that she wanted Angelus.

Finally Darla turned up, a week later, and acted as if everything were normal. She went out by herself, hunted, fed, then came back and spent the day sleeping or reading. The next night she took them on a huge massacre to kill a gypsy clan nearby. Spike had a great time, until he got home and Darla told him furiously that he was stupid, useless and any other adjective she could think of, threatening to stake him if he ever displeased her again.

After that night, Spike and Dru tiptoed around her for a full month until Spike decided to pluck up the courage to ask her about Angelus. Drusilla was lying in her bed – Spike had put her there after she'd wailed for a full fifteen minutes – and Darla was reading one of her poetry books. Spike sidled up to her quietly.

"Madam?"

She looked up. "What is it William?" she snapped irritably.

"Well, erm… Dru and I… we were wondering, when's Angelus getting back? And where is he?"

Darla's eyes flashed and she stood up quick as lightening. She pushed Spike against the wall by his neck, glaring into his face. "Angelus is not coming back. He is gone."

"What, you mean – he's dead?"

"Probably, I don't know. I don't know where he is." Darla released him and turned away before speaking again, this time with a softer voice. "I'm sorry, William."

Spike blinked back tears. Angelus had to be dead. He wouldn't just desert them. "Where is he? Where did you last see him? This is about the gypsies isn't it?"

Darla spun round again, the warning look on her face. "Just accept it, Will! Angelus is not coming back. He's left, for good."

"I don't believe you!" Spike shouted at her. There was no way Angelus would just leave his Childer without saying why.

"Then find out for yourself," Darla told him. "But someone has to look after Drusilla."

"What?" Spike stared after her. This was blackmail. Either he stayed, and looked after the love of his unlife, or he went to search for his Sire. He toyed with the decision for days, but in the end, Darla won, and he stayed with Drusilla. Maybe if Angelus wasn't around, Dru would turn to him for comfort.

But no matter what, in the century to come, Drusilla would always think of Angelus first, and Spike would come second. That century with Dru was the best of Spike's life, but he never really had her. She was always Angelus'.

Spike woke up quietly and thought about the dream. It was true. Everything he loved, he was only given when Angelus – or Angel – was finished with it. Like the little brother who gets all the hand-me-downs or the broken toys that the older one got bored of. Spike didn't see it as being unfair though. It was Angel's right as a Sire to have whatever he wanted before Spike got it. And Spike's duty as a Childe to stand by and let him, even if it was the one thing he wanted in the world. Like a soul.

So? Did you like it? I decided to bring in the soul aspect of it because obviously Spike's having difficulty with the whole 'being good without a soul' issue so he's going to want a soul. And I've been watching the Angel flashbacks to when Angel got his soul and Darla's reaction so I wanted to fit Spike and Dru in there. I PROMISE in the next chapter Willow and Wes will come up with a solution and you're not going to like it.... hee hee evil me.....

Now review - I have 70somthing so far so can we make it 100 before I finish the story? luv ya! xx