Stranded Memories
Rating: PG-13 for language
Disclaimer: I own crap. They wouldn't even give me the bloody Lost poster at Disney, and that ruined my day. FOX owns all OC characters and OC related thingys… and ABC owns sobs all Lost related things… even my Charlie…
Summary: Little things can push people over the edge. That very thing happens to Seth Cohen. When something happens to him that sends him into a crashing situation, who knows how he will survive. Seth-centric. Lost/OC Crossover.
A/n: Blah. Back to Kiki… because Ali is such a better writer than I am.
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
"Donnie"
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
I began to hyperventilate. I knew the chances of this plane crashing were slim, but those had been the chances for Seth. And where was he? I reminded myself sarcastically.
We all remained quiet as the attendants told us the procedure and such that. I had heard it a million times, but this time it mattered. Because I felt that death might be looming in front of us.
I had been on a plane tons of times, my father used to take me and Hailey everywhere. We traveled the world, went to exotic places, and I found none of it really interesting until I met Sandy. Going places was so much more fun with him. He made it exciting. I loved going places with him. But this time, not much could made me feel better about going on a plane.
Except luckily, my family. I knew nothing else would have gotten me on here, except this.
If they were there, I felt okay. I needed to have them. How could anyone just leave everyone so alone? Seth had done it a few times, running away from us. And he died because of it. But the worst part about that was that he was coming home, not leaving home. What must he have felt in those last moments of life? He died alone, without anyone to hold. Aerin hadn't even been there.
The thought of Seth dying alone made me want to throw up more than I already did.
"Breathe, honey," Sandy pulled me into what was happening. The attendants were gone and I felt the plane move. Oh God. I didn't want to do this.
"Ryan! Give me back Princess Sparkle! You're squeezing her to death!" Summer squealed and both me and Sandy glared at the two. Ryan looked positively sick, and poor Princess Sparkle was getting the brute of it.
"She's not real," Ryan argued and I wondered what would calm him. I couldn't think of anything.
"I don't care!" Summer yanked the plastic horse away from Ryan, and held it close. She gave Ryan a strange look, and none of this was helping him.
"Close your eyes and imagine ground," I attempted, hoping it would help me feel more secure on the plane. He followed orders and closed his eyes, and soon enough, it seemed to help him.
I was so wrapped up in Ryan that we were almost done getting all the way up. I had gotten through maybe one-thirtieth of the trip.
I noticed that I wouldn't dwell on the flight if I thought of other things, like Ryan was doing. It definitely was working for him; some color came back to his face. Summer was masking her feelings, like she always did. I looked over to Sandy, and found him trying to sleep. That would probably be the best bet at not thinking of the plane crashing.
Shutting my eyes, I tried to think of nothing. But my head was just too busy. There were too many thoughts. Maybe I could count sheep. 1, 2, 3... I wonder what Aerin was doing. Counting sheep was not going to work. My mind kept drifting off to other things.
I decided to think of everything except the flight and Seth dead. I had a lot of leniency there.
Like it would actually work.
I kept envisioning Seth on this flight next to me. I wanted to hug him, but I was stuck to my place. I wanted to scream, but my voice was gone.
And so was he.
My eyes fluttered open, and I looked around at my settings. We were still on the plane, and everything was going smoothly. I could breathe.
Sandy and Ryan were out, and when I checked on Summer, her head was resting on Ryan's shoulder.
It was pretty cute.
I looked at my watch. We were almost done with the flight. How long had I slept? It hadn't felt like any time had passed at all.
My mind had developed a defense mechanism. Whenever I got too depressed about my son dead, it immediately reverted back to a good memory of Seth. This time, it was Seth's first time on an airplane. He had been so small, and so adorable. He acted nothing like Ryan did, rather, Seth was excited. We always took him on trips that involved flying. He didn't mind it at all. Though the attendants did. Seth bothered them every time they came by, begging for a pack of peanuts. His jacket was stuffed with them.
A thought burst into my head. If me and Sandy hadn't taken Seth on airplanes so much, he'd be more difficult to get on a plane. Then he wouldn't have flown to Australia. We would've found him.
Stop tormenting yourself, I told myself to try to calm down. This was getting redundant, me getting upset over Seth. But every time I did try to move on, something threw Seth back at me.
It would take forever to get over him because I didn't want to get over him.
Most of the rest of the flight I forgot, until the descent. I woke up everyone, which was good in Sandy and Summer's case. In Ryan's, not so good.
"Oh God," Ryan exclaimed as we felt the plane go into the descent.
"Ryan, calm down. You're almost through with it all," Summer told him.
"Yeah, until we leave," I hadn't even remembered the trip back. We would be taking the same route Seth did when he...I didn't want to finish the statement.
"Which will be in a week," Summer continued trying to help Ryan. I knew the descent should be over soon. It had to be. I was getting sick.
We landed, which made Ryan jump and us laugh. He shot up immediately when we could and was jumpy. None of us could stop snickering at him.
Finally, we had arrived in Australia. This was where Seth ran off to. Put the Pacific Ocean between us.
"Ground!" Ryan yelled when he stepped off the plane, and while Sandy and Summer burst out laughing, I stayed silent. I followed the three as we wandered about the airport, until I saw in giant lettering, 815.
I had forgotten that the Australian airport also made a memorial. I had seen the LAX one hours ago, and this one had different photos. I found Seth right away. The photo was more recent than mine, obviously taken by Aerin. He looked older, happier.
"Kirsten?" I heard my voice being called and felt tears fall down my cheek. Not again. Sandy appeared at my side, and he put his arm around me. I burst into sobs, my face burying itself into his chest.
Summer and Ryan watched as I broke down for the millionth time. I didn't care anymore. This was too much. We never should have agreed to it.
"Mr. and Mrs. Cohen?" An unfamiliar, yet familiar voice came from behind us. I stopped my tears to see who it was. It was Eliza, Aerin's mother. "I see you found the memorial."
"We have one at LAX. Kirsten's just a little sensitive about it," Sandy answered as I composed myself.
"I'm fine," I argued and went over to Eliza. "Hi Eliza."
"Hi. Shall I take you to baggage claim?" Eliza showed us the way and we waited to see our luggage. Ryan had the least, Summer and I tied for the most. Then Eliza led us to her car, where I sat in the back, next to Summer. I stared outside to Australia, the placed Seth called home for the last two months of his life.
The car stopped shortly and we were in front of a small house, and Eliza got out. Again, I was fumbling with my seatbelt. I couldn't open it. Or was it that I didn't want to open it? Going in there, I would see my grandson. See Aerin. I couldn't do it.
"Can you unbuckle it?" Sandy had opened my door and was watching me struggle.
"I can't, I don't want to..." I rambled incoherently as Sandy reached over and freed me of the seatbelt. There was nothing holding me back. Now I had to go in.
A cold breeze hit me as I stumbled out. Where had my composure gone? I shivered. Damn weather.
"It'll be all right Kirsten," Sandy whispered in my ear as well stepped up into the house. I shut my eyes and tried to breathe calmly. It didn't work.
Once I had opened my eyes, I saw Eliza and two other people.
"Aerin is upstairs, but this is my husband, Steve, and out other daughter, Mercedes," Eliza introduced us.
"Well, I'm Sandy, and this is my wife Kirsten, and our son Ryan, and his girlfriend Summer," I didn't look up at them. Why had I agreed to this? I should've stayed home.
"Hey guys," We heard footsteps on the stairs. I looked up and saw Aerin, who still seemed pregnant, come down the stairs, holding my grandson. I felt like I was gonna run. My legs sure wanted to.
"Is that Little Cohen?" Summer asked Aerin, who giggled.
"He has a name," Aerin came over to us.
"What is it?" Summer seemed to be the only one who could talk.
"Donald," Aerin answered.
"Donald. Like the duck?" I stifled a laugh. How did Summer find the strength to be so clam and strong?
"No. I named him after my grandfather," Everyone was huddled around Aerin, except me.
"Right. Sorry. Donald Ducks' the only Donald I know..." Summer rambled.
"It's fine," I felt myself ready to cry again. I hadn't been ready for this. We should've waited or something.
"So is it Cohen? Or whatever your last name is?" I glanced over and saw Aerin and Summer talking as everyone stared at Donald.
"Cohen," A few tears escaped from my eyes. "I haven't gotten a middle name for him. I wanted to use Seth's."
"It's Ezekiel," Sandy answered.
"Donald Ezekiel Cohen," I wanted to leave so badly, but I didn't know where I was. I'd get lost if I ran. That's what happened to Seth. He got lost.
More tears fell down my face. Why was I losing it? I should be happy. I was a grandmother, this was a joyous event. And yet, I was falling apart in the corner.
"Do you want to hold him?" Aerin startled me, and I wiped the tears from my eyes.
"Oh no, that's fine. No, I'm good. I couldn't..." I babbled.
"Please?" Aerin looked straight at me, and I gave in.
"Okay," Aerin handed Donald over to me. It was the first time I got to look at my grandson, and immediately I saw Seth. This kid was a Cohen no doubt about it.
Seeing Donald made me miss Seth more, if that was possible. This poor boy would grow up without ever meeting his dad. That broke my heart.
But looking at him, I felt strange. I was elated, yet sad. I was a grandmother.
"He's beautiful," I commented and continued staring at my grandson, smiling broadly. I saw Seth more and more in him.
"Look just like Seth. You can barely see me," Aerin added.
"You could never see me in Seth. The Cohen traits dominate anything," I informed her as I held little Donald. Gosh, he looked so much like Seth.
I handed him back to his mother, and soon Summer was holding him.
"Aww, Little Cohen is soooo adorable. I mean, he's like Cohen...but miniaturized. Ryan, look at Little Cohen, he looks exactly like...should I call him older Cohen now?" Summer asked.
"Seth would probably be the best," Ryan joked.
"Yeah, I guess so. But I don't know, I've called Seth Cohen for so long. It's weird to refer to him as Seth. But now, there's too many Cohens around," Summer argued. Everyone laughed and I walked next to Sandy.
"You okay now?" He looked at me and for once, I didn't feel like crying.
"Yeah," I smiled and my head rested on his shoulder. Though I remembered there was one other place I wanted to go to.
"I haven't been here in forever. Last time was a few weeks ago. We pay for it, I just don't stay there. I'll probably move back in when Donnie gets a bit older," Aerin was unlocking the door to her apartment. I made her take me there. Ryan, Summer, and Sandy had decided to join us. This was a bit of closure for me. I'd get to see where Seth had been staying while he was disappearing from our lives.
Aerin opened the door and we stepped inside. The apartment was small, much smaller than I expected.
"Nothing really has been moved around except for in the kitchen. The rest of the place is kinda frozen in time," Aerin kept talking to us as we silently floated around the apartment.
I saw Seth's cell phone on the table and I stared at it. We had called that phone so many times and here it was.
"That's why Seth went. He got your call about Ryan and the accident," Aerin informed me after she saw me staring at it. I grew sick. I was the one who made Seth come home and go on that plane.
Again, I felt I was the one who killed him.
"Did he get all the message? Because he kept talking about Ryan dead, and Kirsten said he wasn't dead," Sandy asked and I looked over at Ryan, who was staring at the ground. I knew it had to be difficult to hear people talking about you being dead right in front of you. It must have been disgusting.
Mostly we never discussed the accident, and I knew that maybe we should. Sandy and I almost lost both our son in less than two weeks. At least we still had one. Gosh, that sounded horrible.
"No. The phone went dead in the middle of it," We all went silent and I walked into the kitchen. It was spotless and I got that Aerin was neat. Seth had never been neat.
"I'm sorry," Aerin had appeared at the doorway to the kitchen and found me taking everything in.
"For what?" I asked her as I tried to envision Seth in here. He had been happy here in Australia. He had a new life, a girlfriend. Maybe we should've stopped calling him.
"I never asked him why he was here. I just let him be anonymous. Maybe if I did ask, I could've gotten him to go back earlier," We all blamed ourselves for what happened to Seth. We would continue blaming ourselves until we found who was really to blame.
But who could be the one who could take all the blame? Every one of us could've done something different at any time, and we could've saved him.
Yet if Seth was supposed to die on August 15th, he was gonna die. Maybe no matter what.
"It's not your fault. Stop blaming yourself," I blew it off because we had gone through this so many times.
"I know, but I miss him so much. Donnie looks exactly like him," Aerin walked closer.
"Yep," I couldn't say more. My voice was slowly disappearing again.
"What was Seth like as a kid? Because I'm kind of expecting the same thing from Donnie,' Aerin followed suit after I had sat down.
"Quiet around anyone he didn't know, but rambled left and right with us. He still did that. He looked happy, but I just think there was something we could've done to make him happier," I started remembering Little Seth.
"Oh," Aerin didn't seem to like that answer.
"I doubt that'll happen with Donnie. Just listen to him," I informed her. So many times I should've listened to what Seth was saying, and so many times I forced him to do things he didn't want to while I focused on work. That turned out real swell.
"Okay," Aerin replied and a silence shrouded us. I didn't know where Sandy and Ryan and Summer were, and I didn't much care. I was sitting in my dead son's apartment.
I kept telling myself that Seth was dead, I knew he was dead. So why did I have to keep referring to him as dead.
"He really felt horrible for running away. That day was the first time he ever told me something about his past," Aerin told me. I could tell she was trying to make me feel better, but it wasn't working. It had been ten months and I still couldn't move on with my life. Damn, I needed a hobby.
"Um, Aerin?" I figured now would be best to ask her for the little plastic horse that meant so much to me.
"Yeah?" She looked at me and for a moment I didn't know if I could do it. But I needed to.
"I don't mean to sound like an Indian Giver or anything, but I was wondering..." I began.
"If you can have Captain Oats back?" She looked at me and I was surprised.
"Yeah."
"Of course. I mean, I really never got to see Seth with the horse so the significance to me is very little. I know it means a lot to you. I'll give it to you when we get back to my parents," She smiled and I was really amazed she understood. Maybe if I had this horse, I could finally go on with my life and go a week without crying over Seth.
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
A/n: Yay for Ali! It may be a while until the next update. Many apologies in advance. Many thanks to the reviewers…
marn - working on it
paige fan - I don't think I'm good for writing anything but confusing crap.
AME - Haha. Jack bugs the freaking crap out of me. I can't explain it either, he just does.
Katie - Right now I'm trying to figure out whose more confused, you guys or me… HOTA KA!
