Disclaimer: Not mine, never has been, never will be.

A/N: Got this image in my head of Nick rubbing his face and this ficlet wrote itself. I am working on a longer story, but that one is nowhere near finished. This one has a spoiler for the season finale so don't read if you don't want to know what is going to happen .

Pairing: N/S


Darkness Within

Nicholas Stokes tiredly rubbed his face. He couldn't exactly pinpoint when all of this had become such a struggle. His work, his marriage, life in general. It probably had been a slow degenerative process. More than once he had contemplated giving up, but suicide was not an option, it would give too big a mess.

His marriage had never been anything other than a struggle. He was painfully aware that this thing he called his marriage was nothing more and nothing less than two strangers living together. He barely communicated with this stranger who was supposed to be his significant other. Fighting was what they did. Having a normal or civilized conversation was out of the question.

After he had been buried in the desert and saved (which was something he regretted more and more these days) he, but mostly his family, had decided his life should get some purpose. It was time to settle down was how they called it and he hadn't been entirely opposed to the idea of having a family. So here he was living with someone he didn't like all that much, tolerating her around him had even become daily struggle. He was sure her feelings weren't very different as she let him know frequently if not daily.

He wasn't a violent person, never had been, but she knew which button to push and she kept continuously and purposely pushing that button as she never seemed to pass up the opportunity to include the now sleeping person in front of him into their never ending fights. After numerous counseling sessions he knew that it was time to put the living arrangement out of its misery, because he wasn't a violent person. Yet.

Shifting his gaze he let his eyes rest on the sleeping form. The one and only Sara Sidle. His own private paradox. She provided dangerous safety and was single handedly responsible for all his beautiful misery.

He wasn't sure what the status of their relationship was. Were they friends, lovers, co-workers, none of the above, all of the above? He didn't know and it didn't confuse him anymore. Somewhere down the line the state of chronic confusion had lifted.

They had lost the innocence of their easy relationship on a dark night. Dark in all the meanings one can think of. He wasn't proud of making her his without thinking about the consequences, but such is life and she didn't seem to mind at the time or now even.

He got up planning to head home, but changed his mind in the process. He lifts her up in his arms and rearranges her across his lap, settling himself in a somewhat comfortable sleeping position.

He could deal with life another day.

FIN