When Jess leaves and Luke goes to tell Rory and Lorelai, Luke reflects on his life and his failed relationship with his nephew.

I just play with them…I don't own them. They belong to the magnificent Amy. I wouldn't dare take them away!

He woke up to his alarm buzzing at a quarter to five and rolled out of bed. He was use to it. Really he didn't even need his alarm anymore. It was there because if he stopped setting it, something would change. Years and years of the same routine had taken its toll on Luke Danes. He was a man in his middle thirties. Single with commitment only to his hermit life. Now, time-to-time, Luke admitted his disappointment in himself, how unsatisfied he was with his life and his inevitable future but he pushed it away and kept moving. Not forward, sometimes backwards but mainly in between. Luke was stuck in the middle with only hope that something would come and push him forward, to change him and his life forever. And it was when Jess arrived, after the shock and anger that his sister dumped her seventeen year old kid on him and made Luke take over another's responsibility again, he found himself liking the idea of having someone else there. Someone that could change him, someone that could make life a little more worth the while.

What Luke forgot was that change could also bring heartbreak and fear in a man. He just never thought that it could come from someone other than a woman. A woman like Nichole could do that, and maybe that's why he wasn't close, not attached. Luke had too much heartbreak, too many fears. He had hoped that Jess could restore his confidence in himself and in mankind.

Luke rolled out of bed and went to pour his morning glass of orange juice.

He noticed Jess was gone as soon as he walked into the kitchen. On the other side of the dark apartment were an empty, and made, twin bed and a clean and vacant room.

His eyes widened then shut and Luke's chin tucked its way into his chest.

He sighed.

A tear slipped its way down his cheek to his lips.

When some of the moisture found its way to his tongue and Luke tasted the salty flavor, I'm not going to do this, he shook his head, It was bound to happen, looked up, I'm going to be alright, and carried on with his day.

About an hour after Luke opened the diner and over two hours after he realized that Jess was defiantly gone, his thoughts turned to her. She's going to be devastated, just as he is. She's going to hate Jess, just as much as he does. They would be disappointed, angry, hurt, scared, and lonely together. I have to let her know. Now all he has to do is tell her.

Walking toward the house his nerves took over. How was this going to play out? Should he be blunt? He's gone. Should he ease his way into it? Rory, he cares. I know he does. I think he just needed to do this. Should he take her in his arms and tell her that he loves her like a daughter and the last thing he wants is to see her hurt? You mean the world to me. Don't let this break you. Should he tell her that Jess is worthless and is never going to amount to anything more than the words he reads in those damn books, just a visual, not a tangible object? He's an asshole working at Wallmart. You're too good for him. You have the entire world in front of you. He won't have anything. Should he tell her at all? You're porch rail is broken again. I'll come by again later to check on it.

When he was trudging up the walk he felt like he was climbing Everest. You can do it...His legs hurt, the air seemed thin, he was going to pass out. But somehow he found himself on the front porch, and stood facing the front door. All he had to do now was knock. Let them know that the barer of bad news was at their house and wanted to pay a short visit. Hey, don't hate me or anything but my nephew, who was in love with you split without letting anyone know. Thanks for the ice tea. I'll see you girls later. Would she cry? I can't stand it when people cry...especially not little girls.

He misses the days when Rory believed she was a fairy and her biggest disappointment was not getting three scoops of ice cream instead of two for dessert. Three? Fairies only get two. Princesses get three. When she and Lorelai would sit in the diner and play MASH and decide whom their future husbands were and where they were going to live. What a stupid game. Rory, this is no way to plan your future. But today…Luke Danes would give anything to play the game with them and tell Rory that her husband was going to ride up on a white horse soon. There are no white horses or fairies or games in this world. What a damn shame.

He can't knock…He can't ring the doorbell. He can't tell her. Not now…he needs to know that it'll be okay. He needs someone to reassure him that Lorelai the third will be like the second and pick herself up, dust herself off and keep searching for Prince Charming. To believe that there is just as much magic in this world; than there is in all the books she's ever read. She at least deserves that.

He moved to the windows, he needed to find her. I need her. To ask for her help. He can't do this alone; he's tired of doing everything alone. She's the only person in his life that he can depend on. They need each other for support because raising teenagers, while still being one is impossible unaccompanied. He's been left too many times and had to pick up the pieces single-handedly; first his mother, then his father, then Liz, then Rachael and now Jess. Jess. However, this time he knows he has someone there to catch him when he falls. Lorelai.

He saw them through the kitchen window. Talking, bantering, discussing this and that and he was relieved and assured and felt satisfied that they don't know, that he will be the one to tell them, that another man has broken their hearts. Thank god. Because hearing it from Miss Patty, or Babette, or Taylor, would only worsen the blow that Jess would administer to their little corner of the world. He gestured, he attempted for attention, yet he hid, he has to protect Rory. Aw Jeeze! Lorelai saw him and smiled and gave him a questioning look. He mouthed the words. He has to protect her.

Don't tell Rory!

She joined him, and he told her the truth.

Disappointment.

He hated it more than he hated festivals and corporate gas stations. On that beautiful spring day, with the god damn birds chirping, the god damn sun shining, the god damn grass long and luxurious he saw that word in her azure eyes. He recognized how they become dull and cloudy and how they darted and stared and became something so uncharacteristic in a Lorelai Gilmore. This made him feel it too and before he went to leave he was hit by it full on. Shit. This was all because of him. Shit. He didn't do what he was supposed to do. Shit, Shit...For once in his life, Luke Danes couldn't fix something that was broken but not beyond repair. And the word echoes through his skull.

Disappointment.

He became disappointed.

Not in Liz for giving up.

Not Jess for leaving.

He became disappointed…in himself.

She told him then, that it wasn't his fault, Jess failed to take the path that was laid before him all cobbled and solid. That he took the dirt road to somewhere mysterious and strange with no true or sure destination. Luke had tried to save him from it. Disappointment. In others…in himself, but in turn he only caused it in Luke and soon in Rory. Luke was relieved. She's not really...Lorelai wasn't disappointed. Not in Luke…but in the expected reality that appeared before them in their Hollow Star of a town. Where a billon miles away it would look all shiny and bright but near at that moment was merely a dull luster. She's not mad. She doesn't hate me for pushing them together. She doesn't blame me anymore. Why?

Then she asked where he went. If he had any idea where he could be and Luke wished he didn't. Wished Jess hadn't grabbed the rope that would send him into the deep choking water. Jess had chose to leave the man that cared about him, that was there to protect him, teach him, better him, me, for a man he didn't even know, Jimmy. A man that selfishly found himself in the diner not so long ago to see his seed all grown into a tree. A tree not nurtured by the man himself, stunted in its growth, confused by its impending destination. Luke hated the man. Bastard. Hated that he lost one of the only people who needed him and that he needed himself. I wish I could...He wishes that he didn't know anything. Then he remembers watching some movie where some guy makes a joke about wishes and he snickers at the idea that it applied to his own current state. You can wish in one hand and crap into the other. See which one fills up first. Wishing was worthless and he felt pretty crappy.

When he walked into the apartment that afternoon, despite the sun baking the side of the building and streaming through his window, he felt cold. He walked to his dresser and pulled an old worn gray sweatshirt over his flannel, dropping the baseball cap on the bed, and walked into the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of beer, popped off the top and took a gulp. I'm going to get through this. Both his parents died and he got out of the woods. One seventeen-year-old kid isn't going to ruin my life. He closed the refrigerator and looked out his kitchen window. What he saw wounded him further. Rory. She was walking across the street toward the diner with a book held in front of her face and an intense look of concentration. No sign of knowledge or awareness of Jess' whereabouts. Good. Luke sighed, took another swig of beer and turned toward the door of the apartment, leaning on the counter behind him.

You're not going to do this Danes. You didn't cry when your dad left or when Liz left or when you broke your ankle during a meet and you are sure as hell not going to cry now.

He straightened up and walked toward the apartment door, beer in hand. He realized this and remembered that he can't bring the bottle downstairs.

Drinking, alone, in the middle of the afternoon, that would sure send the gossip mill into action.

He turned around, set the beer on the kitchen table but before he could turn to the door again, the room to his left caught his attention. He added on to his father's office, his apartment, for Jess to live here, for Jess to be comfortable, for Jess to change with him.

Jess didn't change.

He walked up to the dresser and looked at himself in the mirror above. He remembered Jess and his hair and his primping and he smiled. He even almost chuckled. He could still smell the stuff.

Like flour and sawdust.

And that was the first time that Luke Danes really cried.

One night she had told him what he wanted to hear.

"Luke, I'm sorry he left. I know how you must feel. I loved him too."

And there she was a little girl all over again, sweet and vulnerable. He hugged her and they both said they were sorry. The only word they ever wanted to hear. Not from each other, from Jess, but somehow…it gave them what they needed. Closure.

He let her go and she walked back to sit with her mother at the white and red table near the door. They picked up conversation and while Rory told a story Lorelai looked over at Luke and smiled. He was relieved to see no trace of disappointment but only the sapphire blue sparkle he loved so much. He served them coffee, they made jokes and references, paid, said their goodbye, I'll see you tomorrow's and left. The diner was empty and Luke was again alone.

He entered the apartment around eleven. There was a lot of cleaning to be done before the health inspection he had coming the next week. He looked to his left and regarded his room as he does every night, to reassure him that he's not going to come back...and then made his way to the bathroom.

While brushing his teeth he wondered why he kept the room the same if he knew he wasn't coming back. Maybe it's to remember, maybe because he can't bring himself to change again. And then again maybe it's because Luke wants to feel disappointed in progression, as he takes a few steps back again, and continues to live his middle.

And then one day, he won't be disappointed in anything or anyone, and he could find a way to make a change again, maybe with Nichole, maybe with...her...but eventually he could be where he's always wanted to be. Forward.