True Emotions
Ch. 8
Bittersweet Tears
Scully awoke to the golden rays of sunshine pouring in through window and the sound of the busy street outside her apartment window. She rolled over in her blankets lazily and tried to block out the sound of the world by stuffing her head under her pillows. She had been having a wonderful dream and all she wanted was to go back to sleep and continue it.
In it she had been lying in bed, Mulder's arms wrapped around her tightly, and his soft voice whispering in her ear. But his words were not comforting, not as they had been the first time. Presently tears welled up in Scully's eyes as she lay in bed dreaming of her lost love. The memory of his face, his voice, the pictures scattered all over his bed, it all brought sorrow to her heart.
She sat up slowly, and pulled her messy hair behind her ears. She had been too tired and miserable to care for it the night before. After a moment of staring out the window she decided that the only way to keep him off her mind was to go into work and stay busy. She stepped out of bed, her wrinkled pajamas hanging sloppily from her aching body.
Before she even went three feet she put a hand to her mouth and ran into the bathroom. As she sat beside the toilet she nearly gave up and decided to call in sick, Skinner would just tell her to go home and rest anyway, for he was just as upset, he had been there when it had happened.
But something wouldn't let her give up, the hope that Mulder could still be alive somewhere, wouldn't let her give into her weakness. She stood up and wiped her mouth with a towel and looked into the bathroom mirror. She saw a stranger looking back at her, a woman lost and scared, a woman whose hopes and dreams were gone forever.
She looked down at her stomach with a weak smile, trying to hold back the tears. "Mulder we can't get through this without you."
Scully walked down the main floor's hallway with a blank stare on her face. She was just counting the seconds until she would make it down the elevator and into their office. But she didn't know how this would help her, she would only see the chair he used to sit in, the pencils still hanging from the ceiling, the posters and news clippings pinned on the wall. She would just have to look through file after file of their many cases together and remember his silly predictions and crazy beliefs that always turned out to be right in some insane way.
But before she made it to the elevator she was stopped by Skinner. "Agent Scully!"
She turned and tried with all her might to put on a realistic looking smile, "Good morning, Skinner. Yes?"
"Are you feeling any better?" he asked with great concern evident in his face. "What did they say at the hospital?"
The two entered the elevator, coincidentally alone, and Skinner said in slightly lower voice as he pushed the button for it to go up to his floor instead of to the basement, "Did the doctor say if it's okay or not?"
Scully was surprised by his odd behavior but she appreciated that he respected her privacy, "Yes Skinner the baby's going to be just fine."
"I'm so sorry Scully…" he said oddly after a moment, not quite sure of what else to say as there came a silence. "…I just wish there was something I could have done to stop it."
Scully gave out a sigh of relief as the elevator doors opened. It would have been an odd scene to see, for both of them stepped out of it teary eyed. But as Scully turned around, realizing she was on the wrong floor, Skinner stopped her.
"No, you need to go this way. They've got some questions for you and I."
"Who?"
"The team investigating into Mulder's disappearance, we're the top suspects in their case."
"They actually think that we're involved in his disappearance?!"
Skinner didn't say anything, but he didn't have to for Scully was quite used to being blamed ridiculously for something she didn't do. She said nothing more as well for it brought back a wrenching pain in her heart remembering his face again.
But then again the memory of his smiling face was the only thing that had gotten her through these past few nights, and she imagined they'd have to get her through many more. But what she feared the most was that she depended on him too much to be able to let him go.
Scully slammed her apartment door shut as she finally got home late that day. It was all too much for her. First Mulder's disappearance, then her mysterious pregnancy, and now she had to deal with a son of a bitch partner who thought he knew Mulder more than she did!
"I spent the last seven years of my life with the man! I lived and breathed for him for Pete's sake!" she nearly screamed at her reflection. "It's not like that, he's not like that! They did this to him! He didn't do this!"
She sat down miserably on her bed. Today was only one day, what was tomorrow going to be like? How would she ever get through the next week or month without him? How was she ever going to find him if they wouldn't listen to her? How could she ever feel his arms around her, comforting her, if they left him to die? But even if she could somehow get them to see, what could they do anyway?
"What's the use?!" she suddenly screamed in despair. She lay down on the bed and stared off into space, and in a quiet voice she whispered to him longingly, "Where are you Mulder?"
TO BE CONTINUED
