Title: Old Friends
Chapter Five
By: LizD
Written: June/July 2004

Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew or creators. With love and thanks.

Old Friends - Chapter Five
First Hurdle - Cleared

Mac stayed in the rack for a long while after Harm had left. The night had been very … therapeutic. The talking was good. The talking was very good. They were both easy and open with each other in the dark of the cabin, and both recognized and owned the parts they had played in the bad times and the good times of the last eight years (well, some of them). They laughed. They laughed a lot. That was new for them. They also reminisced about times gone by and the major part the other played. As was stated, it was therapeutic particularly after the bad year they had. Neither was ready to say that everything was fine, and there were still some residual hurt feelings that would come out as time went on, but they did have a good idea that things would be different – dare we say easier – for them.

Amazingly, as attracted as Mac was to Harm, as he was to her, that night was not about sex. There were reasons for that. First and foremost they were not at a location that was conducive to exploring that new frontier. In fact, Harm was a little more ALERT to sounds and the time. He was not about to let them be discovered. He was ready to jump up to pretend to be working a moment's notice. Second of course was the new closeness. They were each a little tentative with each other and themselves. It would have been very easy to fall back into old patterns, but neither wanted that. They needed time to understand the new rules. Third Harm - more so than Mac - wanted the first time to be a more meaningful experience: no uniforms, no duties to attend to, a good dinner, a walk on the beach, a nice sunset, a full moon, gentle conversation. Harm was really a romantic at heart and after all that time, there was no reason to rush it. Mac actually liked the idea that she would be wooed; she had designs on doing a little wooing herself. The last reason of course was Mac's health. She really wasn't 'feeling it' - as they say. So again, the night had no sexual aspect. Of course they were in each other's arms and close enough to feel the other's heart beating, but the topic wasn't openly discussed. When the subject of where they were, what they would do when they got back and the doctor's appointment on Wednesday the BIG IT was an underlying factor. For once they were both close to the same page.

One thing was resolved. With the new information that Mac had gotten on the victim, they decided that there was no reason for them to continue the investigation. Harm would report to the admiral that the man had died as a result of some action prior to arriving on the Guadalcanal, prior to being taken into custody, and that no member of the crew was culpable. Case closed. With any luck they could be heading home in the morning. With that in mind, Mac pulled herself out of bed and set about packing up to go home. Before she did that, she was going to send a quick e-mail to Gates. Mac smiled at herself – she was acting like such a GIRL – and she liked it.

Screen Saver Off --- Mac's heart froze as she read.

To: Sarah.MacKenzieusn.mil.gov

From: The reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.

Sarah ---

Don't believe what you read in the funny papers.

I'll be in touch when I can. This was not my call.

I love you. Webb

She must have read the words ten times over. They didn't make sense.

Webb was alive? Webb was alive! Oh, my God. That is great. Isn't it? Where was he? Was he hurt? Did he need her help? Was he in danger? Of course he was in danger, that's what Webb was all about – danger. But he is ALIVE. Thank God, he's alive.

Mac burst out a laugh and tear of joy. Webb was alive. Then she started thinking – actually her mind started racing.

Could Webb really be alive? How is that possible? The company had closed his office. Fired his secretary. If he was alive … why did they tell her he was dead? Why was she debriefed for ten hours? Why was her apartment 'cleaned' and her cell phone 'purged'? Had Clay disappeared – gone rogue? Were they expecting him to make contact with her to catch him? To kill him? Or was this just some elaborate company plot for some covert reason? Had he gone so deep undercover that the ruse of his death was necessary? National Security? Or just normal life and death? Was she caught in something that she had no control over? Was she in any danger?

"NO!"

She slammed the monitor shut and pushed herself back from the desk.

"No… No… No… I won't do this. - - - I am not playing this game."

She got up and started pacing.

"This is not happening. … This can't be happening. … DAMN IT! … Damn it to hell."

She stopped herself. Shook herself hard. She made a decision.

"No … you know … NO …"

She pulled her sea bag out and started stuffing stuff into it.

"You know … So what … Doesn't matter … it just doesn't even matter … I am done … D – O – N – E … done. Stick a fork in me … I AM DONE … Finished. … I did not sign up for this … I didn't ask for this … I don't need this … There is no way I am getting drawn back in … No … No … No … That is it … That is final … NO WAY IN HELL."

"No way in hell what, ma'am?" Jennifer Coates was standing in the hatchway. She had knocked and heard Mac inside ranting, so she entered.

"Petty Officer!" She snapped. "What are you doing here?" She looked back at the laptop to be sure it was closed. She felt like she was caught.

"The commander needs you in the JAG office, ma'am." She said tentatively. "He has new orders from the admiral."

Mac's face flipped from angry to panicked. "Oh God Harm." What was Harm going to say about this new DEVELOPMENT? Where did that leave them? Could they really have come so far just to have the rug ripped out from under them? "Damn it." She said again.

"Ma'am, what should I tell the commander?" Jennifer asked tentatively.

"That is the sixty-four thousand dollar question, Jennifer."

"Ma'am?" Jennifer was confused.

"I will be there as soon as I am dressed." She dismissed her.

What would she tell Harm? Did she have to tell him anything? No – she could keep it to herself. Let Clay show up or not – he was probably dead already anyway and if he wasn't he would be soon – or would be eventually. If he were alive and hiding out from … whoever when could he possibly make it back to her? When would he walk back into her life: a day, a month, a year, ten years? And how long would he stay? He couldn't possibly expect her to wait for him. No, if he came back he would find out that she had moved on – more than moved on, had finally gotten everything she wanted (don't jump the gun there Mac). She was not about to put her life on hold because Clayton Webb was playing some damn spy game. No Siree Bob. So it was resolved. She would just ignore the whole thing.

Nice fantasy, colonel, want to try for reality.

She had to tell Harm. What his reaction would be was the real question. He was still – well probably still very jealous of Webb. Hell Harm was probably still jealous of Brumby and Dalton – and Dalton has been dead for years. Even after their conversation last night, it would be hard for him to accept that Webb being alive would have no affect on them. It was going to be hard for her to accept. On the other hand, if he was alive, she could end it with him – as she should have – and then she and Harm could move forward without the cloud of 'they only got together because her boyfriend died' hanging over them. GET REAL MacKENZIE! Harm was going to flip.

"I have to tell him." She sighed and looked worried. "I just don't know how."

She dressed quickly and left.


"Where is the colonel?" Harm said to Jennifer when she got back.

"She is on her way, sir." Jennifer looked at him funny.

"Coates?" He prodded.

"Is there something going on with her, sir?"

Harm looked a little guilty. He had successfully evaded all of Jennifer's prying questions about why he was in such a good mood by saying that he had talked to Mattie and she said she missed him and asked him to hurry home (which she had). Harm did love that kid.

"Why is she in a good mood this morning too?" He asked thinking it was rhetorical.

"No sir. She looked like she would take my head off."

Harm turned to her quickly, that was not how Harm left her.

"Commander." Mac's voice cut through the room both Harm and Jennifer flipped around to see her.

"Colonel. Sleep well?" He said with a tinge of a smile but studying her to see if he could determine what mood she was in.

"Very well." The words were right but the sentiment was not quite what he hoped for and there was no smile. She glanced over at Jennifer.

Harm got the drift. "Coates, can we have the room?" he asked gently.

"Yes sir."

"Go pack, we are heading home in ninety minutes." He nodded at Mac. Home sounded really good to him, but the look on her face made him think that it wasn't going to be that easy.

"Yes sir."

Mac closed the hatch after Jennifer had left. If she had a different expression on her face he would have made some kind of suggestive joke about being alone together behind closed doors. Damn, he was so looking forward to being easy and light with her. He was happy all morning just thinking about working with her, being with her and talking to her about all kinds of things. Taking care of business. Enjoying each other's company. Planning a future. But clearly something had happened. Something would always happen.

"What's going on?" He asked when she sat down in the chair across from him.

She took a moment before reaching over to take his hand. "Good morning." She found a smile.

"A very good morning." He smiled back, but he was still wary.

"Thank you for last night." She squeezed his hand. "I had a really nice time."

"It wasn't a date, Mac."

"It was better than a date." She said quickly.

"I am glad we got a few things cleared up." He cupped her face; looked deeply into her troubled eyes and let his fingers pull a few strands of hair loose. He so very much wanted to kiss her but he held back.

"You want to kiss me right now, don't you?" She played with him.

"Very much." His thumb lightly brushed over her lips.

She placed her hand on his, pursed her lips trying to savor his touch.

"How are you feeling?" He was referring to the constant dull ache of pain she was living with.

"I'm Ok." She said. She sighed sadly and looked down, and took his hand away from her face. "I don't know how to tell you this."

He tensed a little. "Tell me." He was forcing himself to be open and available for her to speak with and not to jump to any conclusions. It was one of the things that they agreed to do the night before. To wait until all the facts were in, listen, ask questions and then react. This was going to be the hardest thing he agreed to.

She looked back up at him. "I got an e-mail from Webb."

"Wow." He tried to laugh. "That must be one hell of a DSL line."

"Harm." She scolded him. "Webb is alive."

He took a deep breath and tried to rationalize it away. "Maybe it was just stuck in the queue and you just got to your mail box today."

"I don't think so." She shook her head knowing that that was not possible.

"What did it say?"

"It said the reports of his death were greatly exaggerated." She almost laughed at the absurdity.

Harm did laugh. "Webb quoting Mark Twain – that's rich."

Mac looked down.

Harm pressed her hand. "What else did it say?"

"It said that it wasn't his idea and that he would be in touch when he could."

"That's it?"

"Yeah." She left the 'l love you' out. No need to share that.

"Are you sure it is from him?"

She was at a loss and shrugged. It never occurred to her that maybe it really wasn't from Clay. "Who else would do that?"

"Someone trying to get to you? Someone who thinks you have information that you would give to him?" He was struggling to come up with a reasonable answer. "I don't know – I don't know what Webb was into."

"Neither do I?" She stated emphatically, standing up and walking away. She was getting mad again.

"Are you OK?" He asked.

"No … Yes … I mean … I don't … I am worried about what it means." She looked back at him.

"Means how?" He was keeping his promise. He was not making assumptions and he was asking questions. It was killing him, but he was doing it.

"HARM, for God's sake!!" She thought he was just being dense.

"Stand down, marine." He stood to be on equal ground with her.

"I'm trying." She said looking away. "I just don't know how I am suppose to feel about this. What I am supposed to do." She looked back at Harm. "What this means for you and me."

"It doesn't have to mean anything to us – does it?" He said weakly.

"Harm." She pleaded with him. She needed him to be strong, resolved and sure of them – more sure than she was. It was too much to ask. "Of course it means SOMETHING!" She shouted.

"We are just talking right now." He snapped mainly to get her to calm down. "OK?"

She took a deep breath and nodded.

"Ok … how are you feeling? – Scratch that." He paused. "What are you thinking?"

"I don't know." She threw up her hands. "I am too angry right now to really think straight."

"Angry at Webb?" He ventured.

"Yes." She declared quickly but then relented. "I'm glad he is not dead – but I am ANGRY that he … that we … that this kind of deception is necessary. I don't live like this. I don't want to live like this. It's not fair – not to me."

"No, it's not." He was thinking it wasn't fair to him either. "He must be in trouble." Harm stated the obvious.

"More than likely." She agreed. "He probably needs to have his butt bailed out again too."

"Did he ask for that?" Harm was terrified of the answer because if Webb asked or if she had any real information that said he was in trouble, she would of course help - which meant that he would help – which meant that he again could be put in the position to save Webb's life so that Mac could go back to him. "Did he ask for your help?"

"No. At least he hasn't yet." She was wringing her hands together. "I don't … you know Harm … I'm not going to wait for him." She stated emphatically.

"Mac." He didn't believe she meant that.

"I am serious – I meant everything I said to you last night." She was still a little fire eyed. "Webb's death – his fake death – this SECOND fake death may have cleared some of the debris from the road for us, but the road was already there with or without Webb."

"This is not about you and me." He snapped again trying to convince himself of that. "At least it doesn't have to be."

"It isn't." She took a moment and then asked weakly. "What am I supposed to do?"

He ran his hands through his hair. "Did you reply to the email?"

"No." She shook her head implying that she of course would not have done that with out talking to him first.

"Ok." He nodded.

"Should I?" She was puzzled.

"I think you need to." He offered gently.

"What am I supposed to say?" She was at a total loss.

"I don't know." He stepped back – he really didn't want to be the one to write the letters between them – in fact he didn't even want to know there were letters between them. "That is a tough call."

They were silent for a long moment.

"What are you thinking about all of this?" She asked.

"Well." He took his seat and studied her for a moment. "I never wanted Webb dead. Didn't like the man much – particularly after … well you know. I had nothing nice to say about him for a long time before that, but I didn't want him dead." He smiled up at her. "Which isn't to say that I didn't plan his death a hundred different ways."

"Harm." She scolded the jealous side of him.

"A man has to have his fantasies." He grinned. "So I am glad he is alive." He got serious. "He must be in some big trouble and that debriefing you went through was probably proof enough of that."

She nodded.

"But I really don't think we can do anything to help him until he asks for our help."

"OUR help?"

"Mac I won't let you go it alone." If he knew nothing else he knew that – regardless of the out come. "This has nothing to do with what happened last night between us. Webb is into something bad, and I won't see you hurt, not again, not if I can do anything to stop it."

"You would really do that?" She was touched that he would help her particularly with Webb.

"You have to ask?"

"No." She sat down next to him. "Thank you."

He nodded. "We could try to investigate – pretend like we are investigating his death – or Iyad what's-his-name Billy Bob Johnson's death."

"John Boy." She corrected.

"Right … but if we did it could be bringing unwanted attention on Webb. Putting him in greater danger."

"Very true." She shook her head slowly. "But to do absolutely nothing feels like we are waiting for a time bomb to go off."

"We still need to be sure that the e-mail actually came from him."

"Agreed."

Harm took a deep breath. He had to ask this next question. He thought he knew the answer, but he had to ask. "The fact that he is alive does have some bearing on us."

Mac knew that believing it didn't was too good to be true.

He continued. "Do you want to …?"

"No." She said a little too quickly. "I mean - no there is nothing …"

"I would understand if you felt that you needed to … you know … I don't know … finish … or whatever. You did care for him … do care for him." He swallowed hard. "You told me you loved him."

"I told you I loved you too."

He took her hand. "I know. But think about it Mac – for just a moment."

She nodded and let her eyes drop to the floor. "You would understand?" She asked tentatively thinking that he was offering to put their relationship on hold – AGAIN – in order for her to finish with Webb.

Harm felt a pain in his chest that he couldn't describe. He had to be honest. "If you said that you needed to try to work it out with him or somehow finish with him before you and I could …" He lost the words and sighed. "… I would try to understand. I wouldn't like it, but I would try to understand." He wouldn't tell her that it would finish them forever if she did. He wouldn't tell her that their friendship would forever be ruined if she went back to Webb even if it was just to find some closure.

She nodded slowly. Harm was a good and decent man even if he was lying for a good cause. He would understand and he would continue to help her, continue to help Webb. He might even lose that snide edge, but he would never trust her again. She knew that. She knew that even if he didn't. She took his hand and looked into his eyes. "I will tell you this again – and as often as you need to be reminded of it – what Webb and I had was not enough. I was coming to terms with that and would have ended it if he hadn't died. Just because he is alive – doesn't change that. It fact it reinforces for me how much I didn't want to be a part of that life."

He nodded. She sounded sincere enough.

"Harm …" She lost her voice. "What you and I have … what you and I have been building for years … everything we talked about last night … that is everything I could have hoped for in life – more than I hoped for." Tears fell from her eyes without her permission. "I can't lose you again … I screwed it up once before because of Webb and I won't do it again … not after we have come so far … please believe me." She cried.

He pulled her close. "I need you, Sarah." He whispered into her ear. The truth of that statement surprised him.

"I love you." She shut her eyes tightly fighting back the urge to breakdown in tears. "Don't let go … not now."

He held her more tightly.

"Please trust me." She said weakly.

His heart broke. He didn't know if he could, but he knew he wanted to trust her.


To: SpydersWebbatyahoocom

From: SarahMacKenzieatusnmilgov

Subject: RE: The reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.

Clay – Stay safe. Sarah