Sorry I lied to you all. The last chapter is over a week later than I had originally planned. I got side tracked with school starting and work and watching "GG" that I didn't have enough time to sit down and write my final chapter.
But without further ado here is the ending of "Disappointed". Something I know you will not be.
Rusty
He had a hard time falling asleep. He just could not stop thinking about tomorrow. The day when he would have to say goodbye to Jess.
It was going to be hard.
They were in a good place and he could not imagine losing him again.
You're not losing him Danes. He'll be back after the semesters over for sure and he said that he would try to drop by during his breaks. He wont be gone long. It's not goodbye this time. It's more like, 'see ya later' or 'catch ya on the flip side'. Which is so eighties that I can't believe I thought he would say something like that. I know what it is. It's 'later'. Yeah, that's a very Jess thing to say. 'Later'.
Lorelai shifting to her side snapped him out of his daze. He looked over at her facing him, a smile playing at the corners of her mouth. He smiled in return because her happiness had always been contagious. He hoped she was thinking about him, or the baby, or the family they would have and that Rory would one day have as well. God, he really loved her.
I really do.
And finally while watching and thinking about Lorelai he fell into sleep.
"Luke? Luke where are you?"
He could here her calling his name across the yard as he hid up high in his favorite Maple Tree. He would sit up there, just to get away. Away from the sadness, and the confusion, and the agony of it all.
When he had found out that she was sick he had come to this tree somewhere in the middle of the night, climbed the thick billowy branches blindly, until he found the small crook that he always sat in. He was strong in front of her, in front of Liz, in front of his dad. He was supposed to be a man; he was supposed to keep everything from falling apart. But while he was in his tree, he felt like a little boy. A little boy who cried, and clung to his knees to push away all the pain that he came from missing his childhood, the one he was raped of as soon as she came home from the doctor that day.
"Your not a kid anymore, Luke. You're a man. And a man stands up straight and takes what ever comes at him. You got that?"
He looked up at his dad with a few stray tears in his eyes and nodded his head with comprehension.
"Good. Now don't let your mom see you cry okay? It will just upset her further."
Luke stood up from the corner of the his father's hardware store in which he was sitting, dusted himself off, and stood up tall.
"That's my boy. Now go and start dinner, please."
Luke marched up the stairs with the knowledge that he was the only person who could keep his family together.
"Luke? Luke where are you?"
He climbed down from the tree and ran over to his mother. She was sitting on the front porch, a thick quilt over her legs, her eyes closed.
"You were calling me mom?"
She opened her eyes at the small boy in front of her. She wished it could all be different. She wished her son could have a real childhood. That he could experience life the way it was intended to be. But he wouldn't get that. Her own body was taking that all away from him. The life that she had promised he would have, was taken away by the same thing that had given him that promise.
"Sit with me." She didn't ask him. She knew he would no matter what.
He sat down on the wooden porch to the left of her chair. He watched her intently.
"Luke?"
Her blue eyes bore into his soul and he felt tears beginning to form. He quickly pushed them away and regarded her seriously.
"Yes mom?"
"I just wanted you to know…You're the best thing that ever happened to me." She stroked his cheek lovingly before closing her eyes and resting her head against the back of the chair. Luke nuzzled her hand and kissed it tenderly.
They sat there for hours.
The next day she was gone.
And the day after that so was the tree.
He had awoken early the next morning.
He found he couldn't sleep.
The sun wasn't even out when he rolled out of bed.
He thought of the tree immediately.
He wanted to crawl up it and cry until his father found him and forced him down.
But he knew he couldn't do that.
He had to do what was expected of him now.
He didn't want to disappoint her.
Not ever.
Especially not in death.
When he pulled on his jeans and T-shirt and made his way outside he had found that the morning air was unusually cool for a June morning and the grass was completely covered in dew. His shoes were soaked by the time he had reached the tool shed and he had removed them by the time he reached the tree.
He found the hatchet in his hand much heavier then it had been before when he and his father would cut wood for the fire before the first snowfall.
And as he stood in front of the beautiful tree, established alone in his yard, dark against the early morning light, he found the courage to bury the past and move on.
HACK…He had made a small cut into the trunk and the beige wood stood out against the mahogany bark.
HACK…HACK…HACK…Three hours later he had only a thin middle left. The sun was hot against his back now and he quickly removed his shirt to dab the sweat off of his face.
The sky was a lilac purple, the clouds were a bubble gum pink, and if he weren't trying to kill something inside of him, he would have been in awe by its beauty.
HACK…HACK…HACK…HACK…HACK…HACK…HACK!
And with that the tree began to fall, tumbling down into the thick and luscious grass below.
Luke, utterly exhausted, dropped the ax and sat on the fallen trunk, his knees spread apart his head bowed down, his hand clasped together. Anyone looking at him would have thought he was praying, but he wasn't, he was cursing. Cursing god, and his father, and his mother, and the world, anything he could think of to blame for causing him the pain he felt in his heavy heart.
But he didn't cry.
Even as he continued to chop his tree into firewood.
He never cried.
He didn't want his father or his mother to be disappointed in him.
After the funeral, later on that day, his father had asked him why he chopped down a perfectly good living tree.
Luke closed his eyes and shook his head in denial.
"That tree…was dead."
His father still didn't understand why, but he thought under the circumstances that pressing the issue would only create more complications in an already complicated situation.
He barely remembers what she was like now. He only has pieces of her in his mind. How she wore White Shoulders perfume. Or that she loved the color blue. That she had such beautiful long blonde curly hair and how he just loved to run his hands through it when she held him in her arms to comfort him from a bad dream. He remembers that she use to sing him to sleep. Simple folk and country like James Taylor or Johnny Cash or Patsy Cline. He remembers 'Baby James' and how she changed the words for him.
Goodnight you moonlight ladies.
Rock-a-bye Sweet baby Danes.
Deep greens and blues are the colors I choose.
Wont you let me go down in my dreams,
And rock-a-bye sweet baby Danes.
He would listen to his vinyl over and over and just remember her sweet voice, singing in his ear, as if she were still there. And in many ways she always would be. Every time he would look at Liz he'd see her smiling at him. Admiring his strength and his idealism. How he always kept moving on, even while the past kept catching up with him, and trying to drag him down.
As he got older, and wiser, he had regretted cutting down that tree. Allowing himself to make such a large change, to cause such longing and absence in his mind. Once his father had gone he found that he couldn't change anything. He was afraid to lose his parents all over again, to lose another piece of himself again. So, he kept his father's and mother's things. Some were packed away in trunks and shoeboxes, others out on display so that he could always remember, so that he could be that man. The man his parents wanted him to be. Strong, independent, caring, careful, and reflective.
He would never cut down something that was alive ever again.
It only left him disappointed.
He woke up the next morning with the sun peeking through the half drawn curtains and the strong scent of shower steam and shampoo.
Stumbling out of bed he made his way to the bathroom to relieve himself. He opened the door and stepped into the foggy bathroom.
Immediately he saw damp curls and a beautiful smile peek out of the shower curtain.
"Morning, babe." She said cuddling close to the plastic curtain.
He smiled back.
"Morning."
She went back to her shower as he went to the bathroom and quickly after he heard her voice echo against the tiles.
"What should we do today?"
He flushed the toilet and he heard her scream.
"Sorry, honey." Luke chuckled at the situation. She hated when he did that.
"You're not funny Mister."
"Yeah…yeah…Now what did you ask?" He washed his hands and dried them off before closing the toilet lid to sit down.
"What should we do today? You, me, Jess, and Rory?"
Hmm…Luke realized that he honestly didn't give it any thought.
"I don't know. Hadn't really thought about it."
She popped her head out once more, a confused look on her face.
"Really? Not at all?"
Luke shrugged and shook his head.
"Nope."
Was I supposed to?"Well, I'll just have to think up some master plan then."
Here we go.
"I guess we should ask Jess. It is his last day here."
She turned off the shower and climbed out grabbing a towel and wrapping it around her.
"Very true."
She began to brush her hair. Luke watched her intensely.
I wonder how I got to be so lucky.
"Luke?"
"Yeah?"
Lorelai set the brush on the counter top and walked over to him. She bent down and kissed him affectionately on the lips.
"I love you."
This woman…"Love you too."
Jess didn't come up with any ideas so Lorelai suggested that they go out on a picnic. The girls could eat and talk and do whatever while the guys went fishing or played some catch. The other three thought it wasn't a bad idea and they all drove down to the lake.
"Luke?"
"Yeah, dad?"
"Do you remember when we all came here the summer before your mom passed away?"
Luke smiled and nodded.
"Yeah."
William smiled as well, casting his line back into the water.
"Your sister was crying the entire time. Said she hated fish because they smelled so bad."
They both laughed.
"And your mom just kept catching fish like there was no tomorrow. Used up all the leeches and ended up with about five bass, all of which weighed over two pounds, while we had just a couple of babies, and some sad looking Sunfish."
"I kept getting my line caught in the trees. I was a horrible caster."
William toyed with his bobber as he noticed he was getting a bite.
"You weren't that bad. Just a little inexperienced."
His bobber went completely under but he failed to hook the fish.
"Missed him."
When he didn't get another bite he reeled in his line.
"It's starting to get dark. We should head in."
William stood up and grabbed his tackle box.
Luke looked up at him.
"I think I'm going to stay out here a bit longer. See if I can catch me a bass or two."
They smiled at each other before his father walked away into the darkened woods.
That was the last time they went fishing together.
"So, what do you have to do before you get back?" Luke played with his line, attempting to attract some fish to his lure.
"I have some reading to do. Economics. Not my favorite subject but defiantly a requirement."
Luke nodded and then looked over to the girls who were laughing almost violently as Lorelai wiped whipped crème off her face. Jess followed his gaze and they both chuckled quietly at the sight.
"So, you talked to Rory?"
He noticed Jess shift uncomfortably on the bridge.
He looks embarrassed.
"Yeah. We figured a few things out."
Luke reeled his line back in to check his bait.
They did?"Are you…I mean…You two aren't…together? Are you?"
He cast his line back out into the water before returning his gaze to his nephew.
"No. Were just friends again. We thought that it was for the best."
"It is." Luke confirmed, staring seriously a Jess.
"I know."
Good.
As they stood at the bus stop, under a dim yellow streetlight, they found it difficult to let go.
God this is hard.
Jess hugged him, Luke returned it, they patted each other's backs, and then they pulled away.
Luke mussed up his short hair before pushing him toward the bus.
"Keep in touch, Jess."
Jess smiled and nodded.
"I promise, I will. I wont disappoint you."
Luke looked down at the pavement and before returning his gaze and giving him an assuring smile.
"I know."
They waved goodbye to one another as the bus began to drive off.
This is beyond hard. Difficult. Impossible.
He stood there until he couldn't see the bus anymore. This time as he watched his nephew disappear into the darkness, he realized that he wasn't disappointed that he was leaving. He didn't feel like he had lost a part of himself like he did when he lost his mom, and his dad, and Liz. This time he knew only, that he was truly going to miss him. Miss him until he called again, or showed up at his door for Christmas or Thanksgiving. And he could live with that. Missing him was okay, but being completely void again, was a feeling he couldn't deal with. Not anymore.
"Daddy?" Blue sleepy eyes looked into his face as he held the little boy in his arms.
"Yeah, Will?" Luke asked brushing a dark curl away from his face.
"What were your mommy and daddy like? Were they like you and mommy?" Luke smiled and hugged his son closer to his side.
"They loved me just like your mommy and I love you." Will smiled and snuggled into Luke's chest.
"Will you sing me the lullaby?"
"Of course kiddo."
Goodnight you moonlight ladies.
Rock-a-bye Sweet baby Danes.
Deep greens and blues are the colors I choose.
Wont you let me go down in my dreams,
And rock-a-bye sweet baby Danes.
"Luke?"
He looked up at his sister standing with a three year old Jess in her arms.
"Yeah?"
"Will you watch him for awhile? I have to go to the store real quick."
"I can go to the store if you…"
"No, I got it. Can you just put him to bed please?"
She handed him the kid and quickly made her way out the door.
"Uncle Luke I'm not tired."
Luke smiled at him, as little Jess yawned and clutched his flannel shirt.
"You're not, huh?"
"Nope. Can you sing to me?"
"Sing to you?"
"Yeah…mom sings to me all the time."
Luke thought about it for a second.
"Okay, I'll sing to you."
Goodnight you moonlight ladies.
Rock-a-bye Sweet baby Danes.
Deep greens and blues are the colors I choose.
Wont you let me go down in my dreams,
And rock-a-bye sweet baby Danes.
"Uncle Luke? I'm not a Danes. I'm a Mariano."
"Maybe by name. But not right here."
He pointed to his heart and Jess giggled from the touch.
"You're weird Uncle Luke."
"I'll take that as a compliment."
"Will you keep singing?"
"Sure."
"Luke? Is he asleep?"
Lorelai made her way quietly into the room with a girl about the same age as Will in her arms.
"Yeah. Is she?" He whispered in return.
"Oh yeah. She can never stay awake during 'Titanic'. Ten minutes in and she's snoring like a truck diver. Which she gets from you, by the way."
She set the girl down in the bed next to Will's and tucked her in, grabbing a stuffed pink rabbit before placing it in her arms.
"Yeah well, Will kicks in his sleep. That he gets from you." Luke pointed.
She leaned down and kissed the top of her daughter's forehead.
"Night Jules."
She mumbled something in her sleep and hugged the bunny to her chest.
Luke stood up kissed his daughter's forhead,and thenkissed Lorelai softly on the lips before putting his arm around her and leading her out of the bedroom.
Before he closed the door he turned around to look at his kids one more time.
He realized then, that after all he had gone through, the ups, the down, the ins, the outs, after everything said and done, he was truly happy with the way things were, are, and will be.
He had everything he had ever wanted. And because of that, he would never be disappointed again.
THE END.
Well, I hope you all enjoyed this story. I'm moving on to my next one. It's going to be a Javajunkie that takes place after "The Big One". Lorelai and Max end up dating again and Luke finds himself very upset when she doesn't tell him about it.
Chapter One should be up by the end of the weekend!
Rusty
