Title: In A Garden

Chapter Four

By: LizD

Written: January 2004

Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew or creators. With love and thanks.

In A Garden – Part 4

"Chloe are you ready yet?" Mac called urgently to the back of the house. "The cab will be here any minute."

"I am ready," she said coming up to the door and dropping her bags down.

"Do you have Hailey's book?"

"Yes, Yes!" Chloe snapped back in frustration.

Mac was anxious and irritable. She checked her watch again.

"This is starting out to be a hell of a vacation," Chloe griped. "When do we get to relax?"

"On the plane," Mac stated firmly.

"What are you so worried about?"

"I am not worried."

"You look worried," she pressed.

"I don't like flying, never have."

"I think you are more worried about the destination rather than how we are getting there."

"What?"

"Come on Mac. We could have gone on vacation any where, but you chose San Diego and you chose to stay with him."

"What's your point?"

"My point is -." Just then a loud horn blast came from the street.

Mac yelled. "HAILEY LET'S GO!"

About an hour into the flight Mac was finally able to settle down. Chloe was watching the movie and Hailey had fallen asleep in her lap. Mac leaned back in her seat and tried to imagine the weeks to come. Her CO had insisted that she take two weeks. That was nice (read: not nice at all). Actually he had suggested four and told her he would not put her on the docket until he heard that she was back in town.

Hailey was excited, but an almost three-year-old would get excited about going to the grocery store.

Chloe thought time away from Washington and Alan was the best idea Mac had in a long time. She was less impressed with the destination and the accommodations. She agreed to go for Hailey. Mac told her – in no uncertain terms – that she was going on vacation and not to be Hailey's nanny. This was her vacation too. Chloe tried to get into it, but despite her best efforts, she was pissed that HE – the great Harmon Rabb - had succeeded in forcing his way back into Mac's life. Chloe didn't trust him and didn't understand his reason for the invitation. What was he going to get out of it? She knew why Mac took him up on it. Mac was a sucker when it came to Harmon Rabb.

Chloe only thought she knew why.

Originally, Mac had no intention of accepting Harm. It was ridiculous to even consider it. It fact she was going to cancel the trip all together. Harriet forced her to reconsider. Mac had mentioned it to Harriet in a can-you-believe-he-would-suggest-such-an-absurd-thing manner. Harriet knew that it was not an absurd thing nor was it out of character for him. Harriet went on and on about how nice his house was and how little it would really imposition him; not that she was uninvited to the Roberts. She reiterated how much Harm had changed over the years.

"He would not have offered if he weren't sincere," she defended.

"We have not spoken in four years," Mac protested. "And we hardly left as friends. How could I possibly think of sharing a house with him after all this time?"

"Maybe it would give you two time to talk."

"We have nothing in common."

"Raising children as single parents for starters."

"Harriet – this is silly to even think about."

"Mac, honey," maternal Harriet stated firmly. "There always was and there always will be something deeper between you and Harm. What you two choose to do with it is your business and I am not advocating anything, but --."

"But?"

"But you clearly are finding interest in this offer on some level."

"Morbid curiosity," Mac said dryly.

"Whatever it is – you should go for it," Harriet went on. "Time alone with him might mend some of those old wounds."

"Or just rip them back open again."

That was Mac's biggest fear: the ripping open of old wounds and dropping back into old stances. She was worried that some how, in some way, in some fashion, they each would take up the old games they used to play. Harm was the master at making her act and react defensively and offensively. She didn't want her daughter to see that side of her. She tried to reassure herself that she was not the woman she was. Not anymore. And the odds of Harm raising that side of her up from the dead were slim to none; but if anyone could resurrect the old Mac it would be Harmon Rabb. She kept repeating to herself that she was different now – regardless of the changes that Harm had made in his life – she was different.

The day he left, the way he left, purged something inside of her. As much as she pushed him away back then – firmly and decisively, there was always a little piece of her that hoped that he wouldn't go, hoped that he would keep himself tied to her. But when she heard about his plans to leave JAG and not come back – the hopes were over and there was no one to blame but herself. If she hadn't found out at AJ's party, he probably would have left without saying good-bye. There was a rift between them that was impossible to cross. It was that knowledge and the statement he made about having no intention of following through on that deal that let her know that it was finally over. She was a little sad and missed him for a while, but it was more out of habit than anything else. She was relieved when it was over. She was ready to move on.

The transfer to Quantico came at a perfect time. She wasn't looking to get out of JAG, but it was a welcome change. She met Alan on her first day. Her first impression was that he looked like Harm, so he must be just like him. She wrote him off in the first five minutes. But after ten she realized that the two men had nothing in common. Nothing at all. Mac was drawn to him and actually pursued him – a change for Mac. She didn't have to pursue that hard. Both Alan and Mac were primed and ready for what was to follow, at least for the fist year and a half. They had similar backgrounds and were fighting similar dragons. Alan chose to go the psychological route. He was in the behavioral sciences division at the FBI: a profiler if you will. Alan wanted to understand why and figure out the puzzle, Mac just wanted to master the situation – the why's and how's were unimportant. That was the biggest difference and the biggest strength of their relationship. They were a match. A good match. Sadly for Mac, Alan's staying power was not what it should have been for a husband and a father. He wasn't a bad man. There was just no black and white for him – only shades of gray.

Chloe looked over at Mac. Her hands were spread across her now flat again abdomen and she was twisting the place on her left hand that used to hold her white gold band. She looked so sad.

"Mac?" Chloe said softly.

Mac was pulled back to reality. "What is it, honey?"

Chloe reached over and took her hand. "This vacation will be good for you."

"I hope it is good for all of us," she smiled sadly and reached out to take the girl's hand. "We need a good time."

Harriet had picked Mac and crew up at the airport. Harm and Harriet planned to have a little BBQ at Harm's house on the day they arrived so there would not be any more schlepping for the travelers. Alexander, David, Jimmy, AJ and Cassia were all there to greet Hailey upon her arrival at the Rabb residence. Hailey was not a timid child and met her new 'cousins' with great joy. The kids got along famously. Harm had also invited Mrs. Johnson (the baby sitter from down the street), her new boyfriend and her granddaughter, Mariana (a young woman Chloe's age). It was very nice. Everyone had someone to talk to. Mac was grateful that she didn't have to deal with Harm one-on-one right away. The guests were made very comfortable and went to bed early. As Mac let herself drift off to sleep she congratulated herself on making it through the day and tried to convince herself that the trip was going to be fine.

The next day was AJ's birthday. Harriet had really out done herself. Nine of AJ's friends were invited as well as a few of Jimmy's. Naturally Hailey, David and Alexander (who was now demanding to be called Zander which was what Hailey had dubbed him) were in attendance. Many of the parents of the other children came and stayed to help out. All of them were Navy and most of them were affiliated with the JAG office. Everyone knew everyone else and Mac was made to feel very at home. Harm of course being ex-Navy took a lot of good-natured razzing from the adults. Chloe came and acted the big sister to all the kids, playing and organizing games and keeping them generally entertained.

At one point, Harm noticed Mac just watching from a distance with a sweet smile on her face. Hailey was having a blast in the pool under AJ's watchful eye (who was under Chloe's watchful eye). Mac was so impressed that a nine year old with a ton of friends around on HIS DAY would take so much time with her little girl.

"They are good kids," Harm's voice drifted up softly next to her. "Better than I was at that age."

"I don't remember being that young," Mac smiled.

"I'll bet you were a beautiful baby," he smiled broadly and sang the next line. "'Cause baby, look at you now."

She smiled back. "Think I was more the ugly duckling type."

"I can't believe that."

She nodded to Chloe. "Look at her. She is so good with kids."

"Never would have guessed it from the rotten kid she was."

"Hey," Mac defended and then relented. "She was a brat wasn't she?"

Harm just nodded.

"Thank you for introducing her to Mariana."

"Mariana is a great young woman. She helps her grandmother a lot and with the boys too. It is like I get two for one."

"The boys like her," she stated. "Kids need a female influence at that young age."

Harm looked down and away. He knew she didn't mean it as a slam, but it was still hard sometimes to know that his children's mother was incapable of giving.

"Hey, I'm sorry."

"Not your fault," he put up his hand. "We all survive in this imperfect world and with enough love, it won't matter that we didn't get the normal life."

"We both turned out OK," she said.

"I think so."

A water balloon landed at Harm's feet. He looked down into the smiling face of Jimmy – the terror. "Of course you know, little man – this means war." Two more balloons crashed at his feet tossed by his sons. Harm was off. Mac watched as he played with the boys. Lots of laughing and smiling. It was hard to believe he was the same man she knew all those years ago.

The week wore on. Harm got up every morning and did his morning routine. He made breakfast and lunch for himself the boys; only this week he included Mac, Chloe and Hailey. Chloe and Mac always offered to take the boys for the day or to clean up, but Harm refused. It was their vacation. On Thursday morning; Mac would not take NO for an answer.

"We are planning on going to the Zoo and the Wild Animal Park."

"If you are sure."

"We are. In fact AJ, Jimmy and Cassia are coming too."

"That is a lot of kids for two such frail women," he goaded – mainly directed at Chloe.

"Mariana is joining us," Chloe jumped in as she was clearing the table. "Not that we couldn't handle it alone – being girls and all."

"Wouldn't want you to over tax yourself, Chlo," he smiled back at her. "Cut into all that nail filing, hair curling, boy talking time."

"Rabb -," she looked at the boys looking up at her. "I'll hash this out with you later."

He laughed. He had been trying so hard with Chloe since she came. He knew her concerns – hell he had them for himself – but he was really trying to let her know that his intentions were not to tear Mac's life apart. In fact he was still unsure what his intentions were, but they were in no way to ruin or change Mac's life. Again, maybe the hero Harm was back only this time he was not saving her as much as distracting her during a difficult time.

On his way out he offered to meet them for dinner – his treat – but again, Mac refused and said that she didn't know where they would be and that they may not even be home for dinner. She was loving the idea that she was controlling this situation. Harm had to trust her. He did.

That afternoon someone came see Harm without an appointment.

"Mr. Rabb, I am Dr. Wallen," the man extended his hand. "I am Linda's psychiatrist."

Harm was instantly annoyed. He motioned for the doctor to sit down mainly because he needed to sit down himself. "Why are you here, doctor?"

"I need to discuss Linda's treatment with you," the doctor said flatly.

Harm was confused.

"And I guess the mountain had to come to Mohammad." The irritation in the doctor's voice was clear as a bell.

"You need to speak with Linda's father," he shut him down.

"You are her husband and --."

"WAS … Was is the operative word," Harm corrected. "And then it was in name only."

"I'm sorry." The doctor's superiority vanished. "I understood that you have children."

"We do."

"I don't understand."

"Look, doctor, I don't mean to be insensitive but I am not the one to help Linda get back on her feet."

"She has been talking about you and the children – twins – as I understand it. Boys – age three."

"They are not quite two."

"I see, well she would like to make the marriage work," the doctor pressed.

At that Harm stood up. "Enough."

"Mr. Rabb, Mrs. Rabb needs your help."

"She is not Mrs. Rabb. The marriage was annulled."

"Why am I feeling such resistance from you about your wife's metal health?"

"She is not my wife."

"She is the mother of your children."

Harm forced himself to remain calm. "Do you know that you are the sixth or seventh doctor in as many months."

"I have only started working with Linda recently and I do know that she had trouble finding a therapy that would work for her."

"I go through this with each one of them," he sighed. "You need to get her files."

"Why don't you tell me what you think I need to know?"

"I don't have time for this," he dialed a number he knew by heart. "Walter Lawson, please. . . . Rabb, Harmon Rabb . . . Walter? I have a new doctor here in my office. I want you to tell him why I am not the person to be discussing Linda's treatment plan with. . . . Now, Walter."

Harm handed the phone over to the doctor and left the office. On his way out he realized that his door was open and that Harriet heard every word. She gave him a sympathetic smile but he would have none of it.

The day never picked up for Harm. He was playing phone tag with Mac all day, and eventually gave up trying to reach her and just told her when he would be home. He had another conversation about Linda with her father, Walter, but he still didn't feel like he was being heard.

When he walked in the door, Mac was in the kitchen and the kids were in the TV room watching animal planet. They apparently didn't get enough animals in one day. The house was uncharacteristically calm and inviting. Whatever Mac was cooking smelled great.

"I'm sorry have you been cleared in the kitchen?" He asked looking into a pot of something on the stove.

"Vegetarian Chili," she answered his question before he could even ask. "And yes, I have been cleared on KP."

"Did you have fun today?"

"We had a great time. I am sorry that you couldn't join us."

"Me too," he started picking the radishes out of the salad until she slapped his hand. "Were the boys well behaved or was there a lot of 'wait 'til your father gets home' threats?"

"David and Zander were perfect. Jimmy needs to have a little time behind the woodshed."

"Corporal punishment, Mac? I am surprised at you."

"OK, how about bread and water for a week. He is a hellion."

"He is going through a phase – middle child thing. At least that is what Bud keeps telling me," he smiled. "Is that corn bread I smell?"

"It is. Go wash up for dinner and get the kids."

He pulled a very blue-collar voice from his belly. "That's what I like, my food on the table when I gets home from a hard day," he grabbed her around the waist and pulled her close. "Come here woman."

He was just about to kiss her when he realized who he was and who she was. He let her go, grabbed another radish from the salad and slipped away. Mac just laughed. Finally she had gotten him to drop his guard for just a moment.

After dinner Chloe came into the room to grab the keys. She was headed out. "I'm gone."

"Have fun, honey," Mac called after her.

"Where is she going?" He asked.

"Concert or something. Not sure."

"Who with?"

"Mariana invited her."

Harm put down the dishtowel he was using and followed after Chloe.

He caught up to her in the garage. "Do you know where you are going?" he called after her.

"I can read a map, Harm," she sneered back at him.

"Uh huh," he said. "Do you have a cell phone?"

"I am not some dumb kid, Rabb. I am nearly twenty one."

"Nearly and not quite."

"Yes I have a cell phone. Yes I know your number, Mac's number and I can dial 911 with the best of them."

He scanned her up and down. She was too young and too scantily clad to go out like that. Harm said a quick thank you to the powers that be that he had boys and not girls.

"WHAT?" She accused.

"I am assuming that there will be young men where you are going."

"Not going to a convent, commander."

"And drinking?"

She nodded – there was no smart remark to that.

"Will you be drinking?"

"No," she said flatly, but she was sincere.

"Ok," he pulled the keys to his Vette out of his pocket. "Have a good time, be safe – call if you need to – no questions asked."

"You are letting me drive your corvette?"

"Don't make me regret it."

She spied him suspiciously for a moment. "Why do I feel like I was just given a quarter to go to the movies so you could be alone with Mac."

"I can't say." That was not his intent. If he had an intent, it was to win Chloe's friendship back.

"If there is a towel on the door, don't come in?" She asked smugly.

"Don't be crude. It doesn't become you. It never did," he said firmly. "You are too young and too lovely to be this hostile. You need to give some people the benefit of the doubt."

"Like you?"

"Like yourself," he turned and called over his shoulder. "Have a good time."

The boys were beat and fell asleep right after dinner. Hailey was right behind them. When Mac had returned from putting Hailey down, Harm had built a fire and opened all the windows and doors. The wind was blowing off the ocean and sent a cool crisp summer chill through the house.

"Even in these hills, it still feels like we are right on the water," Mac said.

"I guess there are times when I miss being at sea," he motioned toward all the open windows. "Not like being there, but as close as I can get these days."

"I put the water on for tea."

"That would be nice, thanks."

When she got back he was at the edge of the yard looking toward the horizon. He was lost in thought. She joined him tentatively.

"Harm? Do you want some time by yourself?" She asked.

"No, no, please. He moved to make room for her at his post," he took the offered cup of tea. "I love this spot. Come here all the time at night when the house is quiet or in the morning before the boys get up."

"I can see why."

"It has been very nice having you here, Mac."

"For us too," she swallowed hard. "It will be difficult to leave on Saturday."

"So, stay."

"Stay?"

"Yeah, I have had almost no time to talk to you."

"Hard to do with twins."

"Brushing my teeth is hard to do with twins," he noticed that she shivered. "Come on, let's go inside."

They sat down on the couch. "So tell me, Mac. What is going on with you?"

"You see it."

"Chloe had told me before you decided to come to San Diego that you and Alan were trying to work it out."

"Not really trying."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too. He is a good man with a good heart – he just never learned how to take responsibility."

"It takes discipline."

"And a lot of hard work," she laughed. "How is Linda?"

"I really can't talk about her tonight," he said sharply, then turned to her with a sad smile. "I'm sorry. You don't deserve that. Linda is making life as difficult as she can for herself."

"And you too?"

"Yeah," he steeled his spine. "Well as much as she can. As much as I will let her."

They were silent for a long while. Harm broke the silence with a laugh.

"What is so funny?"

"We are," he continued to laugh. "Look at us. Four years later drinking tea, talking like adults while our kids are sleeping in the other room."

"Why is that funny?"

"I don't know. I just seems funny to me. You and I could barely agree on anything much less sit calmly in a room and not fight."

"Did we fight?"

"It was more like banter – but there were a few times when you were really mad at me."

"And a few more when you had nothing nice to say about me."

"But I always loved you." The words came out before he knew it. They startled him, but he made no attempt to reel them back.

"I know you did," she said when she was sure he was not going to recant.

"I wish I had known that about you," he looked down.

"You didn't?"

"Maybe, but not the way I wanted you to."

"How did you want me to?"

He looked up into her eyes, leaned over and put his hand behind her neck and pulled her toward him. He waited to be sure that she was not going to pull away. She wasn't. He kissed her: once, twice and a third time. That was the one which shot desire – old and new – through each of them. It ended reluctantly. He placed his cheek next to hers and inhaled the moment.

"Daddy," a little voice called from the doorway. "Daddy, I need to go to the bathroom."

Harm kissed her cheek quickly and pressed her hand and went to help his son. When he returned Mac was not in the living room. She was outside at his post watching the horizon. He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. She nestled back into him.

"Do you know what our problem was?" she asked.

"I have a list about a mile long," he responded. "But would love to hear your assessment."

"Bad timing."

He thought for a moment. Thought about Linda and the haranguing that would not end soon. He thought about Alan and the fact that she had just made a decision to divorce her husband little less than a month ago. Then there were the three thousand miles between them and three children to consider.

"Seems like that will continue to be the story of US," he pulled her closer.

She turned in his arms and he released his hold. "I'm sorry," she said sadly.

"Me too."

She started to walk away, but he held onto her hand. "Does this mean you are going to leave on Saturday?"

"Shouldn't I?"

"No."

"You want us to stay?"

"For as long as you want to."

"Harm?"

He shook his head and put his other hand up in a surrender pose. "No strings, I enjoy having you here," he nodded to the house. "And the boys like you too."

"Maybe a few more days."

"Can I take you to dinner on Saturday night – an adults' dinner – leave the kids with a sitter or locked in a closet."

She smiled. "Is that a good idea?"

"We'll invite Bud and Harriet," he finally let go of her hand. "Your honor is safe."

"It is not my honor that I am worried about."

He cocked his head as if to ask what.

She pointed to her heart.

"That is safe too."

She nodded and retreated into the house.