Title: Old Friends
Chapter Eight
By: LizD
Written: June/July 2004
Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew or creators. With love and thanks.
Old Friends - Chapter Eight
Are There Are Rocks Ahead? If There Are, We'll All Be Dead.
1818 EST – MondayBenzinger's
"Commander Rabb." The waiter called over to him. "I'm sorry, but the order never got placed. We can put it in now and it will be ready in twenty minutes."
Harm checked his watch. He was already running fifteen minutes late. He still needed to run home and get Mattie and be at the school at 2000. "Fine." He growled. "Skip the salmon."
"I'm sorry sir."
Harm nodded. "I'll be in the bar." He turned away. "Eating pretzels for dinner - apparently." He said under his breath.
It was the Monday after Mac's procedure. Things were fine – better than fine – while she was laid up. Harm took care of her, watched over her and was incredibly nice to her but he did not hover. Mac was not the best patient in the world, and Harm seemed to know just the right amount of attention and space to give. They had a few good conversations but most of them were about the past not the future. Mattie and Jennifer were around of course, so that put a damper on our couple from getting too personal, but it was a nice family environment, lots of genuine love and laughing. Mac felt very at home and Harm didn't mind the couch as much as he pretended he did. It was nice.
Since Mac was reporting for duty the next day, she checked herself out of Rabb Recovery Center and went home. Harm had offered to pick up dinner for them before he had to go to the last parent-teacher's conference of the year. He was actually looking forward to talking to Mattie's teachers; she had a marked improvement in the last quarter. But because of the screw up at the restaurant he was going to miss dinner with Mac. This was what happened when the priorities in life collide.
He made a beeline to the bar and called to Joe the bartender. "Bourbon, straight up … make it a double." He thought again. "Wait … belay that order … Iced Tea." He sighed; he was not about to talk to Mattie's teachers with alcohol on his breath. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed Memory One. "Mac … I am running late … even more late than that … they didn't put the order in … twenty minutes … no, it is fine, it just means that I can't eat with you. … You will not order pizza. … I'm sorry. … No, it's not, but I am still sorry. … I'll see you in a twenty minutes … fine, twenty-eight minutes." He smiled. She could make him smile at nothing these days; that felt new.
It had been a very tough day at JAG. The admiral has put his foot down with the SecNav the previous week; he was missing too much of the baseball season. He had slipped away – again – with no fanfare. Captain Sebring showed up that morning with no warning. He had been assigned as the interim JAG. The Captain knew all the players and was actually passing out assignments fairly. Of course it was just his first day.
It had finally been announced that Admiral Janet Schnarr was being confirmed as the new JAG. Her most recent assignment was as a PolySci professor at Annapolis. But she had served in various capacities all over Washington and had seen some active duty during the Gulf War; indeed she had held many positions in her long career including a tour at JAG when she was a commander. She was always a lawyer first. No one knew anything about her personally and her reputation was for being a little unorthodox in her approach yet by the book in her decisions. She would be an interesting leader for the JAG family. She should take over the reins in a couple of weeks.
Harm drained his tea and stuffed more pretzels in his mouth.
"May I join you?" A familiar voiced called from behind Harm.
Harm turned so see Gates Madden smiling at him. He swallowed hard. "Dr. G!" He stood and pulled the stool out for her. "We have to stop meeting like this."
"People will say we are in love." She returned, taking the offered stool.
"Are you meeting someone?" He asked.
She smiled. "I met you."
Harm took note of the evasive answer but chose not to comment. "May I buy you a drink?"
"That depends … where's your girlfriend?"
Harm hadn't even thought of Mac as his girlfriend and he certainly wouldn't call her that to anyone else or to her. "She's home, waiting for dinner to be delivered."
"And you are the delivery boy?" She said. "Did they break the mold with you, Rabb?" She said with a fake sincerity.
"Most people think that is a good thing." He nodded to the bartender to take Gates' order.
"Cranberry and Soda." She turned back to Harm. "So how's My Lady Mac doing today?"
"OK, I think. She's moving slowly, but she's a marine." He liked talking about Mac with someone. "I'll probably never know how much pain she is really in."
"Mac is a strong woman." Gates confirmed.
"Strongest woman I have ever met." He agreed.
Gates' face washed with concern and her voice became very serious. "Don't assume that she is unbreakable, Rabb."
"Meaning what?" He asked.
"Meaning that everyone has his or her breaking point." She got a distant look in her eye. "And some people keep going after theirs until it's too late. They can neither save themselves or be saved by anyone else."
The conversation turned and Harm turned with it. "Are you talking about Mac or you?"
Gates looked back at him and tried to read what was behind his eyes. "I wonder." She said softly.
He cocked his head. "Wonder?"
"Are you that perceptive or do you just ask good questions?"
"Doesn't one presuppose the other?" He volleyed back.
"Perception doesn't end with asking the right questions … you need to hear the answers."
"I didn't hear yours." It was no game.
"And you won't … that is an answer in and of itself."
Harm shifted his position uncomfortably and checked his watch. He still had ten minutes. He turned his attention back to Gates. "Gates, is there something you want to say to me?"
"I don't know you well enough to say what I want say." She looked away.
"Pretend that you do." He encouraged.
His confrontational style was new to her and she didn't know if she liked it. She was usually the one who did the confronting. She studied him for a moment before she spoke. "I just got Mac back in my life … I won't lose her again …"
"Is this where you ask what my intentions are?" He offered.
"I know what your intentions are." She stated firmly. "And I can tell that you think you love her very much."
His eyes narrowed in defense. He more than THOUGHT he loved Mac. Who the hell was this woman and what was she accusing him of?
"Don't be casual with her." Gates continued.
"Casual." He restated.
"Don't take her for granted … don't assume that you both see things through the same pair of rose colored glasses."
He smirked. "Rose colored what?" It was absurd to think that either Harm or Mac had washed over the issues in their relationship.
Gates shut him off. "Again, I don't know you, nor do I know what your understanding of Mac really is … How much of that razor sharp perception of yours was turned toward her? Or yourself. Or if you actually listen to the answers."
Harm opened his mouth to speak, but she stopped him again.
"Only you and she know that answer to that – and it will always be that way. But just because you have a long and sordid history and your future looks bright … don't be causal with her. Don't believe that the worst is behind you or that you survived so much that you can coast through the rest."
Harm thought of a number of responses. But in the end there was only one thing to say. "Message received, doctor." He no longer liked talking about Mac or his relationship with Gates.
She smiled and shrugged trying to recover some of that playful nature that she normally showed. "You don't like me now." She accused.
"You are woman who speaks her mind." At the moment he didn't like her, but he had to respect her feelings and her relationship with Mac.
"A trait you are familiar with – somewhat less however as it concerns Mac." She turned it back on him.
Ouch … that was a hit. "You don't know me, Gates. From our one conversation, or anything that you have heard from Mac … or anything you may have even heard from Webb or gleaned from my CIA file …"
"I didn't read your file."
"Regardless … you don't know me."
She nodded to his assertion. "I have the benefit of others' perspectives which are colored with their own motivations and I have some chosen facts – but no, I don't know you."
"A lot will happen between me and Mac – not all of it will be good … a lot has already happened … but taking her for granted … treating her casually – your term – isn't even in the realm of possibility."
"Until that changes," she acknowledged. "I'll have to take you at your word."
"Fine." He said but that is not what he wanted to say.
"Commander," the waiter came over with two dinners to go. "This is on us, we apologize for the wait."
Harm didn't want them to buy him dinner and he didn't want the salmon. "That isn't necessary."
"It was totally our fault and you are one of our best customers. Please … allow us." The waiter leaned in. "I put a piece of chocolate cake in there for the colonel, too. Shhh." He walked away to avoid further argument from Harm.
The nice easy night he had planned for himself was fading fast. He turned to his companion. "Do you like salmon, Gates?" He asked abruptly.
"I have been known to eat the pink fish."
"What are you doing for dinner tonight?"
"I'm free."
"Good … join Mac for dinner … on Benzinger's." He raised the bag.
"Alright."
"Good." He stood up. "Do you know where she lives?"
"I'll follow you."
Harm motioned for her to lead the way out of the restaurant.
1848 EST – Monday
MacKenzie Apartment, Georgetown
Harm knocked and let himself in with the key. He told Mac not to walk around too much but he had little hope of her resting much at home. Gates followed him in.
"Hey, Mac. I brought a surprise for you."
Mac came out of the bedroom. She wasn't moving as slowly as she had been, she was really trying to be well – or at least pretend to be well. "A surprise? …Gates!" She was shocked to see her friend.
"Ran into your boy here at take out … told me that you needed a dinner companion." Gates stepped up to her to hug her hello. "How you feeling there, girlfriend?"
Mac winced a little at the hug. "Great. I'm great. I'm glad you're here."
Harm witnessed the whole thing. "I'll put this in the kitchen." He offered.
"No, no." Gates took the bag from him. "Allow me." She left.
"You ran into her at Benzinger's?" Mac asked.
"Yeah." Harm was still a little unnerved by the conversation with Gates. Somehow he felt that she would lobby against him with Mac. He was not prepared for that kind of interference.
"Harm?"
"Hey, are you going to be OK here by yourself?" He smiled at her. "Your bed is still available at…"
"Harm, I am fine." She replied. "You need to stop sleeping on the couch."
"It is a king sized bed Mac." He smiled slyly at her.
"I am aware of that."
"Big enough for … I don't know … say two?" He grinned.
She took his hand. "Not what the doctor had in mind."
"Probably not, but I don't want to be across town if you need anything."
"I'll be fine. You can stop taking care of me, Harm."
He pulled her to him. "Do I have to?"
She welcomed his embrace without a wince. "Just on this one point."
He was happy; it was nice being easy with her. It felt so much more natural. "Hey, I have to go. I need to pick Mattie up."
"Ok. I'm sorry you missed dinner."
"Yeah, me too." He walked her toward the door. "I should be home some time after 2200, if you are still up."
"I'll be up. I'll give you a call."
"I'd like that."
"I changed the sheets on your bed." She offered.
"Mac … I could have done that."
"And I left you a little something in your fridge." She smiled.
"Well it can't be food … you ate me out of house and home." He smiled. "Between you and Mattie I am not sure who can put more away."
"Go." She pushed him toward the door. "Before you say something you'll regret."
He stopped by the door and looked down into her smiling face. "It was really nice having you, Sarah."
"Thank you."
"I could get used to having you around." He leaned down and kissed her softly. "I want to get used to having you around." He flashed on Gates' warning about taking Mac for granted. He should have phrased that differently.
"You might regret that someday." She warned playfully.
"Not a chance." He kissed her again and called over her shoulder. "Good night Gates."
Gates stepped back into the living room; she had clearly over heard them. "Night, Commander. I'll take care of our lady tonight."
Harm didn't like that, but was forced to accept it. He nodded to her warily. With one final squeeze of Mac's hand he was gone.
"So." Mac turned her attention to Gates. "You ran into him, huh? Are you sure you weren't TRYING to run into him?"
"Now what would make you think something like that?" She laughed.
"Because I told you that Harm was picking up dinner for us at Benzinger's - a restaurant up until 1500 you had no idea existed."
"You might have planted a seed … but I was there to met my number one Ex."
"Who conveniently stood you up. What a surprise." Mac passed her on the way to the dining room. "Isn't you Number One Ex in Detroit?"
"North Dakota." Gates said. "Look MacKAY … I needed to get another feel for him … Our first meeting wasn't enough to give me an idea of what he is made of."
"So you are testing him?
"I'm talking to him."
"With an agenda … you are playing with fire." Mac warned.
"Maybe a little."
"Stop it and wait for a proper invitation to dinner with us."
"I needed to see him alone."
Mac turned to her friend. "Look Gates … I love you … you know I do … having you take in interest in my relationships is different for me … but there is nothing you can tell me about Harm that I don't know."
Gates smiled. "Would it surprise you to know that he was flirting with the bartender?"
Mac laughed. "The day that Harmon Rabb flirts with Joe the bartender is the day I become a nun."
Gates laughed. "Ok, Ok … Can I just say one thing?"
"I couldn't stop you."
"I like him. I really do. He is not afraid of a challenge and he doesn't back down when faced with opposition."
"I could have told you that."
"Sadly … I may have pushed too hard and now he doesn't trust me much. In fact I am not sure he likes me any more."
"He will. When he knows you better. But if you tried to warn about how to behave with me – you just set yourself up for a bit of a battle."
"I guess I did."
"He'll come around … but trust that I know what I am doing."
"If you love him … then I will do my best to make him like me."
"Good." Mac smiled. "Let's eat … I am starving."
Mac went into the kitchen to set up the dinners. Gates was left alone her mind reeling with the news she had heard that day and her meeting with Harm and Mac's statement that she knew what she was doing. It was not Gates' responsibility to protect Mac, and she knew that Mac wouldn't want her to – but the news that she was getting was disturbing and she couldn't figure out how to tell Mac to be careful. There were rocks ahead … more like boulders, and if Harm were not up to the challenge, Mac would have to face them alone – well not alone, Gates would be there. But all this intel was classified and Gates could not – should not reveal it.
"Gates." Mac called from the kitchen. "Are you going to help me with this?"
"Yes." She shook it all away. She would do all that she could to help Mac.
The next two weeks flew by; before our heroes knew it the follow up with the doctor was the following day. It was supposed to have been a slow two weeks filled with lots of time for easy, honest conversations about the future, the past and the present. Harm didn't want to rush the decisions or the discussions but he knew what he wanted and assumed that Mac wanted the same or very similar. The two weeks would have been a nice comfortable time to get used to each other at work and at home and make some plans.
Harm was sent TAD to the Patrick Henry for a several days, which turned into seven. They did keep in contact via e-mail – more newsy than personal and not conducive to discussing the weighty topics on their agenda – but always signed with love. Any real conversations had to wait until he got back. As it was, Harm had to push to get back in town in time. He arrived the night before just in time to send Mattie off to her father's for the weekend, and to peal Jennifer off the ceiling. She believed that Sebring didn't like her and would convince the new JAG to send her back out to sea. Harm finally made it to Mac's apartment sometime around 2030 - 2100.
Harm had a laundry list of topics to discuss. The first one of course was a baby. Should they try immediately or wait. Harm saw no reason to wait. And that was the end of that for him. It wasn't so much that he wanted to have a Rabb child to carry on the family name, he knew from Mattie that he could love any child as if he or she were his own. He did like the idea of seeing Mac pregnant and seeing her through the pregnancy. She would be stunning; he knew it. But the other thought he had was that if she were not able to conceive, then they should start the wheels rolling toward adoption. All he knew for sure was that he wanted to be with Mac and he wanted a family and there was no reason to wait. Of course Harm was not dealing with the stuff that Mac had been dealing with for the past year, so it was easy for him to think that. His past year was spent regaining lost ground and making a home for Mattie not dealing with killing an enemy at close range, failing at another relationship and dealing with that fall out.
The second item on his agenda was their duty stations. If they were going to have a baby together then one of them would need to leave JAG. It made sense for that to be Harm, but on the other hand maybe Mac was ready for some time off. She would need time at the end of her pregnancy and at least for the first few months after the baby was born. So maybe it should be Mac and they could revisit the situation when she was ready to go back to work. Harm had some minor concern that he or she could get transferred out of Washington, but he forced that completely out of his mind. They had come too far to allow something like distance to interfere with them being together. It was a matter of priorities. This time he was sincerely prepared to walk away from the Navy, if that was what it took.
Third, the living arrangements needed to be addressed. Harm was including Mattie in all his thinking even though he was not sure if she was going to stay with him or not. It didn't matter any way; he always wanted to have a room for her no matter what happened. She would always have a place in his life. Mac and he, of course, would live together – they were having a baby. So he would have to continue to look for a house. Neither apartment would do and that two-apartment thing was just silly. He had totally romanticized what his house would be like, which was why it was so difficult to find one he liked.
Finally, they would get married. Harm assumed that was understood. He would ask her and do the whole ring/down-on-one-knee thing, but that was just window dressing. Honestly he didn't care when or where or how then tied the knot, for all intents and purposes, they were a unit for life – at least in his mind.
In the front of his mind, he had allowed for the fact that Mac might have some input on to all of these discussions and he was willing to consider other options, but in the back of his mind it was cut and dried. Again the discussions were just a formality.
2118 EST – ThursdayMacKenzie Apartment, Georgetown
She had held dinner for him – Chinese take out – and they caught up over egg rolls and Moo Shu. It was strange how tentative they were with each other. During the time he was gone they thought of each other often and with joy, but now that he was back, now that they were in the same room with no uniforms and no expectation of interruption, it was as if they didn't know how to be together. They were more than friends, less than lovers with some serious pressure on them to not screw it up. After eight years, the rules had changed and left them both on soft sand.
They eventually got around to talking about how Mac was feeling and the doctor's appointment. Before Harm had a chance to open up his agenda items, Mac shut the whole thing down.
"I think we should go with the doctor's recommendation." She paused.
His face was barely readable.
"You know, go on the pill." She added. "Put off trying to get pregnant … just for six months ... or so."
So she wanted to wait to have a baby. All of Harm's plans hinged on them not waiting, the rug had been pulled out from under him. Harm did, what Harm always did. He got mad, he zinged and he left.
In Harm's defense he was tired, and more than a little stressed. He had been working with Matoni for the last week and wound up losing the case. He was not pleased. The strings he had to pull to get back were more than most people could be expected to pull. Then to find out that Mattie wanted to spend more time with her father and Mac was still keeping him at bay. It was a lot for him, apparently too much – at least for the night.
"Harm? Did you hear me?" She prodded.
Harm looked down and shook his head. "Unbelievable." Harm pushed himself away from the table and went to the living room. "Absolutely unbelievable." This had Gates written all over it, he was sure of it.
"I don't understand." Mac's voice was full of confusion. She just told him that she wanted to wait to have a baby. Did he not hear her? Did he not understand?
He stood a good distance away from her and shook his head. "Unbelievable. What the hell was I thinking …You'll never change."
"Harm I don't -."
"Understand … I know ..." He pushed his hand through his hair. "And you never will."
"Harm?"
"I am the biggest damn fool that ever walked." He shook his head. "Unbelievable."
"STOP SAYING THAT!" She yelled.
"You are doing it again Mac." He accused. "Keeping your options open. Not committing."
"What?" That was NOT what she was doing.
"Keeping me a bay and waiting for … for … for what exactly?"
"That is not why --."
"Maybe you think Webb will come back."
"Stop it."
"Maybe you are expecting someone else to come along."
"Harm Stop."
"Or maybe you are convinced that I will lose interest and are just waiting me out. Testing me."
"Damn it, Harm … stop."
"I am a fool. A blind stupid fool." He turned away from her. "To ever think that we had a chance in holy hell."
"Would you please … just listen to me?"
"I have got to get out of here." He grabbed his coat and headed for the door.
"Where are you going?"
"Home – I am going home."
"You are walking out on me?" She didn't know what was happening.
He snapped back to look at her. His eyes narrowed. "I can't walk out you Mac I was never in."
"But you are leaving?"
"Leaving? Yeah, I'm leaving … but don't worry, I won't go far." He said sarcastically. "That's the hell of it … you're under my skin and you know it … you call all the shots." He slammed out of the apartment. "I've gotta go."
2046 EST – Thursday
Rabb Apartment, North of Union StationTo calm himself down and let his mind clear, Harm ran. He must have run for miles, he ran for nearly an hour and a half. His anger was gone, but he was still sincerely disappointed, in himself mostly.
She was right, of course. He saw that now. She had been through hell; they had been through hell in the last fourteen months. It only made sense to heal both emotionally and physically and to let their relationship solidify. Adding a baby to that mix, or even adding the stress of trying get pregnant was irresponsible to them as a couple and more importantly to the child.
Harm reviewed his agenda items. It occurred to him that they were in the wrong order. The baby should be the last item not the first. Where to live, where they would work and whether or not they were to get married were all foundations to having a child together. That damn baby deal really tossed him for a loop – he had confused having a baby with being committed. His offer to Mac the night of the Admiral's party was not about a child – per se. It was his way of telling her that he loved her and would always be there for her. The baby was a means to an end, not the end itself. It was Harm who had first complained that he didn't want their relationship to have started out of necessity. Apparently Mac agreed. First comes love, then comes marriage … then comes the baby carriage.
But there was still a nagging point in the back of his mind. Was she really committed to trying to make a relationship work with him? Was this just another way that she had to keep him at arms length? He didn't want to believe it, but he couldn't help himself. He needed to be sure that Mac wanted the relationship to go in the same direction. Through all their conversations she sounded sincere, she sounded like she wanted the same thing; that it was what she had been hoping for – but there was still something that stuck in his craw. Having a baby together would have made a relationship obvious – choosing NOT to have a baby together … well that was a little grayer. That issue would have to be dealt with … later … after he had apologized.
When Harm let himself into his apartment, Mac was already there. He did not have his apology or his talking points at the ready.
"Feel better?" She demanded not really wanting to know.
Her last ninety minutes were not spent in quiet contemplation and reevaluation. Her last ninety minutes were spent forcing herself to believe that they could make a relationship work. She was not concerned that they could talk each other down from this misunderstanding; it was all the future misunderstandings that worried her and the fact that Harm's first reaction to not getting what he wanted was to walk away.
"Hi." He said casually unaffected as he passed her on the way to the refrigerator hoping that his good defense would make a good offence. He grabbed a bottle of water, nearly drained it in one swallow and leaned against the counter with his arms crossed catching his breath. "I'm sorry." He said simply and looked away.
"I am not here for an apology." She scowled at him. "Nor am I here to give one. I am here to get a few things straight." She was adamant.
"Mac – can we do this at another --."
"NO." She nearly screeched at him. "No Harm we can't … we cannot table this, we cannot do this another time, and we cannot pretend that you – COMMANDER GOD ALMIGHT HIMSELF – didn't again accuse me of something that was unfounded, unjustified and down right RUDE."
"Mac." He leaned back and rolled his eyes.
"No Rabb – you will listen to me." She glared at him. "There is one thing I will NEVER – repeat NEVER tolerate from you … are you listening?" She shouted.
"Yes."
"You will NEVER walk out on an argument with me again … do you understand me?" She was fit to be tied.
He was starting to feel his defenses rising to meet the challenge but his head was telling him to stand down. He mind was telling him that he deserved both barrels she was about to unload on him, and he needed to stand there and take it.
"If you ever … and I mean EVER walk out of a fight with me again – ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? If you ever walk out on me again – we are through – finished – end of the line." She ranted. "Do you understand me?"
"Mac."
"Look Rabb, I don't expect that our life will be easy and I don't expect that it will be smooth sailing, but what I will not tolerate is your removing yourself when you don't get your way." She took a breath and pulled out her ammo. "How DARE you tell me that I will never change? How dare you imply – hell you didn't IMPLY it you said it straight out - that I am trying to keep you at bay – for wanting to give us a little time? – six months for God's sake – to get comfortable with US and to define a life together."
"Mac." He loved the fire in her eyes but her rant was having the opposite effect she was hoping for.
"I am not – repeat NOT trying to hedge my bets or test you … I simply want to give us a little time before we add a baby into the mix."
"Mac." He unfolded his arms and stepped closer to her.
"Damn it Harm … I love you … God help me I love you … I have tried to ignore it … I have tried to deny it ... hell I have thrown pretty close to every road block I could muster in our way … but I am still here … don't you think I know how hard this is going to be? … But I am not running … not any more … and I want to commit … what I am unwilling to do is sabotage us right out of the gate … and that is what a baby would do."
"Mac." He took another step closer to her.
"NO." She stepped back. "That night … that night on the Guadalcanal … we talked, we agreed not to presume … we agreed that we would ask questions and listen to the answers and we would not walk away."
"I know." Harm nearly shouted.
"YOU WALKED AWAY!" She shouted.
Harm took a deep breath. "No."
"No?" She was not prepared for him to debate her and not so quietly.
"I did not walk away … I left … I stepped back … I gave us – gave me a little perspective."
"Perspective?" She snorted. "You slammed out of my place like it was on fire."
"And that was wrong." He admitted. "I was wrong."
"Damn straight you were wrong." She was a little off balance that he would agree with her.
He reached for her and was actually able to capture her arms in his hands. "I'm sorry."
"Not good enough." She responded meeting his eye.
"Mac …God help me, I love you too … I have since I can remember … you live in my head, in my dreams – both day and night … it's just that we were so close Mac … so very close … the thought of waiting to … to touch you …to feel you next to me … to know you in the way that I need to know you … to give you all that I need to give you … to hear that you wanted to put that off --- I handled that badly."
Mac was dumb founded. She had really no idea what he was thinking.
"I am a man Mac … I am a human male … what do you expect from me?" He held on to her arms tightly. "I have needs Mac … I have desires … I have so much more to give to you than what you will let me."
It finally dawned on Mac that Harm was still equating the baby and a relationship. His impression had been that by putting the baby on hold she was asking to put their relationship on hold as well. That was the furthest thing from the truth. All of a sudden Mac did not feel anger. She saw the desire in his eyes that she herself felt. They actually did both want the same thing. They both wanted – they both needed to take their relationship to the next level. There was nothing to say to that. There were no words, and no discussion that was needed.
Mac kissed him. She kissed him hard. The shock of it made him let go, but she held him close.
When Harm was able to get his bearing from her attacked – and that was what it felt like – he pushed her back. "Mac?"
"Damn you Harm … we need to stop fighting when we are on the same side."
"Are we?"
Her look softened. "I love you Harm … I want you. I am not testing you or waiting for any one or anything to happen. I want this thing we have to work … but I can't do it alone."
"You are not alone." He kissed her and that also felt like an attack.
"Don't walk out on me again."
"I won't."
His next kiss was more determined and passionate. He scooped her up in his arms and carried her to the bedroom. That night would be the night that they took their relationship to the next level and finally put to rest any fears about their mutual desire to try to make a go at something more.
When morning light crept in through the window they were securely wrapped in each other's arms. It had been an intensely intimate night both physically and emotionally for them. Harm appreciated the wisdom of waiting for a baby and Mac was assured that he would not walk out on her. They were on their way. And the surgery was a raging success.
