Title: In A Garden
Chapter Eight
By: LizD
Written: February 2004
Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew or creators. With love and thanks.
In A Garden – Part 8
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Thursday afternoon Mac received a visitor at work.
"Alan," she was surprised to see him.
"Mac," he was agitated and uncomfortable. "How's Hailey?"
"Fine. She missed you this weekend."
"I know. I'll make it up to her," he said it but he didn't mean it.
"What is going on?"
"Have you filed for the divorce?" his voice had a bit of an edge to it.
"The divorce?"
"Have not received the papers, and I was wondering if you have filed?"
"Is there a rush?"
"Actually, yes."
"So she is pregnant."
"No," he looked shamed. "She has nothing to do with this."
Mac waited for more of an explanation.
"She left me," Alan reluctantly admitted.
"Am I suppose to say something about that?"
"No."
"It is still going to take six months to finalize," Mac warned.
"You could file in Guam."
"Guam?"
"It could be final in two weeks."
"We are not doing that," Mac stated flatly. "We have not discussed custody or the disposition of the assets."
"Whatever you think Mac."
"Look, Alan – I can understand you want out, but you need to take some responsibility – for your daughter at least."
"I am doing the best I can, Mac. I am being pulled in seven different directions."
"Oh?"
"I am going to the San Francisco office."
"San Francisco?"
"There is talk.," he bit his lip. There was something he was hiding. "If not San Francisco – Phoenix or Denver – maybe Kansas City."
"You are moving out of state and you don't think it is important to discuss your daughter?"
"It is not my decision. I am being transferred."
Alan had screwed up. Actually that was quite literally true. The weekend – the weekend Harm and Mac were to have been together alone – Alan had gone out of state on a case and wound up sleeping with the boss – very indiscreetly – and the BIG boss was not impressed.
"Oh Alan." She knew is was something very indiscrete. Sometimes Alan just couldn't get out of his own way.
"Doesn't matter Mac, Hailey belongs with you. I will see her when I can. I won't forget her, and I will give you whatever you want for child support."
"What has happened to you, Alan?"
"Too much. Not enough," he looked more defeated and wrung out than he ever had.
Mac agreed to get the paperwork started and Alan left. She was not sure why, but she felt alone, completely alone. She looked down at her desk. There was a message from Harm. She stuffed into her desk drawer. She picked up the phone and dialed.
"Yeah, Hi. It's Sarah. File the papers. I am leaving for Pendleton tonight – if you need me. - - - The Fisher case," she looked sad. "Thank you."
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Harm was working, taking care of his boys and doing everything he needed to, to be ready for the hearing including numerous calls, faxes, messengers to Linda and Walter to work the issues out outside of court. That was Mac's doing though she did not get the credit except silently from Harm. Kate did not feel that it was as important, nor did she believe that it would net anything.
"These people only do what they are forced to do."
"You are probably right," Harm agreed. "I still need to talk to Linda?"
"You are wasting your time," Kate stated.
"I need to be above reproach. I need to show the judge that I am making every effort. The hell with the judge – I need to make every effort for those kids. This issue does not belong in court."
"Harm, Lawson had already made his intentions clear."
"I understand that."
"Fine – knock yourself out. But don't be surprised when you end up on the wrong end of an interviewer's microphone."
He made his first attempt at contacting Linda and/or Walter on Wednesday morning. Neither one would take or return his call. Then he sent messengers, faxes and e-mails over the next couple of days, all to no avail.
He made other calls too – at least three or four. These were to Mac. She didn't return them either. He mostly called her home as he did not want to disturb her at work and calling her cell was too pushy, too intrusive. When the first three calls netted nothing, he tried her work number. He left a message. At least he knew that one would get through. She may not want to ever speak to him again, but he had to try. He had to apologize. He had to do something more than apologize, but until he had this thing straight with Lawson – he could not leave town.
When Friday morning arrived, he felt better about his prospects. He was getting more help than he knew what to do with: Harriet, Bud (as much as he could), Trish and Frank. Harm and his mother were finally at a good place again when the custody thing started. It brought up those old feeling he had that his mother was partially responsible for not warning him about Linda in the first place – that man can hold a grudge. Trish had known Linda well; she had given her a job in the gallery. She also had fired her. Harm found out none of that until it was too late. In Trish's defense, Harm and Linda happened pretty quickly. She would not have known to 'warn him' as Harm never really talked about his love life with her. How was she supposed to know that Harm would get in that deep in so short a period of time? Poor Trish was still wondering what had happened with Renee and believed that it still had something to do with Mac. What had happened to Mac? Anyway, he was grateful that she was on his side.
Frank was assisting on the other side. Frank was working his friendship with Walter. He didn't discuss his efforts with Trish or Harm, particularly because he was getting nowhere.
Even Chloe had offered her help. Chloe did not apologize to or even discuss with Harm what was going on, but she was there working overtime on his case and on others. He had instructed Kate to keep Chloe as far out of the proceedings as possible and in no uncertain terms was she to show her those pictures. She was an innocent in this mess, and he did not want her caught up in it. Kate disagreed with that tactic, but promised she would only do what she had to do. It would be impossible to keep her completely out of it. But she did agree that the pictures would undoubtedly never show up in court. She wasn't worried about them as evidence; she was worried about them in the newspaper.
Friday morning came. Harm and Kate were prepared. When they walked into the courtroom, Linda, Walter and their attorney, Maeve Donaldson, were already there. Maeve Donaldson was a corporate shark. She had a reputation; no dirty trick was beneath her. Walter had pulled out the top gun; the problem was that Donaldson was not adept in the family law arena.
Harm tried to catch Linda's eye but Walter stepped between. Linda looked horrible. She looked like she hadn't slept in a week and she had lost a lot of weight. Weight she couldn't afford to lose. Harm knew instantly that Linda was not behind this mess. He also felt that any progress she had made with her therapy was now being washed away – rather flushed. In spite of what was going on – his heart went out to her – one human being to another.
Judge Walsh entered. Harm and Kate exchanged a quick smile.
"The gods are on your side, Rabb." Kate whispered to him.
Judge Walsh was not supposed to be presiding. She was a last minute change. Over on the other side Donaldson and Lawson were whispering angry words. Walsh was not the judge she 'paid' for. Judge Walsh could not be bought.
"Ms. Donaldson," the judge sneered. "Surprised to see you in my court." It was clear that the judge did not like Maeve in fact one could go so far as to say that the Judge had little respect for the entire attorney population – even though she used to be one.
"Yes, your horror," she tried to not look thrown. "I go where my clients' needs are."
The judge shook her head slightly in disgust and turned her attention on Harm. "Mr. Rabb, not used to seeing you on that side of the table."
Harm stood. "No, ma'am."
"Also glad to see that you are not trying to represent yourself."
Harm looked over at Kate and nodded.
"Though I am a bit confused why there is need for representation at all."
Harm did not respond.
"Mr. Rabb, you know how this works. A custody dispute between parents is not best served in court."
"No, your honor."
"Have you and your ex-wife exhausted all other options?"
"Your honor, there has not been time," he answered as honestly as he could but did not try to force blame.
"Time?"
"Yes, ma'am. The papers were served to me on Tuesday night."
"For a hearing this morning?" The judged looked back over at Maeve Donaldson. "Pulling a few strings I see, Ms. Donaldson."
"Your honor," she started. "We feel that when the welfare of the children is at stake, time is of the essence."
"I would agree with that," the judge stated. "Do you have some information that the children are being mistreated, neglected, in danger, or otherwise suffering in the care of their father?"
"Your honor we believe that the environment in which they live is – questionable."
"Oh, questionable," she was not impressed. "Mr. Rabb, you have been the primary care taker for these two boys ages -," she looked back at her file. "Two – both two?"
"Yes ma'am. Twins, their second birthday is next week."
"Well, happy birthday."
"Thank you, your honor."
"And you have been their primary care taker?" The judge went on.
"Yes, your honor. Since I brought them home from the hospital."
"Must have been quite a handful."
"Yes, ma'am."
"How long have you and your ex-wife been divorced."
"I can answer that," Ms. Donaldson said.
"I wasn't asking you," she glared at Maeve. "Mr. Rabb?"
"I suppose officially you would say that we separated in December, and the marriage was annulled in February."
"Annulled?"
"Yes, ma'am."
At that she looked over at Walter. "Difficult to have a marriage annulled when there are children involved," she was not expecting an answer. She looked back at Harm. "At the time of the annulment you were given custody of the children."
"Yes, ma'am."
"Was visitation agreed upon?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Has something changed in the last few months to make that agreement unworkable?"
"Not that I am aware of, your honor."
"But Ms. Lawson wants to revisit that agreement," she looked over at Linda who looked like she was going to burst into tears. "Was there some problem with it?"
"Your honor," Maeve Donaldson began. "We felt that that the visitation was too restrictive. A joint custody arrangement would be better for the children. But in light of information yet to be revealed to you, we feel that a more permanent change should be made."
The judge was not impressed. "Just so you know – ALL OF YOU – this court will be handling the custody case. And keep in mind I have a long memory."
"Thank you, your honor," the counselors acknowledged.
"But that is for another day. Today we are here to decide if the children should be moved immediately," she looked down at her notes quickly. "Ms. Donaldson, you believe that the environment that the children – David and Alexander Rabb - are living in is questionable."
"Yes, your honor. We feel that the best course of action is to have the children moved to a neutral location until the custody has been resolved."
"Neutral? For example."
"Walter Lawson has agreed to take them into his home."
"I fail to see how that is neutral."
"You honor, Mr. Rabb has taken a young woman into his home. It has come to our attention that the relationship with this young woman is inappropriate."
She looked back at Harm. "For the last two months – month and a half – a young woman who is clerking in my office has been staying with me -- for the summer."
"Who is this young woman?" the judge asked.
"I can answer that." Chloe's voice came from the chair directly behind Harm's. "I am Chloe Madison."
"You are the young woman that Ms. Donaldson mentioned?"
"Yes, your honor, but I have moved out of Harm's – Mr. Rabb's house."
"Have you? Why?"
"Honestly your honor – he cramped my style."
The court was not amused with Chloe's off the cuff candor.
She continued. "I have known Harm – Mr. Rabb since I was thirteen years old. He treated me like a kid and to be honest your honor; I needed a little room." Chloe lied. Was she protecting Harm or Mac?
"But you are continuing to clerk in his office?"
"Yes, ma'am. It is more of an internship – unpaid internship until school starts."
"I have seen you in my court, have I not?"
"Yes, ma'am. I often come here to observe in my free time."
"Don't remember ever having free time when I was a clerk." The judge smiled.
"No ma'am … I have very little free time."
"How did you and Mr. Rabb meet?"
"When he was at JAG he and Mac – Colonel MacKenzie were partners." Chloe explained.
"Partners?"
"They worked together," Chloe continued. "I am Colonel MacKenzie's little sister."
"Is that the colonel with you today?"
Harm turned to the back of the room and Mac was standing there. He was surprised to see her.
"I am Colonel MacKenzie," she stepped up to the rail but did not look at Harm.
"Colonel, why are you here today?"
"I am here in support of Chloe and Harm."
"You knew that Ms. Madison was living with Mr. Rabb."
"Yes ma'am," she stated. She looked over at Harm and pulled a small smile. "It was a very generous offer for him to make. Taking on a student when he already had two young sons to raise with the sole purpose being her exposure to how the legal system really works."
"Well she is certainly learning from the inside out today."
"Yes, ma'am."
"You are confident that that was his only motivation in making this 'generous' offer to Ms. Madison?"
"Without a doubt, your honor," Mac could not help but think that he had done it for her, but the judge did not need to know all of that. "I have known Harmon Rabb for over fourteen years, he is and always has been a man of his word with the highest ethical and moral values of anyone I have ever met."
"Thank you, colonel," she turned her attention back to Chloe. "Ms. Madison, is your relationship with Mr. Rabb of a 'questionable' nature?"
"No, ma'am."
"You and he are not having an affair," she asked directly.
"NO, ma'am." The no was a little strong, but it proved her point.
The judge turned her attention back to Ms. Donaldson. "Do you have any evidence that Ms. Madison is lying?"
Walter wanted her to present the pictures. Maeve Donaldson decided that that would not be the best course of action. "Not at this time, your honor."
"So, anything else that would be construed as dangerous or harmful to the children?"
"We would like to go on record as saying that the children would be best served away from that environment."
"It is on record." The judge looked at all members and rested her eyes on Linda. "Ms. Lawson – you are suing for custody of your two sons."
Linda looked panicked on so many levels and stood up tentatively. "I just want to see them," she whined.
"Have you been refused access to your children?" Linda shook her head.
Lawson chimed in. "Rabb has refused visitation."
"Is that true Mr. Rabb?"
"No, your honor. I agreed to prearranged, supervised visitation."
"Why supervised?"
"Linda has been unwell for a long time."
"You honor, Ms. Lawson's health is not relevant. As you can see, she is perfectly capable of taking care of her children."
"Well, Ms. Donaldson you may be right. However that is not the issue before the court this morning. This morning we are to decide if the children should be removed from their home. You have given me no reason to believe that that kind of disruption is necessary. The children will remain with Mr. Rabb, and I encourage the parents to come to a custody agreement before our next meeting."
She banged her gavel and left the bench. Harm turned his attention to Mac who was on her way out of court.
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He caught up to her in the parking lot.
"Mac," he called after her. "Mac."
She did not turn around but paused her stride to wait for him.
"Thank you for being here."
"I came for Chloe," she turned toward him. "And I am TAD at Camp Pendleton. I was in town anyway," she turned away.
He stepped in front of her. "I'm sorry, Mac. I am so very sorry."
"I know you are," she did not look at him.
"Please talk to me."
"There is nothing left to say," she stepped around him to head for her car.
"Maybe you're right," he stated clearly. Then said to her back, "But that has never stopped us before."
She paused before unlocking her car. She thought of any number of a hundred responses to that, particularly the one that said it stopped them for four years. But in the end she chose to say nothing.
"Mac," he completed the few strides it took to get to her.
"It is not funny anymore, Harm, not that it ever was. The words have all been said."
"So, we'll say them again."
"The definition of insanity."
"What?"
"Repeating the same actions and expecting a different result."
"I can think of a few actions that haven't been tried," he said not as suggestively as he should have to lighten the mood.
"Harm, there will - - -."
"Always be a reason, I know. Always a reason to wait, to stop, to not follow through, to not do it differently."
"We were just not meant to be," she met his eyes. "Bad timing."
"You have got to put that banner down, Mac. I think that is a lot of bull."
"Stop it Harm."
"Why did you come here today?" He asked hopefully.
"As I said, I came for Chloe. I won't have her slandered."
"Neither would I," he waited for her to respond. She didn't. "Is that the only reason?"
Mac did not say anything.
"Mac, are you ready for lunch?" Chloe's voice came from behind Harm.
"No, I am running late. Why don't you go on ahead and I will meet you for dinner."
"Dinner?" Chloe asked.
"I need to get back to base," Mac explained.
Chloe nodded and walked away slowly.
Mac looked back at Harm. "I need to get back. I have an interview with a client."
"Timing," he stated flatly.
"Good bye, Harm."
The words sounded so final it shook him. She turned to get into her car and he gently touched her arm, stopping her. His eyes were intently searching hers. "There is nothing I can say?"
She shook her head. The tears were filling up. "There is nothing to say."
"Too much to say," he argued.
"I need to go," she freed herself from him and got into the car. With a quick glimpse behind her and back up at him, she pulled her car out and drove away.
"Or maybe we should just stop talking altogether."
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Mac found herself trying to get to the ocean after her dinner with Chloe. She needed a place to be alone and think. Chloe and she had debriefed pretty much everything that had happened over the last four months on both coasts from the baby to Chloe's new boyfriend. It left Mac more confused than she was before. She thought she knew exactly where she was going, but when she turned on to Harm's street – she was surprised. She parked on the street across from the house and killed the engine.
She called home and discovered that Alan had not gone to get Hailey. Mac was prepared for that and had asked the babysitter to stay all weekend regardless if Alan had taken her or not, but now the babysitter was balking. She spent several minutes on the phone with Hailey. She was a brave little girl and just kept asking when Mac would be home. Mac made up her mind to fly home and get her the next day. The case she was working would last longer than expected, but even if it didn't she wanted Hailey with her.
Again she felt alone – very alone. She could count on no one to do what he/she said they were going to do. She looked back at Harm's house. In all her life, there were only a few people she could trust, rely on, count on to be there for good or bad. Harmon Rabb, Jr. was one of those people.
She sat for a long time trying to decide what to do. The lights were on and she thought she saw him moving around in there, but it was hard to tell. Eventually she got out of her car and went up to the door. She rang three times before he answered.
He was dressed in shorts and a t-shirt. He had toys stuffed under each arm, kids clothes and towels thrown over his shoulder, dishes in one hand and an apple in his mouth. He looked ridiculous compared to her. She was in a lovely summer dress that made her look ten years younger.
"Did I catch you at a bad time?" she could not help but smile.
He took the apple out of his mouth and was momentarily stunned by the vision of her. "Not at all, come in."
She entered after he stepped back.
"Just picking up," he dumped the contents of his arms on the floor by the kitchen. "Can I get you something? Coffee? Tea? Have you eaten?" He waved the apple at her.
"Nothing, thank you."
"I just got the boys to bed. We had a bit of a celebration tonight."
"I am sure you did."
"Thank you for being there – even if just for Chloe."
She shook her head and moved away to the living room. He followed her.
"So what do you think is going to happen?" she asked. "With the custody."
"If I can talk to Linda – the whole thing should just go away."
Mac nodded.
"You were right Mac," he said honestly.
"Sometimes I am."
"Often you are."
"Can I get that in writing?" She looked out to the back yard and stayed quiet for a moment.
"Mac?"
"Aren't you going to ask me why I am here?"
"I know why you are here." It sounded like a very cocky thing for him to say, but it was not said with any of the normal arrogance associated with Harmon Rabb.
"You do?" she turned to him. "I wish you'd tell me then."
"You are here for the exact same reason I want you here," he stepped up to her.
"I would have to rule that answer as non responsive, counselor," she tried to smile.
He put his hand under her chin and tilted it up toward his face. He studied her for a moment. There was no sign of tears or anger or resistance. She was completely there in the moment with him. He leaned down and let his lips brush hers lightly. She did not pull away. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her to him completely, while his other hand combed through her hair. The kiss deepened. She slid her hands under his t-shirt and up his back. She felt her knees begin to quake and her heart begin to race. She was becoming overwhelmed with desire. She had to stop. She pulled away, but remained in his embrace with her face buried in his chest. That was exactly why she was there.
"That seemed pretty responsive to me," Harm joked. He would not let her go.
"Harm there are so many reasons why this is a bad idea," she said softly.
"I am sure you are right."
"So."
"Right now I am not thinking about all the reasons why it's a bad idea," he pulled back to look at her. "I am thinking of the one reason why it is a good idea."
She shook her head.
"I love you, Mac."
She looked confused like she might not have understood.
He continued. "We belong together. We always have."
"Daddy, is that Auntie Mac?" a little voice called from the hall.
"Yes it is," he did not turn to see his son. "Go to bed, David. You can see Auntie Mac in the morning."
"I'm not David. I'm Zander."
Harm laughed. Mac was unsure if it were Zander or David. She didn't know them well enough, but she thought it was David.
"They are two," he explained. "Two is going to be very difficult," he released her from his embrace, but still held her hand.
Mac looked up at Harm asking if it were David or Zander. "They are discovering how much they look alike," he turned to the sleepy child in the hallway. "David, come give your Auntie Mac a kiss, then go to bed."
The boy did as he was told.
When they were alone again, Mac stated. "You love them very much."
"It is frightening how much they mean to me, and what I would do for them. Never experienced that kind of --."
"Love?" She asked.
"Fear. Fear that I was doing something wrong. Or that I couldn't protect them. That I could lose them some how."
"Kids bring out something pretty powerful," Mac agreed.
"Not just kids," he added moving closer to her.
"I should go," she stepped back.
"Don't," he said softly. "Don't go."
"Harm, you are in the middle of --."
"Mac, if we wait for the planets to align it will be too late."
"What are you expecting to happen? We live three thousand miles apart."
"That can be changed – everything can be changed."
"Harm."
"Mac, you told me a long time ago to 'let go' – now I am tell you the same thing. Let Go! There is no reason why either of us needs to be alone; it doesn't make us noble or self-sacrificing. It just makes us lonely."
"Oh Harm," she was not convinced.
"Trust me," he turned her toward him and placed his hands on her shoulders. "Trust me."
"I do," she managed to squeak out. "I do trust you. It is the rest of the world that --."
"To hell with the rest of the world," he stated firmly. "Let me call the ball for once, Mac. We can do this," he met her lips on the way to his. There was no more argument. There was nothing left to say. He would make the trap.
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