Title: In A Garden

Chapter Ten

By: LizD

Written: February 2004

Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew or creators. With love and thanks.

In A Garden – Part 10

X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x

Harm hung up the phone – AGAIN. He had been talking for hours – or what seemed like hours – no; it was actually hours – since he heard the news about Walter. It was well past 2130.

The dinner at the Roberts' was canceled. Trish and Frank had come over. Trish was very stiff and formal with Mac – Mac didn't appreciate it and was curt and short with Trish. Harm noticed but didn't have the energy to deal with it. Frank had told Harm that there was something they needed to discuss, but that was all that Mac heard. The in-laws left after the kids had eaten. Chloe came by when she heard and offered to stay to help with the kids. Chloe could pull through in a pinch when needs be. She had gone home shortly after Trish and Frank had left. She started to give a warning to Mac on the way out about being involved with Harm – but Mac shut her down completely.

Harm – drained and exhausted – stumbled into the kitchen. Mac was at the table reading through her case files. She still had an investigation of her own to complete in spite of the still unbelievable development. He came up behind her, placed his hands on her shoulders and started working the muscles in her neck with his thumbs until she moaned her appreciation.

"Hi," he whispered.

She leaned back into his strong hands. "Where do you find the energy for that?" she asked. She was pretty whipped herself.

He was silent for a moment and then laughed out loud.

"What?"

"If I tell you – you are going to think it is some bad line of dialogue from a Soap Opera."

"What?" she encouraged.

"Being this close to you – close enough to: touch you, smell your perfume, know what you look like naked and that you will be in my bed tonight – gives me energy for just about anything."

She rolled her eyes and put her hand on his. It was stupid and adolescent – but at the same time she was flattered.

"I told you," he kissed the top of her head and then tilted her face back to his so he could kiss her. "Don't worry – you won't have to fend me off tonight."

"Don't remember doing any 'fending' the last two nights."

He released her to get some water from the refrigerator. "Has it only been two nights? Bet you are counting your lucky stars that I am back in your life," he added snidely.

"Harm, don't."

"Seriously – court cases, murder, suicide, sex – we should have been flying an F-14 and had a stop over in IRAQ and I would have thought it was like any day back at JAG – except for the sex part – but I can live with the upgrade," he faked a sexy grin at her.

She wasn't going to allow him to be so cavalier. "None of this is your fault and it has nothing to do with us."

"No? I suppose you will blame it on bad timing."

"Harm."

"I'm sorry. Cranky," he slid his hand down her arm and tugged it gently toward the living room. "I need to sit down before I fall down."

She followed after him and sat next to him on the couch. "Who was that on the phone?"

"This last time?" he craned his neck against the back of the couch and yawned. "Kate – Kate Mendelson. My lawyer for the custody case," he laughed. "Don't have to worry about that any more – she earned her retainer."

"Harm – are you alright?"

He smirked. "I don't know. I don't know what I am supposed to think or feel about this."

"Well?"

"Well I suppose I should care that my ex-father in law is dead," he paused to see if she would react, when she didn't he kept going. "That my children will grow up without knowing him. That I am going to have to explain to them now – and in the future – that their mother supposedly killed their grandfather and that is why they don't see her anymore – course they probably won't notice and I can ignore the whole thing."

"Harm," she scolded.

"Look I should care, and I guess I do care – but not for the right reasons."

"There are right reasons and wrong reasons?"

"Walter Lawson was a controlling, arrogant, bastard." Harm said less than he was thinking or feeling. "He thinks - thought – he could buy anything or anyone," he shook his head. "Hell, he bought me. Bet you never would have believed I was up for sale, eh Mac?"

"Why do you think you were bought?"

"Look at me Mac. I live in a house that he paid for. I work in an agency that he funds. My children will be Ivy League educated and I won't pay for a book. I am surprised I don't charge my socks to him."

Mac paused before she spoke so that her words would sink in. "Those were all sound choices you made for your children: the house, the education, even the agency was to have more time to spend with them."

"That is a lot of eggs in one basket Mac, a basket I don't even trust," he shook his head and sat up. "That is not like me at all."

She sat up next to him. "If this were all to go away tomorrow; if you had to find a job, buy a house and pay for the boys' school – could you do it?"

"Of course," he shrugged.

"So?"

"So?" he asked back.

"So, you are not bought."

"Maybe," he gave her a weak smile to let her know he heard her, and that he would give her the point, but that he didn't fully believe it. "But I am not sorry he is out of my life."

Mac breathed out slowly. "Not quite yet. There will be some lasting effects."

"No doubt. Have a meeting with Watson in the morning," he scowled.

"He is just doing his job," she defended.

"Does he need to enjoy it so much?" he brought her hand to his lips. "And what am I supposed to do about Linda? She's alone now. Who will be appointed her guardian?"

Mac looked away. "I am not sure I am the best person to ask about that."

He turned her face back to his. "Why Sarah MacKenzie – is that a little fleck of green I see in your eyes?" he played with her.

"No," she stated and almost believed it.

"That is the problem with you, marine. You could never admit to being jealous."

"I am not jealous," she defended. "Just a little envious."

"Envious?" he asked. "What could you possibly envy about Linda Lawson?"

"Well, she was able to land you – something I was never able to do."

"You never tried - until now."

"Have I 'landed' you?" she said a little weakly.

"A perfect trap and secure tie down," he combed her hair back off her face.

She smiled back. "I am not sure I like this analogy."

"Because?"

"You're the plane and I am the carrier?"

He playfully scanned her. "Well, you do have some pretty impressive hips."

"Keep that up and you will be sleeping on deck tonight," she warned.

"It was a compliment." He leaned back and rubbed his eyes. He was almost too tired to play.

She didn't know what else to say. She felt out of place and she was unsure about a future with Harm. There were so many things that could blow up in their faces. So many ways it could end before it got started – this thing with Lawson notwithstanding. She did envy Linda. She felt it rather than thought it. She envied her as Harm's wife and mother of his children and someone who would be tied to him for the rest of his or her life – in the good times and the bad times. He would never walk away from Linda, not completely. He had walked away from Mac, and it was completely. "Still," she croaked out.

Harm felt her uncertainty. It annoyed him. "Still – nothing – Mac, --- Linda didn't 'land' me – she entrapped me," he said harshly. "Any positive feelings I had for her were tossed out the window then. We never had a marriage – I wouldn't wish that life on my worst enemy."

Mac looked uncomfortable. Her focus shifted off herself and onto Harm. She had known his marriage was one of necessity but it was still hard to imagine the loneliness he must have lived with all that time. Mac had Alan, and as bad as things got, she had loved him – and still did – after a fashion. It made her sad for Harm.

"You said Linda 'supposedly' killed her father?" Typical Mac; back to business when the emotions got too real. "Why supposedly?"

"Watson said she confessed, but I don't know. It doesn't sound like her."

"She is not capable of murder?" Mac asked.

"No, she's a capable – more than – but she has never taken responsibility for anything in her life – now is a hell of a time to start?" he almost laughed. He looked up at Mac and shook his head. "No, if she had done it should would blame everybody from the cook to the paper boy."

"The suicide attempt?" Mac reminded him.

"Not convinced it was suicide," he stated simply. "One of Linda's problems is that she abuses prescription drugs. On more than one occasion she was admitted to the hospital because she had overdosed – by 'accident' and needed to dry out. She always protested that it was accidental; she just forgot how much she took."

"Were they ever recorded as suicide attempts?"

"None – with money comes privilege."

Things were not adding up for Mac. "I don't understand, Watson said she confessed -."

"I'll bet the 'confession' was a lie made up by Watson to see if he could trip me up. I am sure he would love to prove that I did it."

"He was really pushing your buttons, wasn't he?" she almost smiled.

"He liked you," he shot back at her.

Mac dismissed it with a shake of her head.

Harm didn't want to let it go. "Can I just tell you? – maybe I shouldn't."

"What?" she asked.

"I wanted to beat him senseless for the way he was looking at you."

"You always were the jealous type," Mac teased. "But green was never your color, sailor."

"I'm serious," he was not letting go.

"So am I," she stated. "You don't trust me?"

"Implicitly. But if Watson came on any stronger – if any man came on stronger –."

She shut him down. "Harm, I can't tell you how unattractive you are this way."

He was shaken back to current.

She took the upper hand. "Let me tell you something, Hammer. Your snide, jealous, nasty side is – and always was – the thing I liked least about you."

Harm gave her a sidelong look as if to say 'I wouldn't have had to be jealous or snide if you had not chosen so many other men.' But he didn't say that out loud.

"Where is this coming from?" Mac defended.

"I don't know," he rubbed his face with his hands. "I don't know – maybe I just feel it all getting out of control – out of my control. Beating Watson into the sidewalk would at least be proactive."

"And unproductive, and unnecessary," she added.

"We were going along at such a nice even pace until - what? - ten days ago?"

"We'll be OK," she tried to reassure him as well as herself.

"The stakes are getting too high," he sat up and took her hand. "What happens when it all gets to be too much for you and you want to walk away?"

"Do you think that is going to happen?"

"I don't know," he softened his voice. "Maybe I should let you go – or force you away – so you don't get dragged through this mire. You have your own stuff to deal with; you shouldn't have to deal with my crap too. I wanted to be there for you, not the other way around."

"Harm."

"I don't know," he let her hand go and got up. "Maybe I should take some time and clean this mess up and come back when I am prepared to at least offer you only a minor amount of baggage."

"I don't think that is necessary."

"No, I suppose not," he smirked. "You will be headed back home in a week and I 'won't be able to leave town.' I suppose the whole thing is really moot."

She motioned for him to rejoin her on the couch. "What a difference a day makes."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"All that talk about staying together – thick and thin – good times and tough times."

"I never said thick and thin."

She repeated his words back to him; "'I would rather struggle everyday with you by my side, than to have it easy and neat – alone.'"

"I said that?" he sat down next to her.

"Loudly and clearly – and in so many words."

"Well, I meant the normal struggles of two divorced people with children who live thousands of miles apart trying to make a life together."

"We can deal with those, too."

"And then there are just the normal struggles of any two adults – mature, set in their ways – trying to get together," he took her hand. "Never our strong suit, Mac – even in our younger days."

"I know."

"But I never considered this kind of --."

"We have been through tougher times," she assured him.

He shook his head. "That argument doesn't hold, counselor. We did not survive back then. We destroyed what we could have had and walked away."

A light went on for Mac. Minutes before she honestly believed that Harm had walked away from her completely, but the reality was that if she had called him any time in those years they were apart, he would have been there for her as she would have been for him. She knew that. She knew it in her head, and she knew it in her heart. She believed it. She needed to convince him. "I don't see it that way. I don't see it as a then and now. The fact that we are together now says that it wasn't destroyed – at all."

"Do you really believe that?"

"I do," she was convincing herself more and more of that with each word.

"So you believe that we were inevitable, unavoidable, destined?"

"No, not at all … but I do think that if we ever chose to give ourselves the opportunity to be together – that it would be very --," she lost the word.

"Explosive?" he offered.

"No … but it will rock both of our worlds."

"Is that a good thing?" he asked.

She placed her head on his shoulder. "Harm, I'm here because here is where I want to be," she wrapped her arm around him. "And for the first time since I met you, I can say that without reservation."

"You are here," he pulled her to him and kissed her. "And for that I am eternally grateful."

He pulled her into a tight embrace and they sat quietly for a moment. His eyes were closed. She listened to his heartbeat.

Mac finally disturbed it. "So, do you have a plan?"

"At the moment?" he sighed without moving. "I am going to take a beautiful woman to bed and make sweet passionate love to her."

"Sounds like a short-term plan."

"Oh – that hurts," he smiled.

"I thought you were too tired."

"You revive me," he titled his head down to see her bright eyes.

She leaned up and met his lips. They would be safe and protected from the world for just a little while longer.

They made it to bed and the pillow, then they both fell asleep in each other's arms – still fully dressed.

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The next morning was a fiasco. Hailey woke the entire house up with screams that someone was looking through her window. Harm investigated and discovered reporters, paprazzi, and curious onlookers camped out on his front step with one brazen little bastard wandering through the yard. He retrieved the film and sent them all packing – he was not as gentlemanly as an old officer should have been, but he got his point across. A quick discussion and they decided that they had to retreat to higher ground. Mac and Hailey would stay at base housing and Harm and the boys would stay with Trish and Frank; so much for thick and thin. Mac did protest the arrangement, but Harm insisted. He would not let Hailey be subjected to that kind of abuse any more than he would let Mac or his boys.

Trish and Frank lived in a gated community so the odds of it happening up there were slim. Trish offered to take care of the boys, but Harm had arranged for Mrs. Johnson to come to them. It was hard on the old woman, but she took the change well.

Days passed. Harm tried to carry on 'business as usual' but his life was hardly in a rut at the moment. His meeting with Watson was about as productive as nothing at all. Watson had watched too much LAW AND ORDER to be a good cop or even a decent man. Always went for the crass and rude joke. Harm had to really contain himself.

He tried to contract Linda's doctor, but the doctor would not return his calls. He even instructed the nurses at the hospital to tell Mr. Harmon Rabb, Jr. that he would not return his calls and he was in no way allowed to see or communicate with Linda. One side of Harm was thrilled that they did not expect him to take care of her, but of course the other side was annoyed that he was being denied. He waited.

He and Mac talked several times a day and would try to get together for lunch or dinner, but it was hard to find the right or enough time. Her case was going well and it would wrap up before Friday. Her estimated two weeks, was cut in half. She promised that she would stay for the boys' birthday party on Saturday, but would have to fly home on Sunday. She was needed back at work.

Chloe came into Rabb's office one day and plopped herself down.

"Harm."

"Chloe."

"We hit a rough patch, you and I," she stated.

"You could say that."

"You did something nice for me with no ulterior motives. I didn't trust that."

"You thought I offered you this internship and a place to stay to get back in Mac's good graces?"

"I did."

"I did," he smiled. "But nothing said that it was going to work. Even if it hadn't, we both would still have gotten something out of this little experiment. You got some much needed experience and I got a slave for the summer," he was done with the tête-à-tête. "Do you have the Carson file finished yet?" he was dismissing her.

Chloe smiled and got up to leave. "Ya know Harm, I don't dislike you as much as you think I do."

He couldn't help but smile at that remark. "Good to know."

"I am going to say something that you can't repeat to me or anyone else."

"OK."

"You are a good man, Rabb. Mac could do worse – she has done worse – and you are good to Hailey."

"Thank you."

"And for what it is worth, I am sorry that all this other crap is happening."

He nodded and she left.

Harm was overcome with sadness. He had to get up and shut the door. He was so close to having everything he as ever wanted. Now that one and only chance was going to get washed away. Mac would go home and they would talk on the phone, less and less over time. They would attempt to see each other but something would always come up. Her kid, his kids, weather, work – who knows? Something would come up to keep them apart.

Even without the fall out from Lawson's murder, were either Harm or Mac prepared to pick up and move three thousand miles? They hadn't even had a chance to think about it, much less discuss it. His assumption was that she would move west, but why? Why should he assume that? She was settled with a house and a good career in Virginia, what did he have? The house was in trust for the boys; there was nothing that said they have to live there? The status of the agency now hung in the balance. Lawson was a major donor and he sat – had sat – on the board of directors. How long could he possible keep the doors open? How would that failure affect him? That agency was his brainchild.

Could he walk away from the life he scratched out for himself and his kids? Was there anything keeping him there? He could move east. Couldn't he? Did she want him there? She wasn't even divorced yet. Could he really just slip into Alan's place with his two kids? Out with the old, in with the new. That is the real question. No, actually the real question was were either of them ready to take that HUGE a step. Moving too quickly – or too slowly – could ruin everything. Was he prepared to lose her again? What would he do to keep her? What would he have to do? Yes his sons were his first priority – but in 20 years they would be adults with lives of their own and he would be in his sixty's. How much should he give up for his kids? How much would they want him to? He had already given up two years. Was that enough? Did any of this need to be decided at the moment? And if not, when, how much time could be devoted to avoiding this decision?

The phone pulled him out of his pity party. It was Frank. They needed to talk.

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Frank and Harm met for a drink. It had been a while since Harm drank, and he could sure use a double about now. Frank was already there and a head of him by one martini.

"Harm, sit, sit, sit," he called to him when he walked in. He waved the bartender over.

"What is going on Frank?"

"You know, I never really liked Walter Lawson."

Harm raised an eyebrow. He was not interested in an 'apology' from Frank about bringing Lawson into their lives.

"He was a business associate and you know how that works – most deals are made on the golf course or over drinks at the club, so 'friendship' is a hard thing to define."

"I understand," Harm was not fully following where Frank was leading.

"Well I got some news that will make a difference to you. I shouldn't be telling you this – breaking some rule somewhere – but --," he paused and looked at Harm. "You know I think of you as a son?"

Harm nodded.

"I know I am not your father and that you will never think of me that way – but I do -."

"What is going on, Frank?"

"Lawson is broke. Well – was broke."

"I don't understand."

"He made some seriously bad investments – I am privy to some information that I shouldn't be. Anyway he is broke."

"Well, a man who dies penniless had a good budget." The full weight of this news was lost on Harm.

"No, Harm you are missing my point. He leveraged everything he had left for this last big deal he was working. EVERYTHING."

"The boys trust?" Parent Rabb's hackles went up.

"More than likely."

"No," Harm was not impressed with this little revelation.

"Yes."

Harm was annoyed.

"Worse than that – he took a few other people down with him."

"What deal are you talking about?"

"Doesn't matter – I can't tell you. He tried to get me in on it, but your mother stopped me. One of the few times I actually listened to her," he looked shamed. "If Linda hadn't pulled the trigger then someone else probably would have – if he didn't do it first."

"So – I am unclear, what are you telling me this for."

"That house, that agency, the trust for the boys – it's all gone."

"He couldn't touch it. That is what a trust is all about."

"Did you read the fine print, Harm? You may be a great criminal attorney, but you can't begin to appreciate the loopholes that Lawson could dream up in a business deal. It's all gone – not to mention everything else that he owned including his company. Hell if there is anything left the stock holders will pick it clean."

"This is ridiculous."

"Believe me. You will be affected the least – all you will lose is money that was never yours to begin with. This will put thousands of people out of work – this is just short of the ENRON fiasco from years ago. It may take a few months for all the crap to surface, but you will lose everything. I am telling you this now, so you can prepare yourself."

"Do you know this for a fact? Or is this just speculation?'

"Can I prove it? No. Do I have reliable information? The best."

"If all this was going down, why would he start this custody thing?"

"This deal went sour on Friday. It was pretty quick. So I can only imagine that he started the custody battle to keep you from finding out about the trust and – who knows, to keep Linda happy. Who knows? Until close of business on Friday he was riding the high wave – maybe he wanted his heirs around him."

"None of this is making sense. What is the deal?"

"Harm, you probably didn't see it in the papers, but a certain software company went belly up. They were designing something that was to revolutionize – well let's just say it would be revolutionary. The problem was it didn't work."

"This is movie of the week stuff, Frank. Speak English."

"He put all his eggs in one basket, and the basket broke. Is that English enough for you Harm? I am tell you this so you don't wind up with egg on your face."