Title: In A Garden

Chapter Fifteen

By: LizD

Written: February 2004

Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew or creators. With love and thanks.

A Garden – Part 15

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Mac was waiting – none to patiently – outside the admiral's office. She had requested leave for both Thursday and Friday, but the admiral scheduled a meeting with her Thursday at 1000. Harm and the boys were coming in for the weekend and she had to get ready for them as well as Hailey's birthday party. The party was actually at AJ and Meredith's house, but Mac still had a lot to do. She was more anxious about the OTHER events that needed attending that weekend than she was about the party. She needed to find time alone with Harm to tell him about the divorce being finalized, which meant that they could talk about their future and make some real plans. She shouldn't be, but she was more than a little nervous. It was all becoming very real, but his confidence calmed her fears. His confidence had always calmed her fears. If he was sure, she was sure.

Finally Mac was called in, and stood at attention in front of the admiral's desk. Jennifer Coates referred to her to as the 'dragon lady;' Mac had to agree. She had served under Strickland for three months and the woman never warmed up and rarely – if ever – gave the 'at ease' command with her – heck with most of the women on staff.

"Colonel, I need to be blunt with you."

"Yes, ma'am."

"You don't seem to be happy here."

"Has my work been below standard?"

"No, your work is fine, better than fine, it is exemplary. It is your attitude."

"Ma'am?"

"You come to work on time, you work your day and you go home. I don't see you enjoying your co-workers, you have no drive and take little initiative."

Mac would have argued with her; she had plenty of both and she enjoyed her co-workers very much. It was the admiral – who was locked up in her office all day and couldn't possibly know what Mac's work habits were like – that she didn't like.

"Were you this unhappy on your last tour through JAG? Is that why you transferred out?"

"Ma'am, I don't understand the question."

"Well, if you were happy before and not now, the only assumption I can draw is that it is due to me."

"Ma'am, with all due respect, if I am giving off signals that I am unhappy here, it could only be due to the kind of work I am being assigned."

"The cases are too demeaning for you?"

"No, ma'am, all cases are important. However the distribution of the various types of cases does not appear to be equal."

"I am trying to honor your request."

"My request, ma'am?"

"Your request for latitude in your schedule so that you could be home with your daughter. Any of the demanding – high profile cases – would require longer hours."

"Yes, ma'am." Mac felt like she was getting baited and being punished for being a mother who wanted to spend time with her daughter.

"I understand that you have formed an engagement."

Mac was annoyed. This woman had not right to talk about her personal life. "Yes, ma'am."

"With someone who was formerly assigned to JAG HQ and currently in Navy Reserve in San Diego, yes?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"It must be very difficult to have a relationship with so much distance between you – but that is the military life."

"Yes, ma'am."

"I find myself in a position to help you and kill two of my own birds with one stone – as it were."

"Ma'am?"

"I have put through transfer papers for Commander Roberts. He will report here the first of December. He has done an outstanding job at Pendleton and this office could use a man with that kind of drive and initiative."

Mac took the slam as it was intended but never broke her attention.

"That leaves his position in San Diego, open. Perfect for you."

"Yes, ma'am." Mac knew that Admiral C Wendy Strickland was not putting through this transfer out of any kind of desire to help Mac. She was trying to get rid of her.

"Maybe you will find San Diego more to your liking."

"Yes, ma'am."

The admiral nodded. She was looking for a reaction from Mac that she was not getting.

"Would that be acceptable, colonel?"

"I serve at the pleasure of the navy and the marines, ma'am. Wherever I am needed."

The admiral was not pleased with the response but waited a moment before continuing. "What is your pleasure? Clearly you don't want to be here."

Mac was silent. There was no way to answer that question and show the respect she must to the admiral.

"Maybe San Diego isn't the best use of your skills either – or your first choice in spite of your personal engagement."

The admiral got up from behind her desk and walked behind Mac. Mac did not move.

"There is another position that has come to my attention that might be of interest. It would provide you with a greater challenge during a nine-to-five workday and is right here in Washington. In fact it is at the Pentagon in Foreign Ops. You would be working as a special assistant to General George Weston. You are familiar with General Weston, are you not?"

"But reputation only, yes ma'am. He is a fine officer."

"He is familiar with you. In fact he requested you. He needs someone with your skills."

"Ma'am?"

"A lawyer with combat experience and knowledge of the culture in the middle east … of course you couldn't throw a rock at JAG without hitting at least two or three people who meet that criteria … but he requested you."

"Yes ma'am."

"There is one thing. The position he has open is for a colonel – a full bird colonel if you will."

"Ma'am?"

"The job would require a promotion in rank. I am willing to sign the orders, if that is what you want."

"Thank you, ma'am."

"Looks like you have a decision to make colonel – your personal life or your professional one. Please, take your two days leave and the weekend. I'll expect your answer at 0900 Monday morning. Dismissed."

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Flying commercially was a lousy experience for anyone; flying with twin two-year old boys was a nightmare for the parent and for other passengers. David and Alexander Rabb were impossible – at least in their father's eyes. They never sat still and would not listen: laughing, talking loudly and disturbing other passengers. He was hoping they would sleep – but those days were over. They had never behaved this badly before anywhere and never on a plane. Clearly they were testing him, and he felt like he was failing the test.

They probably weren't as bad as he thought they were, but he was distracted and frustrated about what the next days would bring. Yes, there was Hailey's party and the first time he would see Admiral Chegwidden et al again now that he and Mac were involved. Not to mention the serious conversation he needed to have with her about their past and their future. That little tête-à-tête with Thomas and then with Sturgis left him a little confused. He was worried that they were brushing too much under the rug. Part of forgiving and forgetting was knowing what to forgive and forget and to own that portion of it which belongs with you. He was anxious to get it all out, but he was also relieved that they would not have to answer all the questions about their future that weekend. Mac was still not divorced – so the move (east or west) and all the other details could still be left on hold. The other potential bomb was the subject of Linda – rather Linda's case. That would have to be handled very delicately.

On the way off the plane one of the flight attendant stopped him.

"Sir, you have the patience of a saint and your boys were actually not as badly behaved as I have seen," she flashed a bright smile at him. "Where is their mother?"

Harm smiled back. "Divorced." To which the attendant's smile broadened. He could still attract a pretty woman even at his age with two kids. There were other fish in the sea – fish without so much baggage. Good to know. "Thank you," was all he said.

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It was late when they arrived at Mac's house. The first hour and a half was a whirlwind. Mac had kept Hailey up to greet them but she was getting a little over tired and excited about her birthday. The boys were still three hours ahead, but they had worked themselves up into such a lather on the plane they were willing to settle down when Hailey did. Finally the house was quiet.

Harm was on the porch looking out into the crisp late fall evening. This time it felt different to be at her house. He looked at everything with a very critical eye – an eye on the future – a shared future. Could the five of them live in that house? Was there enough room? Would she be willing to make adjustments? Did he really want to deal with the Washington life again? San Diego was his home, and he liked being back there. However with the fall out from Lawson's death, wouldn't it be better for the boys if they were away from all that as they grew up? What about living together? Vacations were one thing, but 24/7 was another thing entirely. Taking on a wife and daughter was a huge undertaking, but no more than taking on a husband and two sons. This would be a huge adjustment for them – all of them. Would he act as father to Hailey? How would Alan feel about that? How would Mac or Hailey feel about that? What was different about being a step-father than being a father? He wanted Mac to take on the role of mother to his sons, but what would happen in the years to come when the boys asked about their biological mother? Would Linda want a role in their lives? Would that hurt Mac? And then there was all that OLD stuff to deal with. What was it again – all that OLD stuff – what were their issues?

Mac joined him pulling him from his questions. She folded into his ready embrace.

Mac had been distracted all day. Her life was about to change immeasurably. The decision about which job to take hinged greatly on the discussion she and Harm had about their future. She could not make the decision alone. It would all be decided that weekend. But what to bring up first? And did she know where her heart really lay? Did she have an agenda? Was she really open minded? Would she really be satisfied sacrificing her career for the good of this new family unit? Harm would be fair and open-minded. The man had an ego but he was always fair. She shook herself to stop her mind from spinning out of control.

"How are you?" she asked.

"Better now," he squeezed her tighter. "Have I told you how much I hate to fly?"

Mac laughed. "Only when you are not at the controls."

"I do like to call the shots and not just in the air," he leaned down to kiss her.

She paused before bringing her lips to his. "Need a good co-pilot?"

"I have the best," he followed through with the kiss.

They stayed comfortably in each other's arms for a long while just watching the night sky.

"Got a couple of dead trees out there that need to come down," he said more to himself than to her.

"Do you only see the 'honey do' list when you are here? Can't you just enjoy?" she was not critical so much as she was – well – critical. She had gone out of her way to make the house ready for him and he only found the faults – the trees were the last of the short list he had already compiled.

"Just an observation."

"You are observing ways to make my house more acceptable."

"I am observing ways I can help you."

"Let me tell you how you can help me," she turned to face him; her eyes flamed with desire. She was just about to kiss him when:

"Daddy!" David's voice called from the bedroom.

Harm closed his eyes with resign and frustration. He was tired and just wanted a few quiet moments with Sarah.

"Daddy!"

"Should I go?" Mac asked.

The offer was genuine and touched him. No one had ever offered to calm his sons' night fears. It was something a mother would do. Mac continued to meet and exceed his desire in a mother, wife and lover. "No, I'll take care of this."

He was back in two minutes. Mac had stayed on the porch. He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Hey, beautiful."

She leaned back into him as he kissed her neck.

"They won't disturb us again tonight."

"Did you tie them up?"

"Told them they would be on the next plane home if they didn't go to sleep."

"An empty threat is not a good parenting technique."

"Who says it was empty? I would drive them to the airport myself, buy their tickets and watch the plane take off," he laughed.

"Harm."

"I need some time with my lady," he turned her in his arms and pulled her completely to him. "When we are like this-."

"Yeah, I know," she kissed him.

He continued undaunted. "When we are together like this: you in my arms, kids asleep in the other room and the day finally wound down, no one demanding anything from me and I get to focus – on you – what I can give to you – it all makes sense."

Mac stayed quiet for a moment loving the idea that he was happy, but summoning up her courage to ask her question anyway. "Do you find yourself confused sometimes?"

"I find that I have questions that I don't know the answers to."

"Like what kind of questions?"

"Like why us? Why now? Why not then? What is different? And -," he paused to fully understand the depth of his concern.

"And?"

"And is it different enough now without being too different?"

"What does that mean?"

He shook his head. "I don't know. Look, you must be tired. I know I am whipped. Let's talk about this at another time."

"Will we?" she looked up at him concerned that this will just be another half conversation that would get swept under the rug and ignored. "Will we talk about it at another time?"

"Count on it," he kissed her and led her to the bedroom. He had enough energy to make love, but not enough to think about what was confusing him. All he knew for sure was that he was exactly where he wanted to be and she was satisfied with that.

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The next morning Harm was up early making pancakes for the birthday girl. He let Mac sleep. When she walked into the kitchen it was full of balloons and a banner that must have been hand made by David and Zander that wished Hailey a "Happy Birthday." Hailey had on a princess hat and was sitting at the head of the table. It was quite the party.

"Morning, sweetie," she leaned down to kiss her daughter. "Happy Birthday."

The kids went off about the hat, the banner and the balloons. Hailey was thrilled that Zander and David had made such an effort. She really was acting like the princess.

Mac took the offered cup of coffee from Harm and they exchanged a quick kiss.

"Why didn't you wake me?" she asked.

"You were sleeping so peacefully and this was our time – the boys' time. They wanted to start her day off right."

"You have very special children."

He smiled at them over the pan of pancakes and nodded. He did.

Chloe came waltzing in. She was now living on campus but came by regularly. It was her home away from home. The children screamed with joy at her arrival. She had presents for all of them. The day was off and running.

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The party at the admiral's house was wonderful: more adults than children, but enough kids to keep Hailey happy. Harm and the admiral talked like old friends. AJ was impressed with Harm's boys and told him that he was doing a wonderful job. Harm was a little jealous of how familiar AJ was with Mac and Hailey. He felt like a guest. He was a guest. AJ brought up the trial and what was going on with that, Mac came in on the middle of the conversation.

"Trial date is December first." Harm said.

"That's soon." Mac replied.

Harm held her look. "I am not impressed with the defense strategy." Harm said to both of them, but more to Mac.

"Temporary insanity?" AJ confirmed.

Harm nodded.

"Won't that give her the best chance to stay out of jail and get her the help that she needs?" Mac asked.

"Maybe." Harm looked away.

"Why maybe?"

"Maybe she is not guilty."

AJ took that as his cue. He made some excuse and went off after Hailey.

"Do you think she is innocent?"

"We have talked about this Mac. I don't think an insanity plea is the best course of action."

"We have talked about this – but I didn't know you thought she was innocent."

"Never said she was innocent and I don't have a strong opinion -."

"It seems pretty strong."

"I don't have a strong opinion about her guilt or innocence, just the defense strategy. I actually wanted to talk with you about it some time this weekend."

"We have a lot to talk about this weekend."

"What are you guys talking about?" Chloe interrupted.

"Talking about talking," Mac snarled. "But will anything actually get said," she walked off leaving Harm frustrated and Chloe rather pleased with her self.

"Hmm," she started.

"Don't, Chloe. Just don't."

"Ya know what Harm? I got twenty bucks that says you will screw this up."

"What?"

"The whole kit and caboodle."

"Your faith in me is reassuring."

"Gonna take that bet?"

"I am not going to bet with you about anything. This is serious and if I do 'screw this up' more people than me are going to be hurt. So keep your bet, keep your money and keep your snide remarks to yourself."

He followed after Mac. They met up in the back by the rose garden.

"Mac," he called to her. "Sarah, please."

She turned and looked as if nothing were wrong. "What?"

"Please don't be angry with me."

"I'm not, why should I be?"

"Mac."

"Everything is fine," she lied.

"No, it isn't. You have something on your mind and I know I do."

"What do you have on your mind?"

"Can we discuss this here?"

"Probably not – but you are going to need to say something now that you opened that door."

Harm thought for a moment. "I am worried that I am going to screw this up," he slumped down onto the bench, annoyed with him self for validating Chloe's comment.

"Screw what up?"

"You and me – us – this whole thing."

She slowly sat down with him. "Why?"

"Some things are moving too fast and others not fast enough."

"Actually I think everything is moving too fast."

Harm took that as a slap. He took it to mean that she thought they were moving to fast and wanted to put a hold on this whole Harm-and-Mac experiment they were trying again. If they were stop right there, he would have had to change his prediction to say that they would not make it through the weekend. "I see," he said.

"No, actually I don't think you do," she said cryptically.

"What are we talking about?"

"You were right, we can't talk about this here. But we have to deal with this – with all of this – soon. Tonight."

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Harm was very attentive to her for the remainder of the day, but there was something between them. No one picked up on it; in fact most people thought that they looked perfect together. They put the kids to bed and shared a quiet dinner talking about the day and nothing else. The tension started to build. The dishes were washed and put away. There was nothing stopping them from their conversation.

Mac went to change into sweats and Harm stayed in the living room. When she came back she looked ready for business.

"So," she started. "I have a few items for the agenda."

"Should I be taking notes?" he tried to joke but it did not go over.

"First – I have received the papers from Alan. I got them Monday. Surprise," she looked sad when she said it. She had wanted to tell him in a sweeter way, hoping that it would be a joyous moment for the two of them to share.

"Good," he said and looked down. Now was his perfect opportunity to re-propose to her and make it very romantic. "Do you still want to marry me?" Not quite the re-proposal she had in mind, but Harm is nothing if not clumsy.

It was nearly two months since he asked her the question the first time. Two months since she forced the question. Her answer would put much of their consternation about the status of their relationship aside. They could each focus on the present with a mind on the future. Nothing would happen immediately and that was good. Mac looked down at the ring and remembered when he had given it to her.

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"Will you or will you not marry me?"

She stayed silent.

"Yes or no," he demanded.

"Yes," she said more easily than she had expected.

Harm was still standing on the other side of the room. His legs felt like rubber. She had expected him to come to her, kiss her and they would make love again. They had all night. That is not what happened.

"Yes?" he needed confirmation.

"Yes, yes I will marry you."

"You're serious. When you are free, you will marry me?"

"Yes."

"To have and to hold, now and forever?"

"Yes." Now Mac was getting concerned. Why was he questioning her answer?

"Love, honor and cherish?"

"Is there something wrong? Were you expecting me to say no?"

"I wasn't expecting you to say 'yes.'"

"What were you expecting?"

"I don't know. I have never asked anyone to marry me before and to be quite honest I hadn't given the actual proposal and response much thought."

"It is pretty straight forward."

"Is it?"

"No," she laughed. "I guess it isn't. I guess I kind of backed you into a corner."

"You forced me to propose."

She thought about it for a moment. "I guess I did," she looked back up into his face.

"You forced me to propose when you didn't know the answer you wanted to give."

"Do you want to take it back?"

"No," was his quick response.

"Then what?"

"I don't know," he leaned again his bureau and knocked over her picture. He picked it up and looked at the woman in the frame and then at the woman on the bed. "This feels very real."

"It is real."

"No, I mean really real – like super real. I have a very clear picture of you and I together for the rest of our lives."

"How do we look? Did we age well?"

"I am not kidding, Sarah."

"I think you are making too much out of this."

"How can I possibly make too much out of this? You have just agreed to spend the rest of your life with me. That is a big deal."

"Now you are scaring me. We are not going to be joined at the hip you know."

"Damn near."

"Harm."

"I don't mean literally. I have been thinking about you and Hailey in my life for the past several months because I wanted to, because I liked the freedom to include you."

"What? Now it is an obligation? What has changed?"

"You said yes."

"You asked."

"I did."

Harm turned and dug around in his jewelry box until he found what he was looking for. He pulled a small diamond solitaire out of the box and came over and sat next to her on the bed.

"Harm?"

"My father gave this ring to my mother. He was a poor navy lieutenant who hadn't gotten his wings yet. She was the daughter of a very well to do family. They met at a bookstore or restaurant or something. He said it was love at first sight, but it took her a little longer to realize that she loved him. The night he gave it to her he was headed off to flight school. She told me that he was ashamed that this was all he could afford."

"It is beautiful."

"That is what she thought. He offered it to her as a token of his love, faith and fidelity and asked her to wait until he got his wings before they made wedding plans. He promised her that he would get her a bigger one then."

"She never wanted another ring, did she?"

Harm looked into Mac's eyes. "She took it off two years after we heard that his plane went down. For years after I would see her twisting her finger where the ring used to be with a look in her eye that she only had for him. She gave this to me when I went off to flight school. Told me that someday I would fall in love and she wanted to me to have as much happiness as she and my father had had. This ring would be our good luck charm."

"That's a wonderful legacy."

"Sarah MacKenzie, I have been saving this ring these twenty years for you. Please accept this as a token of my love, my faith and my fidelity and do me the honor of allowing me to be your partner in life."

He slipped the ring on to her finger. It fit perfectly. The tears had welled up in her throat and she could not speak. She nodded and folded into him.

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"Sarah?" Harm asked again. "Do you still want to marry me?"