Title: In A Garden

Chapter Twenty

By: LizD

Written: February 2004

Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew or creators. With love and thanks.

A Garden – Part 20

X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x

Harm blasted into his house twenty-five minutes later with McNulty and Watson in tow. He had spoken to his mother and the boys were home and everything was fine, but he needed to see for himself. The detectives were reluctant to release him. He had hurriedly explained that the man in the picture was Sean O'Dae, an ex-employee of Lawson's and the ex-lover of Linda's who had skipped the country to avoid prosecution over two years before. He was sure that O'Dae would be the one to get her out though he had no idea that he was in the country currently, obviously he was in the country the day Lawson was killed. Harm asked where they got the picture and they told him that they had found the tape in Olander's apartment.

Harm continued by saying that the roll Jack Olander played was a mystery. He and Linda had both told Harm that they were involved romantically, but considering he was dead, Linda must have been using him. When questioned why Harm thought his children were in danger, he could not tell them the truth. He explained that Linda's erratic behavior could cause her to do anything up to and including kidnapping his sons and taking them out of the country. At this the police were also interested in hearing what the sons had to say. Harm agreed to be the one to ask the kids if they had seen or heard from Linda in return for Watson and McNulty driving him home immediately – lights and siren blaring. He had called Mac from the patrol car to let her know what was going on, but could barely hear her so promised to call later.

Harm blew past his mother not noticing a very distraught Mariana standing in the living room and went directly to the boys' room. They were still up playing quietly together waiting for him to get home. It was late and they were tired. In one quick movement he had them both scooped up in his arms and was hugging them tightly to his chest not caring who saw the tears of relief dripping down his face.

"Too tight," David squeaked. "Too tight."

Harm at once loosened his hold on his sons. He squatted down and let them stand and he sat down on the floor in front of them refusing to let them get too far away.

"Where were you, Daddy?" Zander asked.

"I'm sorry. It's late. I should have been home hours ago. It is long past your bed time," he smiled and brushed the hair back off his son's face.

"Gramma said we could stay up," David said with a yawn.

He laughed. "It's OK. I'm glad you're awake." The boys will probably never know exactly how happy he was to see them; Harm struggled to contain all his anxiety – well as much as he could.

"I am not tired," Zander proclaimed.

"No. I bet you aren't." Harm wiped his eyes and looked back at the detectives standing in the doorway. "What did you guys do today with Mrs. Johnson?" he began.

"She made us eat tuna fish for lunch," Zander stuck his tongue out.

"And wouldn't let us watch the movie," David added. They were into the latest Pixar animated story, Harm watched it once with them, but they could watch it for days.

"Did you do anything fun?"

"Mariana took us to the park," they said in unison.

"The park? Was that fun?"

"No," David declared. "There were too many big kids; we couldn't go on the swings."

"We got pushed on the merry go-round," Zander added.

"Who pushed you?" he asked.

"Mommy's friend," Zander said without thinking and David pushed him to get him to stop.

"You saw mommy's friend today?" Harm checked his voice as not to alarm them and looked up at McNulty quickly who was now taking notes.

"He told us not to tell," David admonished his brother.

"We can tell Daddy," Zander pushed his brother back.

Harm stopped the pushing by pulling them further apart but still keeping them close to him. "Of course you can tell me. You can tell me anything," he smiled to let them know he was not mad. "You saw Mommy today too?"

"She was at the park," Zander decided to tell the whole story. "With a nice man who bought us ice cream and pushed us on the merry-go-round."

"Ice cream?" Harm was livid that Mariana didn't put a stop to it or call him immediately when she saw Linda, but he would deal with that later.

"I got a fruit and juice bar," David said proudly knowing that his father was not in favor of ice cream. "Zander got a chocolate sundae," he stuck his tongue out at his brother.

"He said I could," Zander defended.

"Haven't we talked about taking things like toys and candy and ice cream from strangers?" he commented gently.

"He is not a stranger," Zander stated.

Harm's heart sank. No, Sean O'Dea was no stranger, if indeed it were O'Dea. He motioned for the picture from McNulty. "Is this Mommy's friend?" he showed the picture to the boys.

The both shook their heads. "No."

Harm relaxed. It must have been Olander that went with her to the park.

Zander corrected. "He said is name was Sean."

David helped his brother. "He is mommy's friend."

Harm continued. "So what did mommy say?"

"She said she missed us," Zander explained. "And she kissed my face," he wiped at where his mother had kissed him.

"We told her we missed her too, was that OK Daddy?" David didn't want to upset his father.

"Do you miss her?" he asked.

"No, she hugs too hard and baby talks to us." The honesty of children is sometimes painful for adults to hear.

Zander continued. "She said she was flying away in an airplane."

David butted in. "I asked if you were going 'cause you are the best pilot in the whole wide world."

Harm pulled his son closer to him. "What else did she say?"

"She wouldn't see us for a long time, unless -." Zander looked up at the people in the doorway and got scared.

"Unless what?" Harm's panic started creeping up his spine again.

"Unless we wanted to go with her," David finished Zander's thought. "I said 'no.'"

"I said 'no' first," Zander chided.

"You said 'no'?" he asked wondering why Linda would ask and not just take them.

"Cause you would get mad at us," Zander explained. "Is that right, Daddy?"

"I would be very sad if you went away without me," he agreed. "But I would only be mad at Mommy."

David added, "I don't want to go with her. I want to go to Virginia with Auntie Mac and Hailey."

"Virginia?"

"You said we were going, Daddy," David pressed.

"And Auntie Mac said soon," Zander helped his brother.

"Auntie Mac said that?" Harm asked.

"She said for Christmas - and there would be snow and a Christmas tree and lots of presents."

"Is that what she said?" he had no idea that Mac even talked to the boys about their moving or the holiday.

"We have never seen snow before, have we Daddy?"

"No, you haven't."

"Have you?"

"I have."

"What's it like?"

"It is cold and wet – sometimes," he exhaled and tried to relax. "Let's talk about that tomorrow. So that is all that your Mommy said?"

"She hugged us hard – just like you did," David accused.

"Her friend shook our hands like we were big boys," Zander said proudly.

"You are very big boys," Harm agreed. "Did your mom say where they were going?"

"It is by the water and we could eat cocoanuts all day."

Harm looked up at McNulty. She shrugged. "And then they left?"

"They had Marianna take a picture of all four of us," Zander said.

"She wanted to remember her family."

Harm's heart was breaking.

"Then they drove away in a big white car the kind with lots of windows and is really long," David finished the story.

"I wanted to go for a ride in it," Zander said.

"Did you ask?"

"No," he shook his head. "Cause you would be mad."

"You're my boys." He pulled them very close. It is so hard to explain to them that 'getting mad' is about keeping them safe, but whatever it took to get them to do the right thing was fine. Sometime in the future, when they had kids of their own, they would understand, until then it was working. For Mariana, on the other hand, there would be hell to pay.

"Are you mad at me for eating ice cream?" Zander asked.

"A little, but today was a special day and I think we can forgive this one, but not next time," he warned.

He looked up at the detectives who nodded and left.

"OK, time for you to go to bed."

The boys both yawned as Harm tucked them in. "Daddy when are we going to Virginia?"

"Soon."

"Tomorrow?"

"Maybe." Harm wanted to get them as far away as possible and booking a flight to anywhere was a good idea. He didn't want to place his hope in that that Linda was so far gone that she would never come back.

"Daddy?" Zander sat up in bed; Harm sat down next to him. "Will Auntie Mac be our new mommy?"

David sat up. "Will she?"

"Would you like that?"

"I like Auntie Mac."

"I like her more," David countered.

"I love her," Zander one-upped.

"I love her best." David finished.

"Boys, this is not a contest, Auntie Mac loves you both very much."

"Can we call her Momma Mac instead?" Zander asked.

Again his sons blew him away. How could they know exactly what to say and when to say it?

Harm didn't know how to feel about any of it. Was Linda really gone? Had she really left her kids behind? Would they ever hear from her or O'Dae again? They still had a murder charge hanging over them in addition to all the other charges against him. Not really the best role model for young kids. Would they really take the chance of coming back, even for their kids? If they had really wanted them, they should have taken them that day. Maybe for once she did a totally selfless act and left them where she knew they would be loved and cared for, rather than taking them away from the only parent they ever knew, out of the country and hiding from the law for the rest of their lives. Was he really free from the Lawson plague? Could he really move on with Mac, let his sons think of her as their mother with no consideration (or very little) for their birth mother? Was it really best for the boys to grow up not knowing their natural mother and father? Should they know her – and him? How would Mac feel about all of this? It was too much in one night. The joy he felt was tempered by the idea that it may not really be over. It will be a fear he will have to live with for the rest of his life – well for at least the next ten or fifteen years, after that the boys will be old enough to make up their own minds.

"Daddy, are you crying?" David got out of bed and came over to him.

Harm's hand immediately went to his eyes. Yes, he was crying. "I am just happy and tired. Time for me to go to bed too," he smiled at both of them. He re-tucked David in, checked the window to be sure it was locked and pulled the baby monitor from the drawer and turned it on.

"Daddy?" Zander asked again.

"Go to sleep now, boys," he sighed. "We will talk more in the morning."

Before he could deal with the police, his mother, Frank, or Mariana, he needed to talk to Mac. Again the phone call was not long. He hit the highlights and assured her that everything was Ok and that he would call her in the morning. He knew she must have been frantic. She was. He gained strength just from hearing her voice, knowing that she loved him and that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. She offered to be on the next plane. He had opposite travel plans. He was getting the hell out of Dodge.

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Nineteen hours later, Harm and the boys were in Virginia anxiously awaiting Mac to come home. He asked her NOT to take the day off, he wanted her to save her leave for the holidays. There was no snow on the ground but there would be soon. They picked up Hailey from the admiral's house. AJ and he had a quick but very meaningful conversation. The new family went shopping and planned a surprise dinner for Mac.

Mac had court and some other things to finish but was still able to get home a little early. Harm met her at the car as she drove up. He still looked distraught.

Mac was very concerned. "Where are the kids?" she asked hugging him.

"Inside. They are fine. They have no idea that anything is wrong."

"Is that why you are out here waiting for me?"

His answer was to pull her tightly to him.

She held on to him. It killed her not to be with him the day before. When he called her at midnight, she was still awaked and worried. During the night when he hadn't answered his cell phone, she knew something was wrong and was becoming very alarmed. When she found out something potentially devastating to them very nearly did happen, she was angry with herself for not being there.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there," she whispered.

"Hey, you were," he exhaled. "And having you here is so much more important."

"Are you OK?" she asked.

"Now, I am," he pulled back, brushed the hair away from her face and kissed her. "Can I stay here with you?" he asked in a little boy voice.

"Only for forever." They kissed again.

The kids came barreling out of the house and Harm and Mac did not have a private moment until the kids went to bed. Mac was in the living room futzing with the fire when Harm entered from the boys' room.

"I hope you don't mind us barging in like this," he said with a handful of towels in his hand. "I needed to get away – no, actually I needed to be with you."

"Don't be ridiculous, Harm," she assured him. "This is your home. All of us."

He slumped down on the couch and sighed, "Our home - that sounds so nice."

She joined him and sat very close. "David and Zander asked if they could call me Momma Mac," she said with a tinge of tear in her voice.

"Did they?" he smiled and took her hand in his. "Is that OK with you?"

She needed to find her voice. "Yes, it is fine with me. You?"

"Sarah, the fact that my children love you as much as I do and that you love them – is more than a man like me can hope for."

"A man like you?"

"Flawed, fallible -," he looked up at her. "Bad dresser."

"Harm."

"I am grateful everyday that you are in my life – anything else is icing on the cake."

"I have a lot to be thankful for too," she leaned her head down so it was resting lightly on his shoulder.

They sat quietly for a little while. She thought she felt him tensing up, like he was running the events of the last day over in his mind. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked gently.

"Do you need to hear all the gory details?"

"Only if you want to tell me," she sat up and brushed the hair back off his face and let him pull her hand to his lips.

"Not now," he stated.

She nodded. She knew there was something on his mind; she just needed to let him get it out in his own time. She waited.

"There is something," he said tentatively. "You are the only one I can talk to."

"What is it?"

"Sarah, ever since we talked on Thanksgiving night – well hell, it was probably there before but I was able to ignore it."

"Ignore what?"

"I have this nagging relentless tiny voice in my head telling me that I have selfishly stolen those boys from their parents – their rightful biological parents. Even last night when I thought Linda and O'Dae could have taken them, that voice was telling me I had no right to stop them."

"Oh, Harm."

"But you know I would have hunted Linda down to the ends of the earth to get those boys back with me," he added. "Nothing would have gotten in my way."

"I know that."

"What does that make me? A thief? A criminal? No better than Linda and O'Dae?"

"You are not a killer, Harm."

"I have killed people."

"You are not a murderer," she corrected.

"What right do I have to do this to two innocent children?" he looked at her.

"Harm, Linda gave those children to you."

"They are not puppies Mac, you can just give them away."

"I don't know what you want me to say? Do you want me to confirm that you stole them?"

He shrugged as if to say, if that is what she believed then she should say it.

"No, I won't say that. I don't believe it."

He looked away not trusting her answer. That was what was between them over Thanksgiving. He didn't believe her so he distanced himself from her.

"Harm, if Sean O'Dae – regardless of all his legal issues, came to you and said that he wanted custody, what would you have done?"

"I don't know – probably fight him in court."

"And you would win."

"They would be behind bars, of course I would win," he looked up at her. "But obviously Linda and O'Dae don't respect the court. She could change her mind. Come back and get them. Do I have a right to stop them?"

"You have a responsibility to stop them – to those boys"

"Do I?"

"You know you do," Mac took a deep breath. "Harm, if she wanted them with her yesterday or wanted them at all from the beginning, she would have done things differently. You did not steal those children, they were left on your doorstep and you stepped up and did what neither their mother nor their father could or would do – and that is love them selflessly. That is what being a parent is all about. You are more their parent than either Linda or Sean O'Dae."

He looked at her and for the first time he believed she meant what she said. "I can't lose them," he said near tears.

Mac wrapped him up in her arms and rocked him. After a long moment she whispered. "I love you and I love those boys. We will do everything we can to not let anyone hurt them." She paused to see if he would respond and then added. "Harm you are not alone anymore."

He looked up into her eyes and pulled her down to kiss her. He repositioned himself on the couch so he could hold her. "How you are?" he asked.

"I am better," she slipped her arms around his waist. "I don't have to sleep alone tonight."

"Never again," he kissed her head.

They sat in a comfortable silence listening to the fire and feeling each other breathing.

Harm's softly said, "Sarah, I'm sorry."

"What horrible thing have you done now?" she said playfully.

He pulled back to look at her. He was serious. "I hurt you and I am sorry," he was referring to the incident on Sunday at the brunch. "I don't ever want to hurt you - again."

"Your apology is accepted," she kissed him. "We are both still learning about this relationship . . . process."

"It is not as easy as they make it look on TV," he said.

"Nope, no sunsets and happily-ever-afters for us," she sighed and leaned back into him. "But I think we handled it pretty well. It could have been really ugly."

"Back in the JAG days it would have been," he laughed. "I remember the fire in your eyes when we would fight - ye-ow-za. Damn, you were passionate."

She sat up and sat back in a mock appall. "Were? Passionate?"

"You know what I mean," he dismissed her mock ire.

"You want to see fire in my eyes, sailor?" she ripped open his shirt – buttons flew everywhere. She straddled him. "I'll give you a lesson in passion like you have never known before," she tore open her own shirt, which shocked and excited poor defenseless Harm. She descended on his neck and chest like a voracious passionate beast – kissing, biting and nipping. Her hands were searching and her nails were scratching.

It took Harm a moment to get his bearings, but when he did he was giving it right back to her. This kind of passion he would get used to. He pulled her mouth to his, swept her up, locked her legs behind his back and carried her to a more private location to finish the lesson.

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Harm went back to San Diego twice before Christmas. Once to clean out the house; he had rented it to Kate Pike. And once more for the hearing about his involvement in Linda's escape. They were now referring to it as an escape rather than her "going missing," he chose to tell them everything he knew and though he did not know much, he shared what he could and what his suspicions were. He talked about it a lot with Mac and they both agreed that Linda and O'Dae should be found; if only to help the Rabb/MacKenzie family sleep at night.

He also had to share with the court (under Kate Mendolson's direction) that a week before Linda disappeared she had transferred a large sum of money to the children and to Harm. Each child had an account in the Cayman Islands with $250,000 in it and Harm had an account with $500,000. That is a million dollars. Free and clear with no restrictions on it (well I am sure the government will find a way to tax it). Harm was the cosigner on the boys' accounts. The money was very generous of Linda; and the accounts for the boys meant to Harm that she really did have no intention of taking them with her, but it made Harm look very guilty of abetting a fleeing felon. After a great deal of research, it was resolved that there was nothing illegal about where the money came from or how and why it was transferred. Harm and Mac discussed it and chose to ignore it until the boys needed it. It was hard to ignore a million dollars but they did.

Harm also presented an email he had received from Linda from an anonymous account. It had an attachment of the picture taken in the park and a request for Harm to not let the boys forget her. Harm had no idea if the email was traceable, but he did not want to hide anything. After hearing from several character witnesses including Lawson's lawyer, Harm was absolved of any responsibility and was requested to provide any additional information that he came across to facilitate locating Linda Lawson and Sean O'Dae in the future. That was a request he was prepared to fill.

Neither trip west was over night, he was back before the family went to bed.

The rest of the time he spent in Virginia being a house-husband and father. He sent Mac off to work everyday and he stayed home with the kids. He needed some time off and spending it with Hailey, David and Alexander was the perfect way to rejuvenate. He started making plans for the remodel of the kitchen and created a list of the other projects he wanted to do. With the exception of the remodel (which he needed Mac's input) he checked the whole list off before Christmas. He often met with AJ for lunch or whatever. Harm was still a little envious of AJ and Hailey's closeness, but kept reminding himself that it would take a little time. Harm promised Mac that he would start looking for a job in January or February. Mac didn't care as long as he was happy. Mac was not supporting the family. Harm's final paychecks and commission from Kate's would be enough to carry an officer through to June.

On Christmas Eve Mac got news of her promotion and her transfer. She would start with General Weston on January fifth. There was already an event planned at Mac's house (Harm was in charge) with the old crew from JAG: the Chegwiddens, the Roberts, Sturgis and his girlfriend, Chloe and her boyfriend, Coates and her boyfriend, Victor Galindez was back in town and was invited. There were several other people that Harm did not know including Admiral C Wendy Strickland. She flirted with Harm and suggested that if he ever wanted to come back the Navy full time a position at JAG would be waiting for him. Harm didn't like her, but didn't let it show. The whole night became more of a celebration for Mac's promotion and transfer, a great time was had by all.

Just like the old days, someone stayed behind with the kids, and the rest went to Christmas mass. This year, Harm and Mac stayed behind. After the Roberts kids were collected and sent home, Mac and Harm bundled the children up and made the trip to the Viet Nam War Memorial, a trip Harm had not made in four years. It was an incredibly special and unifying experience for Harm to bring his family to the wall on the night his father went down thirty-nine years prior. The boys didn't really understand, but they knew it was important. Hailey was a smart girl and asked her mother if this was like going to Stella's Garden. Her mother nodded, and said that it was just like that. While they were their, as if it were a gift from above, it started snowing. The boys were beside themselves with joy and Hailey joined right it. Harm hung on to Mac and was entirely content. He let the turmoil from the prior year go, and hung on to everything he had found.

The month had been wonderful. Harm and Mac didn't fight and didn't want to fight. The Rabb men slipped into the MacKenzie house as if they belonged there. The kids were as good as kids could be; of course they were three and two. It would be more difficult when they reached six, twelve and seventeen. Mac and Harm talked openly and honestly about everything, agreed on much of the parenting techniques (though not all) but they supported each other in front of the children. There really was no need for big discussions – at least not yet. Everything was great. Somewhere in Mac's mind she knew that they were on a little bit of a high or what some would call a honeymoon, that their lives together would not be so easy or happy – at least not 24/7. That didn't frighten her. For the first time in her life, she saw exactly where she wanted to be and how she wanted to get there in twenty, thirty and forty years. The man that slept beside her was always in the picture.

On New Year's Eve morning, Harm and Mac got to sleep in. Chloe had come and taken the children sledding. They took the opportunity to reaffirm everything that they appreciated about the other verbally and non-verbally. Mac lay comfortably in his arms enjoying the peace and quiet of their time together. She made a decision.

"Harm?"

"Right here," he whispered sleepily.

"Will you marry me?"

"I asked you that."

"Will you?"

"I will," he stated.

She sat up on his elbow and turned toward him. "No, I mean will you marry me today."

"Today? Why today?"

"Because it is a good day to say I love you."

"Better than tomorrow? Or in the spring?" he laughed at the absurdity of it.

"I'll marry you again then, if you want, but – let's do it today."

He was still not sure if she was serious. "Sarah?"

"We'll go out and find ourselves a justice of the peace and do it."

He smiled. "Virginia is for lovers?"

"Exactly." She leaned into him. "What do you say?"

He thought for a moment. "I say OK."

"Really?"

He kissed her. "Really."

"What about the kids?"

He shrugged. "Take them with us."

"What?"

"Yeah – this is about more than just you and me. They should be there."

Now she was a little taken off guard. "And then what?"

"We'll come home and order a pizza and ring in the New Year as husband and wife."

She rolled the idea over in her head and she liked it. "Ok," she jumped out of bed to go meet her wedding day.

Harm leaned back and watched her as she dug through her closet looking for something to wear. "Sarah, are you sure?"

"Sure about what?"

"Are you sure you don't want a white wedding with all the trimmings and our friends there?"

She didn't know how to answer that. "Is that what you want?"

"Wedding's are not for the grooms – that's what wedding nights are for," he smiled slyly at her.

"That is a load of bull. Do you want to wait and plan this? Get married at Annapolis?"

"No I don't. I never have. All that hoopla is not my style," he flashed her his grin.

"Are you sure?" she came back over and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Are you?"

"I asked you first."

"Sarah, I told you before – you are it for me, you are all I need. Tuxes and dresses and cakes – that is not what promises to love honor and cherish are all about," he pulled himself up. "Besides, I like the idea of getting married on New Year's Eve. Says something about the year past and makes vows to the years ahead."

"Are you turning into a romantic on me?" she stroked his face.

"I have always been a romantic, you never wanted to see that side of me."

"You mean there is more for me to discover about you?" she leaned in close to kiss him.

"Baby, I will keep you guessing for years."

"Promise?"

"You bet."

"Promise not to call me 'baby'," she laughed.

He pulled her down on top of him and kissed her. "Oh BABY!" They laughed. "Come on, Baby. Let's go get hitched."

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