Author's Note: Hi and sorry that it took so long. As always, it's been a mix of reasons. I'm back in school, and between homework, karate practise, dance classes and... er... watching TV I just haven't had the time to write. We've also bought a new computer, and there were a couple of days when I couldn't use it because it wasn't properly installed and such. But now I'm back, and confident that I won't abandon this story, although the chapters might be coming slowly.
Enjoy this piece of work,
A Not Yet Dead But Incredibly Busy And Uninspired Megafreak
Review-thank yous:
Noisy lil brat – Finally – I updated! Whoa!
Radical Princess – So are you still reading?
Whalerider – (If you have gone through fourteen more chapters and still are with me), I know how to pronounce it, I just had problems writing the pronunciation down as I'm not very good with phonetics and such. So, everyone – Scheiâe is pronounced 'SHY-zuh'. My apologies.
ViviBlack – You know your reviews always make me happy, don't you?
Pussin Boots – Then I guess I apologize for the spelling errors (you did at least five yourself in just your review by the way, no offence). I'm bad at proof-reading so if anyone finds spelling mistakes, I'm glad if you can point them out so that I can correct them.
Chapter 22 – Comforting
When I finally managed to actually leave the Great Hall without being dragged back by someone, I wandered around the corridors quite aimlessly. I didn't know where to go, there wasn't anywhere I wanted to go. I didn't know what to do; there wasn't anything I wanted to do. I didn't want to just wander around, having nothing to do. I didn't feel recovered enough to go for classes. And I did definitively not want to return home.
So I just wandered around, deeper and deeper into the castle, to places where I wasn't even sure I had been before.
Obviously I wasn't the only one that wandered around the castle restlessly. Just when I turned around a corner, I was very close to bump into someone. I was glad that I didn't, though, as I still was supposed to stay calm, because of my concussion. However, we didn't literally bump into each other, it was just close, and we took both a startled step backwards.
"Hey", I said to Harry.
"Um, hi", he said.
Then there was a slightly uncomfortable silence. I tried to think of something appropriate to say, but I just couldn't.
"What's up?" I said eventually
"Nothing", he muttered.
Silence again.
"I didn't know you were out of the infirmary", he said.
"I just got out this morning."
"Oh. So... how are you doing?" he said, but rather absently. It didn't exactly sound like he was very concerned about me, so I decided to keep my answer short, not go on and on about what had happened.
"I'm okay", I therefore said. "Um... how are you doing?"
There came no answer, there was only silence, while Harry stared absently out into the air.
"Huh?" he said startled when he finally seemed to realize that I was waiting for him to speak. "Look, sorry, but I'm not much of a company right now."
"No, it's okay", I said. "See you around."
"Yeah..."
He had drifted off into his own thoughts already, so I just left him there. I was tired of just wandering around, so I finally headed back to the common room. Getting there, I almost wished I hadn't; because the mood in the room was extremely... tense. Students sat in small groups, chatting in low voices.
My eyes scanned the room as I unconsciously was trying to work out exactly who was missing. There was quite a few missing... but it didn't have to mean that they were... I-can't-even-say-the-word, did it? They could be in the Hospital Wing... although I knew there weren't many students left there by now, or they could be at St Mungo's... that were where Hermione was, wasn't it? Or they could be just out, wandering the corridors like I had done. They could be anywhere.
Just because they weren't here, it didn't mean they were dead.
But I couldn't stand it any more, I hurried up the stairs and into my dormitory, where thought I'd find some calm and peace at last. First, where I got there, I stood still in the middle of the seemed-to-be empty room. It wasn't all silent, though, there was some quiet sound bothering me. It sounded like... sobs?
I looked around in the room, but there was no one there. My gaze stopped at one of the beds, which had its curtains down. I knew the bed belonged to Julianne Morrison – you remember her, don't you? She was William Watts' girlfriend; she spoke up slightly to the DADA Professor (A/N Ch. 12).
"Julianne?" I said. "Julianne, is that you?"
No answer.
"Julianne? Are you okay?"
"I'm fine", I heard a tiny voice from behind the curtains.
I debated on whether going there or not. Obviously she wasn't fine at all, but maybe she wanted some time alone. I knew I had lived in the same room as her for the previous five years, but I still didn't know her very well.
I suddenly realized that William Watts had been absent in the common room – now I shouldn't jump to conclusions, but...
"Are you sure?" I said uncertainly.
But she only appeared to be crying even louder. So I took a deep breath before crossing the room to get there. I grabbed the curtain and pulled it slowly to the side to reveal her.
She just laid there, all huddled up. Her long orange (or maybe more like red) hair lay all messy and spread around on her pillow, and her face was buried so that I couldn't see it.
"Julianne?" I tried once more.
She rolled over, revealing her face. I must say she looked miserable; her eyes were all swollen, her nose was bright red and tears were still drying on her cheeks.
"What happened?" I asked and sat down. In the same moment the words left my mouth, I realized how stupid it sounded.
I mean, what could possibly have happened? Hogwarts had just gone through the possibly biggest tragedy ever, and I ask what happened. Sigh.
"That wasn't what I meant to say", I mumbled. "I just... oh I don't know what to say."
"I can't believe it happened", she whispered. "He's... gone."
I listened in silence, not wanting to disturb her by saying something that probably would just be stupid anyway.
And then she looked straight into my eyes. "I just don't know what to do."
"Oh Julianne", I said, really feeling for her. I couldn't really relate to her, though, since I had never experienced such thing myself, and I don't reckon my imagination was wide enough to imagine such thing. "I..." but my voice just faded away.
"I'm sorry, Tamara, but I just want to be alone for a while."
"It's okay", I said and raised quickly from her bed. "I'll just... go."
"Sorry..."
"No, it's okay."
I hurried out back into the common room. No, it wasn't okay at all. Nothing was ever going to be okay again.
Don't be silly, I said to myself. I hadn't lost anyone close. I shouldn't be feeling like this.
But somehow, just the sight of the students made me escape out of the common room again. I didn't know where to go, I felt like I was trapped in the castle, I wanted to get out of there. I began to panic slightly. Calm down, I kept telling myself. Don't freak out now. Be strong.
The reason why I was feeling like this was a combination of things. Maybe I was still vulnerable after my head injury and such, I was confused and I was mourning the students lost. Then, my brain was still working frantically on why this had happened. The major question bothering me was whether or not there was a connection between what I had done to the Professor and the later events.
The memories were frequently playing in my head, everything from where I argued with him, to when I found him 'dead', to Dumbledore's office, what I had seen later to when the world had become black.
What had happened if I hadn't done all those things? Would it have been different? Would all those people still be here?
The world seemed to swirl. Why was I feeling this dizzy? Why did the world rotate like this...?
Black.
"Hey, Tamara, wake up."
The voice made its way deep down into the dark I was currently in. I noticed vaguely that that someone also was shaking my shoulder.
"Oh come on", the person muttered.
Then I suddenly opened my eyes, but my view was all blurry. I blinked a few times, and it started to clear up.
"Good", Draco muttered.
It's quite interesting how your whole life is based upon coincidences. They control your life (or should I say uncontrol? Coincidences aren't really under control, are they?) However, there were fairly many students at Hogwarts after all (although we were fewer by now, but...). Anyway the one who found me had to be my brother.
I groaned as I tried to sit up, but a flesh of pain came over me and made me lie down on the floor again.
"Oh crap", I mumbled. Then I turned my head towards Draco. "Um... what are you doing here?"
"The question should be what you are doing here, shouldn't it?" he said, but then his face switched to a concerned expression. "What happened, are you okay?"
He sounded thoroughly different from when I had talked to him at breakfast, that's for sure.
"I...", I started but trailed off. 'I'm okay' would be the obvious answer, but what if I wasn't okay? I honestly did not feel well at all. "I just... fainted, I guess", I said lamely.
I tried once more and this time I managed to sit up.
"You shouldn't be out of the Hospital Wing."
I didn't answer because I knew he was right, but I didn't want to agree either as I definitively didn't want to go back.
"Could you help me up?"
"Sure", he said and reached out his hand, which I grabbed and then he pulled me up on my feet again. I swayed a little, but remained standing. "Want me to walk you to the infirmary?"
"No", I said quickly. "I don't need... I'll just go and sleep for a while. I'm awfully tired."
He didn't look like he quite agreed thoroughly, but obviously accepted it and nodded. I don't know if it was because of our argument earlier that day, but perhaps it was.
"I'll walk you back to your common room", he therefore said and we started walking slowly down the corridor.
We walked for a while in silence, before I decided to ask him the question that had been bothering me for the past two weeks.
"Can I ask you something?" I first said.
"Sure."
"Do you think... that this... er... events were in some way... connected to what... well, what I did earlier?"
"No", he said confidently.
"Oh?"
"Why would it?"
"Well...", I started but I couldn't think of any realistic reason. "I don't, know, I just thought that..."
"Don't think so much. You're bothering your injured little head with too many stupid worries. You worry way too much."
"Um... okay..."
Perhaps he was true. Maybe I shouldn't be thinking and analyzing everything so much. At least not when I was still in the aftermaths of a concussion.
By now, we had come to the Fat Lady's portrait, and I shifted uncertainly my weight to one leg.
"Er... thanks, I guess. And... sorry I yelled at you this morning, I-"
He snorted. "Forget it", he muttered and headed off.
Author's Note: Thanks for reading, a double thanks to you who are planning to press Go down there and review as well (hint, hint). I love you all and I hope that it won't take so long until next chapter.
Megafreak
